And Just Like That…

13 Jun

So something went wrong with dinner tonight and I had an unusually high blood sugar reading afterward.

Then I decided to google it to see if it was a big deal.

I found a site that seemed very informative with some nice comprehensive stuff about the condition. I made the mistake of reading it and it scared the eff out of me by getting into worst case scenarios which I didn’t really want to read (and I really don’t want to repeat here), and I’ve been avoiding like the plague. Yay me for being a genius and not stopping reading when I should have. Stupid Dr. Google.

And just like that, a switch went off in my head and all optimism got tossed out the window. I’m pretty much back to terrified and emotionally detached now.

Somebody talk me down, because this is no fun.

20 Responses to “And Just Like That…”

  1. Courtneyanna June 13, 2013 at 23:06 #

    Hang in there, Mo! You have done so awesome lately, don’t let your mind wander! The body is a weird thing. Dr. Google is a scary bitch! If you’re nervous, call your doctor, but remember to remain calm. Trust me, when B5 gets here… nothing will be calm! Hahah! You’ll have a kid on your boob and spit up on your clothes. You’ll be unshowered and exhausted, and you will love it. Keep on your diet and regime and you will be ok!
    We’re all here fo you! Go Mo, Go! 🙂

  2. RelaxedNoMore June 13, 2013 at 23:10 #

    I don’t really have the right words to talk you down, since my experience with GD is second-hand only (I’ve had ladies with GD in my prenatal classes; one had GD that wasn’t under control – still, she and her baby were fine! Same for the other lady, whose GD was under control, and her baby).
    I’d tell you not to worry, but I know those words won’t do any good at all, so I’m just sending you hugs, lots of them.

  3. Amy June 13, 2013 at 23:11 #

    I totally agree with Courtneyanna^^! And the thing is, we are entitled to our freak-outs…we’re not the “normal” brand of crazy preggo, right? Definitely call your OB/MFM if you’re worried…ANY time you’re worried. That’s what they’re there for. And if they give you flack, push on.

    Big LOVE!!!

  4. fromheretomotherhood June 13, 2013 at 23:12 #

    I don’t know a lot about gestational diabetes, but my husband is type 1 and so is a good friend of mine who recently had a healthy baby. So they are both insulin dependent. I know my friend has a lot more ups and downs than my husband, largely in part to greater hormonal fluctuations and my husband is still in something called the honeymoon period. One thing I have learned though is that ups and downs (even in the extreme) can and more than likely will happen on occasion. Generally this isn’t a concern as long as you treat it once noticed (e.g., correct with more insulin at next meal for a high blood sugar or eat fast acting carbs (e.g., 3 hard candies) followed by a serving (15g) of a longer-acting carb (e.g., granola bar) when too low). It becomes more of a concern when the highs and/or lows are maintained (i.e., you keep having them frequently). Diabetics get their A1C levels measured, which is a measure of average blood glucose and if that number is within the good range then you’re considered to be doing great. But you could still achieve that normal range A1C with a couple highs and lows in there. I hope that helps!

    • Mo June 13, 2013 at 23:30 #

      That’s really great info. Thanks!

  5. Mo June 13, 2013 at 23:18 #

    Thanks ladies. I do want to clarify though – the freak out is not because of the one high reading, but because of some general info I read that was a worst case scenario that I don’t want to even type out here. So – yeah. Urgh.

  6. Courtneyanna June 13, 2013 at 23:27 #

    There are always the worst case scenarios, but the “what ifs” can’t be the end all. I am an IF-er that spent YEARS and THOUSANDS TTC. When I finally got pregnant, I spent my entire pregnancy in a state of panic. I was so glad when my son was born, via csection, that I felt I could take a deep breath for the first time in 3 years. Then the next day, they discovered a congenital heart defect. He was 3 days old the first time they cut his chest open for open heart surgery. He has since had another and is now a happy, healthy, brilliant, amazing, comedic 19 month old. Having been through a worse case scenario, and seeing the wonderful things on the other side, I can tell you that though it doesnt seem like it now, when you see B5, this will all seem “worth it.” It’s weird to think that way, but it’s true. I would do all the heartache, loss, surgeries, sleepless nights, all of it, if the end result was always Sully.
    I don’t think moms ever actually stop worrying or take actual deep breaths, but it gets better. You are doing such an amazing job. I hope you know that. I dont think I could have been on bed rest like you have and keep a half way decent attitude. You are a trooper and I admire you greatly. Hang in there Mo. And when you wanna vent, bitch, cry, whine… we are obviously here for you.

    • Mo June 13, 2013 at 23:33 #

      Thanks for this. Man, I just want her to get here safe and sound, you know? This is so effing hard sometimes I just want to scream.

      • Daryl June 14, 2013 at 15:42 #

        Oh, Mo. These are not the words of a woman detached. These are the words of a mother concerned for the well being of her child. Worst-case scenarios are scary. That’s why they’re the worst case. But you’re doing everything you can to keep things under control, and that’s all you can do. And if you need to scream sometimes, go right ahead!

  7. pjsarecomfyn June 13, 2013 at 23:45 #

    Lady – you got this. I know it doesn’t feel like it and there is a shit ton of information out there that wants to scare you into thinking otherwise, but you are in the end game now. Try to enjoy as much as you can from here on out. You’ve waited so long for this and I hate that you are spending so much of it worried.

  8. Erin June 13, 2013 at 23:49 #

    There are really scary scenarios on line. Most of those are going to be really really rare, but I get that doesn’t provide reassurance because you have experienced other scary, rare things. But I can try to offset those scary scenarios. I am a type 1 diabetic. I have 3 beautiful, healthy, smart kids and I had obscenely high blood sugars at multiple points during each pregnancy because despite my best efforts, sometimes shit just happens. With my first, I drank something that was supposed to be sugar free (I even explained to the waitress why sugar free was so important to me) but she brought me a regular drink anyway and my blood sugar got so high that my meter that reads up to 550 just said “high.” Mac stopped moving and I did take the precaution of going to the hospital but we lowered my levels and he did fine. He is now 6 and is cute, funny, smart, and reads better than most 10 year olds. You can do EVERYTHING “right” and still get a high reading because you can’t control and know everything. And she will still be fine. You will be too. I don’t recall if you are so far just managing with diet or if you are doing insulin too, but if no insulin I’d at least talk to your doctor about it. If you have insulin, you can fix the high much quicker and the sooner it normalizes the sooner you and B5 will feel better.

    • Mo June 13, 2013 at 23:51 #

      Thanks Erin. I’m not on insulin – just diet for now. Have another appt. next week, and it could be that they’ll put me on meds then.

      • Erin June 14, 2013 at 00:01 #

        in the mean time, LOTS of fluids they help flush the blood sugar and lower your levels. I am SO not going to tell you not to stress (I get really pissed when my husband tells me stuff like that. If it was that easy wouldn’t stress in the first place.) but do try to remember that stress raises your cortisol levels and that, in turn, raises your blood sugar even more. Lovely, isn’t it (sarcasm intended)?

  9. slese1014 June 14, 2013 at 00:00 #

    Oh, hon….I know the bad stuff is hard to know about… it’s all I see. It’s all I KNOW!!! Being a GDer is not easy. I had sushi the other night and my level was a bit high. I didn’t panic because again I know too much. I just drank 2 glasses of water and took a stroll. I know that’s not an option for you, but my diabetic educator said the water would have been enough. My MFM today told me occasional ups and downs are normal. The important thing is to be as consistent as possible and your averages are within the limits. The worst case scenarios shouldn’t happen if you do that. Only if your always high, low or all over the place!!

    It’s scary when you know too much. My MFM doc laughed when I started to ask all the ‘worst case’ questions. Knowing too much can be a very bad thing….I’m here for you and would be happy to listen to your concerns good bad or whatever in between.

  10. nelipotting June 14, 2013 at 01:18 #

    Oh wow. Just hugs to you! I don’t know how to talk you down from this, because really, maybe you need the catharsis. Let yourself freak out and scream and cry… but also let it pass… don’t live there. I spend most of my pregnancies on bed rest, and every time it gets scary I will try to focus all my energy on forcing my body to welcome the baby… (most of my miscarriage risks come from abnormal autoimmune function that attacks babies, so it sounds cheesy, but I try to talk my stupid body into accepting the baby in my best Arnold Schwarznegger voice “It’s not a tumor.”)… Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. But I have to fight the panic and the fear and pain every day. Beat it into submission. And maybe that will be impossible until you hear reassuring words from your own doctor… so if that’s the case, then call and get an appointment just for peace of mind. Whatever you need: get it, take it, or do it. Take care of yourself. You’ve got this. You can do it! You’re a fighter… and this little girl is your daughter, so she’s a fighter too. It’s going to be all right.

  11. firstcomes June 14, 2013 at 04:18 #

    I have to agree with this ^
    I was lucky and didn’t have problems ttc or during pregnancy but still spent a lot of time worrying about what could or might go wrong (hence how I actually came across your blog) and then I got to the end (labour) and assumed aside from the hideous pain that this was it and everything was going to be fine. My son was unresponsive for 5 minutes when born and i just remember thinking ‘you’re kidding me, after all of this i dont even get a baby to take home?’ but after a night in the scbu he is now a perfect 9 month old.
    The point im trying to make is that even when something looks like its going to be the worst it isn’t always, so although it’s natural anyway (and completely understandable for you in particular) to worry try to remind yourself that as easily as things could be bad they also could be perfectly fine!

  12. internalplumbingissues June 14, 2013 at 12:34 #

    I’m gonna jump right in here, I know a bit about the optimism thing, had that one bashed out of me a loooong time ago, the Drs don’t really help with that one and Dr Google will give you a teminal illness after 6 questions, never consult Dr G.
    I am type1 with non-related infertility as a bonus 😉 I happen to work with diabetic girls who have HI bloodsugars, I mean waaaay off the meter style highs (30mmols+ / 540 mg/dl) which have been prolonged, who have given birth to perfect healthy ‘normal’ little’un’s. Now I know GD is a bit different, where pregnancy hormones and shizzle interfere with the way your insulin works like Type 2, I can’t imagine how hard it is to juggle all the new info, I know you said before the organiser in you will love the numbers thats a life buoy and a handgrenade all in one. Tight control is a good thing, but honestly don’t get too hung up on each and every single one being bang on target each and every time, that way lies a straight jacket and a soft room, sometimes there are outside factors which make the Diabetes dance to it’s own tune whether it’s Type1, 2 or GD. Stress, heat, a cold, an unexpected walk, carbs where they shouldn’t be, believe me after 30 years I still can’t always hazard a guess what song’s on the radio for my T1 sometimes. The worst case scenario is always gonna be there in any situation to cover asses, but it won’t necessarily ever happen, I’ve tormented myself with the what-if’s and then I joined a forum and was reassured, I know our circumstances are in some terms poles apart but I totally understand how and why your optimism packed up and went on holiday, I hope it can come back soon for you. Lou xxx

  13. marwil June 14, 2013 at 13:05 #

    Ugh. Dr. Google is evil. Sorry, I don’t have any advice, it’s so scary knowing too much and then try to put it in perspective. So hard. Hang in there, one day (or hour) at a time when you need to. Sending calming hugs…

  14. nickeecoco June 14, 2013 at 14:16 #

    😦 I wish I had a magic wand I could wave and B5 would be here, safe and healthy, and you could stop living in constant fear and anxiety. Just know that you have so many people cheering for you and her. Thinking of you right now.

  15. ozifrog June 15, 2013 at 01:01 #

    Bugger dr google. He needs a Xanax. I had a few crazy highs, some I actually chose to just go “don’t care. Eating it.” (including a glorious lunch with a German schnitzel)….(and I was captain bedrest-risk of preterm baby). I personally think the 1AC thing is far more important. And I was all “omg this baby is massive he’ll have to go to nicu at birth for crazy low blood sugar levels blah blah blah”. They heel prick tested him six times, he went to special care for twenty five MINUTES, twice, and he was BOTTOM 15% percentile for weight in a family of massive porker babies.

    What I mean is, blood sugar readings were my bloody world for weeks and weeks, there were a few mental ones, and he’s so fine it’s crazy. In fact, research says he’s less likely to be overweight later in life because I was on diabetes meds.

    No googling. Unless its for pictures of cats playing the bongos.

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