Tag Archives: postpartum depression

Yes I’m Actually Considering This

26 Jul

Please don’t be hurt if I come off as judge-y or a cynical skeptic in this post. Like I said when I talked about birth plans – I feel how I feel, you feel how you feel. What I feel is in no way a judgement of your belief system, it’s just me. So let’s keep things respectful, ok? Ok.

So I’m still doing pretty crappy. I’m short on patience and filled with anxiety. I realize at this point there’s very little I can do about it. Even my therapist is concentrating on ways to make the time pass quicker rather than deal with all the feelings. Really, the only solution to everything I’m going through is to just power through it until I get to the other side. So I’m white-knuckling things. Fun times. I’m sure I’ll write more about it soon. 

But I promised a follow up to my breastfeeding post and I keep my promises! Plus, I assure you, this one is a doozy. 

I’m considering consuming my placenta. 

Me. This is me we’re talking about. 

The comments on that post really helped me get a plan together, and kind of have me convinced that dehydrating my placenta and turning it into pills which I can take may be a good way to stave off PPD. One thing’s for sure – even if it doesn’t help, it certainly can’t hurt. 

After mourning the ideal picture I had in my head and giving it a lot of thought, my plan is to breastfeed for three weeks while doing all I can to prevent postpartum depression, and then after three weeks, assess my mental state. If I’m doing ok, then I’ll stay off the pills, but if I feel like I’m suffering, then on the pills I go. From everything I know, three weeks is a good time to really differentiate between normal “baby blues” and full-on PPD. I just really need to be honest with myself about my state of mind when I’m in the moment. I hope I can pull that off. Grieving the ideal picture I had in my head has helped that along a bit. I just need to keep the conversation going, so when the time comes I don’t try to manipulate things, but rather am honest with myself.

But I also want to feel like I did everything I possibly could to avoid PPD. Which is where this whole placenta-as-pills thing comes in. 

But like everything in my life, pulling this off has proven to be complicated. 

The thing is I can’t even fathom taking home my placenta and dehydrating it and encapsulating it on my own. Let me be perfectly clear: for me that’s just a step too far. I just can’t do it. It’s too much.

Ideally, we would grab the placenta, put it on ice, bring it to someone, and then a few days later pick up some nice neat bottles of pills. No muss, no fuss. 

But alas, that is not to be. 

I have literally looked EVERYWHERE, and there is nobody that provides this service in this country. Not one person. I’ve asked my doula, my acupuncturist,  and anybody else who would conceivably know of anybody who provides this service, or would know someone who knows someone. Not to mention extensive google searches. NADA. It’s just not done here.

There is something though. But I admit I’m even more skeptical about it than I am about the dehydrated placenta pills. 

Apparently there are private pharmacies here that will take a piece of your placenta and create a homeopathic liquid out of it. I even found a place that is literally a 10 minute drive from my house who does this. 

All I would have to do is ask for a piece of my placenta (just a piece, no need for the whole thing), preserve it in alcohol, drop it off at the pharmacy, and a few days and about 40 bucks later – essence of placenta in a bottle. 

But here’s the thing: I think homeopathy is complete and utter BS. So there is no chance for a placebo effect here.

Consuming full pieces of placenta, on some level makes logical sense to me. But droplets of water that supposedly have some sort of essence of the thing? It just doesn’t jive as well. 

I know what some of you are thinking – how is one so different from the other? 

I don’t know. It just is. One makes sense to me. The other doesn’t. And I just don’t know what to do. 

And I’ll say it again: I am not dehydrating and encapsulating my own placenta. That is just not going to happen. It’s either homeopathy or nothing. 

So- anybody have this done, or know of somebody that has? What do you guys think? Is essence of placenta better than no placenta at all? 

(I seriously can’t even believe I’m having a discussion about this. But desperate times….)

Fertile World Problems

17 Jul

So today I saw my psychiatrist for the first time since going on bed rest. I made the appointment now in order to get things squared away in case I have to deal with postpartum depression (PPD), which I’m at VERY high risk for. I wanted to make sure that in case of a med switch, we had plenty of time to pull it off.

I left the appointment practically in tears.

So here’s the deal:

I’ve been on a drug called zy.prexa for the last 4 months. It was a good interim solution because it can handle high-anxiety situations as well as curb depression. Though it’s not usually prescribed for depression and anxiety, it’s known to work for people who are SSRI-resistant (or in other words people who the usual happy pills don’t work on – like me).

So I walk into the shrink’s office and pretty much the first thing I tell him is that I have GD. Immediately he says that it could very well have been caused by the zy.prexa. I knew that weight gain was a side effect (knew that all too well, thank-you-very-much), but I had no idea it could affect my blood sugar. He told me that he wanted me to stop the pill immediately, and manage through the rest of the pregnancy with the occasional xan.ax (ok during the third trimester as long as I don’t take any after week 38), and that’s it. The zy.prexa has too much potential to do harm.

He also said that he would recommend I never take the pill again because he’s afraid of the long-term risks for my health, and that it may cause diabetes for me in the long run if I continue to take it.

I have to say I was a bit relieved. I don’t regret taking the pill – it helped me keep my shit together, and if GD is a side effect of that, so be it, but I’m glad to know that there’s a chance my blood sugar will even out more now that I’m going off the pill. And there’s no way of knowing if the pill caused the GD or is just not helping a set situation. Either way I can see an upside to both having been on it, and now going off of it.

Then came the bombshell:

Shrink: “So after you give birth, I want you to breastfeed for a week, then we’ll put you back on a low dose of cym.balta”.

Me: “Ok… Wait… What do you mean breastfeed for a week?”

Shrink: “There’s not enough research out there about cym.balta. You shouldn’t breastfeed while you’re on it.”

Me: “WHAT?”

There was a continual back-and-forth about this but basically the conclusion is this:

I can wait it out to see if PPD hits before I start taking the pill (about three weeks after giving birth), but if I do get PPD, I have no choice but to stop breastfeeding immediately because I would never risk it with cym.balta in my system. I can’t get another pill because me and SSRI’s (zo.loft, pa.xil and the like) are NOT friends at all, and zy.prexa is too big of a risk, so I’m stuck with this one form of happy pill, and I can’t do anything about it.

The fact is that there’s a pretty decent chance I’ll get PPD. I have practically every risk factor in the book between my losses and my history of depression. And if I get PPD, of course it needs to be treated, which means I won’t be able to breastfeed. So now here’s yet another thing taken away from me, and I fucking hate it.

Look – I joked that if breastfeeding doesn’t come easily to me I’ll happily use cym.balta as an excuse to stop. But I have a feeling that may not be the case. What if I love it? How can I give it up if it comes naturally to me and B5?

When I called Shmerson and told him the verdict he pointed out that these are first world problems. That six months ago I would have killed to be in a discussion about the risks of breastfeeding while on SNRI’s.

And he’s right, but right now it doesn’t make this hurt any less.

All I can do now is hope that by some miracle I don’t get PPD. But realistically I know that chances of that are close to nil.

So yes, this is a “fertile world problem”. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to cry my eyes out over it. So excuse me while I go do that.

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