Tag Archives: acupuncture

Magic Needles, Do Your Thang

18 May

Last week I was hanging out with my mom.

I was telling her how I really hope this cycle is it so we can get on with this anxiety party. Then she said: “Yeah, let’s hope you ovulate on the right this month.”

Yep. Totally forgot that I only have my right tube. Seriously. I forgot.

That means that I have a 50% chance of even having a chance this month (does that even make sense?). No wonder I repressed it.

Must… Ovulate… On… Right… Side…

So I’ve spent the last week trying to figure out how to make ovulation happen on a specific side.

Yeah. Can’t be done.

But you guys know me. I always find SOMETHING.

At my weekly appointment with the Harley Hottie (that would be my acupuncturist) today, I asked if there was a magic point that would make me ovulate on the right this cycle.

He said there wasn’t really anything on the books for that. So I asked him to use his instincts and awesome acupuncture mojo.

He went along with it, cause he’s kewl like that.

Now all I can do is hope that it works. Or that I was supposed to be ovulating on the right this month anyway.

I can’t believe I forgot that I only have one tube. I FORGOT.

What is wrong with me lately?

The Harley Hottie

17 Feb

Well, I had my first acupuncture appt. Today. And guess what? I immediately came up with a nickname for the man who will be making me into a pin cushion for the next three or so months. If you haven’t figured it out yet, um, well, check the title of this post.

It was really rainy today. I walk into HH’s clinic for the first time only to find a huge Harley Davidson Hog smack dab in the middle of his waiting room – to keep it safe from the rain.

Then the man himself shows up. Yum.

(sorry shmerson.)

Who knew a man in his late forties with 20 years experience and a hella good rep could be this attractive? From his shiny shaved head to the soul patch on his chin. I know, doesn’t sound great but trust me. Yum.

Oh! Right! We were talking about um – acupuncture, right? Right.

So for those who don’t know, here’s the theory around acupuncture: basically, we have 12 different “pulses”, each connected with a major organ in our body, and the trick is to stick some pins in places to even out our pulses from one side to another. Or something like that. I think. Anyway, I guess it’s not that important because I’m not the one sticking needles in people.

Apparently, my spleen’s pulse is “slippery”, and there’s a problem with my liver’s yang (or was it the yin? either way it’s the side that’s supposed to sustain the baby once it hits my uterus).

Now I admit, I’m usually skeptical about this stuff, but. A: He’s hot. B: when he explains it it sounds a lot less froofy C: the man has 20 years of experience and is really well known in the field, and D: there is sound theory behind it. I mean, why else, when I get a sinus migraine, would I squeeze the area between my thumb and index finger? I saw it online once in a search for making the agony go away, and dagnabbit, it actually works.

So yeah – I’m all for it. We had our first session, it went well, and he says my body’s responding faster than he expected it to (yay body! thanks for cooperating!).

Plus, he didn’t prescribe any ass herbs, which is a relief, because I saw some hanging around his office. And Elphie’s endless (and funny!) complaining about it is making me cross my fingers that no ass herbs will be prescribed in the future.

I just hope Shmerson doesn’t ban me from seeing him once he reads this post (don’t worry Shmerson! I love you lots and anyway, the Harley Hottie is married 🙂 ) .

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