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Bullets on Bunny – Holy Crap This is Overdue! Edition

11 Jul

*tap tap* is this thing on?

  • Things have been INSANE. I don’t even know where to start!
  • Meds: No sir, I did not like them. I was on them for 4 weeks and saw that the drawbacks outweighed the benefits completely. I’m officially off them as of yesterday. Going to try an extended release regimen and see how that goes.
  • London, baby! Shmerson and I survived 4 days away from Bunny – all in the service of seeing Monty Python’s first live show in about 30 years. Yep – we actually did that! It was AMAZING and a once-in-a-lifetime experience. We were acutely aware of the fact that this was most likely our last time away as a couple for a long time to come, so we did our best to make the best of it. And I only lost my shit twice because I missed Bunny! Otherwise denial was my friend. As was an ungodly amount of shopping (clothes and toys for her, an irrational amount of Dr. Who merchandise for us). Bunny loves her new Dalek plush. He now kisses her goodnight during our bed time routine and tops it off with an EXTERMINATE! For good measure. It’s her favorite doll. Yes, we are dorks.

  •  Speaking of being away from Bunny – I will be going to Content Marketing World 2014 in Cleveland in September! I know a bunch of  you do the content thing for a living. If you’re planning on attending, drop me a line. We can network and/or find out together if there’s anything interesting to do in Cleveland in the evenings. Now I just need to figure out how to manage 6 days without her and Shmerson. YIPES!
  • And now for the biggest news (and the main reason for my chronic MIA status): We’re moving! We didn’t manage to sell our place (the real estate market here is currently just WEIRD). But the commute has been killing us (Shmerson is on the road 3-4 hours every day and always gets home long after Bunny is asleep, and I make the same commute twice a week), so we decided to rent out our place and rent a place closer to work. Today the agreement was signed and we’re moving in TWO WEEKS! We will be a 10 minute WALK from the office. This will do wonders for our quality of life. I cannot wait.
  • I’m sure some of you have been watching the news and see that the fit has hit the shan once again in the region. I NEVER talk politics on this blog, and I’m not about to start. I’ll just say we’re safe, but having to endure missile sirens and a fair amount of anxiety. Hoping the current crisis will pass soon.
  • And Bunny. Oh my flying spaghetti monster I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing she is. She’s babbling, standing (almost!) on her own, crawling around like a mad woman and waving “hello” to everyone and everything, which is the cutest thing ever. She’s also starting to show signs of similarity to her momma: an irrational love of carbs and a stubborn streak that is a force to be reckoned with. I am doing all I can to savor and enjoy every single moment with her. She is a ball of pure unadulterated joy.
  •  Alas, dear readers, now that Bunny is a bit older I’m afraid her father has become more paranoid about my posting her pictures in this space. So I will leave you instead with a blurry picture of the stage at the O2 theater in London, about 10 minutes before Monty Python stormed it with th energy of 5000 killer bunnies with big pointy teeth.


  • So that’s the long and short of it! How are all  of you guys doing?

Bullets on Bunny – Obvious Costume Edition

22 Mar
  • Thanks everyone for your support on the last post. Basically Bunny’s reflux meds pooped out, and it was a terrible week. We FINALLY got her new meds today and already the difference is palpable. She’s actually eating without any pain. That’s a huge win right now.
  • In general it’s been a week of Murphy’s Law haunting me. From missing trains, to being LATE ALL THE TIME, to making absolutely stupid mistakes out of sheer exhaustion. I get in the car when I’m short on time, it needs gas, I get to a gas station, the pump doesn’t work, I get to where I need to go, I can’t find parking… On and on. ALL WEEK.
  • It was Purim this week (AKA the Jewish Halloween) and Squish said that it made sense that this week was upside-down, considering the costumes Shmerson and I wore on Sunday. She’s probably right:


  • I guess when you start the week as Alice things remain a bit crooked for a while.
  • Bunny being sick brought out ALL THE ANXIETY. Seriously bad. I have a lot to write about this. But not at 2am on a Friday night. I promise to post properly soon. Things have just been nuts.
  • I also somehow managed to fit in apartment hunting this week. Sleep will be welcome this weekend. Alas – we have not found anything yet. But that’s yet another post.
  • So that’s basically it. Alice and the Mad Hatter, reflux getting sorted out (hopefully!), Murphy being a douchenozzle, and no sleep. I just wanted to pop in and give a quick update, and most importantly – share with you the third participant in our family costume:

bunny as bunny


You can tell she’s not feeling her best. But she still played along. It’s her first Purim. Something would have been wrong had I NOT dressed her as a bunny.

Hope you all have an awesome weekend!

Bullets on Bunny (see what I did there?): Holy Day Care Shortage Batman! Edition

21 Jan
  • Seriously guys – I have NO TIME. I’m really sorry for the disappearing act. I just got hired as a full-time employee rather than an outside contractor by the company I’ve been working for for the past year (yay!), and it’s awesome – but it’s not doing wonders for my work load, to say the least.
  • Which brings me to day care. Holy crap. Seriously. First of all, practically every place we’ve contacted doesn’t have any openings until September (!) which is of no help at all, considering there’s a slight chance we may not even be living here anymore in September. We’ve found ONE place that we visited on Friday, but I admit I’m having a bit of a freak out over it. How will I know if something there isn’t right? How will I know she’s being taken care of properly? Is it even possible for me to like anything that involves me not being with Bunny 24/7? We’re not planning on starting until March. But still – OMG this is too soon. We’re only going to do half days for now but I still am having a really hard time wrapping my head around it.
  • Plus – this shit’s expensive! So now I’m going to feel all sorts of pressure to “justify” the expense. I admit, it feels weird sending Bunny to day care when I work at home three days a week. I also know that it’s the best solution for my sanity. I need those few hours to GET SHIT DONE. I need a haircut. I need new glasses. We need to find a new apartment closer to work. And most importantly – I need to not be working until 1-2am every night.  It’s just hard no matter which way I look at it. The only upside is that I still have a month and a half to process it all. That is – assuming we actually decide this is the right place for Bunny. If that doesn’t happen – then we’re totally screwed. At least in the short term until we move. If we ever find the time to find a new place. Sigh.
  • I admit, I’ve been having a shitty week. One of Shmerson’s Twitter followers is in the process of losing her twins at 22 weeks. She reached out and I’ve been doing my best to support her, and I’m REALLY glad I can be there for her. Being able to help like this gives losing Nadav some meaning. But it’s making me think about him. A lot. Exactly a month from today will be two years. In a lot of ways it still feels so raw. This week he’s especially at the forefront of my thoughts.
  • On top of that, Bunny’s having a bit of a tough time. Some digestive issues (no poop talk, I promise), and I think her first tooth may be coming in because she’s been visibly in pain. I hate seeing that so much. I feel so helpless sometimes when I don’t know how to help her.
  • All of this is making me even more sleep deprived, which I think is kind of amplifying it all.
  • Ok, I didn’t mean to get whiny. Generally things are AMAZING. The new job has given me a real sense of stability after being a freelancer for so long, and I have this amazing little person in my life who makes me endlessly happy. We just need to take some steps to lighten the load on me a bit. We’ll get there in the end. Things are never perfect. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that everything is temporary – both good and bad.
  • So I’ll try to spend this week focusing on the good. (And attempting to ignore the copious amounts of caffeine I’ve been consuming. )
  • And enjoying every moment of my amazing little girl.


Hope all of you out there in bloggy-land are doing well! How are you all? Tell me in the comments!


Bullets and Bunnies – Eviction Notice Edition

30 Aug
  • So yesterday was my last ever appointment at the high-risk OB’s. There was hugging of nurses and a bit of crying. A lot of mixed emotions. After all, I’ve spent a lot of time there over the last six months, and they’ve helped me keep B5 safe all this time… B5 passed her NST with flying colors and all else is looking good. She’s also sitting REALLY low, which I suppose is a good thing (though my bladder protests). I asked the doc to check whether I was dilated, and he flat-out refused, saying it would only drive me crazy to know either way, and I’m better off just waiting for labor to start. He has a good point.
  • I got that pedicure. I’ve also shaved my legs (THAT was a challenge). My bottom half is officially presentable. My top half is still grumpy and impatient. As for my middle – Poopik is still not amused.
  • My cousin is a nurse midwife, and I messaged her a couple of days ago because I seriously felt like my head was going to explode. I wanted to come into the high-risk OB and beg for an induction. Shmerson and I were literally trying EVERYTHING. I had 4 acupuncture sessions in as many days. We ate spicy food. We took walks. It was nuts. So my cousin called me and she managed to talk me down. She reminded me that it was my choice to keep going here. If I wanted to, I could always ask for an elective C-section and avoid this whole thing. She reminded me that the final goal is a healthy B5 and a healthy me. Everything else is gravy. And she totally talked me out of begging for that induction. She did say this: “Whatever the doctors say, you listen. Nobody gives out medals for how you give birth. They have your best interest at heart, so don’t argue.” She’s a natural birth person all the way, so coming from her this is significant advice. I’m taking it. She did try to talk me out of an epidural though. Not sure if it worked. I’m still in wait and see mode on that, and pretty convinced that when the time comes, I’m going to want the drugs.  Still, she managed to talk me off the ledge in general. I’m still going nuts, but I am no longer yelling at inanimate objects (yeah, um, I was doing that), and the crying fits have cut down from about 6 a day to about 3 a day. Progress.
  • On that note, aside from taking walks and some mega-awkward preggo sex, Shmerson and I have declared an end to wives tale induction methods. All it did was frustrate me even more. So we’re done.
  •  Let’s talk some dates, shall we? I’ve been told to show up at L&D on Tuesday (40 weeks exactly) for an assessment. General consensus (at least according to the high risk nurse, the OB, and my cousin) is that the hospital OBs will decide to induce that day because of the GD. There are two caveats to this: The first – Wednesday is Rosh Hashanah eve, so they may want me to wait until after the holiday, and the second – B5 seems awfully happy in there. They may deem it too soon despite my GD because she seems to be thriving. Hospitals here are pretty different from the ones in the States in that they avoid medical intervention whenever possible, so you really never know. With normal pregnancies induction talk only really starts around 41 weeks, and even then not always. Then again, GD is still a factor. Either way, I will be going in on Tuesday with the hospital bag in the trunk, in case it’s eviction notice time and we’re coming in for the long haul.
  • Some more about dates: Her due date is September 3rd. Shmerson’s birthday is September 2nd. My nephew’s birthday is August 31st, and a four day Rosh Hashanah Holiday kicks in on September 4th (meaning hospital staff will be smaller, and everything there will be generally slower and suckier, plus – the bassinet rental place will be closed so she will have nowhere to sleep if we get discharged in the middle of the holiday). I don’t want her to share a birthday with my nephew – that would kind of suck for both of them. I also think it would be silly if she shares a birthday with Shmerson. I want her to have her own day. So I’ve been trying to convince her to come out today. But as usual, it seems she’s on her own schedule.  I’ve begun negotiations on a September 1st birthday as well, though that still smacks of the first day of school to me (even though these days school starts earlier, you never know, and having a birthday on the first day of school SUCKS). She’ll probably end up showing up smack dab in the middle of the holiday, just to make sure we know who’s in charge. We may have to bite the bullet and go rent the bassinet early this week rather than wait until after. I don’t know how I feel about that. A bit freaked I guess. But it may be the best way to go.
  • Seriously! My blood glucose strips ran out yesterday, my vial of insulin also ran out, so I had to buy more. This kid has absolutely no sense of timing. Had she come yesterday she would have totally saved me the trip.
  • Zen epiphany from this morning: I may have issues trusting my body, but B5 is a freaking rock star. Labor is about both of us. And I trust her completely. That’s one less thing to be scared about.
  • Apart from freaking out about things going wrong, the “holy shit I’m going to be a parent” freak outs have started coming too. There’s a good chance that sometime next week I will have a whole new person to take care of. Holy crap that is terrifying.
  • So I’m writing these bullets out, and all of the sudden it hits me that I wrote out like 5 bullets that are really pretty optimistic. Then I’m like – “shit – what if something goes wrong?” Cue the panic attack. Welcome to PTSD guys. It’s a barrel of laughs over here.
  • Despite my continuing freak outs, I did realize that chances are, that this weekend is the last weekend Shmerson and I will have to ourselves in a very very long time. We’ve decided to go out tonight and celebrate his birthday early, relax, watch some movies, and maybe marathon some Dr. Who. I just want us to enjoy each other this weekend. So that’s the plan.
  • I don’t know if I’ll update here before Tuesday. I’m also a bit reticent to do a live play-by-play on here if I do get induced. Do you guys want to know once labor kicks in? Or would you rather just hear afterwards? Keep in mind that if I post about labor, I may not be able to update for quite a while…
  • I leave you with a bunny:


Bullets and Bunnies – Sick and Tired Edition

19 Aug
  • 38 weeks tomorrow.  I was seriously hoping she’d be out by now. I know that doesn’t usually happen but I figured with the de-stitching and all, we’d have a good jump start on getting things moving.
  • The fit-ball has been taken out, long walks have been initiated. Other than both of those things making me want to pee ALL THE TIME, no huge difference yet.  Though I do think I MAY have lost my mucus plug yesterday. But that can happen waaay before labor kicks in. Le sigh.
  • My mom is CONVINCED I’m going to give birth on her birthday. That’s this Wednesday. I highly doubt she’s right. Trying not to get my hopes up. It’s not like the woman has psychic powers. For the record, I’ll take Thursday or Friday just as happily. Tuesday would be even better. Just sayin’.
  • My anxiety has been through the roof. I’m no longer counting kicks 3 times a day, I’m counting them ALL DAY. With the exception of the occasional rare distraction, it seems like all I’ve been doing lately is focusing on whether she’s moving enough. This is not a fun place to be.
  • The anxiety isn’t just around counting kicks. It’s around everything. Giving birth, what happens if anything goes wrong, what happens if everything goes right (just as scary to me for some reason). How I’ll react to certain triggers, whether I’ll be able to keep my cool. It’s just everything. I’m a hormonal mess. By the time Shmerson comes home each night he usually finds me sitting on the couch crying. Good times all around.
  • When Shmerson goes to bed, he usually kisses my stomach and says “good night”. The last couple of days he’s been kissing it and saying “get out”. Hear hear!
  • I think the best way to describe my overall mood at this point is just sick and tired. Sick and tired of the same daily routine. Sick and tired of eating the same effing thing every day. Sick and tired of work. Sick and tired of running over every possible scenario in my head over and over again. Sick and tired of the anxiety. Sick and tired of “what if”.
  • I happened to see the Russian while waiting for my high-risk OB appointment last week.  I told him that he did too good a job with my cerclage. He laughed and said “at this rate, you’ll go to 42 weeks”. Not funny Russian. NOT FUNNY.
  • I can haz labor now?
  • No, seriously. Poopik is not amused.
  • At least you can haz a bunny:


Bullets and Bunnies – Weekend Edition

13 Jul
  • So let’s start with I guess semi-bad news: I’ve officially been put on insulin. It’s only one shot at night, but there you go. Honestly? It didn’t upset me in the slightest. I’ve been fretting about my numbers and this is supposed to help make them stable. That’s a good thing. I think in the long run it will lead to less anxiety. Though I admit I do have a bit of anxiety around giving myself injections. But my numbers do seem to be evening out some, so I’m a bit calmer.
  • Today was the first day I can say we were truly “nesting”. There’s a lot of organizing to be done ahead of B5’s arrival and we’ve kind of been putting it off. Today we started in on it. We have two “extra” bedrooms. One has been the guest room/place-where-we-stick-our-clean-folded-laundry-because-we’re-too-lazy-to-put-it-away. The other has been the office/storage-room-that’s-so-messy-and-cramped-we-don’t-actually-use-it-as-an-office. We started cleaning out and organizing both. The “office” is going to become an office/guest room and the current guest room will be B5’s room. There’s a lot of moving of furniture, purging, and storage that needs to be done. Today I’m happy to say we threw away three garbage bags worth of stuff and moved a bunch of stuff to the storage room.
  • I also decided to tackle our main bathroom, which has just been really disorganized. There were LOTS of spare pee sticks to be put away and things just generally needed to be put in place. Really? The sheer amount of pee sticks was overwhelming (in case you’re curious I have 5 unused HPT’s, 50 OPK’s and 4 positive HPT’s from this pregnancy that I’ve been hoarding, and there were a lot of empty pee stick boxes there too for some reason). Apart from getting the other stuff organized, I just kind of organized all of the pee sticks in a pile in a corner of one of the cupboards for now. It’s a start, right? And hey – the bathroom looks really nice now and you can only find the pee sticks if you look really hard.
  • All in all it felt Ah-mazing to get started on all of this. Our home isn’t dirty (mostly thanks to the cleaning lady that comes every two weeks), but Shmerson and I both suck at organization  so it felt good to have things look like they are in their place for a change. I think we’ll need at least 2-3 more Saturdays to get it all under control, but I’m kind of loving the feeling of making progress.
  • Today I actually used the phrase “the baby’s room” for the first time. Freaky.
  • In other getting-our-shit-together-because-OMG-there-may-be-a-baby-here-soon news, we’ve hired a dog trainer for Luna. She’s a super-smart, wonderful dog, but has serious anxiety issues, which make her bark a lot and makes it hard to leave her home alone. The trainer is lovely and we’re starting to see some progress. I just hope Luna will take to B5 with love and not hostility. Hopefully the training will make a difference.
  • We had another hospital tour yesterday, which leaves one more to go before we make our decision. The last one (that we haven’t officially toured yet) is most likely what we’re going to go with based on a bunch of factors, but we wanted to see all 3 options before deciding. Yesterday’s tour was a bit of a nightmare because of one of the other preggos in the group. The woman was just screaming “I’m a stupid fertile”, which is saying something since she was obviously well-to-do and educated, and therefore probably not actually stupid. I wanted to punch her in the face. She kept asking stupid questions with this huge “look how cute I am” grin on her face. Oh – and she was there with her equally stupid friend who is also preggo and they kept whispering and giggling with each other. OMG I am so happy I opted for private child birth classes. I just know this was the kind of crap I would have had to deal with otherwise. Stupid fertile happy-go-lucky preggos make me hostile. It’s not pretty, but it’s just the way it is.
  • There has been an upside to buying all of the baby stuff. I’ve been trying positive visualizations in an effort to curb my anxiety and actually knowing what B5’s stuff looks like has really helped that, so it comes more easily now. That’s definitely a good thing.
  •  When this pregnancy is over I know I want to get on a good weight loss plan. But not before I eat ALL THE CAKE. Some donuts and pizza and croissants and sushi would also be amazing. Washed down with a nice strawberry daiquiri. But first, cake. Lots and lots of cake.GD sucks.
  • That’s about all the randomness I have for today. I leave you with this bunny. Hope everyone has a great weekend!



Bullets and Bunnies: 30 Weeks Edition

25 Jun
  • I’m 30 weeks today. I really never thought we’d get here. Now that we’re here though – I’m grateful, but it’s a little harder than I imagined it would be. I’ve said here before that I’m not loving being pregnant, and that’s not changed. Luckily, physically I’m not suffering too much but I’m truly sick and tired of missing out on life due to all of the restrictions. 4 months of basically being on house arrest have taken their toll, and now with the added dietary restrictions I can barely enjoy the bit of respite I do get. We actually went out to a movie on Saturday and there was literally a 15 minute discussion about whether or not we can buy popcorn because of the GD. I really want my body back. I’ll happily wait until B5 is full-term mind you – and have no desire to evict her any earlier, but this crap is seriously getting old.
  • With that whole “I want my body back” thing though, I’m starting to realize that in fact, that probably will never happen. My stomach is stretch-mark-palooza, despite my loyally rubbing cocoa butter on it every night. I have fondly started calling it “the cream of lies” because really it does nothing. On one hand, I am kind of fond of these little marks, because it means my belly is growing, as is B5, but I’m a bit scared to think that once you get them, they never really go away. And mine are BAD.
  • These bullets are a bit complain-y aren’t they? I think I’m just in a mood today. I’m really ok and grateful and all that fun sunshine and unicorn fart crap, I swear. I just feel like kvetching.
  • So on with the kvetching! I am a hormonal mess. At least 4 times in the last week I’ve lost my shit over something trivial. And that’s without the random crying at things. We were watching the first Star Trek reboot the other night and I literally started bawling when they started the whole “Space… The final frontier” speech at the end of the film. I still have no idea why it made me cry, but I was a mess for a good 15 minutes.
  • I’m also a ball of anxiety. I feel like I’m not letting myself be anxious about B5 as much so my anxiety is therefore being channeled into ALL THE THINGS. Today I found myself spending a nice chunk of time worrying about things that are literally 5 years down the road. Then when I talked myself down from that, I got worried about Shmerson driving tonight after work because he’s tired. Then I started worrying about my cholesterol levels once this pregnancy is over. My brain is screwy, seriously. I’ve got enough to be worried about, I don’t get why I’m insisting on adding more.
  • One thing I’m genuinely concerned about is that my blood glucose levels have been borderline. My high-risk OB decided not to medicate the GD for now but I’m kind of questioning whether that’s the best thing. I’ve had some high readings this week (on average one meal a day and the rest is ok, and I don’t know what’s causing the high readings), and B5 is measuring on track, when before she was consistently 4-5 days behind. I know it’s silly to worry about measuring on track, but I can’t help but think that her growth spurt may have something to do with the GD, and the issue may get worse. Problem is, my next appointment isn’t for a couple of weeks, and I’m wondering what the occasional high readings will do until then, because I don’t want them to hurt her. Who wants to talk me down?
  • Ok enough kvetching. Time for a technical note: Google Reader is going away on July 1st, so anyone who follows me via the reader should find an alternative. If you don’t want a whole new blog-reading platform, then please do subscribe to the blog via email with the button on the top right of this page. If you’re still looking for an alternative, I’ve been using Netvibes. It’s a bit clunkier and it took me a while to get the settings right – but it’s been doing the job. Plus, I could import my entire reading list there, which was handy (though did require some reading up on exporting and importing RSS subscription lists).
  • On a totally unrelated note, I’m officially back on the crack that is “Toddlers and Tiaras” . I have no clue why I insist on inflicting this on myself, but there ya go.
  • So that’s about it. Sorry for the whiny post. I promise you guys I’m doing well, just going a bit stir-crazy and craving chocolate cake and ice cream. Here’s a bunny to make up for the kvetch:


Randomness – Or – The Return of Bullets and Bunnies? Why the Heck Not

1 May
  • Too many things racing around my head tonight, so bullets it is! I may even add a bunny at the end for old time’s sake. 
  • So has officially been sniped and put up for sale for an obscene amount of money. That’s what I get for not renewing on time, I guess. I’m just hoping that everyone is finding the wordpress address again without any problems.
  • I feel like a frickin beached whale. I’m 22 weeks, 1 day and I have gained THIRTY POUNDS during this pregnancy so far. I’m officially the heaviest I’ve ever been and it’s scary because I’m finding it harder to lug around this body. I’ve started seeing a dietician but I’m really scared of the extra weight causing more problems like GD and high blood pressure. Never mind that if by some miracle I make it to term I will be a giant. And I’m only 5″3, that’s saying something. I’m afraid of becoming as wide as I am tall. I know I should go easy on myself because of bed rest and all that. But seriously. I am huge. And I hate it. And yet I’m too depressed and at risk to really be proactive about anything except cutting down on sugar. Urgh.
  • One of my best friends just had a baby with his partner via donor egg and surrogate, and he brought her over to meet me today. He’s probably reading this so I hope it doesn’t make him feel bad – but on some level meeting his beautiful girl made me sad. Usually I embrace babies and just crush on them like crazy and that makes me feel better. This time it didn’t work. I couldn’t help but look at her and feel how far away my own baby girl feels for me right now. I hope reading this doesn’t make him not bring her around again. Because I still love her to bits and want to see her as much as I can. I didn’t realize how sad I was until after they left. ABD don’t be mad I didn’t share that with you today. I love you both like crazy,
  • Everybody keeps reminding me how ridiculously close to viability I am right now. But the thing is the closer I get, the farther away it feels. Does that make any sense? I lost Nadav 1 week and two days before viability. So the closer I get, the more dangerous and precarious everything feels.
  • I think this is what gets me most: I know I was scared last time, but deep down I truly believed Nadav would arrive safely. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Now I feel like believing that B5 will get here safe and sound somehow jinxes it. So I can’t let myself even dream about that. Does that make any sense?
  • I hate this so so effing much. Seriously. Can someone knock me out for the next couple of weeks? That would make things so much easier.

Here’s a bunny to end on a nicer note. This one always makes me laugh:


Bullets and Bunnies: Out of It Edition

13 Aug
  • So I’ve been waaay out of it these last couple of weeks. I mean even more than usual. I started EMDR a couple of weeks back and I think that has something to do with it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been ah-mazing, but I think it’s just a lot to process. 
  • I’ve decided, my least favorite time of the month is the few days after pee-on-a-stick time but before AF shows up. It was its own particular form of hell this month. Luckily it’s over and AF has reared her ugly head. And I feel relief. Which I think means I’m crazy.
  • Speaking of crazy, I’m officially jealous of fictional pregnant people. This is how low I’ve gone. So sad.
  • Speaking of sad, even sadder is the fact that I’m now also diagnosing fictional characters. I recently finished “Gone Girl” (loved it, BTW), and I found myself diagnosing an RPLer. In a book. Le sigh.
  • Your response to my last post was overwhelming! So much that I haven’t had the time to reply to all of you. So here’s the status: The core group has been chosen. BUT if you wanted in, you will be in for guest spots if you’re up for it. More info coming soon, but I’m happy to say it’s coming together!
  • And now, a bunny.


Bullets and Bunnies: Definitely Not Ovulating Edition

12 Jul
  • So I decided to go for ovulation monitoring after all. I figured it would save a ton of money in pee sticks. I got blood tests done today, and according to the nurse at the clinic “nothing’s moving in there.” I go in again for blood tests on Monday morning, with a date with Ole’ wandy that afternoon. But right now I am feeling pretty down. I doubt I’ll ovulate this month, which means another month down the drain. 
  • Who wants to look at my results and tell me I may still have a chance? You do? Ok, well here you go then:  E2- 105 , Progesterone – 1.93, LH – 14.6 . Have at it. 
  • I’ve lost close to seven pounds already. I was really hoping this would be enough to jump start things. And I want cake. 
  • I’m pissed at my body. Can you tell? Because I totally am. It needs to cooperate. 
  • I think I’m going to beg Dr. Dexter for drugs again on Monday if there are no follies up in my grill. 
  • Up in my grill. I can’t believe I actually wrote that. I totally can’t pull that off. 
  • Urgh. Just – urgh. 
  • Here’s a bunny – hopefully it will brighten your day a bit, because this post is a freaking downer. 

Bullets and Bunnies: Not Thinking About the Date Edition

22 Jun
  • First of all – Wow! You guys are amazing. Your comments and feedback on my last post were just… Wow. You know what I found amazing? That a lot of you felt like you had been “doing it wrong” in leaving comments on those tragedies, and were questioning your support of women like me. And every one of you who wrote that sentiment is a woman who at least in my experience has been an amazing source of support. Just like us to be judgmental of ourselves, isn’t it? Give yourselves a bit more credit ladies!
  • I did want to clarify one thing: I don’t think saying “I’m sorry for your loss” is a bad thing, per se. I think my issue is more about “hit and run” support, and the undertone of pity that is felt in some people’s comments that I’ve come by. A few of you pointed out – and rightly so – that sometimes that’s all you can get out, and there are women who need that small gesture. I agree. If you can’t find the words, “I’m sorry for your loss” is a good place to begin. I echo your sentiments when I say that the best thing to do is to stick around afterward. It’s the ongoing support that means the most, and is most needed. 
  • Speaking of train-wrecks – did you guys see the dramz about this Courtney chick? What happened was a couple of days ago this woman who had only been blogging for a month or so announced that she had lost her two-month-old daughter in a car crash, after losing her first daughter to a cord incident at 37 weeks. She was called out as a fake and then deleted her blog. At first I was horrified that people were accusing her of faking. Then (before she had deleted the blog) I poked around in her archives. There were definite holes in the story. But the most disturbing thing was that less than 24 hours after her “rainbow” supposedly passed away, her timeline was updated to reflect it, as was her profile, and – well, everything. Plus she posted like 4 times in the first 24 hours after the “rainbow”‘s supposed passing. I don’t know about the rest of you babyloss moms out there, but that’s what clinched it for me. I could barely bring myself to post two sentences on the day Nadav passed. And it took forever for me to update everything else. I was barely coherent for days. It was all very fishy, and the deletion of the blog just cemented it. I wasn’t mad though. i just kind of felt sorry for this woman. I mean, who would WANT to be a part of this club? What do you guys think? 
  • Today was diet day one and ZOMG this is going to be hard. My cousin put me on a week of detox. Very few carbs, no sugar except through fruit, not much of anything really. I’ll get my carbs back eventually, though. I guess that’s an upside. I just hope this week o’ hell will reflect nicely on the scale next week. So far I’m having mad sugar withdrawal. 
  • I have been so in my head over the last week that my inbox is packed with emails that I haven’t answered. I want to, I just can’t bring myself to concentrate today. Same with the blogs. I’ve been such a crap commenter this week. Bad bad me. 
  • Honestly? I just want to get past today. 21 -ish more hours and this day will be behind me and hopefully things will be easier. 
  • Here are two bunnies to make up for the bullet points:
Ok – distract me! What have you all been up to?

Bullets and Bunnies – Appropriate for the Holidays Edition

9 Apr
  • Haven’t done one of these in a while (and boy have things changed since the last one). I figured I was overdue for one, it being Easter and all. Even though I’m Jewish. But still. Plus- my thoughts are way too jumbled to make a full coherent post.
  • Passover was both fun and difficult. Fun because – well – it was fun. Difficult for obvious reasons. The should-have-beens and the could-have-beens haunted both me and Shmerson. I tried not to let it get to me too much, and only partially succeeded.
  • I think the hardest part of the Holiday was how Shmerson and I kept on fantasizing about how it would be when we had kids. It’s frustrating, but inevitable to think that way at this point.
  • With all of that, I’m kind of mad at myself for being so negative. “Could have been” or “may eventually be” isn’t what IS. And I can’t keep on dwelling on the past, or an imaginary future. I’m trying really hard to concentrate on that, but sometimes it’s difficult.
  • I’ve been a crappy commenter lately, and I’m really sorry. I’ve been keeping up with all of you, but I’ve been having a hard time jumping back into the conversation. I feel like I’d be spreading my bad Babyloss mojo on your blogs. I know it’s stupid. It’s just how I feel.
  • I’m also finding myself, for the first time, having a really hard time reading pregnant bloggers. It used to not bother me so much. Now just reading the word “pregnant” sends me spiraling. This is not good, I know. Another thing to work on.
  • Warning: TTC geekery ahead in the next few bullets.
  • AF showed up last week and I was actually relieved considering I was scared that things wouldn’t start up again.
  • Speaking of starting up again, I have another follow-up with The Russian on Wed. I’m less in a state of shock than I was during my first post-loss appointment so I’m going to bombard him with questions and demands requests.
  • I want an HSG to make sure everything healed up ok in there. The last thing we need is more ectopics.
  • I also want to discuss the option of getting an abdominal cerclage. For those of you who don’t know, that’s basically a cerclage that’s placed through abdominal surgery, usually before you even get pregnant. It stays there for life, and it means C-section births only. The success rate on them is really high. Usually from what I’ve read they only do them for women with two failed cerclages, but I don’t want to get that far. I’m hoping The Russian will be on board with this. Anyone out there have one placed? Would love to hear some stories so I have a clearer picture about them (success and failure).
  • I’ve also been thinking a lot about IVF. Technically my diagnosis is “Infertile” according to all of the papers, so my health provider may cover it. My reasoning is that it lowers our chances of ectopics, and, if we do go for it, I’d want to do genetic testing on the embabies so we could make sure we’re transferring healthy ones. Maybe it’s all a step too far though. I don’t know. I’ll ask the Russian what he thinks, and would love to know what you guys think as well. Is this just a random grab at control, or should I seriously consider this?
  • Wow, this is kind of a depressing return to Bullets and Bunnies isn’t it? Ok – how about a joke? Darn it. Can’t think of one. Give me a good one in the comments.
  • I got totally drunk last night for the first time in almost a year. It was fun. I take upsides where I can get them. 🙂
  • I feel fat. And I can’t stop eating chocolate. This does not make for a good combination.
  • More proof that I am a masochist: Grey’s Anatomy. Not going to spoil you guys on a continuing plot line here, but those of you who watch should get why I’m saying this.
  • I put in an order for my Undergrad transcripts. First step in getting the Art Therapy Master’s! Though I really should be  – like – on step five by now.
  • Wow, I’m really having a self-flagellation party today. Awesome sauce.
  • A few of you have mentioned that the blog isn’t showing up on your readers. It may be because of my move to .com, so update your links, and it should be ok.
  • So that was a bit of a bummer post, wasn’t it? Here are TWO bunnies to make up for it. Happy Easter and Happy Passover!

Bullets and Bunnies: 18 Weeks and Newly Paroled Edition

21 Jan
  • Thank you guys so much for your support on my last post. I seriously don’t know what I would do without you.
  • We had an appointment with the Russian on Wed. Cervix is actually longer than it was pre-cerclage, so I’m off of bed rest! I can’t samba or anything, and I still need to take it easy, but at least I can start partially functioning. It still hasn’t totally sunk in. I’ve been stuck in bed for so long I wasn’t sure where to start. So I started by going to a wedding yesterday!
  • I couldn’t dance (booty shaking of any kind is still strictly forbidden, as is anything strenuous), but it was so fun to get out of the house and see friends I haven’t seen in forever! The best part? I’m finally starting to show and I got all of the wonderful attention that a baby bump gets, with the added bonus of getting it from friends who know what I’ve been through, so it felt extra special. I felt like a normal pregnant woman (with the exception of not getting out of my chair, but that’s manageable). It was awesome.
  • I am hating blogger right now. Do you have a blogspot blog? Well, chances are I’ve tried to comment on one of your posts in the last week and haven’t been able to get past the captcha screen. So Emily, Rebecca, Natalie, Jem, MJ,, and the 20 other people I’m sure I’m forgetting right now – I’m right there with you, I promise. It’s all blogger’s fault (I’m a bit behind on my WP commenting too, but with blogger it’s just shameful).
  • I’ve started to feel movement! And it hurts! Seriously, they never tell you that, do they? He’s not kicking yet, just kind of wiggling around in there, and it’s freaky! It’s something between AF cramps and the most awesome feeling ever. Which makes it weird.
  • I’ve decided to break up the rest of this pregnancy into manageable segments, otherwise I will completely lose my mind with worry. So, goal number one: make it to 24 weeks. I feel like I can’t really start doing anything like looking at furniture, or even buying real maternity clothes until I get there. 24 weeks. That’s 6 weeks from now. I can do that. Let’s just hope my cervix can too!

Hope all of you guys have a great weekend. Don’t have a bump pic today, but I have something even better – a bunny!!!!

Bullets and Bunnies – Pregnant Zombie Edition

14 Dec
  • The funny thing about being on forced bed rest is that I’ve kind of gotten used to it. I spend all day doing absolutely nothing. So much nothing that I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually get back into the land of the living. I’ve been feeling a bit zombie-ish, but for now, I’m kind of ok with that.
  • We went to the Russian on Monday just to follow up after Friday’s scare. I got my first external U/S and there was joking all around that it’s about time I stop getting things stuck up my cootch. Shmaby is doing fine, and the Russian confirmed the low-lying placenta diagnosis. He’s not too worried, and thinks it will most likely right itself in time.
  • You know how sometimes someone says something to you, and for some reason, you just don’t understand the string of words? So the Russian says to me: “Avoid intercourse for the next couple of weeks.” I say “What?” He says: “Avoid intercourse” “What?” It sounded like a jumble, I don’t know what I was expecting – a complex medical term? It sounded like jibberish. He sounded it out: “A-VOID IN-TER-COURSE!” “Oh!” I say. The Russian laughs and looks at Shmerson “I guess you don’t really remember what that is huh?” I laughed my ass off. I seriously love the Russian.
  • He officially proclaimed that he doesn’t want to see my face before our Level 2 scan on January 4th. For once, I agree with him. As much as I love seeing the Shmaby, I don’t like all of these scares. I’m pretty much done with them, thank-you-very-much.
  • The thing about seeing the Shmaby in all its Shmaby-ness glory three times in less than a week, is that it all seems way more real now. I think this may actually stick. I’ll be 13 weeks on Friday, and I’m starting to really think I may be pushing out a take-home baby in about six months. Weird.
  • Even weirder? I didn’t burst out in flames for typing that out. Freaky. Though I do find myself resisting the urge to run to the bedroom to check on the Shmaby with the doppler each time I dare talk about this pregnancy as if it may last. 9 times out of ten my resistance wins out. I guess that’s a good thing. 🙂
  • Friday will be my first blogaversary. I’m working on a huge introspective post. Hopefully I’ll be de-zombified enough to finish it up!
  • And now, a bunny. I hope you guys are all having a great week!

Bullets and Bunnies: I’m Demanding. I Sowwy!

22 Oct
  • First of all, thank you all for your awesome comments. I’m completely overwhelmed. It’s so amazing to have so many fantastic people rooting for us and the Shmembryo. You guys rock!
  • ICLWers – I’m so sorry! I know you guys didn’t come over here expecting a preggo blog. I’m exactly five weeks along, and after three losses, two of which were suspected ectopics, I’m thrilled and relieved that our Shmembryo is in the right place. I hope you guys stick around, and I promise that if this pregnancy thing lasts, I will be labeling my next ICLW as a preggo.
  • Today was totally a lucky day! Apart from the Shmembryo snuggling in, I won the Creme de la Creme Amazon Gift Card Giveaway, courtesy of Attain Fertility! I never win anything, so this is awesome. And the Attain Fertility people are awesome. And Mel is awesome. Speaking of awesome – have you submitted your awesome post for this year’s awesome Creme list yet? The deadline is earlier this year so make sure you get your submission in soon!
  • Group Therapy Thursday is coming up! Submit your questions!
  • Elphie’s virtual baby shower is this coming monday. If you want to participate, don’t forget to use the handy dandy form in the original post!
  • I’m seriously happy about this morning, yet I’m waiting to be absolutely terrified again. How the hell will I keep my sanity until November 14th? Tips are welcome in the comments. 🙂
  • I’m all about demands today aren’t I? Submit this, ask that, give me advice, bla bla bla. I sowwy.
  • I leave you with a bunny, because that’s why I call this thing bullets and bunnies. And bunnies are cute. Plus you guys have enough on your plates for one post, so you deserve a bit of cuteness, dontcha think?

Bullets and Bunnies: Announcements Updates Stuff, and Things

15 Oct
  • Still feeling preggo as heck, but no betas yet. A couple of you asked in the comments, so here’s what the next week is going to look like: Because of the holidays here people are on vacation and schedules are wonky. So, right now, the plan is to get the first beta draw on Sunday morning, and then the second on tuesday. I haven’t been able to reach the Russian (he may be on vacation) yet, but I’ll try to get him to squeeze me in sometime this week (though it may still be early). If I can’t reach the Russian, I’ll bite the bullet and go in for a private consult with Twofer. It’ll cost more, but I want to get my butt next to an U/S ASAP. Speaking of – I’ve read some conflicting reports about this – any of you ladies know how soon I’ll be able to see a sac? I need to know the Shmembryo is in the right place, stat!
  • Group Therapy Thursday isn’t dead, but I’m cutting it down to once a month or so. I’ll probably stick to posting it on ICLW weeks, because the more feedback the better. That means the next one is coming up! Click over to the last post to submit your questions!
  • Now, an announcement: I know a lot of my readers are also bloggy friends and readers of Elphie’s blog, . So Elphie’s due to go in for her C-Section in the beginning of November, and it’s only fitting that we throw her a virtual baby shower!! Yay!!! Here’s how you participate:
  1. Fill in this contact form: 

  2. If you have your own blog, then on Monday, October 24th, you will write a post about what Elphie’s journey to mommyhood has meant to you, and include a picture of your present to her little girl. I will provide you with Elphie’s contact info so you can mail her the present.
  3. If you don’t have your own blog, but still want to participate, you can email me your post and I will put it up here. I’ll contact everyone who is interested with more details.
  • That’s all for today. I’m off to collapse. Thank you everyone for your awesome support over the last couple of days. I’m feeling pretty calm right now. Let’s hope it lasts. In the meantime, here’s a bunny!  

Bullets and Bunnies – Redoux

5 Oct

I need a distraction from the craziness of the last 24 hours, so allow me to continue with our regularly scheduled programming:

  • My brain is so fried it may as well be a side dish at a drive thru. I don’t know if anyone ever told you all this, but buying an apartment is expensive and stressful! We’ve been running around like maniacs to get all of our paperwork done for the mortgage. If all goes to plan (which it rarely does), we should have the keys to our new place early next week, and we can get started on renovations. With the holidays here everything is a little wonky, but I’m hoping we’ll be in sometime in early November. I’m sorry I’ve been a bad bloggy friend in the last week. I’m just EXHAUSTED.
  • Clarification from our Rosh Hashana fiasco, because a couple of people asked: OPKs can act as HPTs, because LH, the hormone they detect, is very similar to HCG. You can read more about it at my favorite pee-stick bible. Oh, and just to be clear, I was relieved that it was a BFN. If it was positive at that point, it would have for certain been an ectopic, just like last time. It was one of the few times I was relieved to see a single solitary line.
  • In other news, I had “the feeling” again. In three pregnancies so far, I’ve never been wrong, here’s hoping the streak continues, and this time it sticks. I’m officially 3 days into the TWW. Will I be right again? We’ll know in a week or so, depending on how early I decide to pee on stuff. We shall see. Oh! Let’s have a poll! When should I pee?                                                                                                                            
    *Note: If you vote for 12DPO, I may listen to you guys, but I probably won’t. I um, like to pee on stuff, in case you hadn’t noticed. 🙂
  • On Sunday, I finished shopping for all of the new furniture for the new place, and I gots me some awesome deals. It was exhausting and stressful. This is like, real adult furniture! Plus, I couldn’t stop thinking about how kid-friendly my fabric choices needed to be, and I couldn’t stop imagining a bunch of little rugrats climbing all over the stuff. Once the decisions were made (and the stuff is gorgeous, I can’t wait to put it all in place and post pics), I was relieved, excited, and a little sad. Getting this house together has been really fun, but always marred with a little sadness and anxiety, because I know that I’m putting this place together for our kids, and they have yet to show up. Hopefully the pretty house will be motivation enough.
  • Funny furniture shopping anecdote: My mom and I spent two hours at a store trying to pick out the wood stain color for our dining set and living room furniture. We stared at an iPhone pic of the wood panel flooring I had picked out, and tried to figure out what would go best with it. Once we finally picked the color, we get in the car. My mom says something doesn’t quite feel right to her. She then proceeds to drive to the wood panel flooring place, and pick up a huge piece of flooring so we have a physical sample. After two hours of driving the furniture salesman crazy, we proceed BACK to the store, and my mom marches in carrying a three-foot wood-panel board. Just for context, my mom is about 5 feet tall and weighs about 100 pounds. This TINY woman marches up to the guy and we compare the wood stain with the panel. She was right – the colors were all wrong. So we picked new ones. I think the furniture guy thinks my mom is crazy. I just think she’s a darn good interior designer. Bonus for me!
  • Have you submitted your questions for Group Therapy Thursday yet? No? Well get on it, then!
  • The heavy heart demands a bunny, so I leave you with a particularly adorable one:

Bullets and Bunnies: Happy Birthday to Me!

25 Sep
  • I turned 31 today! I was kind of dreading this birthday to be honest. This time last year I was pregnant, and I thought that I would most likely end up spending most of today crying. Funny enough, not a tear was shed.
  • Last night was AWESOME! Seriously. It was just a small group of us out at a restaurant, but it was exactly the kind of celebration I needed. Plus, there was MEAT!!!
  • I got drunk for the first time in 6 months last night (yay new happy pills!). I’m a total lightweight. 2 glasses of Cava and two Fijling chasers and I was a goner. It made for some pretty amusing moments. I decided that the invention of those eco hand dryers is all a big conspiracy to put the paper towel manufacturers out of business. I also announced out loud to the entire group that I personally found it very lame of me that it had been six months since my last drink, yet only 4 months since my last miscarriage. I thought that was hilarious. Actually, I still kind of do. And no, I’m not drunk. I swear!
  • People have spent the last twenty four hours wishing me health, happiness, and *insert something here that hints at a baby without actually saying the word “baby” or the word “pregnancy”, but hoping I know what they mean*. Seriously. Everyone. Even Shmerson during his toast said “extra health”, not “baby”. Since I was two sheets to the wind at that point I just yelled out “and a baby!!!!!” Of course, he later rectified this omission with his amazing post from last night. How lucky am I? Seriously.
  • The only person (except Shmerson) who wished me a baby this year is also the person that made me cry today. My cousin, who is about 10 years older than me has this absolutely AMAZING daughter, who recently turned 18. I love this kid. She’s talented, she’s smart, she’s funny, and she reminds me a lot of myself, only with way more wisdom than I had at her age. She called me about 30 minutes ago to wish me a happy birthday. She told me how much she loved me, and how I felt more like a big sister to her than anything else. Then she wished me a baby. Flat out. “You want a baby, I want you to get your wish this year.” This is what I love about kids (I know, she’s 18, but she’s still a kid to me). They have no tact sometimes. No sense of taboo. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. And I love her so much for saying it out loud.
  • Things that have made me feel old: Ok. I know I’m ONLY 31 or whatever, but teaching this week has totally made me feel like an adult. Today was my birthday and I had to give my 11th grade girls a test. On my birthday. They did sing “Happy Birthday” to me before the test. But I just sat there, thinking “holy crap it’s my birthday and I’m giving a test.” One of the girls asked me how old I was. I told her. Then she asked me if I was married. I said yes. She asked me if I had kids. I said no. She said “My sister is 31 and she has four kids”. Remember what I said regarding tact and young people in my previous bullet point? I temporarily scratch that to punch that girl. But only in my imagination. In the moment, I smiled and said “We’re working on it.”
  • Last week I was walking home from teaching my 10th graders. Two of my students were sitting at a bus stop giggling. And looking at me. Then I realized they were embarrassed because they were seeing a teacher outside of school. Then I realized I was that teacher. *sigh* I just wish I could shake them and say “Hey! I’m just as young and awesome as you!” I remember how OLD my teachers looked to me when I was 16. Do I really look like that to them? That’s a scary proposition.
  • That doesn’t mean I don’t love teaching. I truly, truly do. I’m enjoying every minute.
  • I can’t help but compare this year to last. I have to say, I may be one year and two miscarriages older, but I definitely think I’m happier now. A lot of it is thanks to this blog and all of you guys. I love you all. Seriously. (Still not drunk!)
  • I leave you with a video that AK posted on my FB wall in honor of my birthday. My friends are awesome. Seriously.
Here’s hoping 31 sucks much less than 30.
Here’s hoping it’s actually a good one!

Bullets and Bunnies: ICLW Edition!

21 Sep

Happy ICLW everyone! For ll of you that are new here, here’s the long and short of stuff and things.

  • I’m what some like to call a “fertile infertile” – three miscarriages, two of them suspected ectopics, all of them in the last 15 months. I had a lap in August to get Ole’ Lefty removed. So now we’re TTC with one tube (infertile chic!) and hoping the next one sticks.
  • I’m turning 31 this Sunday! This time last year I was pregnant for the second time, and in the deepest funk of my life, about to find out that I was having another miscarriage. A month later my brain broke. Three months (and lots of happy pills) later I started this blog and started to pick up the pieces. Hopefully 31 will be a better year. I’ve managed to find some peace and meaning through all of this, which is pretty awesome.
  • Another reason that this year is looking better is that Shmerson (that would be my husband) and I are moving into a brand spanking new (to us anyway) place at the end of next month! We’re really looking forward to it. Though now the process means that my head is exploding between applying for a mortgage and picking out kitchen tiles. But it’s a good heady-explode-y, I swear!
  • AF showed up early this week, and I was convinced it was another ectopic. Luckily, 15 or so pee-sticks (including two Rolls Royces  FRERS) have proven that my paranoia was unwarranted. Whew.
  • That’s basically all that’s new with me. Have a poke around if you feel like it.
  • Oh! And if you have anything that’s bugging you and you feel like getting it hashed out outside of your own blogs, in an anonymous or just different setting, Group Therapy Thursday is tomorrow! Click on over to the launch post to submit your questions.
  • I look forward to finding some new blogs to add to my reader and getting to know you guys! So say hi in the comments if you like!
  • And of course, as usual, here’s a bunny (I like bunnies. They’re cute):

Bullets and Bunnies: The Rolls Royce of Pee-Sticks, and Our New Apartment

14 Sep

I figured this was a better title than “thought vomit”, since I end up using bullet points and posting cute bunnies anyway. May as well be clear about it, in the alliterative sense… 🙂

  • We got the results from our Karyotyping tests today. I’m relieved and happy to tell you all that both Shmerson and I are A-OK. All chromosomes are where they should be. One more thing to cross of the list of worries.
  • I’m exhausted! We finalized the deal on our old apartment last Thursday, and ever since we’ve been running around applying for mortgages, ordering renovations, picking out wood panel floors, and comparison shopping furniture. The decorating part is awesome, but everything else is a headache and a half. I haven’t had a chance to breathe, and barely a chance to sleep. I can’t wait until mid-october when we finally get to enjoy the fruits of all of this (and our new compounded interest debt. Though we won’t actually enjoy that, but I guess it comes with the territory. Ahh well). Also – I’m sorry I haven’t been able to reply to comments or catch up on your blogs! I promise I’ll be back in the land of the living soon. Or at least in time for Group Therapy Thursday so keep those questions coming! 🙂
  • My FRER’s came in the mail (finally!) last night. That’s First Response Early Result for you non-pee-stick-freak people. I swear, these things are the Rolls Royce of Pee Sticks. Of course I used one this morning (9DPO) and it was a BFN. The thing is, these pee sticks are so awesome I didn’t even care. Seriously. I have never seen a cleaner single line in my life. Today while furniture shopping, I spent a good 15 minutes praising their virtue to my (very confused) mom. She only looked at me funny, like, twice. Maybe three times. I don’t care. I love these things! No wonder they’re so expensive! I just wish they sold them here. In my stupidity, I only bought a two-pack, and I don’t want to waste the second one. It’s so pretty, I can’t bring myself to pee on it. That’s weird. I know. But here’s the bright side: I’m holding off on peeing until 12 DPO because of it. If AF doesn’t show up, then I’ll use it. If the bitch rears her ugly head, then I have another pretty little FRER for next month. I know all of this is weird. I don’t care. Spend enough time peeing on sticks and you’ll become a connoisseur, as  apparently I’ve now become. Next I’ll be examining them for fruity undertones and viscosity or something. I don’t care. These pee sticks are so awesome, they made the BFN less painful. Or maybe it’s just because I know it’s early, and I’m generally doing better with things. But still. FRERs. They are sooooo worth the money.
  • At the home improvement store today, I found glittery purple paint for kid’s rooms. I squeed like a 5 year old. I seriously want a girl (if a pregnancy ever manages to stick) just so I can cover her room with sparkly purple paint, faeries, and butterflies. Gender stereotypes be damned! I’d do my own bedroom that way- you know-if I wasn’t almost thirty one and married to a guy. Darn age and stuff. I wants me some sparkly purple!
  • Overall, I’m doing good but I’m fried. All of this budgeting and logistics is not my thing. I’m so glad I chose a career in the arts. I seriously don’t know how all those lawyers, bankers, accountants, etc. do it.
  • That’s all for today! But of course, I won’t let you guys go without a bunny. I keep my promises goshdarnit! So here ya go:
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