I’ve been debating for a few weeks about whether this is a safe space. I guess I’m posting this to test the waters. Am I safe here?
The truth is I’m currently not safe anywhere.
I thought this time would be easier. It’s not. It’s harder.
I’m just going to come right out and say it.
I’m 9.5 weeks pregnant. For those of you not following along this would be pregnancy number 6. With 1 living child.
We’ve seen a heartbeat. It’s all in the right place.
I’m a mess.
I swear I thought having gone through on successful pregnancy would make this easier.
It’s so much harder. Now I know. I really know what it looks like on the other side. How much I really have to lose.
Last time I didn’t have a child. I didn’t have a full-time job that required me to show up at an office every day. I didn’t need to actually function.
I locked myself up in a house for 6 months. I didn’t talk to anyone. I just sat. And sat.
I can’t hide away in life, so I figured I should see what happens when I stop hiding here.
I’m fucking terrified.