Still Here

7 Dec

Holy crap it’s been forever!

So I finally did get a new computer – but I got it exactly 2 days before going back to work, and since then it’s been complete chaos.

I always thought working at home would be easier than working outside the house. Man was I wrong. It’s sooo hard.

Shmerson spends 12-13 hours a day out of the house so it’s down to me to cook dinner and take care of day-to-day household stuff. Plus taking care of Bunny, PLUS working a full time job. I spend two half days in the office during the week, and the grandmas babysit. I actually manage to get stuff done, but then of course it’s hell being away from Bunny. Shmerson does what he can but there’s only so much, since he’s out of the house for so many hours each day.

We’re gently transitioning Bunny’s sleep routine so hopefully things will be on a bit more of a set schedule, but I’m not sure that will be enough.

I feel like I have one too many balls in the air.

We’ll be putting Bunny in day care (half days) when she hits six months and I hope that will ease things, but I really don’t want to do it before that. It’s winter, so day care at this point will basically mean taking care of a sick baby most of the time. Plus I just feel like it’s too soon.

So right now I feel like I’m not being enough of anything. Not enough of a mom, not enough of a wife, not enough at my job.

This is so so hard.

If any work-at-home moms have any advice I would really appreciate it. I feel like I’m drowning.

Bunny is amazing. We’re getting the reflux under control finally and she is so mellow and just a complete joy. I enjoy every moment I spend with her. The problem is that right now she’s spending more time in the play gym than she is with her mom. I hate it.

Anybody have a life vest out there?

8 Responses to “Still Here”

  1. Amy December 8, 2013 at 02:54 #

    I wish I had advice, but I don’t. I’m in the same boat. I’ve been back to work side mid-September and work from home two days a week, and holy cow. Why/how did I think it would be easier to work from home?! I guess the good part is that I feel so productive my three days in he office compared to the other two. I can run errands on my own during lunch (no heavy kiddo and car sea to lug around), I can concentrate without working about baby’s diaper, bottle, nap or entertainment, I don’t have to worry about him equaling I the background during a conference call (thank God for mute!)… On the other hand, I do love having that extra time with him, and I miss him when we’re apart. He’s thriving at daycare, and even though it’s stupidly expensive, he does pass out easily from exhaustion on those days, so I’m pretty sure it’s worth it. 🙂

  2. Angel December 8, 2013 at 05:01 #

    Sounds like a normal, working, new mom. And it sucks. I just try to focus on being fully present wherever I am. You cannot be everywhere do ask for help when you need it. Maybe each Grandma could take one more half day to help you while you’re home trying to work.

  3. Theresa December 8, 2013 at 16:38 #

    I’m not quite in the same boat as I work part time out of the home and then am just home with the babies the other two days, but when I first went back I had that same feeling of not being enough of…well anything. Honestly what helped it for me was time – gradually I got into a groove that felt comfortable. I hope you are able to find the same,

  4. chon December 9, 2013 at 05:50 #

    I can’t give you any advice!! I really struggled when I was working from home. I found it much easier to be in the office as I wasn’t giving either “job” 100% attention!! The half day in day care will probably make it a lot easier. And maybe takeaway as well.

  5. someday-soon December 9, 2013 at 18:54 #

    The only advice I have is to try your best at everything and realize that you can’t do it all 100%. Be patient with yourself and realize your best IS good enough even if it’s not the same as you were able to give before. It’s a new normal.

  6. Melanie December 10, 2013 at 18:19 #

    I also felt I was drowning at times. I made lots of big batches of food so I was only cooking every 2-3 days, I got someone else to clean when I could, I scaled back on my work where possible, I slept too little, felt like I didn’t give enough attention to my work or the baby, I stressed out.
    I finally got part-time and then full-time in-home childcare (baby has special needs and it didn’t seem right to put her into daycare yet) where I could be present for her, but not in charge of the bum changes and bottles. It was a very long 9 months until the care kicked in. All you can do is the best you can with what you have. Just be sure to take some time to snuggle.

  7. thecornfedfeminist December 10, 2013 at 19:40 #

    I feel like it’s kind of like breaking in new shoes. Everything hurts for a little while and then you adjust and everything feels a lot more comfortable. And then you’ll wear them for a while, find you need new ones (a new issue will arise that will require adjustment) and you start over. I have a feeling it will be like this forever, but you don’t want to wear the same shoes the rest of your life anyway, right? Don’t metaphors rule?

  8. New Mom December 11, 2013 at 23:22 #

    I work from home; and I just had my second baby on Nov 27. Before baby No. 2 working from home was much easier once my son was on a solid routine/sleep schedule. I was able to get 80% of my work done during his nap. So just look forward to things getting easier! Now with the second baby and my 16th month old things are…. completely insane. I know in a few months things will be easier when baby No. 2 can get on his big bros sleep schedule (God willing).

    I guess my advice is work towards a sleep routine and you will start feeling more comfortable with everything. I also am able to get work done when feeding him lunch (now that he self-feeds). I work from the kitchen table, so his high chair is right next to me. I promise it gets better! As long as you don’t do what I did and have another baby 16 months later : ) haha I’m currently drowning to be honest.

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