Me: Hey! Hey you over there!
Me: Yeah, what? Oh crap. What are you doing here?
Me: Just thought I’d come by and say hello.
Me: Hello! Bye now!
Me: Aw come on don’t be like that!
Me: Look, I like you. Really I do. But I’m just not ready to restart our relationship.
Me: I saw some choice pee sticks at the pharmacy today. You know they’ve got ones that tell you how far along you are? I wanted to pee on them right then and there!
Me: Do you in any way think I find that story tempting? Besides, you know better than I do that beta levels aren’t really that indicative of the age of your pregnancy.
Me: So are you telling me the pee stick makers are LYING?
Me: Yes. It’s just a way to get more money out of women. Those tests are very inexact. You know the only way to actually date a pregnancy is –
Me: Do you want to talk about it? Let’s talk about betas!
Me: Oh hell no! This has already gone far enough, thankyouverymuch.
Me: No. I’ve got Bunny and Shmerson and my career right now. That’s enough.
Me: Look how cute Bunny is! You know you want another one!
Me: Not now. I promise I’ll call you when I’m ready.
Me: You swear? This isn’t one of those things like when assholes say “let’s do lunch” and then never actually call back right?
Me: No, no. I’m sure there will be a day when I will call you and will once again get pulled back into your circle of crazy. But today is not that day.
Me: You swear you’ll call?
Me: PINKY SWEAR!
Me: Ok. I’ll go away then. All by myself. Maybe I’ll find a bridge to live under where I can corner sad looking women and see if they’re infertile and want to pee on things with me. All alone in the world. No purpose. Just a feather on a breeze. A rolling stone. A lone wolf. A pee stick without a control line.
Me: OH WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP ALREADY!
Me: Ok how about an ovulation test? A single tiny little thing. You’ll barely notice it. Come on, you know you want to.
Me: GO! NOW!
Me: Fine fine I’m going.
Today (well, technically it’s yesterday since it’s past midnight, but let’s not get into semantics) marks 4 years to the day since I started this blog. It’s also my 501st post. Funny enough, when I wrote my last post I didn’t even notice it was number 500. But I think it was worthy of the honor.
I’ve done more than enough reflecting on this blog. On anniversaries and due dates, birthdays and death days, milestones and moves.
So I won’t get mushy, there’s really no point. This space has seen enough mush.
Instead, I thought I’d say hello to an old friend, and then tuck her away again.
I’m sure she’ll emerge victorious again, some day.
Thank you all for reading.