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The Painting

6 Nov

There’s a painting I made a bit after Nadav died. It’s full of abstract shapes and colors, and resonates a sort of calm chaos that’s hard to describe. I hid his name amongst the shapes, masking it, so it’s there, but only I can see it. I don’t tell anyone where it is. It’s for me and him. The painting is for him.
It hangs in our living room, right above the spot I like to sit on the couch. Where I bring my legs up and lean Bunny on them to look in her eyes. Where I sing to her and feed her. Where I comfort her when she cries.

We hung it there before she was born, just because it fit there best amongst the rest of the paintings in the space. There was no other reason.

Now that she is older;
She’s started to recognize shapes and colors.
She makes eye contact with me and smiles.

Sometimes I lift her up and try to get her to look me in the eye, and give me a smile. I find her looking right above me, where the picture hangs.

Then after looking for a while, she looks down again. She finds my eyes, I kiss her and she smiles.
And I smile back.
I’m glad she likes the colors and shapes. I’m glad it hangs where it hangs.

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7 Responses to “The Painting”

  1. alissa s November 6, 2013 at 18:02 #

    This is so touching. I know what you mean about seeing your child noticing or interacting with a piece of your other children. It is heartwarming and bittersweet. I am glad you both have this painting to gaze at.

  2. psychsarah November 6, 2013 at 19:57 #

    Lovely 🙂 It’s like Nadav is watching over Bunny and she knows it.

  3. Wannabemom November 6, 2013 at 20:15 #

    What a beautiful thing to do for Nadav and so wonderful that Bunny shares in remembering him.

  4. Courtney November 6, 2013 at 20:33 #

    She knows, Mo. She knows that her brother is there with you all! How special to have a beautiful reminder of his presence for you and Bunny to enjoy!

  5. Heather November 7, 2013 at 21:14 #

    Beautiful post, Mo.

  6. Kristen November 12, 2013 at 01:37 #

    I love the thought of Nadav being in Bunny’s life. This totally made me cry…
    And actually, since you were asking for advice in another post…I’ve been wanting to ask you for advice for a while but didn’t want to bother you during your joy with Bunny’s birth etc.. But we lost our daughter end of August at 21 weeks gestation…different circumstances than Nadav but have thought about you a lot since then and want to ask you…how the hell do you survive this? It’s so effing hard…
    Anyway, sorry to make this about me and if you don’t want to think/talk about it, I totally understand. I know you’re having computer issues, too.
    My email should come across with this comment…
    Thanks and love and light to you and your beautiful family…
    XO

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  1. Havaya Metakenet Redux | Mommy Odyssey - December 23, 2013

    […] he would not want us to always be sad. So I think he would be happy that he is remembered in his little sister’s gaze. Not in his mother’s […]

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