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Tag Archives: OPK

Happy Pills, Pee Sticks, Babies, Crazies and General Randomness

26 Jul

So – I am absolutely exhausted, but I figured it was time for an update. So pardon me for the bullet points, but this is all a random jumble.

  • I resisted POAS the last couple of days (thanks for everybody’s feedback, BTW!). Today I saw the coveted EWCM so I ended up doing it, just because it’s only CD 14 and I haven’t O’d this early since I started tracking. It was positive, but one of those half dark lines, so I’m not completely sure where that falls. Even if it counts as negative, it means I’m close. Which makes me really happy. First, because I have no idea what side I’m popping from which will make resisting baby making much easier, and second, I think the progesterone, as torturous as it was, did some good stuff for my cycle. We’ll see on what CD the red lady shows up. I’m curious.
  • Dr. Happy Pills changed around my dosage last week, and that’s doing good things as well. He added Ati.van to the mix, and upped my zo.loft. It makes me hella tired, which is good, because I’m actually going to bed before 4am most nights. Downside: I don’t get to skype as much with my ET/PT time friends (sorry Marie!). Upside: I’m actually conscious before noon most days, and functioning waaaay better.
  • My house has become a train station. Ever since we advertised the place as being for sale, my phone has been ringing off the hook and we have people here all hours of the day. I would restrict it, but I want to get this place sold. The sooner we sell it, the sooner we’re in our new place. And I want to be in our new place. It’s time I get to some serious nesting action.
  • I’m suffering from a serious case of Harry Potter withdrawal. I had spent the last couple of weeks writing that series of columns for keypulp, and now I’m in need of a fix. I’ll probably end up doing a review of the last film after all. As soon as I have time to breathe. Which I don’t right now.
  • I went to visit PM today and got to hold the little one for like half an hour as he slept. I think it was the most at peace I’ve felt in a very long time. I have a lot more to say about what I’m learning from her, but that’s for a longer, less rambly post. But in general, that kid is just so precious. I didn’t imagine I’d love him as much as I do. But I do. It’s not that I’m not a bit envious, because I am. But my awe and my love for PM and the kid completely overshadow that. I’m incredibly grateful. It’s teaching me a lot about this journey.
  • I’m looking for a full time job, outside of the house, because this whole work at home thing does not do good things for my psyche. So far, no luck, because there are very few content-driven companies in my city and I don’t want to commute. The funny thing is that the more I look for full time work, the more freelance jobs fall in my lap, plus a possible opportunity to actually get a feature film made just fell from the sky last week (I won’t talk about it more now – it’s still too early and the status of the project is up in the air, so I don’t want to jinx it). The Flying Spaghetti Monster has decided to lob meatballs at me or something. Things are WEIRD.
  • The thing is, this is the busiest I’ve been in MONTHS. As crazy as things are, I’m loving every minute, and it makes for a great distraction. I only find myself getting a case of the baby-crazies about once a day, which is NOTHING compared to a few weeks ago. There’s apparently something to this busy thing. I think I’m gonna keep going at it. Having a life – it’s not just for fertiles anymore!
  • Shmerson and I went in for karyotyping today. It will take a couple of months before we actually get results, but I’m happy we have one more test under our belt.
That’s about it. I’m going to bed, because I have yet another train station day tomorrow. Wed. is our lap consult, so I’ll update you guys with news on that. In the meantime, fare thee well. I am, to quote Shmerson: collapsedizing.
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To Pee or Not to Pee, That is the Question

23 Jul

So as most of you know, we’re taking some time off of TTC until we get Ole’ Righty sorted out. Wed. is our consult with the Doc that Twofer recommended, and we’ll see whether we’re going straight to a lap, or do some things on the way.

Scary Funny anecdote: In his referral letter, Twofer accidentally wrote that my LEFT tube is partially blocked. Luckily I have the HSG films to prove otherwise, but I believe this little mix-up will force me to draw an arrow on my stomach with a magic marker pointing out the correct tube when the time comes. Gotta love paranoia.

But now I face an even bigger dilemma. Tomorrow I’ll be going to a pharmacy to pick up my monthly dose of extra strength vitamin D. I know that I will, like every pharmacy visit before it, stand in front of the OPK’s for several minutes, debating on whether to purchase a kit or not.

We’re not trying this month for sure. But I’m concerned because I ovulated so late in my last cycle (CD 22), and kind of feel like maybe I should keep track of things, just so I have all of the information. Plus, you know, I pee because I love.

So – what do you think? To pee or not to pee?

Here are a couple of cute bunnies to keep you company while you think about it:

 

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My Shmerson is the Bestest!

26 Jun

Quick one today because I’m exhausted!

So – Shmerson is still away at reserve duty. And here’s the kicker – tomorrow I was supposed to go in and make the deposit and sign the contract on the apartment we are going to buy. Alone. 😦

I had a crappy stressful day today (I won’t go into detail now – too exhausted) and then to top things off – I got a + OPK this afternoon.

I literally broke down. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Shmerson couldn’t be there with me tomorrow morning, there’s no way that even his krypton-born swimmers would survive 5 days. So I knew that this cycle was a complete bust.

I called Shmerson up BAWLING. He managed to calm me down, a little, but not much.

Then 5 minutes after I hung up with him he called me back – he told his commander the situation and… Drumroll…

He’s coming home tomorrow at precisely 8am for about 5 hours – we will sign the contract and make the deposit TOGETHER and hopefully lil lefty will hang on just a little before she pops and we may get a chance this cycle after all!

Making a baby right after putting a deposit down on our new home – wouldn’t that be just perfect?

Cross your fingers guys! Let’s all send restraining energies to little lefty! You’re already a couple of days late. You already waited till CD 20. Please just hang on till CD 21 ok? Be a good little eggie. I promise you’ll get enough progesterone courtesy of the lovely little pills waiting in the bathroom cupboard. So take your time, k?

(wow that was just a bit too cutesy. sorry about that)

Everybody! Think restraint! Hang on there little one!

Isn’t my husband the bestest husband ever?

PS – once the contract is signed and the deposit is made I promise I will give more details on the place. For now, the atheist continues to be superstitious and I don’t want to jinx it!

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Very Superstitious….

25 Jun

Ok – so Operation Ole’ Lefty  has hit a bump in the road, because the last OPK in the house was faulty, and it’s Friday night, and no pharmacies will be open until tomorrow. I think I may have seen a trace of EWCM this morning but I have no idea if Little Lefty has popped or not, which is of course contributing to my crazy. Good stuff all around.

I met PM tonight – who is herself about to pop in a different way, she’s due next week! – and she was telling me about how she’s not bringing any baby stuff into the house until the little one comes out healthy. I totally get it, and it got me thinking about the weird little superstitions and crap I’ve been trying to hang my hat on for the last couple of weeks. It’s amazing what Infertility can do to an atheist, seriously.

So – since I’m on a bit of a roll with the list-making – here are the crazy things I’ve been latching onto in an attempt to convince myself that I will be knocked up this month and the little one will nestle itself in the correct spot. Yay lists!

  1. My mother is convinced that once we move into a decent apartment, I’ll finally have a healthy pregnancy. We’ve actually found a place and we’re hopefully closing the deal on Monday (more on that soon!). I’m trying to go along with that theory.
  2. There have been a lot of butterflies around me lately. I keep on noticing them. For some reason I’ve fixated on that.
  3. The baby psychic said we would find out about a girl in July. Yes, I’m resorting to baby psychics again. You’d think I’d learned my lesson by now.
  4. If I get preggo now, it means an april baby. 4 is my lucky number. (I know – I’m totally stretching here)
  5. it means I would hit the second trimester on my birthday. That would be an awesome birthday present.
Ok that’s basically it. I’m grasping at straws, I know. Desperate times… I’m still hoping I’ll be able to feel it if it happens, like I have before, but who knows.
Anybody else find themselves grasping at straws and stupid superstitions to get your hope going? Share in the comments!

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The List

24 Jun

Well, Shmerson came home for a blissful 10 hours. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies were baked, shrimp and spinach basil Gnocchi was cooked, a couple of “deposits” were made happily, much cuddling was had, and now he’s gone for almost two weeks.

After the second “deposit” Shmerson and I gave my eggs and his swimmers a nice little talking to. We explained to his guys that they have to swim to the left, and they have to hang out for a while. We explained to little lefty that she needs to pop soon, and go down Ole’ Lefty to meet the swimmers. Hopefully they were listening.

I’m up against two torturous weeks now. I know saying the word “torturous” may be a bit melodramatic, but so be it. I HATE it when Shmerson’s away. I have a really hard time caring for myself when he’s not around – something that I know I need to change. I think if anything, that’s going to be my mission for these next two weeks, ignore the fact that I’m on my TWW and concentrate on things like actually cooking myself meals, meeting friends, cleaning the house, and getting some work done.

I went to Dr. Happy Pills today and he upped my zoloft dosage, because it’s been evident that right now it’s not completely doing the trick. Hopefully that will help me in this endeavor.

For now – I’m obsessively using OPK’s, hoping that Shmerson’s little guys survive until my follie decides to pop, and everything goes smoothly. Most of my regular readers know I like to make lists, so I’ve decided to share with you my list of things that need to go right for us to actually come out with a baby from this month. I’ve italicized milestones that we’ve never reached before for easy understanding, and because I’m cool and organized like that. Now – on to the list! Yay lists!

  1. Shmerson’s super swimmers need to survive until my follie pops.
  2. This means that my follie better pop in the next 24-48 hours.
  3. Little Lefty needs to go down Ole’ Lefty, and meet the swimmers, to create an actual embryo.
  4. Embryo needs to nestle in properly, in the uterus.
  5. Betas need to double properly.
  6. We need to see a heartbeat.
  7. We need to make it past 8 weeks.
  8. We need to make it to the second trimester
  9. We need the scans to show a healthy baby.
  10. We need the baby to hang out in my uterus hopefully for a full nine months. 
  11. The baby needs to come out healthy and whole. 
  12. I need to stay healthy and whole. 
I know there are plenty of other milestones on the way that I’ve missed. Right now I’m hoping we make it to number 4. Then I’ll hope to make it to 5. If we’re lucky, we’ll hit six and seven. Hopefully from there I’ll be able to breathe just a little bit.
I realized the other day that I’ve been pregnant 3 times, and I’ve never once seen a heartbeat. I hope I get to someday, and hopefully someday soon.
Sometimes I close my eyes and fantasize about what will happen when I finally go into labor one day. I imagine the nurse asking me which pregnancy this is for me. I’ll answer it’s the fourth. She’ll smile and tell me that I must be an old pro. I’ll tell her it’s my first child and make her squirm. For some reason I’ve been liking the idea of making others squirm lately. Don’t know why. I just hope that it really will be the fourth, and we won’t have to say 5th, 6th, 7th, and so on. I don’t know how much more strength I have for this.
But for right now all I can do is convince myself that Nachos for both lunch and dinner are not a healthy nutritional decision, and that staring at the second line on the OPK won’t magically make it darker.
That, at least, would be progress.

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My Body Likes Me Again!

18 Apr

I owe Kristin a longer post and a huge thank you, but I’m exhausted, and I had to shout this from the rooftops.

I got a positive OPK. On CD 13. That means I ovulate on CD 14. For the first time ever my body is acting by the book.

This is huge!

In honor of the next 24 hours, I would like to share a song:

I’m definitely NOT catholic. You all know I’m a heathen. But still – can I get a w00t w00t?!?!?

Thank you Monty Python, for your words of wisdom!

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I’m a pee-stick-a-holic

18 Jan

Ok I’ll start with a confession. Last week, during a visit to a pharmacy, I picked up a package of OPK’s.

I know, I know – Bad Me! For shame!

(but in my defense they were on sale)

I told Shmerson about buying them, but I swore to him that they would not be used until we officially go back to TTC.

Shmerson, I know you’re reading this – you have married a weak willed pee-stick-a-holic. I’m sorry and I love you.

I justified it to myself thusly:

Me: Well, if you’re going to start TTC again in a month or two then it’s probably a good idea to re-acquaint yourself with your cycles.

Me: Oh! Yay! We finally agree on something! This is a good idea!

Me: Why thank you. We’re not being unhealthy at all.

Me: Nope. Not at all.

So off I went to POAS. I admit, I kind of missed it. It really does give one a sense of control.

(OPK negative BTW – but there is a faint line so I’m assuming the surge should come in a few days).

But I’m not sure if this is such a good idea. These darn pee-sticks are part of what started the trouble in the first place.

What do you guys think? Should I POAS to get to know my cycle again, or am I just trying to control everything too much again and I’m on a slippery slope?

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