Tag Archives: ICLW

Bullets and Bunnies: I’m Demanding. I Sowwy!

22 Oct
  • First of all, thank you all for your awesome comments. I’m completely overwhelmed. It’s so amazing to have so many fantastic people rooting for us and the Shmembryo. You guys rock!
  • ICLWers – I’m so sorry! I know you guys didn’t come over here expecting a preggo blog. I’m exactly five weeks along, and after three losses, two of which were suspected ectopics, I’m thrilled and relieved that our Shmembryo is in the right place. I hope you guys stick around, and I promise that if this pregnancy thing lasts, I will be labeling my next ICLW as a preggo.
  • Today was totally a lucky day! Apart from the Shmembryo snuggling in, I won the Creme de la Creme Amazon Gift Card Giveaway, courtesy of Attain Fertility! I never win anything, so this is awesome. And the Attain Fertility people are awesome. And Mel is awesome. Speaking of awesome – have you submitted your awesome post for this year’s awesome Creme list yet? The deadline is earlier this year so make sure you get your submission in soon!
  • Group Therapy Thursday is coming up! Submit your questions!
  • Elphie’s virtual baby shower is this coming monday. If you want to participate, don’t forget to use the handy dandy form in the original post!
  • I’m seriously happy about this morning, yet I’m waiting to be absolutely terrified again. How the hell will I keep my sanity until November 14th? Tips are welcome in the comments. 🙂
  • I’m all about demands today aren’t I? Submit this, ask that, give me advice, bla bla bla. I sowwy.
  • I leave you with a bunny, because that’s why I call this thing bullets and bunnies. And bunnies are cute. Plus you guys have enough on your plates for one post, so you deserve a bit of cuteness, dontcha think?

This is me NOT being self flagellating. No. Really. I swear.

28 Sep

Me: Our pants don’t fit anymore.

Me: I know. I’m ok with that. It’s a side-effect of the Cym.balta, and um, you know, the fact that we had surgery a month and a half ago. And that we’ve been pregnant 3 times in the last year.

Me: So? We’re fat. I want to hate us now. Can I hate us?

Me: Nope. Not doing that anymore. We are learning patience and forgiveness for not being perfect.

Me: Ok. So we’re not mad at ourselves for the fat thing?

Me: Nope.

Me: What about resolving to completely overhaul our eating habits NOW and do a 180? We should totally do that!

Me: Not gonna happen.

Me: But why? I love it when we do that!

Me: But then we fail and hate ourselves.

Me: So? That’s my favorite part!

Me: Not gonna happen.

Me: Ok. Fine. Can we be mad at ourselves for not going to yoga then?

Me: Nope. Things are too busy and crazy right now for that. it’s ok if we don’t go back to yoga for a while.

Me: Ok – how about the fact that we got home at 4pm today and did NOTHING and the house is a mess?

Me: Nope. It was a long day and we needed a break to veg and do nothing. Plus, there’s not much point in cleaning. We’re starting to pack next week so the house will be a wreck anyway.

Me: Oh come on! I need a reason to hate on us! I can’t stand this whole acceptance thing! It’s totally against everything we stand for!

Me: Not anymore sweetheart. We’re all content and at peace and shit.

Me: Come on, throw me a bone here!

Me: Fine. Here’s one: We’ve been really crappy at keeping up with the blogs this week. And it’s ICLW.

Me: Oh! Yep! We totally have! Yay! Can I flagellate us now?

Me: Fine. Go ahead.

Me: *jumps up and down with excitement and runs to grab the whip*

Me: We have a problem, seriously. Well – you do at least.

PS – Happy birthday BB! Love you!

PPS – Even though things are crazy, I’ll still have time for Group Therapy Thursday this week! Don’t just sit there –submit your question! 🙂

PPSS – Shana Tova to all of you Jewish-type people in blog land! Hope this year brings good news for all of us! And stuff! And things!

Bullets and Bunnies: ICLW Edition!

21 Sep

Happy ICLW everyone! For ll of you that are new here, here’s the long and short of stuff and things.

  • I’m what some like to call a “fertile infertile” – three miscarriages, two of them suspected ectopics, all of them in the last 15 months. I had a lap in August to get Ole’ Lefty removed. So now we’re TTC with one tube (infertile chic!) and hoping the next one sticks.
  • I’m turning 31 this Sunday! This time last year I was pregnant for the second time, and in the deepest funk of my life, about to find out that I was having another miscarriage. A month later my brain broke. Three months (and lots of happy pills) later I started this blog and started to pick up the pieces. Hopefully 31 will be a better year. I’ve managed to find some peace and meaning through all of this, which is pretty awesome.
  • Another reason that this year is looking better is that Shmerson (that would be my husband) and I are moving into a brand spanking new (to us anyway) place at the end of next month! We’re really looking forward to it. Though now the process means that my head is exploding between applying for a mortgage and picking out kitchen tiles. But it’s a good heady-explode-y, I swear!
  • AF showed up early this week, and I was convinced it was another ectopic. Luckily, 15 or so pee-sticks (including two Rolls Royces  FRERS) have proven that my paranoia was unwarranted. Whew.
  • That’s basically all that’s new with me. Have a poke around if you feel like it.
  • Oh! And if you have anything that’s bugging you and you feel like getting it hashed out outside of your own blogs, in an anonymous or just different setting, Group Therapy Thursday is tomorrow! Click on over to the launch post to submit your questions.
  • I look forward to finding some new blogs to add to my reader and getting to know you guys! So say hi in the comments if you like!
  • And of course, as usual, here’s a bunny (I like bunnies. They’re cute):

I’m a bad, bad blogger

24 Mar

These last few days have been insane! I’m running around like a maniac to get stuff done, so I haven’t been keeping up with ICLW (promise to make up for it on saturday when things calm down!).

Bad bad me.

I think I’ll have someone do a guest blog for me tomorrow since I won’t have time. For my regular readers who know who the heck I’m talking about – vote below! For those who have no idea – pick randomly!

Edit – I just asked squish and she would be honored to blog. Yay squish! So feel free to vote for her, sans guilt. 🙂

The Power of a Word

23 Mar

Ok Let me start with a bit of an apology. I started this little corner of the weboverse as a place for me to vent and share my experiences with others. It was never meant as a virtual soap box. In fact, I tend to shy away from bringing politics into this space for the simple reason that I live in Israel, and I’ve had my fair share of experiences in which I was hated, and even verbally abused, strictly because of where I’m from. So in short – I tend to keep politics out of here because this is not what our community is all about (BTW – welcome ICLWers! For more about me – feel free to click here,  here, or on the “about” page above).

But today I’m going to step a bit outside of my usual ranting to voice an opinion. First, for those of you who don’t know me, a little background:

Though I was born and currently live in Israel, I spent about half my life in the United States. 8 years as a child, and another 7 as an adult. The result of this is that a) I think and write primarily in English (exhibit a: this blog) b) Nobody guesses that I’m not American upon talking to me or reading this blog, until I point it out to them, or in real life, they hear my name. c) As a lover of politics in general, I am especially a lover and follower of American politics. In those terms, I consider myself a staunch Democrat. Even a stereotypical one. I get my news from the Daily Show and Rachel Maddow.

Now that I’m done with all this prefacing it’s time I get down to it.

During one of my undergraduate women’s studies classes, which talked about women and Judaism, my professor (who I to this day consider a role model and a mentor), brought in an expert on the Hebrew language, to speak to us about its built-in gender bias.

I won’t go into the talk in detail, but during it – apart from pointing out certain linguistic inequalities, this expert also pointed out how in Hebrew, some words are casual, whereas their English counterparts are incredibly “charged”.  As an example, this expert used the word “fetus”.

In Hebrew, “fetus” (or Ubar)  is a word used rather casually. This is how pregnant women refer to their babies before they know whether it’s a girl or a boy. This is a word doctors use often. In English, at least in the United States, “fetus” is a charged, almost taboo word.

I think this is because abortion in Israel is not a controversial topic (let’s face it, we’ve got enough controversy without it). It’s legal, it’s done. It’s not debated. Israel is a country with universal healthcare, and legal abortion. Here, if you want to get an abortion, and have it funded through government healthcare, you have to sit in front of a committee comprised of three people, 2 of them doctors, and one of them has to be a woman. Statistically, these committees authorize over 98% of the requests.

If you don’t want to go through a committee, you can opt to fund the abortion in a private clinic. No muss, no fuss.

The result of all of this is that apart from the religious right, there isn’t much of an anti-abortion movement in Israel. This is, I believe, because Israel was founded based at least partially on socialist values that go hand-in-hand with individual rights. Each time someone has tried to pass anti-abortion legislation in Israel, this legislation has not even gone up for a vote, because it is looked at as infringing upon a woman’s individual rights.

There was a TINY bit of controversy (again – from the religious right) when the morning-after pill was introduced here. But it passed quickly, and now it’s openly sold in pharmacies, and several cute commercials with smiling girls wearing pink tank tops were aired on prime time TV.

So yes  – here, fetus is not a dirty word.

In terms of American politics, I’ve always considered myself Pro-choice (being a staunch Democrat, it kind of comes with the territory). However, I also knew that when it came to my own body, I probably would not have an abortion.

Of course, now that I’ve had two miscarriages my opinion about my own body has become even more solidified, and yes, I admit, I would look sideways today at a woman – say in her mid 20’s and with relative financial stability – having an abortion. But this is just because of my own experience and issues. At the end of the day, it’s her body, her life, and her choice.

The results of the 2010 elections in the US shocked me. Mind you, I have some issues with what Obama has done as president, but I still could not fathom, after so many years living in the damage that a Republican administration had done to the country, why anybody in their right minds would vote Republican.

It’s not that I don’t understand (and sometimes even agree with) Republican policies. But what Republicans promise on the campaign trail (more jobs, less taxes, fiscal responsibility and the like), is worlds apart from what they do once they are in office. I could write for hours about the ludicrous union-stripping that’s been going on in Wisconsin for example. But in all truth, considering my own experiences over the past year, I am far more upset with the sheer weight of anti-abortion legislation that is happening all over the United States.

Because I’ve always been pro-life when it comes to my own body, I never openly advocated for a woman’s right to choose. I would give pro-choice picketers the thumbs up sign happily, but you would never find me holding up a sign, because I always found myself a bit detached from the topic.

Now that I myself have become a “repeat aborter”, I find myself wanting to get on a plane and march on washington.

Some people may think it’s ironic that a person like myself – who has a newly-found appreciation for the preciousness of pregnancy – would all of the sudden feel this way.

But to me, it makes total sense. As a part of this community, I’ve read the stories here of women who have had to go through heartbreaking late-term abortions because they had no choice. I’ve followed bloggers who rely on planned parenthood for their birth control because they can’t afford to have it any other way. I’ve seen the true implications of the silent victims of anti-abortion legislation. It’s the women of this community – who sometimes feel like they have no control over their own bodies – who need laws in place to at least retain their right to choose what to do when it comes to their bodies.

There are Republicans in Washington currently trying to de-fund planned parenthood.

There is one nutcase Republican lawmaker in Georgia who is trying to make MISCARRIAGE a crime.

There is a bill in Indiana that is trying to force doctors to warn women that abortion could possibly cause breast cancer.

Keiko Zoll, an IF blogger who I read regularly, speaks and advocates about this far more eloquently than I do. So I strongly recommend you hop on over to her blog every once in  a while to see what she has to say.

But I feel the need to speak out about this because seriously – and there’s no other way to put this: This is getting frakking ridiculous.

We in the ALI community should be doing everything we can to stop this kind of legislation from happening. If I had the money, I’d hop on a plane and march on washington tomorrow. But I don’t, and I seriously fear for my friends living in the United States. I sincerely am afraid of the consequences of these laws on their lives.

And I find it maddening that in a world with such harsh words as “death”, “terrorism”, “tsunami”, “infertility”, “poverty”, and “hunger”, the word “fetus” is getting all of the attention, and for all the wrong reasons.

Those are just my two cents. Thanks for reading.

TTC – The Ultimate Aphrodesiac

22 Mar

When I first started this blog, Shmerson and I set down some very clear ground rules about what he was and wasn’t comfortable with, in terms of my blogging.

With his permission, I am breaking one of these ground rules. And just in time for ICLW! (welcome, newcomers!)

Shmerson has embraced the openness of this blog, so with his permission, and without further ado:

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself! Yay musical intros!

Look, a lot of us don’t talk about it openly, but after a few emails and chats with some of my fellow bloggers, I figured it was time to break this taboo.
Especially in light of some interesting revelations I’ve had in the last couple of weeks.

So, to start, let me give you guys some of my history. I’ll say it bluntly: I was a slut in high school. It was for all the wrong reasons. In hindsight, it was a defense mechanism to over compensate after surviving date rape. But I convinced myself that I loved sex. Even though I secretly hated it.
Around the time I turned 20, I kind of went in the opposite direction. I very rarely had casual sex, and even my more serious relationships were rocky when it came to sex.
This was not only because of trauma, but also about my (then) newly diagnosed “friend”, PCOS. I honestly think that this messed up my sex drive on a lot of levels.

Which brings me back to Shmerson. In the first 6 months of our relationship, when I was still taking BCP (before I realized they were evil evil things) we did it like rabbits. This is the nature of new relationships.
Then, like in every relationship, things tapered down a bit. Then they kind of went to hell. I think this has a bit to do with the fact that I stopped the evil BCP’s and also gained some weight, so my confidence was low, which of course means that my sex drive was low.
Me not feeling good about myself seriously messed up our sex life. And that made me feel even worse. Like I was a bad partner. How could I not have a sex drive? I love Shmerson, and he’s hot. What’s up with me?

I can’t even imagine the insecurities my poor man was feeling. I felt like shit about it for a long time.

Then we got married, and lost the birth control completely. All of the sudden, I wanted to do it, ALL THE TIME.
At the time I thought it was because I felt safe and better about myself now that we were married.
Boy – was that wrong.
Of course, after doing it like rabbits I got preggo REALLY FAST. And just like that –  my sex drive was gone again.
Then the Blighted Ovum happened and everything got shot to hell.
I didn’t feel sexy. I barely felt like a woman.
And guess when my sex drive made a comeback?
Two weeks after my first post D&C AF. Right when I got that positive OPK. For three days I was a sex machine.
Then I got preggo again. And miscarried again.
And what was bad before became much much worse.
I had a meltdown, and Shmerson felt completely insecure. He felt like I was no longer attracted to him, and he was afraid that our marriage was nothing more than a way for me to get a baby (he finally confessed this to me about a month ago. I felt like shit when he told me that, because I love him and it was the furthest thing from the truth).
But who could blame the poor guy for feeling like this? His wife had absolutely no sexual desire whatsoever.

And as bad as he felt, I felt even worse. I felt inadequate. As if something was truly seriously wrong with me. I WANTED to want to make love to him. I hated myself for not wanting to.

We’d spent the last few months talking openly about this (something which makes me eternally grateful for having such an amazing husband and having such an open and honest relationship with him). But things only got marginally better. Though I was feeling a bit better about myself, my sex drive was still in neutral.

I figured it was residual insecurities from the MC’s combined with Zoloft, which apparently is not good for the sex drive.

But truly – I had no clue what was going on.

I started talking to a few of my fellow MC bloggers in private about this, and I started seeing a pattern. They all felt the same way, and their sex lives were very similar to me and Shmerson’s. Positive OPK’s + TTC = renewed sex drive. The rest of the time – nada.
(don’t worry ladies, I won’t name names! This is strictly my TMI, though feel free to share in the comments).

Then a few different things happened all at once which finally made me make sense of all of this supposed sexual dysfunction. I’ll list them (because I love making lists!) and then tie them all together. So bare with me.

  1. Shmerson and I decided not to decide. In other words, we decided it was time to lose the condoms, but that I would not be taking any OPKs or charting. We decided to just take it easy for a few months and see what happens (for those of you who are new to this blog – my problem is recurrent M/C. Fortunately, conception has not been much of an issue for me. For the record, I am immensely thankful for this).
  2. Courtney posted this very interesting observation on her blog. Basically, she pointed out how science sucks because women only have a limited amount of eggs, whereas men generate new sperm all the time.
  3. AF showed up, and immediately after the red lady went away, I all of the sudden wanted to have sex ALL OF THE TIME.
  4. Yesterday Shmerson pointed something out – kind of a continuation of what Courtney was posting about. He pointed out how oftentimes in nature, females seek out the strongest partner to mate with, whereas the males are less picky.

It all comes down to this: us women want to procreate, and there are only a few fertile days for us each month, so we choose our sexy times more carefully, and our brain is basically our biggest sex organ. Men are fertile all the time so they want to procreate all the time.

I think you guys can basically do the math here. Women with fertility issues are even more eager to procreate, but also have the insecurities that come along with said fertility issues. So of course we only truly have a sex drive when we’re trying to make babies! It’s in our nature!

Which is why I am SO FREAKING HAPPY  that I’m not charting this month. There’s no stupid science in the way. Who knows when the heck I’ll ovulate? So of course, I want to have sex with Shmerson ALL THE TIME. And I feel sexy all the time. Because I could be ovulating right now. I could ovulate tomorrow, or the day after. Or a week from now. And goshdarn it, I WANT TO MAKE A BABY! I am taking no chances.

It’s doing wonders for our sex life, not to mention our relationship in general. It’s like we’re falling in love all over again.

And the beauty of all of this? Shmerson gets it. He’s embracing it. He understands after our many talks, that my lack of sex drive had nothing to do with him, or my attraction to him.

It was the perfect storm of psychology and biology.

Just like our recent resurgence is the same – only with opposite results.

So – I don’t think I’m ever charting again. Seriously. If we’re having sex every 48 hours or so anyway, we’re bound to hit ovulation eventually in the next few months.

The only way this will change is under doctor’s orders. For now – letting go of that little bit of control is doing wonders for my self esteem, my marriage, and me and Shmerson’s sex life.

And please don’t take this as a “relax and it’ll happen” post. That’s not my point. My point is that I realized that science can sometimes get in the way of nature. And for those of us lucky enough to be able to rely on nature to conceive, I say – screw science!

For those of you out there who don’t need to chart for medical reasons, and are feeling that your sex lives are in a bit of a slump – try it. I really hope it does the same for you. Because trust me, this is awesome. I’m having some of the best sex of my life right now. (I’m sure Shmerson is doing the happy dance while reading this. Hemmo Shmerson! You is my love!)

In the context of the ALI community, I can’t believe I’m writing these next words, but, what the heck:

Yay biology!!! Screw you, modern science and pee-sticks!!

I’m a copycat

23 Feb

Inspired by ICLW, there’s been a list of questions about yourself to answer floating around the blogoverse. Yay memes! Since I always feel an unexplained urge to do everything that Courtney does, here’s my list:

  1. Age: 30.
  2. Blog Title Inspiration: I don’t know. I started this blog on a whim, I guess it’s just the first thing that popped into my head. It’s a bit dramatic, but I’m happy that Elphie came up with Mo as a nickname for me. It lightens things up a bit.
  3. Chore You Hate: Um… Everything. Though I guess doing dishes and taking out the trash are at the top of that list.
  4. Day at the Beach or Cozy Rainy Day? Cozy Rainy Day, hands down. Especially if Shmerson is home and the puppy is feeling particularly cuddly.
  5. Essential Start Your Day Item: Currently: my bbt thermometer. Oh, and xanax (Dr’s orders!). Ahh well.
  6. Favorite Color: Purple. In fact I’m rather obsessed with the color. I even used to have a huge purple couch. Now that i live in wedded bliss, I’ve tried to dial it down a bit (the drawbacks of living with a guy, but I still have a purple purse, purple wallet, purple coat, and yes, purple hair – not electric purple because I’m not 15. Eggplant purple)
  7. Gold or Silver? Silver. Definitely. Even my engagement ring and wedding ring are in white gold. Don’t know why, but I associate gold with guidos. Just don’t like it.
  8. Height: 5’2″
  9. Instruments You Play: I kind of play the guitar – but know mostly basic chords and the intro to “Wish you were here” by pink floyd. I rock on hard level guitar hero, tho. (Shmerson on the other hand, can pull off “hotel california” in expert mode. I am still in awe.)
  10. Job Title: That’s a tough one. I work from home, managing the family business, and I also do freelance work, and I’m a filmmaker. So let’s just say Content Editor/General Manager/Writer/Director/Film Instructor/Generally Confused.
  11. Kids: 2 miscarriages, will start trying again for a first soon.
  12. Live: Haifa, Israel
  13. Mom’s Name: I don’t mention mine here to fool the google machine, but I guess her’s won’t hurt. Miri. Short for Miriam. But nobody’s called her Miriam since she was about 10. So Miri.
  14. Book Currently on Your Nightstand: I’ve mostly been doing the audiobook thing. But “Man in the Dark” by Paul Auster is eagerly waiting to be cracked open. He’s my favorite author and I can’t bring myself to audiobook him. On the other hand I never read before bed because it actually makes me stay up engrossed. (Fun fact: I read “The Lovely Bones” before it was fashionable. I cracked it open at 8pm, and didn’t put it down until I was done, at 6am. Since then I don’t read before bed, for fear of it happening again. When a new Harry Potter book used to come out, I would sleep through the day on purpose to prepare myself for an all-nighter, and read until I collapsed). Ok. Enough on that topic.
  15. Nickname: On here it’s “Mo” (thanks again Elphie! And congrats on the new URL!). I actually have several nicknames from several people. Shmerson calls me “Shmerson” (surprise surprise!), Squish calles me “Squishy” (again, shocker), my parents call me either “pashosh” (hebrew for little songbird, methinks), or “tushka” (which means nothing). PM calls me “mansies” which evolved from “man”, another friend calls me Dudess… My brother calls me “sissy” (I call him that too. We like to make funny). The list goes on an on. I am a woman of many layers.
  16. Overnight Hospital Stays? Luckily, no.
  17. Pet Peeve: Tough one. Oh! When people make plans with me, get me all excited about them, and then cancel on me at the last minute. Oh, and people who talk with their mouth full.
  18. Quote from a Movie: Court stole mine, so I’m gonna go with “A woman’s heart is an Ocean of secrets” from Titanic. No, actually I only use that cynically. Ok – make it “Hang around with Yus” Squish and I actually use it when we meet famous people as in: “I got to hang around with Yus!” Squish recently had the honor of hanging around with yus – courtesy of Machine Head. Yay Squish!
  19. Right or Left Handed? Right.
  20. Siblings: One older brother. (Hi sissy!)
  21. Time You Wake Up? Since the happy pills, my sleep schedule is all over the place. Average is about 11am. I’m working on improving that.
  22. Underwear: Spanx, or granny panties, depending on what I’m wearing (hey, a girl needs to breathe sometimes!)
  23. Vegetable You Dislike: I hate pickles, peppers, and tomatoes (but only raw tomatoes, I cook them all the time. Which is weird.) I also kind of dislike beets, but I’m all for the greens.
  24. What Makes You Run Late: Usually my tendency to procrastinate which leads to me scrambling around the house to get stuff done before I leave, thereby making me late.
  25. Yummy Food You Make: That actually requires a list: Chicken Parm, Tomato Sauce, Stuffed Mushrooms, Salmon Teriyaki, Pasta with shrimp spinach and bacon, Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, Lemon bars, French Onion Soup, homemade chicken fingers, and scorched green beans with garlic. Oh! And Lobster in a whiskey flambe with a white wine butter shallot sauce. I think that covers it. Yeah, I like to cook.
  26. Zoo, Favorite Animal: Bunnies! I like bunnies! (petting zoos count, right?)

Now it’s your turn. JOIN US! JOIN US!

Me in a Nutshell

21 Feb

Hi there ICLWers!

If this is your first time here, I thought you may want a rundown of what my deal is. So here’s a blow-by-blow from heavy to light:

1) I’ve had two miscarriages in the last year. Still haven’t found a reason why. The second one brought on an existential crisis and a serious case of ptsd, so I am now taking happy pills and working on figuring out what I want to be when I grow up (apart from a mother, of course). It’s been a long hard road these last few months, but things are slowly getting better. We’re not back on the TTC train yet, but we’re hoping on getting there soon.

2) Though my writing style, my endless pop culture references, and my overuse of the words “like” and “dude” as in “it was like – so awesome dude” would make you think I am most likely American, I am not. I am Israeli. I spent a large chunk of my life in the US though, including all of elementary school, and undergrad and graduate school, so my accent and my writing are pretty much as American as you can get. And yes, I think in English, therefore I blog in English. Therefore I am in English. Or something.

3) I work from home, mostly on the family business but I also do a bunch of internet content editing stuff. I also have recently started teaching film to high school kids, which is challenging and fun. I’m also a filmmaker, as in, writer/director (which is what I have my lovely yet often useless MFA in), but a serious lack of confidence is holding me back from letting my film flag fly. I am working on it though, I swear.

4) If you’re clever enough you can find my name around here (only in embedded things so I can fool the google machine), but I blog anonymously, not because I’m ashamed of what’s going on with me, but because I don’t want current/future employers to google me and decide that I’m crazy. The evidence around here to support that fact is overwhelming. But in my opinion, in a good way.

5) My philosophy in life is that chocolate fixes everything (except the few extra pounds I carry around with me most of the time). If you believe that too click on the heart-shaped button on the right! (sorry for the shameless plug).

6) In this whole self-discovery kick I’m on, I’ve begun to have conversations with myself. Click here if you want a peak inside my screwed up head.

7) I have a sometimes unhealthy obsession with the 90’s.

8 ) Shameless plug #2 – I will be fulfilling a fantasy of mine this year by live blogging the oscars right here! Would love it if you join me!

9) My husband (AKA Shmerson) and I speak in tongues.

10) I was sans-internet for about 4 days, so I apologize for the ranty internet withdrawal posts that you will see on this first page.

So read, comment away, and of course – have fun!

It’s been a sad few days on the blogosphere

24 Jan

I’ve been stopping and starting posts for the last 24 hours. 5 different posts on 5 different topics. But I can’t bring myself to post today about my career inklings, my funny little interior monologues, or anything except the terrible pain I feel for people who I’ve found through ICLW who have experienced some horrific losses and are now screaming out through their writing.

This is the double edged sword of this community that we have. For every time we spill out our own guts, we read about others. For every joyous announcement, there is a scream of pain beyond measure. Of agony and heartbreak.

But this is what we’re here for. I have found the strength, understanding, love and support here that I thought were impossible, and only because I thought I was alone in my experience.

This is what we’re here for, to strengthen and be strengthened. To cry together and to be joyous together.

Several of my blogging sisters are now in their TWW – I know that I will cry tears of joy for them if they get that BFP at the end of the rainbow. There will not be one iota of jealousy, there will only be abundant joy.

Others are in terrible pain, and I know that I will do all I can to make them feel that they are not alone in this world.

We are all on the same rocky boat.

I plan on making it ICLW every week.

Much love to everyone.



22 Jan

These kinds of projects make me so happy – I love discovering new people in this crazy blogosphere.

So – for everyone who’s dropped by – welcome!

(and for everyone who has no idea what I’m talking about – click on the handy button on the right with the picture of the doggy)

Here are some posts you may want to read if you want to catch up:

For the whole, heavy story – click on “How it started” in the categories tab.

Or – for some insight into my own personal brand of crazy – head on over to “Conversations with Myself” or “Weekly Obsession.”

Happy reading and glad to have you here!

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