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A Break Up Letter

17 Sep

Dear Bo.obs,

I’m sorry, but the Bunny and I have to break up with you, though we hope we can remain friends. It’s not that you’re not perfectly nice – because you are. You’re great boo.bs. But you’re not making enough milk for Bunny, and I don’t have the strength, patience, or time to coax you into trying to make more. Plus – while you were being lazy, Bunny got used to getting fed from a bottle and she doesn’t like latching on to you guys any more. I don’t know if you noticed – but she hasn’t latched on in three days. And you know as well as I do how hard we’ve been trying. We even brought in another Lactation Consultant and her help didn’t make a difference, as good as she was. Frankly, I don’t think there’s any going back at this point. So it’s really time to move on to milkier pastures.

It’s not that I don’t plan on keeping in touch. We definitely should. If you don’t mind, I’d like to pump you guys about 3 times a day so that Bunny can get the benefits of as much milk as you can muster, without me being a slave to the pump. A mom’s gotta keep her sanity after all, and there’s only so many hours of mooing and milking I can stand a day. I hope you don’t take that personally, and give me what you can. I promise to ask nicely, and to only use the fancy electric pump I just rented, because you deserve the best.

So fare thee well my dear boo.bies. I hope there are no hard feelings. The Bunny and I will keep in touch.

Sincerely,

Mo and the Bunny (Though she can’t read, write, talk, or convey complex ideas just yet, I assure you she shares my sentiments completely.)

 

*********

Thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement on my last post. I think what I really needed was “permission” to let it go, and so many of you gave me that, which made me feel better and allowed me to be more forgiving of myself. I hope I continue to make peace with this decision. I truly think it’s the best one for my sanity, and therefore, for Bunny’s well being. To quote what so many of you said in the comments: I am feeding with love, and that’s the most important thing. Now I just hope I can continue to remember that and not feel too much guilt about this. I think it just wasn’t meant to be. If there will ever be a Bunny 2.0, I’ll take the lessons I learned this time and try again. But for now, we move on.

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14 Responses to “A Break Up Letter”

  1. Kathy September 17, 2013 at 12:46 #

    Glad you’ve come to a decision. It sounds like a good plan and Bunny will thrive. Mommy knows best !

  2. SRB September 17, 2013 at 13:20 #

    Proud of you, woman. XO

  3. Courtney September 17, 2013 at 14:07 #

    Good for you! This is a brave, and what I believe to be the right, decision. 🙂

  4. Donna September 17, 2013 at 15:27 #

    Really hoping you can be at peace with your decision. I had a pretty similar experience with my second. Once she had the bottle it was all over for the breast. I managed to pump just a few times a day for a full month (which is way impressive considering the supply issues I had with my first) and got enough milk to make it worthwhile, and I really think it helped me feel less guilty to know she was getting a little pumped milk. Also it takes the stress out of pumping to just tell yourself that you’ll pump just to get something until it doesn’t work anymore. Then if it gets to a point where your supply is not worth it you are already kind of over the emotional part of giving up on breastfeeding and it’s pretty easy to give up the pumping. That was my experience anyway. I’m so glad you were able to get some validation and make a decision that you’re happy with for your family.

  5. psychsarah September 17, 2013 at 17:04 #

    Glad you’ve come to a decision you’re content with. All the best 🙂

  6. newmom September 17, 2013 at 17:23 #

    Happy for you! A plus to the bottle is that Dad, Grandma, Aunts etc can also feed her and bond too. And it gives you a break! Win-win. My sisters used to fight over which one got to feed my son ha. Have some happy feeding and bonding!!!

    If you ever want advice on pumping let me know! I did it for almost 5 months. Hard work, but worth it. Skin to skin with the bunny an hour before you pump definitely increases supply. Try the kangaroo hold! Its a NICU thing, but it totally works for all size babies! 🙂 Basically get the bunny in her diaper and tuck her inside your shirt, kinda in between your bo.obs. It’s so nice, and the baby loves it because they hear you heart beat, plus its so warm. I’m sure many people already told all that though! I’d say good luck, but you don’t need it sounds like you and bunny are doing great!

  7. trisha September 17, 2013 at 17:49 #

    This is a tough decision to make and you’ve clearly thought it through and given it as much as you possibly could – bottom line is that you love that sweet baby girl bunny so much and as long as she has that, she’s good. Best wishes to you and your new family.

  8. katerina September 17, 2013 at 18:27 #

    omg I almost fell off the chair when i read “mooing.”
    cheering you on, Mo!

  9. pjsarecomfyn September 17, 2013 at 19:21 #

    bahhaa I totally always felt like a cow when using my pump. Hey for what it is worth, I have a friend who exclusively pumps. In 4 pumpings she can get enough milk to feed the baby all day. So who knows? maybe the boobs will get super excited about the electric pump and start producing like champs. That’s awesome that you are keeping it going for a while longer. Bunny getting both breastmilk and formula for a bit longer is the best of both worlds. Less stress on you, but still benefits of antibodies and what not.

  10. l September 17, 2013 at 22:06 #

    FABULOUS Mothering job! Flexible and rolling with reality and loving your baby. Now, love your body just as much as you love Bunny because over the long haul of life that is going to be SO VERY AMAZINGLY MUCH MORE IMPORTANT. Yes, breast is good for babies, it is the natural product for them ~ BUT mom’s attitude and believe in her body will be way more important as your daughter grows and is subjected to our cultural self-hate of women’s bodies. Babies grow just fine on formula made with clean water. SO LOVE YOUR BODY. Love your baby. Love your husband. And savor every minute, hour and day of your beloved child’s short infancy. A year from now your Bunny will be a toddle not an infant, it happens so fast.
    Boobs versus bottles will not matter when she is 3 or 13 or 16. Flexibility and self love will.

    • Mo September 17, 2013 at 22:07 #

      Beautifully stated. Thank you.

  11. Louisa September 17, 2013 at 22:13 #

    Yeah! Glad you made a decision that you feel comfortable with. I’m not lying when I say my 2.5 year old is exceptionally healthy with 6 months of combo breast milk and formula (and it was mostly formula).

  12. Kerstin September 18, 2013 at 07:03 #

    I am all for bullet points, so this little list of breastfeeding disadvantages might help you with our break-up. You are spared:
    – sore, cracked and bloody nipples. Wow did that hurt.
    – being bitten. So not funny. Once I had a hole in my nipple and I cried through every feeding
    – having to wear only nursing-friendly shirts. You can totally buy this turtleneck now!
    – flashing your boobs to strangers because your baby is suddenly interested in where that noise is coming from
    – having a girl like mine who exclusively falls asleep on the breast and thus being bound to go to bed at 7 pm.

    I am forgetting points but my little one is waking up right now and guess what I need to do to get her back to sleep.

    Good decision, Mo!

    • katerina September 18, 2013 at 22:30 #

      Too true! I flashed an innocent bystander only this morning.

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