So today I’m 32 years old.
It’s also Yom Kippur eve, which means that at 5pm today everything closed down, and no cars were on the streets. Needless to say, the drunken celebration was last night and today all I have is quiet.
I generally love Yom Kippur. I don’t fast, I don’t go to services – but the quiet that falls on the entire country is beautiful to me.
Since no cars are on the road, kids ride their bikes in the middle of the street and everyone walks to some central place in the city and just hangs out for most of the night.
Today though, I couldn’t enjoy walking in the middle of the road. I couldn’t enjoy this rare bit of quiet.
All I could do was think about the fact that today I turn 32, and he was supposed to be here with me.
Shmerson and I would have taken him out in his stroller, and walked around, taking in the quiet and the kids on their bikes.
I would have held him as my mother brought out the cake, and he would have helped me blow out the candle. He would have been three months old.
So today, instead of quiet I feel the emptiness of what would have been.
And hope against all hope that next year – 33 – will be easier.
Love you, Mo. I’m so sorry it’s not as it should have been.
Many, many hugs my friend.
warm quiet hugs. And birthday wishes to you, even though its not being a happy one so far
Squeezing your hand from all the way over here.
Oh Mo. My heart breaks for you now and always.
Happy birthday.
Thinking of you and what should have been. Hugs.
Love, hugs, and wishes for better birthdays to come.
Just hugs
I forgot to say that my best friend and I decided 33 was going to be out power year. There were a few bumps but it ended up being a great year. My hope is the same for you x
Sending lots of ((hugs)) your way
Sending hugs for this day and hopes for this year.
I’m sorry Mo. Wishing you a fabulous year this coming year….
Happy Birthday, Mo! I’m so sorry Nadav isn’t with you. I am hoping/praying/wishing that 32 is a much more generous and fair year for you.
Happy birthday! It’s so sad how these horrible events can put a damper on something that should be a celebration…thinking of you.
Oh, honey. Oh, Nadav, how I wish you were here to help your mommy celebrate her birthday.
I hated my birthday this year. I turned 38. My twins should have been 2.5 months old, but instead I was newly diagnosed with PPD and missing them for almost 8 months. My husband turned 41 Father’s Day weekend, just three months after my birthday, and his was shitty, too. It’s so hard to feel anything but sadness with a little bitterness on these “holidays” (I lump birthdays and anniversaries in there, too).
Still , I am grateful for your words, for you sharing your experience with the rest of us, and so I will quietly celebrate you from the other side of the world.
Peace, friend…
I wish this year was so much better for you. I wish you peace and comfort this year. Hoping for joy and happiness the next.
Hugs to you from my little corner of the world. I hope that 33 will be kinder to you as well.
Thinking of you, Mo. And hoping that next birthday you have more than one reason to celebrate.
Abiding with you, Mo.
Today is Darcy’s birthday, too. The best people were born on September 25th.
I couldn’t face my birthday for a couple of years, so I know what you mean. I couldn’t face the idea of turning 40 and not being a mom. Let’s just say that 42 was a real celebration. I hope for this for you at 33.
IF aside, I don’t get adults making a big deal about celebrating their birthdays. “Hey, you’re 57 years old, do you really need presents and a birthday cake? Five or seven-years-old… yes, I get that, but 57? Really”
It never occurred to me that Israel would shut down for the High Holidays. It must be both surreal and serene. Wishing you a beautiful birthday, an easy fast, and blessed memories of all those who have come into your life but left so briefly after.
G’mar hatima tova.
Love to you. I know the symbolism and expectation makes these dates so hard. I hope you found peace in your birthday, if not happiness, and I hope this coming year brings many positives to you. Including a screenplay, ahem 🙂
Hugs, darling. I hope you find some happiness in your day.
Oh Mo, happy (or not so happy) belated birthday. I feel such a kinship with you right now. I have been in a funk over M & A recently and my 32nd birthday is coming up on the 4th. I am going through many of those same thoughts and feelings. Wishing they were here with me to celebrate instead of waiting for my birthday to pass and their Angelversary to arrive. I can’t tell you how to fix it, but I can tell you I understand and am here for you. Thinking of you and hubby during this tough time.
Abiding with you, Mo. So sorry things are not how they should be. I so wish Nadav could be here with you now.
Happy belated birthday! I hope all of your wishes come true this year.
Happy birthday! Lots of hugs to you, and I’m so, so sorry for your pain. I did want to tell you that I’ve been thinking lately how huge a difference a year can make. Your grief over losing your precious son will not disappear, but there is a very real chance you could have a baby in your arms or on the way next birthday. A very real chance. Saying a little prayer for you today.
XOXO
Sending you lots of hugs and strength. Thinking of you often! xoxo