Tag Archives: tv

Stuff Infertiles Shouldn’t Watch: Teen Mom

3 Sep

It was inevitable I would get to this show sooner or later, wasn’t it? I mean, how can you watch “16 and Pregnant” and NOT watch the spinoff? It’s impossible. So I do. All for you guys! (Ok not really. But at least you guys get a ranty blog post out of it! Yay masochism!)

I’m going to take a bit of a different approach today, and break this down according to the cast of super-moms that are on this show. Ready? Here we go…


The Drama: Maci had Bentley with Ryan. Ryan and Maci were engaged. Ryan acted like an asshole, so Maci left him. Now she and Ryan share custody.

Mother of the Year Award: Maci met a new guy, and moved two hours away from Ryan in order to be with him. A couple of months later, she decided to move back (how’s that for stability?) and the new guy came right along with her. Ryan has been stepping up and really trying to be a good father, and be respectful of Maci and her new relationship (even going as far as friending Maci’s new guy on FB, and trying to help him get a job). So far she’s reciprocated by laughing him off and denying him visits sporadically. Now Ryan is considering taking her to court. I don’t blame him. Plus – she named her son Bentley. After the car. No, really, she did.

Why she makes me bitter: Maci is now 19. She’s blowing off college, and has already begged Kyle, her new boyfriend, to have another child. Not in the far off future – now. At 19. When they’re both unemployed and she’s considering dropping out of college.


The Drama: Farrah’s baby daddy died when she was pregnant with Sofia. Farrah’s parents are a bit overbearing. She and her mom got into a fight after her daughter was born, which landed her mom in jail overnight and having to do community service.

Mother of the Year Award: Oh, where to begin! Yes, the circumstances she and her daughter are in are tragic on the surface, but the truth is, this girl is a spoiled ungrateful brat. She calls her dad “Michael” (and he’s her biological dad), she takes her parents’ help for granted, and she now has decided she wants to get as far away as possible from her parents, despite the fact that they are her primary child care providers. I looked for some clips of her whiny bratty rants, but couldn’t find any because of youtube’s copyright policy. Honestly? Better that you don’t see them. Your ears may start bleeding.

Why she makes me bitter: Again, I don’t even know where to start. So indulge my bullet points:

  • She applied for social security benefits because her baby’s dad passed away. She was pissed when she didn’t get them. Then a week later she took out a loan for about 10,000 dollars so she could get a boob job to “help her modeling career”.
  • To celebrate her Associates Degree, she went and bought a designer dog (isn’t that the epitome of financial responsibility?). Then she hid the dog from her mom. Oh, and she didn’t bother housebreaking the dog. The dog wears a diaper. Yes, you read that right. A diaper.
  • After convincing her parents to fly with her to Arizona to look into whether she wants to move there, Farrah proceeds to spend the two days there acting like an ungrateful brat, as her parents drive her around to look at potential places to live. When she and her mom enter a complete dump of a house, Farrah yells at her mother for disparaging the fact that her daughter wants to move halfway across the country with a two year old and live in a dangerous neighborhood.
  • General conclusion: Everything this girl does seems to be to spite her parents. I’m sure that If her parents were encouraging her to feed her daughter healthy food, she would starve her just to make them mad. She is a spoiled brat, and never considers the best interest of her child.


You know why this looks like a mug shot? Because it is one.

The Drama: Amber had Leah with a guy named Gary. He’s not perfect, but he seems like an ok guy and for some reason he’s madly in love with her. They lived together, got engaged, and then broke up. Then they got back together again and moved in together again. Then they broke up again. Then they moved in together again. Then they broke up again. Amber is now seeing a guy named Clinton.

Mother of the Year Award: Gary is seriously a victim of spousal abuse. No matter what he does Amber explodes at him. It got so out of hand that Amber hit him. On camera. Recorded for all posterity. Here’s a little taste of it:

CPS got involved and she lost custody of Leah. Amber then moved to yet another house (I believe this was the fourth or fifth in two years) and regained custody. They haven’t shown it on the air yet, but from what I understand she has since been arrested again, and has once again lost custody of her daughter.

Why she makes me bitter: See above. Oh, and it came to the point that she saw her daughter so infrequently that Leah began calling her “Amber” instead of “Mommy”. Again, Leah is two. Amber cries all the time about missing her, yet somehow continues to find herself in jail. That’s appreciating parenthood, isn’t it?

Catelynn (and Tyler) 

**WARNING: I am about to lose all cynicism***

These two are awesome. Seriously.

The Drama: Catelynn and Tyler are actually step-siblings. Catelynn’s mom is married to Tyler’s dad. Tyler’s dad has been in and out of jail his entire life. Catelynn’s mom is just – well, unstable. It seems that Catelynn and Tyler got together because they really had no one to take care of them, so they decided to take care of each other.

Mother of the Year Award (truly deserved): When Catelynn found out that she was pregnant, she and Tyler decided to give their daughter Carly up for adoption, because they didn’t want her growing up in such an unstable environment. Parents on both sides protested. They all insisted Catelynn and Tyler keep the baby. The couple bravely went against their parents’ wishes and gave Carly up in an open adoption. Before having Carly, Catelynn and Tyler were both struggling in school. Now they have both graduated, moved in together, and gotten engaged. Tyler is going to college because he has decided he wants to pursue social work. Catelynn has become a vocal adoption advocate in her community. They always say they are working their butts off to make their lives better so that Carly will be proud of them.

Why she makes me bitter: She doesn’t. Not only did these guys help an infertile couple get their forever family, they have proven their maturity and grace time and time again in this very complicated situation. They are amazing role models. I wish MTV’s casting department would find a few more kids like them. In the history of 16 and Pregnant, this is the only couple that has opted for adoption rather than parenting.

In Conclusion…

Catelynn and Tyler are the only couple still together on this show. They are also one of the few that have managed to further their education. They are slowly building stability into their lives and their initial selfless act has strengthened them. They are poster children for adoption. So what’s my beef? In the 16 and Pregnant world, they are the exceptions, whereas Supermoms like Farrah and Amber are the rule. Some would say that MTV is sending a pro-adoption message through this. I say MTV needs to balance things out a bit with a few more Catelynns and Tylers.

So for every time I coo and tear up at Catelynn and Tyler’s bravery and maturity, I gag at yet another snarky comment from Farrah. I wince at Maci’s tactless approach to co-parenting. I bang my head against the wall at Amber’s abusive behavior.

And I wait with baited breath for their childrens’ tell-all books.

Life Lessons from How I Met Your Mother

17 May

****Spoiler Alert! if you haven’t seen the season finale of How I Met Your Mother and you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read this. 

This little space of the blogoverse has been devoid of my true feelings for a while now. I’ve been stopping, starting, and stopping posts over and over again for the last couple of  weeks, and each time I get stuck. I can’t seem to put anything into words.

So – spurred on by – of course – my unending addiction to pop culture, I think I’m ready to break my silence on what’s been going on in my head.

But first – a quick word from our sponsors medical update. Twofer consulted with the specialists, and they decided to start with the least invasive procedure first. So, I looked at the calendar, guessed (educated guess of course) when AF will be making her appearance, and scheduled the HSG for June 5th.

Now – back to our regularly scheduled program blog post.

I’ve been going around feeling defeated. For some reason, I thought, perhaps, getting the procedure scheduled would make me feel better. But it didn’t. It made me feel worse. Because what if the HSG shows a blockage? Then I have to wait FSM knows how long to get whatever procedures scheduled and done. And what if it’s clear? Then we’re right back where we started, freaking out and hoping for the best once we start trying again.

It’s a lose-lose. And it all sucks.

Which brings me back – somehow – to last night’s How I Met Your Mother. For those of you who don’t follow the show, here’s the important stuff you need to know for the sake of this post:

The longest lasting couple in the show, Lilly and Marshall, spent the beginning of the season trying to get pregnant. They were kind of having problems, and went to a fertility specialist. Then it all got put on hold when Marshall’s father passed away. Oh, and after that Marshall became unemployed. So yeah. Lilly and Marshall had a crap-tastic year.

At the end of this episode, Marshall has seemingly blown a job interview, because he’s on the verge of getting sick from food poisoning. He gets home,  completely broken, and rants about how the last year has sucked for him.

Watching this, all I could do was smile and nod. Hell yeah. This last year has been the suckfest to end all suckfests.

In ten days, Shmerson and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. And gearing up for what may or may not be a battery of tests and procedures, and for what may or may not be another round of trying without actually knowing what the hell is up with my body.

I can pretty much say that Shmerson and I have had possibly the suckiest first year of marriage possible.

Don’t get me wrong – I love him more today than I did on the day I married him. But we spent our two month anniversary recovering from our first loss, our 5 month anniversary recovering from our second, and we’ll be spending our one year anniversary still recovering from our third, knowing that now – whether or not we get any clear answers, we’re facing even greater challenges ahead.

You’re bang-on Marshall. This last year has sucked!

As the episode draws to a close, Marshall finishes his rant and goes to lie down, convinced that he will be spending the night puking his guts out.

He falls asleep, and wakes up the next morning, realizing that he’s made it through the night,  a huge smile on his face.

At that moment Lilly comes to him and announces that she’s pregnant.

We leave the couple at the end of the season, with Marshall’s father still gone, him still unemployed, but there’s sunlight streaming through the window and a ray of hope.

As viewers, we know these guys are going to be fine. That’s kind of a thing with HIMYM. We’re hearing this story from “Future Ted” – a man who’s all grown up, and we see flashes of “old” Lilly and Marshall, as happily married as ever, and presumably with a few kids to boot.

I think that’s both the problem and the wonderful thing about TV. There’s a structure. There’s a comfort. On one hand, it gives us hope, but on the other, it sets up unreasonable expectations.

Although I have to say – that in the case of HIMYM, the producers aren’t afraid to get dark and deep at times. It’s a sitcom, yet they take creative risks. If you’re not a viewer of the show on a regular basis, I would still recommend you watch the episode where Marshall’s father passes away. It’s beautifully handled. Masterfully. The people who make this show are truly artists. And what I love about it is that they even manage to make the cliche’ not completely cliche’.

But once again, I digress. Back to Marshall and Lilly, their crappy year, and why it made me want to blog.

This episode of HIMYM kind of hit a fast forward button. They covered a few months in the course of one episode. Kind of skated over them, explained what happened, and then moved on to the important part of the story.

That’s TV. And especially this show. They love the fast-forward button, The story is told in retrospect, so the viewers already know the outcome.

And sometimes, that’s what I wish my life was. I just want to fast forward through the part where Shmerson and I wait nervously for a diagnosis. I want to fast forward through a first trimester. I want to fast forward and get to the good parts.

I sometimes wish my life was like HIMYM. I still want to live it, but I want a narrator in my head – a “Future Me” – telling me that everything will be ok.

I guess it’s a little like what Shmerson wrote about the other day. I want to know that there’s a grand plan, and I’m not sure if there is one. I know I’m still – on a lot of levels – a victim of fate, or randomness, or whatever. I don’t have a female Ted narrating my life story, telling me that everything is ok.

And that’s what frustrates me most of all. I want one. I really do.

I keep on trying to make sense of things. See a path ahead of me. If X happens then by September we will be here. If Y happens then by this time next year….

And on and on it goes.

As I sat there watching Marshall and Lilly embrace over her pregnancy, I thought to myself that I’ll be seeing this scene again come September, when HIMYM kicks off its next season. Where will I be then? Will I watch it with a newly swelling pregnant belly? Will we be in the same place we are now? Or worse – with more losses and frustration under our belt?

In my head, I was saying “By the time I see this scene again I will be pregnant. And it will be a healthy pregnancy.”

And I guess it gave me some hope. But as I write this I know that thinking this won’t make it true. A few months ago I was convinced Shmerson and I would be celebrating our one year anniversary happily knocked up. That didn’t happen.

So I can’t say where I’ll be when I see that scene recapped in next season’s premier. I can HOPE I’ll be stroking my pregnant belly, maybe crying a tear of joy remembering this blog post. If I had a female Ted narrating my story that’s what I’d want her to say.

But I don’t have a narrator. I don’t know where we’ll be. I don’t know what the grand plan is. That’s what is so terrible about this process. I hope that one day I’ll be able to embrace not knowing and enjoy the moment. But for now – I hate it. I hate not knowing what lies ahead.

Ahh well, at least all it takes for me to put my feelings into words is one episode of a well written television show.

It’s not much, but it’s something.

People on TV I Want to be Friends With

20 Mar
I’m in a bit of a silly, useless mood today (I’m actually listening to Bon Jovi out of some strange sense of nostalgia. This is a bad sign). Soooo I figured I was overdue for a silly useless post.
In case you don’t know (though it’s kind of hard not to notice) I’m a bit of a TV junkie. Since I work from home, I end up watching a LOT of stuff in the background while I’m doing other stuff.
But there are some shows, and some characters, and some people, who will always make me ignore whatever I’m working on in favor of fantasizing about our fictional friendship/romance/uncomfortable conversation/all of the above.
So, since I love me some lists, here’s one of people on TV I want to be friends with!
  1. Abed from “Community”
  2. Lorelai from “Gilmore Girls”
  3. Phoebe from “Friends”
  4. Pacey from “Dawson’s Creek” (I actually wanted to marry him at one point. Then I met shmerson. Oh, and before that, I realized that you can’t marry fictional characters).
  5. Chandler from “Friends” (see Pacey above)
  6. Hurley from “Lost”
  7. Liz Lemon from “30 Rock”
  8. Jim from “The Office” (see Pacey and Chandler)
  9. Lilly from “How I met your Mother”
  10. Barney from “How I Met your Mother” (I know he’s an ass – but I don’t care!)
  11. Leonard from “The Big Bang Theory”
  12. Cameron from Modern Family
  13. Miranda Bailey from Grey’s Anatomy
  14. Jack from Will and Grace
  15. Angel from “Angel” and “Buffy”
  16. Willow from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (look at that! Alyson Hannigan made it on here twice! Good for her!)
  17. Xander from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (see Chandler, Pacey, and Jim, above)
  18. Fred from “Angel”
  19. Lorne from “Angel”
  20. Wilson from”House”
  21. Chuck from “Chuck” (see Xander, Chandler, Pacey, and Jim above)
  22. Seth Cohen from “The O.C.” (see Chuck,  Xander, Chandler, Pacey… well you get the point. I like geeks. I married one. Duh)
  23. Veronica from “Veronica Mars”
  24. Mercedes from “Glee”
  25. J.D. from “Scrubs”

I could probably go on and on. But 25 seems like a nice round number, no?

Real People (this means people who go on TV as themselves, not actors playing characters):

  1. Jon Stewart (Also wanted to marry him at some point. Then found out he was spoken for. Major heartbreak ensued).
  2. Stephen Colbert
  3. Rachel Maddow
  4. John Oliver
  5. Ricky Gervais
  6. Bill Maher
  7. Joel McHale
  8. Conan Obrien
  9. Oprah – because who wouldn’t want to be friends with her?
  10. Boston Rob
  11. Gordon Ramsay (yes I know he’s an ass. But did you see how the man COOKS?)
  12. Alton Brown (he is my cooking guru forever and always)
  13. Dr. Drew (yes, he is smug. But I know he will most likely come in handy in the future. In fact, he would probably come in handy now, too.)
  14. Jeff Probst
  15. Jimmy Fallon (see Jon Stewart, only I got married first)
  16. Seth Meyers (see Jimmy Fallon)

I’m not adding actors here because really, this post is too long already, and that could go on for a while, and I think Shmerson’s head would explode with the sheer amount of lewd comments I would make (I’m talking to you – Johnny Depp, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Paul Rudd! Consider yourselves warned! Yum.).

Ok – I believe this is my cue to turn off the Bon Jovi and go to bed.

Or at least turn off the Bon Jovi. Reminder: I am no longer 13 years old.


Deep Thoughts

23 Feb

I’m completely exhausted, probably a combo of too many carbs and looking at databases all day (yeah, I had to do that again. yay!), and the fact that I’ve had on this stupid BP monitoring cuff on me all day. It’s hella-annoying, and it’s the second time I’ve had to do this in the last two months because the first time the machine went all wonky and the readings weren’t accurate. So yay! I have the pleasure of having to keep my left arm still every half hour while a gizmo makes vibrator-type-noises and cuts off my circulation. Fun times!

So I’m keeping up with my post a day, but this is going to most likely be incoherent, silly, and a little strange. Trysts into my effed-up mind usually are.

So – here is a list of random thoughts going through my head lately:

  1. Why is it that even though I have been eating relatively healthy over the past couple of months, I still find myself wanting a doughnut, like, once a day? I mean, I love doughnuts, and I admit they’re hard to get a hold of here – but I think I’m going a bit overboard. Confession – I did manage to locate and buy a chocolate and sprinkle covered doughnut today. Hopefully that should keep me covered for a while. Mmmm…. Doughnuts. 
  2. I don’t know why, but each time I see a reality show with “the next great” whatever in the title I feel compelled to watch it. This month it’s been “The next great baker” and “Oprah’s search for the next great pimp of kohl’s products”. Wait. That title can’t be right… I honestly believe that if they made a reality show titled “The next great water boiler” I would watch and root for the guy who makes the mistake of sitting and watching the pot. Ok, now I’m really not making any sense.
  3. I love cooking with garlic, but I hate the way it makes my hands smell. I feel like it takes days to wash off. This is a problem because we go through about 3 heads of garlic a week with my recipes, and I don’t like being smelly. Though it is useful for keeping imaginary vampires at bay.
  4. I watch a lot of TV – mostly in the background while I’m doing other stuff (one of the pluses of working from home). I still don’t understand, however, despite my ample tv watching options, why I continue to put myself through the torture that is S&i! My Dad Says. I just heard they’re probably renewing it for another season. Why oh why CBS? And worse – why oh why me?
  5. My nephew started singing “Baby Baby Ohh” or whatever that Justin Bieber song is over the weekend. He’s six and he doesn’t speak a lick of English. Then today I find a headline on an Israeli news site about JB’s new haircut. Yes, a HEADLINE. About a teeny-bopper’s haircut. I believe this officially means that Bieber Fever has gone global. Now, if someone can please explain to me why that is, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
  6. It’s a crappy cell phone pic, but due to popular demand, here is the giant earring I recently blogged about: 
  7. It’s huge, it’s fabulous, it’s gaudy, there aren’t two of them (as in the other ear is usually adorned by a simple, silver flower or butterfly stud), and I love it. I am apparently obsessed with huge epic jewelry. In case you’re curious, it’s a clip on, because putting that thing in a hole would most likely tear my ear off, and it reaches past my shoulder.
  8. We have been living in our new/old apartment for almost four months now. There are still 4 boxes which have not been unpacked, and I don’t think we’ve done even one decent clean up of the place. I know it’s terrible. I think it’s because we know we’ll be moving out soon (though we haven’t started looking for a new place yet). But still, Shmerson and I need to do a clean-a-thon, stat.
  9. I went to see the Harley Hottie yesterday and I mentioned my blog in passing. At the end of the needle-sticking session he asked me for the address, because apparently he likes blogs. I gave it to him, and had no choice but to admit the nickname I came up with for him. He blushed, it was cute. Since I gave him the blog address I’ve noticed an unusually high amount of hits on that post. Methinks HH is showing off. :-). Even if he isn’t, it would be very adorable if he was. (HH, if you’re reading this, when I see you on wed. let’s pretend this post never happened, k? Ok.)
  10. Pause for temporary loss of circulation in my left arm… and… we’re back!
  11. I think I’m done. But you know what sucks? I was totally planning on going to bed right after posting this, and now my tired has gone away. I hate when that happens. I think I’ll attempt to sleep anyway by popping an ep of law and order on the computer. It usually does the trick. Let’s just hope that my circulation getting cut off every half an hour will not impede my beauty sleep.
  12. I didn’t manage to get a wink of sleep the last time I had this gizmo attached to my arm, so wish me luck!
  13. What’s my deal with numbering everything? I am anything but organized (except when it comes to weddings), and yet I am constantly compelled to make lists on this blog. Isn’t that weird? (It’s like we’re looking at Wayne’s basement, only that’s not Waynes basement!)
  14. Courtney, those last parentheses were a welcome back gift especially for you.
  15. I really am just about done now.
  16. No, really I am.
  17. I just like to keep on numbering stuff.
  18. So I’ll go until 20, because that seems nice and round.
  19. Why is it that when I wrote “nice and round” I immediately thought that it sounded dirty?
  20. Ok – that last one is proof that I need to get my gizmoed-up ass to bed.
  21. Good night!
  22. Ok – 22 then. That’ll do.

Not-So-Weekly Obsession: The Oscars!

21 Feb

Ok – I’ve been holding on to this one, to wait for perfect timing. So here we go:

Most of you already know that amongst other things,  I’m a filmmaker. What most of you don’t know, is that I’ve wanted to be a director since about the age of twelve. And I kind of blame Billy Crystal.

Ok – I’m going a bit overboard. Plus that intro is from 1997 – but just because I couldn’t find 1992.

But notice  – the original “let’s insert the host into the movies” segment! Yes! the MTV movie awards ripped them off!

Plus – there was no cynicism back then. The ratings for the telecast were still sky-high, and jokes were wholesome.

I’m getting a bit off track here.

The point is this – I am proud to say, that ever since the age of 12, that’s 18 years in a row, I have watched every single Oscar telecast live. (This is no simple feat, as I will explain in a bit).

By the age of 19 – I took it one step further. I made sure to watch every single film nominated for best picture and most of the other major categories.

Again – an easy feat, if you’re living in the states. I mean, all I would have to do back then was just hit the theater for a couple of weekends in a row, and I’d be covered. Plus – what’s the challenge of watching something broadcast at 8pm?

But see – here is where things get interesting, my dear grasshoppers. Out of these 18 years, I have spent 11 of them in Israel. Yes – that means that the oscar telecast starts for me at 3am.

And yes – I still watch it live, every single year.

I love the unexpected wins, I love rooting for my favorites, and I love ranting uncontrollably when someone I hate wins.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I moved back to Israel after a 7 year stint in the states, and the obsession took on a whole new form.

See, Squish has a similar obsession to mine, and from our mutual love – a new tradition was born – the annual oscar party.

The party starts at midnight. Along with the other brave souls who decide to join us in the marathon, we begin with food.

Shmerson and I like to host parties. Mostly because I always cook especially yummy food that he likes to brag about, and because he does most of the cleaning afterwards, which makes me happy.

The oscar party is our superbowl. Each year, there is a different food theme (last year we had fondue – both cheese and chocolate, this year we’re going for mexican). In fact, some of our guests basically come for the food and the cynicism.

Oh, the cynicism is the best…

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

We start at midnight with screenings of one or two of the nominated films, usually Squish and I choose the program, and we try to work in films that are nominated but that most of the guests haven’t seen.

Of course, yummy food is served.

At 3am we turn to the red carpet coverage, which is usually played at a low volume while squish and I comment on how “black is the new black” and “that red dress makes xxx look like a whore”. Much pointing and laughing is had.

Then we break out the first round of coffee and red bull, and the ceremony begins.

Shouting matches ensue between our guests (mostly between squish and I – some people come to see those also), about who should have won, why is it that Renee Zelwigger always looks like she’s constipated, and why Daniel Day Lewis is actually a Douche.

Oh, and then there’s more food.

And on and on we go on our caffeinated viewing spree until the ceremony ends at 7:30am, and we all go back to our respective homes to collapse. (yes, that means that on oscar day, we all take off of work. We are that committed).

This year I’ve decided that through the shouting, the eating, and the coffee, I will do something that I’ve always kind of wished I could do, but never had the platform to do it.

And here is the big announcement I was teasing about in my post earlier today:


I will be live blogging the oscars right here!

Yes folks, your eyes are not deceiving you – if you wish, you may watch the ceremony live right along with us and be witness to  the food, the sleep-deprivation, the cynical comments, and the shouting matches between me and squish all live right here!

It will be fun, it should be funny, and it will most likely be epic!

I’m still trying to figure out the technology here – so for all of you email subscribers, you may get a test post in the next couple of days just to make sure that all is in working order – my apologies for that.

But in the meantime – I ask you loyal readers for the following:

1) if anybody has a good mexican recipe – please share!

2) Somebody please help me – how the heck do I make nacho cheese sauce without velveeta (they don’t have that here – all I’ve got to work with is cheddar cheese so I need all the help I can get)?

3) and most important – spread the word! Pimp me out! I’m not one for begging to get traffic on here, even though I admit there are days when my page views are rather nice, considering how new this blog is. But help me make my fantasy come true! Let me wow you with my movie knowledge accompanied with my never ending bitterness toward the hollywood machine! And bring a friend!

I hope you guys join me in this MO first.

Sunday, February 27th (or actually monday Feb. 28th for my hemisphere), 3am Israel time (GMT +2) – That’s 1am for you Brits (GMT),  12pm for you Aussies (GMT +11), Or 8pm Eastern/5pm pacific for you Canadians and Americans. Make yourself a bowl of nachos and a couple of fajitas and join us!

I’m psyched. I know you probably aren’t, but trust me, you should be. Really. Ok? Um, or just pretend to be? Awesome. Thanks. 🙂

Random Stuff That Annoys the Heck Out of Me

11 Feb

I’ve been pretty optimistic around here lately, so I figured I would take a break from happy go lucky and revert for a second to my old cynical self, you know, just for the fun of it because it’s nice to vent sometimes. I’m having a good day, I swear.

So, for your reading pleasure, here’s a list of stuff that annoys the heck out of me.

1) People who say that they are 200% sure, or one hundred and… 35! percent positive about something. This makes no sense to me in any context. Ever. You want to be emphatic about something? Use some adjectives. Don’t know any? Buy a Thesaurus. Heck you don’t even have to buy one. They have them online for free now.

2) The phrase “threw me under the bus.” I don’t know why. I just hate it.

3) People who go on trips and only take pictures of the view. Hundreds of them. And then insist that I look at them all. If you catch a particularly beautiful sunset, then sure, snap a picture, I’ll be happy to see that. But I don’t need to see every freakin’ mountain or old church that you visited. Unless you posed in front of it. Then I get to see that you had fun, which is nice. So yeah, just show me those. Ok?

4) Shows that preview what’s coming up “after the break” for five minutes, then cut to commercials, come back, and show five minutes of “before the break”. I get it, you have no real content on your show, and therefore need to produce a heck of a lot of filler. But I am not a fish. Therefore, I have a memory that lasts longer than 30 seconds. Thanks.

5) Ignorant people that have a public platform and spread lies and paranoia (*cough* Glenn Beck *cough* Michelle Bachmann).

6) Ignorant people who have a self-righteous “opinion” on things they have no knowledge about. Like global warming, or evolution,  or international politics. If you want to be radical about it, please do your research. For example, whenever I tell someone I live in Israel, I always have a slight pang of fear that the person will automatically judge me in a negative light. This place has a complicated history, and a lot of times people who like to take up “fashionable causes” decide to form an opinion without having any of the facts, and more importantly, without actually having LIVED here. I have, unfortunately, been treated very badly by strangers simply for making the mistake of telling them that I’m Israeli. I’m not crazy about the war in Afghanistan, but I will not blame every American I meet for it. I personally think the global economic crisis was completely Wall Street’s fault. However, I do not randomly insult and curse out stock brokers. I have my political opinions, but I never mention them here because a: I don’t want to bring hatred into this blog (any time somebody comes in with one opinion about Israel, it is inevitable that someone who disagrees will start a violent flame war in the comments. This is why I avoid the Huffington Post’s international section like the plague), and b: I myself am not sure about my opinion. I live in a complex environment. I have arguments that justify both sides. I dislike radicalism, whether it’s on the left or on the right of any topic. But I do love my country, despite (and sometimes because) of its many flaws. End rant. Now back to our regularly scheduled list.

7) People who grew up rich and entitled, and treat people who aren’t as rich or entitled as lesser human beings.

8 ) Child beauty pageants. They creep me out.

9) Those courses on “how to pick up women”. There are some exceptions, but most of them are courses on “how to dehumanize women and possibly rape them”.

10) Snooki. And the American obsession with Snooki. (Can someone please explain that to me? And am I perpetuating said obsession simply by bringing her up?)

11) Facebook friends who you dislike but accepted their request just to be polite, and then, they butt into your funny conversations with remarks that prove they obviously have no idea what you’re talking about and they’re just trying to make you like them more. News Flash: it doesn’t work.

12) Bad sequels for films that were bad to begin with. Bad remakes of films that were bad to begin with. Bad film remakes of TV shows that may have been good 20 years ago, but don’t stand the test of time.

13) The fact that “MTV” stands for “Music Television” and VH1 stands for “Video Hits One” and yet neither of them show music videos. They should be called BITV – “Bad Influence Television” and ERTV – “Exploitative Reality Television”.

14) People who send me requests on a daily basis to go help them harvest their virtual pumpkins on their virtual farms. I like some facebook apps. But if I haven’t added them, that means I have no interest in them. These requests will only make me hide you on my news page. Kthnxbye.

15) People who become mega-famous recording artists due to brain-numbing repetitive lyrics, auto-tune, and creative stylists (*cough* Ke$ha *cough*).

16) People who go to India for a month, and come back as vegetarians with dreadlocks and tye-dyed clothes, claiming to be “enlightened”. One month in a youth hostel avoiding salmonella does not a spiritual awakening make.

17) People who judge me for taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. That is the only reason I keep this blog anonymous.

18) Dog owners who let their dogs run free in the streets –  where there are (surprise!) fast-moving cars.  ‘Nough said.

19) The media’s recent fascination with pregnancy. Written about it here too much already, but it’s worth mentioning again.

20) Any film that has “in 3D” in the title. If it has to be in huge letters on your movie poster, chances are your movie sucks and you’re trying to salvage revenue by making it 3D after the fact.

21) The invention of “rehab” as a magical solution for any celebrity who gets caught in a bad situation. I don’t think there was anything called “sex rehab” before Tiger Woods needed it. But if I ever become famous, I’ll make sure to shoplift some Oreos at a 7-11 and check myself into “cookie rehab.”  Or maybe I’ll dine and dash at an Olive Garden and check myself into “pasta and breadsticks” rehab. Or maybe I’m just hungry.

22) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what  #1:  Men who use the fact that they’re “In charge” of something or the “founders” of something, no matter how trivial that “something” is, to be megalomaniacal a-holes.

23) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what #2: Hummers. You live in a city. Most likely a city with tiny parking spaces. Taking up two of them while wrecking the environment does not make you more manly. It makes you a douche.

24) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what #3: Men who speak to me as if I’m an idiot, and make me feel the need to glue my master’s degree on my chest in an effort to make them realize that I have a brain somewhere above my gigantic breasts. (yeah, they’re DD’s. Shmerson’s happy about that. I’m afraid of sagging. Ahh well).

25) People who try to convert me to their religion. I am a heathen. Yes, I do on occasion seek spirituality (so far without much luck), but please don’t look at me with pity in your eyes, or try to take advantage of my existential crises to make me join your flock. I’m not a sheep. I’m more of a bunny. Unllike Anya, I like bunnies. They’re cute.

(I’ve been looking for an excuse to embed that.)

26) People with absolutely no background, experience, or education in film, that all of the sudden decide to “direct” (I’m talking to you, Tyra Banks!)

This is just wrong. On so many different levels.

27) The fact that when you make numbered lists on wordpress, and you get to #8, you have to put a space between the “8” and the “)” because otherwise you get this: 8)

28) Miley Cyrus. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.

29) People who ask me questions about a movie WHILE WE’RE WATCHING THE MOVIE. Yes, I know I’m the supposed “expert” in the group. However, if you’re wondering about this character or this plot point, then wait. Chances are your question will be answered later in the film. And if it wasn’t, either the film sucks or you’re stupid. Either way – let me watch the movie in peace!

30) Those news crawls at the bottom of the screen on all the 24 hour cable news networks. A: They’re distracting. B: Charlie Sheen getting arrested again is not important enough to put in a freakin’ news crawl.

Ok. I think that’s enough.

PS – I think this post proves that I watch too much reality TV. I should stop that.

Weekly Obsession 5: 1988 (ish)- 1999 (ish)

10 Feb

Well, this was originally going to be about Wayne’s World but I think I kind of covered that in a post earlier this week.

And really, my love for WW is just a symptom of a much larger disease. I love just about anything between 1988 (ish) and 1999 (ish). I apparently live mostly in the 90’s. Been stuck there for a while…

The Evidence:

Here is a list of some of my favorite albums, and the years in which they were released:

1) Faith No More – Angel Dust (1992)

2) Pearl Jam – Ten  (1991)

3) Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (1995)

4) Alanis Morisette – Jagged Little Pill (1995)

5) Tori Amos – Boys for Pele (1996)

6) Bush – Razorblade Suitcase (1996)

7) K’s Choice – Cocoon Crash (1998)

(I could go on and on and on)

A list of my favorite, go-to comfort films

1) Wayne’s World (I think we established that already) (1992)

2) Encino Man (yes, I like a pauly shore movie. sue me.)  (1992)

3) Clueless (1995)

4) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (ok it’s a bit earlier but it’s close, so it counts!)

5) Aladdin (1992)

6) The Little Mermaid (1989)

7) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)

8 ) Titanic (don’t judge me!!!) (1997)

A list of things I quote incessantly

1) Friends

2) Seinfeld

3) SNL – Anything ever said by Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Al Franken, or Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.

Here are a few examples for your viewing pleasure:

9 times out of ten, when I’m out with friends and I have to leave for a moment, I say “talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. Peanuts are neither peas nor nuts. Discuss.

And the timeless classic, which I can’t embed, but click here, trust me.

4) Animaniacs

5) Clueless (I totally paused!)

6) Encino man (yes, I’m repeating myself! and apparently I also have a thing for unfrozen cavemen)

To this day, every single time a microwave or an oven pings, I yell “meat group!”

7) Married: with Children (I can’t stand it now when I rewatch it, and yet, I quote it all the time)

8 ) Ren and stimpy

9) The movie “Singles”

10)  Reality Bites

11) Beverly Hills, 90210 (I own the first season on DVD. Yes. I just admitted that.)

Other claims I tend to make on a regular basis:

1998- 1999 was the last year that Hollywood studios made good movies on a regular basis.

(see: Fight Club, Being John Malcovich, The Six Sense (oh m. Night, where did you go wrong?), American Beauty… the list goes on and on)

There have been very few good albums released since 1998. VERY FEW.

2000 is the year that true rock&roll died

I wish flannel shirts and Doc Martins were still in style

If I could be anywhere, it would be at a Faith No More Concert in 1995

I miss MTV – as in, the real MTV, where they had headbangers ball, Alternative Nation, and beavis and butthead, and Kurt Loder was considered young and cool.

I still can’t believe they cancelled “My So-Called Life!”

Also – my itunes playlist consists mainly (leaving out the bands I already mentioned) of INXS, Depeche Mode, Sting, U2, Peter Gabriel, REM, Radiohead, The Pixies, and hair bands (warrant, skid row, poison, and bon jovi). I also love albums by bands that you most likely have not heard of, because they had like, one hit at most somewhere in the early nineties.  see:



Jesus Jones

Temple of the Dog





Oh, and I still listen to this song sometimes just for fun:

Point made, no?

PS – the only exception to these statements is TV in general because the 2000’s brought us Lost, Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls,  Six Feet Under, Entourage, and a dozen or so other fantastic shows that I love. But I would give those up in a minute for alternative rock to be on mainstream radio again. And I mean GOOD alternative rock. Not douchey stuff like Linkin Park. The only good band that the 2000’s brought about was the Killers. And My Chemical Romance (on occassion)

Grey’s Anatomy and I are no longer friends.

5 Feb

Ok, first: SPOILER ALERT! If you have not seen this week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy and you don’t want to be spoiled on what’s going on, please read no further. But come back after you watch it, because you may well be just as ticked off as I am.
I’ve already talked about how Grey’s ticked me off a couple of weeks back with their complete glossing over of Meredith’s miscarriage and Callie’s magical pregnancy.
Well – this week things got worse.
Callie started bleeding and she was freaking out. She’s like, six weeks along or something like that. So she’s freaking out and I’m secretly hoping this woman miscarries (hey, she’s fictional, I’m allowed!) and maybe they finally address the freakin’ issue properly.
But no. She camps out on her OB’s table until she brings out a miraculous super Ultra Sound machine and hey! Look at that! A heartbeat at six weeks! That’s totally realistic and Super Sensitive Ultra Sound machines exist especially for dramatic character revelations everywhere! Yay!

Oh look at me! I’m Callie and I’m super-fertile! I got preggers and I’m bleeding but I’m super cool so everything is awesome and I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat at six weeks! Yay me! And now I’m not gonna be worried ever again because I have my hot baby daddy and my lesbian girlfriend supporting me! You see, the freak out was metaphorical. I wasn’t REALLY worried about the baby, I was worried about my stupid relationships. Of course my baby is going to be fine! This is TV! We gloss over miscarriages and celebrate easy pregnancies!

Screw you, fictional character.

Oh? And you know what makes it worse? It’s Sloan’s baby, right? And he and McDreamy are discussing Callie’s Super-Uterus and all McDreamy says is “I don’t get how you guys did it so easily, and we’ve been trying for months”.

Oh have you now? Really? This is your frustration? Not that you LOST A FREAKIN’ BABY?!?!

McDreamy – you and I are no longer friends. And I don’t like your post-it wife much anymore, either.

Hi I’m Meredith Grey. I may be dark and twisty but I am completely capable of glossing over my miscarriage and having lots of sex with my super hot brain surgeon husband! Yay infertile me! I don’t care about it at all and I haven’t addressed the issue since the beginning of the season! I’m the coolest character ever!

You know what the sad part is? I will most likely continue to watch. I’m a masochist that way.

I was a masochist too until I had the sense to quit the show and go adopt a kid.

Katherine Heigl, I’m starting to like you more and more. Now if you’d just stop making crappy movies, I may be friends with you again.

Ok. I’m done now.

Dude, Seriously?

22 Jan

Yeah I call myself dude sometimes. I like the word “dude”. Could be from all of those years living in California – though I’m sure that the whole “calling myself dude” thing is a bit detrimental to my whole re-claiming my femininity kick. Ahh well.

Me: 16 and pregnant is a stupid stupid show. Why are we watching it?

Me: Um – morbid curiosity?

Me: Ok – that’s good for one episode. But six in a row? We have better things to do with our time.

Me: Well we were cooking and doing laundry at the same time.

Me: Ok – then we have better things to watch. Like American Idol, or Chuck, or Community….

Me: But this show makes me feel both bitter and superior at the same time! ‘sall good, dude, really.

Me: ehem – no it’s not.

Me: Ok – I admit it kind of gets me upset to see these incompetent and irresponsible children being miraculously fertile and not understanding the meaning of the word “condom”.

Me; yes, go on, you’re on the right track.

Me: But I like making fun of them!

Me: ehem – remember – I’m in your head with you. You can’t fool me.

Me: oh, right, yeah, I forgot about that.

Me: You’re not making fun of them. You are bitterly jealous.

Me: I’m not bitter.

Me: Don’t lie.

Me: Really! I’m not!

Me: Dude, seriously.

Me: Ok fine. I’m bitter.

Me: there we go. Progress.

Me: Ok – but can watch just one more episode?

Me: no. you’re making us miserable.

Me: Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Me: No. I command you to stop it and go watch Chuck.

Me: You’re not the boss of me!

Me: Actually I am.

Me: Aren’t we supposed to be like, equal or something?

Me: no. You are irrational and self-destructive.

Me: *pout* But I make good oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

Me: nope- WE do. Stop hogging all the credit.

Me: Fine you’re still not the boss of me.

Me: Ok I’m not – but I’m gonna win this one so you might as well give up.

Me: No! Never! Yay watching teenaged girls destroy their lives!

Me: No. Boo. Yay watching camera hogging delusional people sing off-key in front of Steven Tyler!

Me: Oh – Steven Tyler?

Me: yes.

Me: will you let me bake some of those cookies too?

Me: No. But we can have some low-fat microwave popcorn.

Me: Dude, you suck.

Me: you’ll thank me later.

Me: Yeah, we’ll see about that.

Weekly Obsession 3: Friends!

20 Jan

I think everyone has their seminal show. The one they grew up on, than they quote incessantly – that they can watch over and over without ever getting sick of it.

For me, that show is Friends.

There are episodes that I can watch over and over and over and never ever get sick of them. There are things on the show I can get passionate and ranty about.

It is, for me, the ice cream sundae of television. Simple, yummy, and everyone loves a sundae!

Obsession by the numbers:

I have watched the entire series, beginning to end 5 times.

this does not count random episodes when I feel like it. This count includes the first time I watched through the series, and the four other times I made a conscious decision to watch it beginning to end.


The one I use the most is actually a gesture, not a quote:

You and I have always been….

Brilliant! I actually say it on the phone to squish and she knows exactly what I mean, of course.

Another gesture that is used often whenever I find myself saying the word “seven” in, well, basically any context.

Then of course there’s the often used:

And I’m leaving out finger dancing, and of course, the gesture Ross makes whenever he plays the keyboards:

When Shmerson and I talk nonsense, we often use – “That’s not even a word!!!”

And when we have friends over for pizza, we order the Joey Special (for those who don’t know, that would be two pizzas).

When I have reasons for something, they are usually “threefold”.

The list goes on and on and on – but I guess those are the most used.

I truly and honestly feel like season 4 was one of the best seasons of any television show ever, and most of my quotes and my favorite episodes are from that season.

Now the Ranty Part:

I almost kind of wish they’d ended with chandler and monicas wedding at the end of season 7. Though the rest of the seasons had a few good episodes, they weren’t nearly close to the level of funny as the earlier stuff.


But I forgive them, because the last few seasons brought us the character Mike, AKA my secret crush (sorry shmerson!) Paul Rudd:

Obsession Breakdown:

My favorite episode is “The one with the embryos” – season 4, of course!

Though I have to give a shout out to my second favorite – “the one with chandler in a box”.


Favorite recurring character (mike not included):  It’s a tough one, but I have to say gunther.

Favorite one-off (actually two-off) character: Jon Lovitz (who I usually hate) as the stoned loser guy. Just for this scene (sorry for the crappy quality):

Favorite character: Chandler. I admit there was a point in time when I would describe my perfect man as “Chandler, only with a bit more rock & roll” (I actually ended up marrying exactly that – shmerson is my insecure, slightly geeky guy with long hair and I love him for it!)

Actually there is a slight confession to be made here: Shmerson and I always joke that he’s a perfect combination of chandler and mike and I’m a perfect combo of monica and phoebe.

And it would be a shame to leave you without at least one song by phoebe – this one’s my favorite:

Dear Oprah

18 Jan

Dear Oprah,

First of all, congrats on your new network. Really. I think it’s awesome for you.

I have some stuff to tell you and I know you’re a really busy lady, but I think it’s time we put our cards on the table.

A comment from Onetokeep on a previous post of mine got me inspired to finally, after watching you for all of my life, write you a letter.

First, allow me to gush – though I’m sure you get this all the time. I truly think you are an amazing, inspiring lady.

I’ve been watching your show for as long as I can remember. I haven’t seen every episode, but I’ve definitely seen plenty.

When I was doing my mandated IDF service in Israel, I used to have to wake up at 4am every morning to get out of the house by 5am. I was only 18, and I was going through a really hard time. At the time, your show aired at 4am on a network called Star World and I would watch you every morning.

This was around the time when you were talking a lot about strength and gratitude. And having your comforting voice every morning, really, truly, helped me get through a tough period in my life.

I haven’t always supported everything you’ve done. I admit, as a person who deals with media for a living and who spent 7 years studying it, I see through some of your salesmanship.

However, I do believe that you – at the end of the day – have good intentions.

But Ms. Winfrey, I have a beef with you.

You are a role model for so many women around the world. They read the books you recommend, they write in gratitude journals, they see you – just like I did at one point – as a source of comfort. As an old friend, a role model, or even a mother-figure in their lives.

Such is the power of media.

You have shed light on some incredibly important topics. As a survivor of rape, I very much respect how openly you’ve addressed that issue on your show for so many years. As a supporter of gay rights, I honestly appreciate you bringing the AIDS epidemic to light when it was still a taboo subject.

So Ms. Winfrey – this is why I must admit that I’m a bit puzzled.

You see, I’ve had two miscarriages in the last six months. They have devastated me. I was never aware of how common they were, because nobody ever talked about it.

Through this blog I have discovered an amazing network of women who have gone through what I have gone through, and worse. They have been a tremendous source of comfort through this very hard time.

But Ms Winfrey, if I can find so much solace in a handful of strangers- and I know that they are just the tip of the iceberg – I honestly do not understand why, in 25 years of doing your show – I cannot for the life of me remember one single episode that has dealt with miscarriage.

Just think of what a comfort you would be to the millions of women who have gone through that loss – if you’d just talk about it.

I read recently that you had an interview with Pierce Morgan, in which you talked about your own pregnancy at 14, and the fact that you felt no emotional connection to the child, and you were relieved when the baby was stillborn.

I understand that. Really I do. You were 14, completely vulnerable, and living in an abusive environment.

I’m not a psychologist, but I do have a feeling that this experience may be what makes you shy away from this topic.

But Ms. Winfrey, as a dominant media figure I do believe that you have a responsibility to your audience. You have the power to comfort and to inform.

And for us ladies who have gone through this tragedy, that is precisely what we seek out – comfort and information.

I can only imagine what would have happened had I seen an episode or two of your show that dealt with the subject. I assume – and I believe I’m right about this – that I would have had a few more tools to cope with my loss, and that I would have felt more comfortable about sharing my pain with others.

Just imagine it. You start off with your studio completely dark. Your powerful voice ringing out through the darkness.

“Today – the silent epidemic. It happens to millions of women every year. It’s devastating, and nobody ever talks about it.”

The lights come up – hundreds of women stand on your stage.

“These women are here to finally open up and share their pain with the world.”

Think about it. You could do a whole week. Dr. Oz could be there, and Dr. Laura. There would be lots and lots of crying and comfort to go around. And by the time it was over, thousands, if not millions of women, would feel just a bit better.

This is your power Ms. Winfrey. This is what you do best. And I strongly encourage you to do it.

Thanks so much for your time.



Hollywood is Stoopid

16 Jan

Did you hear that Natalie Portman is Pregnant? Oh! So is Mariah Carey! And Selma Blair! And Alicia Silverstone! And Jane Krakowski! And Grey’s Anatomy spoiler alert: So’s Callie!

Is it just me or is there a pregnancy virus going around? Because if it is, please give me a piece of that action.

What kind of peeves me about these things is that all of these women are over thirty (with the exception of ms portman), and I’m pretty much convinced that at least some of them had a hell of a hard time conceiving. But nobody ever really talks about that, do they?

I read a couple of months back that lilly allen miscarried at 4 months. I’m not really a fan of hers but I was still devastated for her. But other than a small blurb about it, nobody talked about it. They were much more excited for the engagement ring she was sporting after the holidays.

Media: Oh look! Everybody is preggers and engaged! Happy happy fun times!

Me: Piss off.

I have to go back to Grey’s Anatomy again. I watch it. I have sort of a love-hate relationship with it. Since Sarah Drew became a part of the cast it’s more love than hate.

But I’m pissed at them. Meredith had a freakin’ miscarriage during the season finale. And they totally glossed over it. Everyone else’s trauma was talked about, but hers? Nope. Not really.

Now they have her obsessively POAS which is cute and all – but where was the grief? Dealing with the loss?

I think Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s exec producer) is a very sensitive strong woman, and I’m so incredibly disappointed with her handling of the subject.

I’m sure that MerDer’s TTC storyline will be very cute and all – but I don’t know, I just feel like it’s kind of missing half the point.

It’s bad enough I need to read about all of these over thirty celebrity women miraculously getting pregnant. Now my TV is betraying me.

End rant.



You are what you watch

24 Dec

I feel like I’ve been rather whiny lately. I mean, supposedly it’s understandable but I’m not usually a whiny person so this whole “daily post about crappy stuff and revelations” thing is getting a bit tiring. So I’m going with a ranty analysis today.

I’ve been sharing this blog with friends. Not everyone, but people who are important to me, and some that I haven’t been in touch with for a while.

And the responses I’ve been getting are amazing.

Here’s the thing: I am very lucky. I have a lot of friends. Most of them I’ve known for years. Sometimes we lose touch for long periods of time, but they are those sorts of friendships that you know are always going to be there.

So the reactions I’ve been getting have been incredibly loving and supportive, but more surprisingly, a lot of them have been telling me that even though they aren’t going exactly through what I’ve been going through, they can relate to my struggle.

It’s funny – they almost feel guilty about saying that. As in – “I know what I’ve been through isn’t as hard as what you’re going through…”

But they really shouldn’t. Just the fact that they relate actually makes me feel a bit more, well, I guess normal is the word.

Most of the people who are saying this are people my age – as in – 30. I read somewhere about people these days having a “quarter life crisis”. perhaps this is it.

The one thing that keeps coming up – especially with my female friends is this careerist vs family struggle.

I’m actually only the second of my close girl friends to be married. I have more single friends than I do married friends, and none of my close friends have children.

20 years ago this would be unthinkable. Today, I really and truly think this is becoming a cause for turmoil and confusion for a lot of women.

I spent most of my 20’s living by a fairly feminist doctrine. Marriage was barely on my radar – let alone kids. It always seemed like a possibility in the distant future, but nothing even close to a realistic option until I met and fell in love with Schmerson.

Women in their late 20’s and early thirties – or at least my friends – who I admit come usually from well-to-do, highly educated families – are – in my opinion – getting smacked upside their heads by their biological clocks.

We were raised in a post-feminist generation. Ally McBeal, Buffy Summers, Veronica Mars, Elle Woods, and Rory Gilmore were our role models. Yes, sometimes those chicks got the guy. But you never saw Buffy thinking about a wedding. She was too busy kicking vampire ass. Veronica Mars in a wedding dress? I think not. Heck, going even further back, even Kelly Taylor told Dylan and Brandon “I choose me” back in the day.

I could spend hours making pop-culture reference upon pop-culture reference. Lord knows I love that. But I’ll spare you all and try (somehow!) to get to a point here.

I honestly do believe we are – on a lot of levels- a product of the pop culture that we consume.

Our fantasies are based on the ideals fed to us by the flickering images we watched on screens.

Just like every woman fantasized about being Donna Reed in the 50’s, I’m sure that the over achieving Rory Gilmores, Joey Potters, and yes, even Cher Horowitzes I saw flickering on screens for so many years made an impression on me.

To make matters “worse” – I minored in women’s studies in college.

And just in case not enough fuel was added to the fire, like a lot of my friends, my mother was – most of the time – a housewife.

So I rebelled – all of my 20’s were spent chasing a career. I in particular chose film – which is basically one of the hardest “careers” to actually achieve statistically. But I was invincible! I was unstoppable! I was going to conquer the world!

For two years during my first degree I researched female film directors – or lack thereof.

You would find me saying – at least twice a week – “do you realize that only two female directors have ever been nominated for an oscar?” “Do you know that only 4% of all working directors in Hollywood are women?”

Yes, Kathryn Bigelow finally broke the so-called “glass ceiling” this year with her win for hurt locker. But let’s be honest – this does not mean that things have changed much.

But I’m getting away from myself. I’ve spent the last two years having an interior battle with myself. I believe that this battle has been in large part responsible for the general feeling of “being stuck”. I’m torn. Is there really a way to have it all?

I’d always had this fantasy that the man I would marry would be a “house-husband.” I would bring home the bacon, he would take care of the kids. All would be well.

But it turns out the “who brings home the bacon” issue isn’t really the problem.

From the moment I realized that I wanted to be a mommy – I knew I wanted to be a “present” mommy.

I remember as a kid – my dad was never ever home. He barely had a hand in raising me until about the age of 14. The result is – inevitably – that I am far closer and more attached to the parent that was “present” – my mother. I love her more than anything – I would do anything for her.

I honestly can’t say the same about my father. I would never confide in him the way I do in her. I don’t feel as safe with him as I do with her.

I don’t want to be my dad (hell to the no! but that’s a different post altogether). I want to be a present parent. an active parent. I may want to work – but how in the heck can I “be a mega-superstar-film-director” and be a mommy?

Directors don’t sleep. They’re sometimes gone on shoots for months at a time. They’re shut away in editing bays and sound stages.

This was the ton of bricks that dropped on me about two years ago. Just as i was realizing that I wanted to marry Schmerson. And just as a feature I was working on was starting to come together.

Immediately the film project fell apart. And i haven’t been able to get it together since (get it together in the broad sense – not just that particular project).

It’s only now that I’m starting to realize the connection between these two events.

I kept on telling myself “I’m going to be a director” but I kept on feeling “I’m going to be a mommy”. For the last two years – those two thoughts have been basically canceling each other out.

Yes, there have been other factors – a sudden loss of confidence in my abilities amongst them – but at the end of the day I can’t ignore the coincidence here. The timing is just a bit too perfect.

You know, I have a tendency to end these posts lately with some sort of conclusion or revelation.

I don’t have one here. I honestly don’t. I think this is going to be part of my struggle. I don’t want to be my mother. I don’t want to be my father.  (oh! any psychology majors currently reading this are probably having a field day!)

I want a fulfilling career, and I want to be a mother that is always around and can be counted on. I’m going to have to figure out how to navigate that one.

Any suggestions will be happily accepted, then I’m sure – eventually forgotten somewhere between a sound mix and diaper change.

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