Tag Archives: music

Random Stuff That Annoys the Heck Out of Me

11 Feb

I’ve been pretty optimistic around here lately, so I figured I would take a break from happy go lucky and revert for a second to my old cynical self, you know, just for the fun of it because it’s nice to vent sometimes. I’m having a good day, I swear.

So, for your reading pleasure, here’s a list of stuff that annoys the heck out of me.

1) People who say that they are 200% sure, or one hundred and… 35! percent positive about something. This makes no sense to me in any context. Ever. You want to be emphatic about something? Use some adjectives. Don’t know any? Buy a Thesaurus. Heck you don’t even have to buy one. They have them online for free now.

2) The phrase “threw me under the bus.” I don’t know why. I just hate it.

3) People who go on trips and only take pictures of the view. Hundreds of them. And then insist that I look at them all. If you catch a particularly beautiful sunset, then sure, snap a picture, I’ll be happy to see that. But I don’t need to see every freakin’ mountain or old church that you visited. Unless you posed in front of it. Then I get to see that you had fun, which is nice. So yeah, just show me those. Ok?

4) Shows that preview what’s coming up “after the break” for five minutes, then cut to commercials, come back, and show five minutes of “before the break”. I get it, you have no real content on your show, and therefore need to produce a heck of a lot of filler. But I am not a fish. Therefore, I have a memory that lasts longer than 30 seconds. Thanks.

5) Ignorant people that have a public platform and spread lies and paranoia (*cough* Glenn Beck *cough* Michelle Bachmann).

6) Ignorant people who have a self-righteous “opinion” on things they have no knowledge about. Like global warming, or evolution,  or international politics. If you want to be radical about it, please do your research. For example, whenever I tell someone I live in Israel, I always have a slight pang of fear that the person will automatically judge me in a negative light. This place has a complicated history, and a lot of times people who like to take up “fashionable causes” decide to form an opinion without having any of the facts, and more importantly, without actually having LIVED here. I have, unfortunately, been treated very badly by strangers simply for making the mistake of telling them that I’m Israeli. I’m not crazy about the war in Afghanistan, but I will not blame every American I meet for it. I personally think the global economic crisis was completely Wall Street’s fault. However, I do not randomly insult and curse out stock brokers. I have my political opinions, but I never mention them here because a: I don’t want to bring hatred into this blog (any time somebody comes in with one opinion about Israel, it is inevitable that someone who disagrees will start a violent flame war in the comments. This is why I avoid the Huffington Post’s international section like the plague), and b: I myself am not sure about my opinion. I live in a complex environment. I have arguments that justify both sides. I dislike radicalism, whether it’s on the left or on the right of any topic. But I do love my country, despite (and sometimes because) of its many flaws. End rant. Now back to our regularly scheduled list.

7) People who grew up rich and entitled, and treat people who aren’t as rich or entitled as lesser human beings.

8 ) Child beauty pageants. They creep me out.

9) Those courses on “how to pick up women”. There are some exceptions, but most of them are courses on “how to dehumanize women and possibly rape them”.

10) Snooki. And the American obsession with Snooki. (Can someone please explain that to me? And am I perpetuating said obsession simply by bringing her up?)

11) Facebook friends who you dislike but accepted their request just to be polite, and then, they butt into your funny conversations with remarks that prove they obviously have no idea what you’re talking about and they’re just trying to make you like them more. News Flash: it doesn’t work.

12) Bad sequels for films that were bad to begin with. Bad remakes of films that were bad to begin with. Bad film remakes of TV shows that may have been good 20 years ago, but don’t stand the test of time.

13) The fact that “MTV” stands for “Music Television” and VH1 stands for “Video Hits One” and yet neither of them show music videos. They should be called BITV – “Bad Influence Television” and ERTV – “Exploitative Reality Television”.

14) People who send me requests on a daily basis to go help them harvest their virtual pumpkins on their virtual farms. I like some facebook apps. But if I haven’t added them, that means I have no interest in them. These requests will only make me hide you on my news page. Kthnxbye.

15) People who become mega-famous recording artists due to brain-numbing repetitive lyrics, auto-tune, and creative stylists (*cough* Ke$ha *cough*).

16) People who go to India for a month, and come back as vegetarians with dreadlocks and tye-dyed clothes, claiming to be “enlightened”. One month in a youth hostel avoiding salmonella does not a spiritual awakening make.

17) People who judge me for taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. That is the only reason I keep this blog anonymous.

18) Dog owners who let their dogs run free in the streets –  where there are (surprise!) fast-moving cars.  ‘Nough said.

19) The media’s recent fascination with pregnancy. Written about it here too much already, but it’s worth mentioning again.

20) Any film that has “in 3D” in the title. If it has to be in huge letters on your movie poster, chances are your movie sucks and you’re trying to salvage revenue by making it 3D after the fact.

21) The invention of “rehab” as a magical solution for any celebrity who gets caught in a bad situation. I don’t think there was anything called “sex rehab” before Tiger Woods needed it. But if I ever become famous, I’ll make sure to shoplift some Oreos at a 7-11 and check myself into “cookie rehab.”  Or maybe I’ll dine and dash at an Olive Garden and check myself into “pasta and breadsticks” rehab. Or maybe I’m just hungry.

22) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what  #1:  Men who use the fact that they’re “In charge” of something or the “founders” of something, no matter how trivial that “something” is, to be megalomaniacal a-holes.

23) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what #2: Hummers. You live in a city. Most likely a city with tiny parking spaces. Taking up two of them while wrecking the environment does not make you more manly. It makes you a douche.

24) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what #3: Men who speak to me as if I’m an idiot, and make me feel the need to glue my master’s degree on my chest in an effort to make them realize that I have a brain somewhere above my gigantic breasts. (yeah, they’re DD’s. Shmerson’s happy about that. I’m afraid of sagging. Ahh well).

25) People who try to convert me to their religion. I am a heathen. Yes, I do on occasion seek spirituality (so far without much luck), but please don’t look at me with pity in your eyes, or try to take advantage of my existential crises to make me join your flock. I’m not a sheep. I’m more of a bunny. Unllike Anya, I like bunnies. They’re cute.

(I’ve been looking for an excuse to embed that.)

26) People with absolutely no background, experience, or education in film, that all of the sudden decide to “direct” (I’m talking to you, Tyra Banks!)

This is just wrong. On so many different levels.

27) The fact that when you make numbered lists on wordpress, and you get to #8, you have to put a space between the “8” and the “)” because otherwise you get this: 8)

28) Miley Cyrus. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.

29) People who ask me questions about a movie WHILE WE’RE WATCHING THE MOVIE. Yes, I know I’m the supposed “expert” in the group. However, if you’re wondering about this character or this plot point, then wait. Chances are your question will be answered later in the film. And if it wasn’t, either the film sucks or you’re stupid. Either way – let me watch the movie in peace!

30) Those news crawls at the bottom of the screen on all the 24 hour cable news networks. A: They’re distracting. B: Charlie Sheen getting arrested again is not important enough to put in a freakin’ news crawl.

Ok. I think that’s enough.

PS – I think this post proves that I watch too much reality TV. I should stop that.

Weekly Obsession 5: 1988 (ish)- 1999 (ish)

10 Feb

Well, this was originally going to be about Wayne’s World but I think I kind of covered that in a post earlier this week.

And really, my love for WW is just a symptom of a much larger disease. I love just about anything between 1988 (ish) and 1999 (ish). I apparently live mostly in the 90’s. Been stuck there for a while…

The Evidence:

Here is a list of some of my favorite albums, and the years in which they were released:

1) Faith No More – Angel Dust (1992)

2) Pearl Jam – Ten  (1991)

3) Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (1995)

4) Alanis Morisette – Jagged Little Pill (1995)

5) Tori Amos – Boys for Pele (1996)

6) Bush – Razorblade Suitcase (1996)

7) K’s Choice – Cocoon Crash (1998)

(I could go on and on and on)

A list of my favorite, go-to comfort films

1) Wayne’s World (I think we established that already) (1992)

2) Encino Man (yes, I like a pauly shore movie. sue me.)  (1992)

3) Clueless (1995)

4) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (ok it’s a bit earlier but it’s close, so it counts!)

5) Aladdin (1992)

6) The Little Mermaid (1989)

7) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)

8 ) Titanic (don’t judge me!!!) (1997)

A list of things I quote incessantly

1) Friends

2) Seinfeld

3) SNL – Anything ever said by Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Al Franken, or Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.

Here are a few examples for your viewing pleasure:

9 times out of ten, when I’m out with friends and I have to leave for a moment, I say “talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic. Peanuts are neither peas nor nuts. Discuss.

And the timeless classic, which I can’t embed, but click here, trust me.

4) Animaniacs

5) Clueless (I totally paused!)

6) Encino man (yes, I’m repeating myself! and apparently I also have a thing for unfrozen cavemen)

To this day, every single time a microwave or an oven pings, I yell “meat group!”

7) Married: with Children (I can’t stand it now when I rewatch it, and yet, I quote it all the time)

8 ) Ren and stimpy

9) The movie “Singles”

10)  Reality Bites

11) Beverly Hills, 90210 (I own the first season on DVD. Yes. I just admitted that.)

Other claims I tend to make on a regular basis:

1998- 1999 was the last year that Hollywood studios made good movies on a regular basis.

(see: Fight Club, Being John Malcovich, The Six Sense (oh m. Night, where did you go wrong?), American Beauty… the list goes on and on)

There have been very few good albums released since 1998. VERY FEW.

2000 is the year that true rock&roll died

I wish flannel shirts and Doc Martins were still in style

If I could be anywhere, it would be at a Faith No More Concert in 1995

I miss MTV – as in, the real MTV, where they had headbangers ball, Alternative Nation, and beavis and butthead, and Kurt Loder was considered young and cool.

I still can’t believe they cancelled “My So-Called Life!”

Also – my itunes playlist consists mainly (leaving out the bands I already mentioned) of INXS, Depeche Mode, Sting, U2, Peter Gabriel, REM, Radiohead, The Pixies, and hair bands (warrant, skid row, poison, and bon jovi). I also love albums by bands that you most likely have not heard of, because they had like, one hit at most somewhere in the early nineties.  see:

Candlebox

Live

Jesus Jones

Temple of the Dog

EMF

Belly

Queensryche

Extreme

Oh, and I still listen to this song sometimes just for fun:

Point made, no?

PS – the only exception to these statements is TV in general because the 2000’s brought us Lost, Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls,  Six Feet Under, Entourage, and a dozen or so other fantastic shows that I love. But I would give those up in a minute for alternative rock to be on mainstream radio again. And I mean GOOD alternative rock. Not douchey stuff like Linkin Park. The only good band that the 2000’s brought about was the Killers. And My Chemical Romance (on occassion)

Playboy Mommy

21 Jan

A conversation Slcurwin and I had over in the comments section of her last post got me thinking a bit about Tori Amos. For some reason, I always end up going back to her during difficult times and lately I’ve found myself embracing her again.

I know that some of the people who read this blog don’t know who the heck I’m talking about – in short, she’s a singer songwriter.

The long version is that before oprah, before exposes, before a lot of things, Tori spoke openly about being raped.

Her second album – “Little Earthquakes” (which most count as her first because her “actual” first album is sort of a glam-rock mess that really didn’t go anywhere) speaks openly about her experience and takes the listener through her journey of healing. First, talking about her own self hatred in “Crucify”, then on to her silence in “Silent All These Years”, and ending with her story “Me and a Gun”, and the beginnings of her healing in the song “Little Earthquakes”.

She has been a loud and proud anti-rape advocate for as long as she’s been in the public eye, and for most of the time I’ve loved her, that’s where I connected with her the most.

Tori is kind of a strange artist to take in. Her lyrics are kind of cryptic, and sometimes harsh. She sings with sometimes hard to listen to pain and rage in her voice.

She’s released quite a few albums, but I’ll admit that I stopped buying her new stuff at one point because I no longer related to those particular journeys.

You see – that’s the thing with Tori – every single album is a different story. Sometimes there’s debate about what story the album tells, but sometimes it’s pretty clear.

Little Earthquakes – Rape

Under the Pink – Reclaiming her femininity

Boys for Pele – Heartbreak

From the Choirgirl Hotel – well – I’ll get to that in a second

To Venus and Back – there are several theories – mine is drugs.

Scarlet’s Walk – Motherhood, happiness, marriage, etc.

I “lost” her somewhere around “Scarlet’s Walk” because her journey was no longer mine.

Well – actually, her journey was no longer mine quite a bit earlier, but that was the point where I no longer felt her words pierce me through the heart with their usual fierceness.

Which brings me back to “Choirgirl”.

It was released in 1998. It is the “Miscarriage Album”.

After the two that I had, whenever I put my ipod on shuffle, and something from that album popped up, I immediately skipped it. I didn’t even think about it. It was a reflex. It was “I can’t deal with this right now”

Which when you come to think of it is a bit dumb of me. Her journeys have impacted me in such a positive way in the past.

But I wasn’t equipped to handle facing things in the way that Tori makes me face them.

I mean, how can you really handle an album, where the first song  has the lyrics

She’s convinced she can hold back a glacier

But she couldn’t keep baby alive

Doubting if there’s a woman in there somewhere

Here Here Here

(from “Spark”)

But the lovely SLC got me thinking today about the power of music. I’ve been slowly allowing myself to listen to more and more of the album. And today, I dug up this snippet of an interview (which apparently refuses to embed – so just click over there for a sec – it’s very short).

As usual, this amazing woman speaks powerfully and eloquently about a topic everyone else refuses to address.

As usual, she is a voice for millions of silent women.

I know that some of you won’t like her music. I know that for some it may well be too painful. But for me, I’ve always found that hearing her express my pain through her words has always helped me expel the poisonous venom of my own internal chaos.

Some of you know that during my senior year, I spent the entire year painting and blasting Tori at full volume. This was after a summer in which I had my first bout of depression and anxiety, and also confronted my rape for the first time – four years after it had happened. when the year was over, just before my 18th birthday, I got a faerie tattooed on my back. I named her Tori. It was my little reminder that I always have a way back.

As you know from my previous post today, I’m getting another little reminder on March 1st. But today, the first reminder popped in and said hi, and asked that I share a bit of her with you guys.

I’m embedding two songs here. The first is “Spark” which I quoted above. The second is “Playboy Mommy”.

I am warning you  – you may find them hard to listen to. I’ll put the lyrics under each of them. But look back up at that album list. Scarlet’s Walk is about motherhood. Eventually, Tori made it out of the muck and became a mother. And she shares her journey with the world precisely for women like us.

I lost her somewhere around there a few years ago. Now I hope to catch up to her sometime soon.

Much love to you guys.

Spark

She’s addicted to nicotine patches
She’s addicted to nicotine patches
She’s afraid of the light in the dark
6:58 are you sure where my spark is
here here here

she’s convinced she could hold back a glacier
but she couldn’t keep baby alive
doubting if there’s a woman in there somewhere
here here here

you say you don’t want it again and again
but you don’t, don’t really mean it
you say you don’t want it this circus were in
but you don’t, don’t really mean it
you don’t don’t really mean it

if the divine master plan is perfection
maybe next I’ll give Judas a try
trusting my soul to the icecream assasin
here here here

you say you don’t want it again and again
but you don’t, don’t really mean it
you say you don’t want it this circus were in
but you don’t, don’t really mean it,
you don’t don’t really mean it

how many fates turn around in the overtime
ballerina’s that have fins that you’ll never find
you thought that you were the bomb yes well so did I
say you don’t want it, say you don’t want it

how mant fates turn around in the overtime
ballerina’s that have fins that you’ll never find
you thought that you were the bomb yes well so did I
say you don’t want it, say you don’t want it,
say you don’t want it again and again
but you don’t, don’t really mean it
you say you don’t want it this circus were in,
but you don’t, don’t really mean it
don’t really mean it

she’s addicted to nicotine patches
she’s afraid of the light in the dark
6:58 are you sure where my spark is
here here here

Playboy Mommy
In my platforms I hit the floor
Fell face down
Didn’t help my brain out
Then the baby came
Before I found
The magic how to keep her happy
I never was the fantasy
Of what you want, wanted me to be 

But don’t judge me so harsh, little girl
So you’ve got a playboy mommy
But when you tell ’em my name
You wanna cross that bridge all on your own
Little girl, they’ll do you no harm
‘Cause they know your playboy mommy
But when you tell ’em my name
From here to Birmingham
I got a few friends

I never was, was there when it counts
I get my way
You’re so like me
You seemed ashamed
Ashamed that I was
A good friend of American soldiers
I’ll say it loud, here by your grave
Those angels can’t ever take my place

Don’t judge me so harsh, little girl
You got a playboy mommy
But when you tell them my name, and
You wanna cross that bridge all on your own
Little girl, they’ll do you no harm
Because they know your playboy mommy
But you just tell ’em my name
You tell ’em my name
I got a few friends

Somewhere, where the orchids grow
I can’t find those church bells
That played when you died
Played Gloria
Talkin’ ’bout Hosanna

Don’t judge me so harsh, little girl
You got a playboy mommy, come home
But when you tell them soldiers my name
You cross that bridge all on your own
Little girl, they’ll do you no harm
‘Cause they know your playboy mommy

But I’ll be home, I’ll be home
To take you
In my arms

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