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An Open Letter to a Battling Mommy

22 Aug

Dear Mom Who Is Judging Me For How I Raise My Child,

It’s going to be ok. No – really. I swear. I know you’re feeling insecure right now. I understand that you question your parenting decisions, and therefore stick to them fanatically in order to quell your lack of confidence.

But really – it’s going to be ok. You don’t need to yell about how right you are. You just do what’s right for you. I promise you that you don’t need the world’s approval to parent how you see fit.

We all question our parenting decisions. It’s part of being a parent. We all feel insecure. We’re all secretly afraid that we’ll somehow break the fragile beings we are in charge of. You’re not alone.

Like the other night, when I saw that my baby girl wasn’t liking the cucumber I gave her, and barely ate her bread and eggs? I admit – I gave her a cookie. Did I question that decision? Of course I did! Does that mean I now have to go out and judge and berate every mother that chooses NOT to give her child a cookie?  Hell to the no.

I also sometimes give my daughter jarred baby food for breakfast. I work full time, and I can’t find the time to puree fruit every day on top of the two other meals I cook for her.

Does that mean that I go out and give those who don’t cook at all the stink-eye? Or curse out a mother who gives their child only homemade food?  Of course not.

I gave up on breastfeeding when my daughter was 10 days old. I do not go out and berate women who breastfeed until their child is 3.

I speak to my daughter in a different language, so that she will hopefully be fluent in two languages her entire life. I do not curse out other bilingual moms for not doing the same. It’s hard! I don’t blame you if you don’t do it.

I do not believe that full-on cry-it-out sleep training is right for my daughter. But I would never insult someone who does.

Because like you, my dear insecure friend, I question my parenting choices.

But unlike you – I flaunt my insecurity. I share it with my friends. I share it on this blog. I embrace it.

I don’t try to mask it by entrenching myself in my decisions as if they were gospel I needed to preach to the masses.

You know why? Because every parent ends up screwing up their kid in some fashion.

Too much junk food.

Too little junk food.

Too much TV.

Too little TV.

Ingrained racism, or sexism. Or sleep problems, or materialism. Or irresponsibility. Or messiness.

My mom was awesome – and I’m an almost 34-year-old who has NO IDEA how to properly fold a shirt.

I also throw my shoes next to the couch when I come home. There’s literally a pile of shoes next to the couch. And I only noticed when my daughter attempted to put one in her mouth today. True story.

My mom was awesome, and I’m a slob.

I’ve also spent countless hours and countless dollars on intensive psychotherapy.

Because my mom tried really hard not to mess me up, because her parents messed her up. And as a result – she messed me up in a completely different, unexpected way.

And I’m ok with that.

Just like I’m ok with the fact that despite my best efforts, I will somehow mess up my child.

And it will probably come from a place I never imagined, because that’s how these things work.

My dear, sweet, insecure friend. Stop yelling. Stop posting sanctimonious preachy gifs and links on facebook. Pour yourself a glass of wine and relax. Play some Candy Crush or something instead.

Because you really don’t need the world’s approval for your parenting decisions. Just like you have no right to approve or judge mine.

And I promise you, everything will be ok.

Just start saving up for those inevitable therapy bills in the future. I know I am.

Sincerely,

A Fellow Mom Who’s Doing Her Best

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10 Responses to “An Open Letter to a Battling Mommy”

  1. Esperanza August 22, 2014 at 00:36 #

    I might post this link in the comment section if a couple pieces I read recently. Good lord some people can be sanctimonious in ways I never imagined.

    You’re right. It will be okay. For sanctimonious mom, and for us. Somehow, it will be okay.

  2. Amy August 22, 2014 at 01:15 #

    Mwah! (That’s me giving you a big kiss from afar.) Because, yeah, all of it. Love, another crazy mama (who’s now back on meds)

    • Mo August 22, 2014 at 01:31 #

      yay! Good for you! :-*

  3. Courtney August 22, 2014 at 03:51 #

    Yes, yes, YES! My SIL posts ridiculous, sanctimonious shit to FB all the time relating to her patenting style, and I always wonder, “why does she care at all how someone else parents their kid?”

    my favorite part: “I don’t try to mask it by entrenching myself in my decisions as if they were gospel I needed to preach to the masses.”. So, so, so true. I may just post THAT on FB!

    Thank you for this!

  4. girlwithadragonflytattoo August 22, 2014 at 13:58 #

    The older I get, the more I realize how insecure it really is to judge people on Romans 14 issues (for non-Christians, those are things that are just different convictions of different people… like working vs. staying at home mothering, celebrating Halloween vs. ignoring it because you believe its evil)… silly stupid arguments that only cause division (and its especially hurtful within the body of Christ, because when Christians judge others, it gets really nasty). There are things that matter for morality, and then Romans 14 issues. Thank you for the reminder!

  5. Amy August 22, 2014 at 15:07 #

    R’amen. Makes me think of this: http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1330466038644_6925698.png

    • Mo August 22, 2014 at 22:41 #

      LOL

  6. TeeJay August 22, 2014 at 15:36 #

    I really needed to read this today. Not because I’m judging other moms but because I feel that I’m the one being judged all the time. I needed to hear that it will be ok, even if I mess my daughter up in ways that are very different from how my parents messed me up. I read all of those things that my FB “friends” post on parenting and I feel like I’m doing things completely wrong. I’m doing my best and I’m learning as I go. I’m also very insecure and second (and third and fourth) guess myself all the time. I hate it but it is what it is. It WILL be ok…I need to focus on that more than anything. Thank you for this today.

  7. Theresa August 23, 2014 at 01:50 #

    AMEN!

  8. Geochick August 25, 2014 at 22:54 #

    I have to admit,this post made laugh. So true. Just, freaking spot-on!

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