Fin

28 Mar

I sit here and type this as my little baby boy lies down next to me and coos.

M*a*t*a*n was born safe and healthy on March 16th. I can’t wait to find out what kind of person he will grow up to be.

We’re slowly adjusting to being a family of 4, and remembering what it’s like to care for a newborn – we’re both a bit rusty since it’s been 3.5 years.

I’d be lying if I said things weren’t complex. With a little boy here and one gone. But the best thing we can do for him is to let him stand on his own. And this is what we’re doing.

This blog has had a few false endings. I’ve signed off only to come back. But I really think this time I’m done for good. We’re done growing our family and I’ve moved on to other ways of venting and expressing myself, and that’s ok.

It seems right to end it here.

But know that I’m leaving a light on. There are women who still find this blog through late night google searches involving miscarriage and loss. I want this to be here as a resource. I want this place to stand as a source for help and (hopefully) inspiration, and also as a way to preserve the memory of the little boy we lost 5 years ago.

I feel like this needs more context. Some grand gesture put together in prose. But I’m at a loss. I think it’s truly because I simply don’t need this space as an outlet anymore. It was an amazing place to build. It saved my life more than once. It started friendships that I cherish to this day.

But it’s time to let it go.

I don’t like looking at my life in terms of happy endings. And this isn’t one. It’s the beginning of a new chapter, and the end of another. I look forward to the next big adventure.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for everything.

Love,

Mo

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18 Responses to “Fin”

  1. Lise March 28, 2017 at 20:23 #

    Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and your family 😊 Good luck!

  2. delenn25 March 28, 2017 at 21:11 #

    Wishing you the best in your new chapter in your life. I hope that sometimes you can visit here and give us an update. I always wonder about the people and how they are doing when they leave these spaces. I think it is great for you to leave it as a marker of your journey and to be helpful for others having to go through it. But, we will miss you. Take care of yourself and your family. 🙂

  3. Amy March 28, 2017 at 22:19 #

    Congratulations on his safe arrival, Mo. I was literally just thinking of you today. I visited my own blog, which I haven’t updated in a year, wondering what to do with it. Life is so complicated. We are a family of four, too, but it’s so complicated, isn’t it? Done but never complete. My two living are the same distance apart. It’s been hard, but is finally (seven long ass months later) getting smoother. But how to write about it? Dunno. I wish you well, friend. 😘

  4. SRB March 28, 2017 at 22:21 #

    Congratulations to you and yours! Much love to you, always.

  5. KeAnne March 28, 2017 at 22:21 #

    Much love to you and your family, and big congrats on your son’s safe arrival. Please keep in touch somehow xoxo

  6. sangela71 March 28, 2017 at 22:37 #

    Congratulations! All the best to you and your family.

  7. Courtney March 28, 2017 at 22:41 #

    ❤️.

  8. Karin March 28, 2017 at 23:11 #

    Bless you and your little family. Thank you for your words, your heartaches, your tears. You helped me get through some dark times. I am glad a new chapter starts here. Good luck and best wishes for the future!

  9. noemi March 28, 2017 at 23:46 #

    So happy for you. Congratulations.

  10. April March 29, 2017 at 04:27 #

    Love you, Mo.

  11. vixenfern March 29, 2017 at 08:13 #

    It has been 6 years since I first stumbled upon your blog at a time when I had 2 miscarriages and looking for answers. Thank you for those years. Thank you for sharing your journey. You have been part of my journey as well even of you don’t know it. I congratulate you as well on the new chapter of your life. Drop us an update even once in a while. 😊😊😊😊

  12. jjiraffe March 29, 2017 at 18:54 #

    Well, this post has me in tears. The best blogs enlighten people, improve lives and provoke change, and Mommy Odyssey did all these things. Thank you for this blog, your friendship and all the wonderful wisdom and humor you’ve shared over the years. Mazel tov – I am wishing you and your family all the best.

  13. Micol March 29, 2017 at 22:55 #

    Figures that the one time I comment, it’s for the very last post.
    Mo, I stumbled across your blogs many years ago, in the same way as many others, after sleepless nights of googling and searching for meaning, for answers about my miscarriages. I’ve always been a silent reader, never daring to speak up. I’ve followed your life from afar, crying, cheering, wondering, hoping. I noticed so many similarities beyond the initial obvious ones which led me here. Purple. Fairies. Bunnies. Israeli, but more comfortable in English. Dr Who. My middle name is the same as Bunny’s first name. I was 6 months pregnant when Bunny was born, and reading your space saved my sanity. I now also have a family of four. And never forget the babies that never came home.
    From your post in January, I knew the due date was around this time, and kept coming back looking for relieving news. I’m so glad you posted.
    I wish you the very best on the next chapter, and so much more. I wish for Bunny to grow into a wonderful big sister. It will start with jealousy and tantrums which will be unavoidable, and which I know you and Schmerson will handle beautifully, and it will transform into genuine caring for her little brother. I wish for Baby Boy to be curious and try to do everything his sister does, on his way to become his own person.
    Thank you for everything.

    • Mo March 30, 2017 at 18:33 #

      Wow. Thank you so much.

  14. JC March 30, 2017 at 00:13 #

    Congratulations on closing one chapter, and entering another. (I am so happy to hear that you all made it out of this pregnancy safely and well.) I’ll miss your writing, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think I’ll ever forget your little Nadav.

    Many blessings on you and your family.

  15. Sadie March 30, 2017 at 17:45 #

    Count me among the people you helped through h***. I couldn’t be happier for you and your two little ones!!! And I will never forget Nadav. Peace and love xoxo

  16. nonsequiturchica March 30, 2017 at 18:22 #

    Congratulations! Best of luck with everything- going from 1 to 2 kids is quite a change (at least it was for me). Thanks again for your short entry into podcasting. It came at a perfect time for me and was quite helpful.

  17. Jillian March 30, 2017 at 19:56 #

    I’ve been following for years, not an IF person myself, just one who was hooked into your story, starting with your little guy Nadav. I’ve listened from afar at your struggles and your successes and think we could have been friends. So happy to hear your family is complete, all 3 of your loves! ❤

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