I haven’t been spending much time in this space lately. Here’s what I’ve been doing instead:
Painting
Podcasting (Thank you all for listening and commenting, btw!)
Working
Planning our trip to the States
Healing.
A couple of weeks ago, I started feeling a shift. After an intense EMDR session where we talked extensively about Nadav, I spent a couple of weeks in a haze. Then one day I woke up, and for the first time in almost two years I was beyond just the basic “functional”. I was energetic. I was prolific. I was brave.
After a slow simmer for a very long time, I have boiled over in the best of ways.
Nothing has changed. I am still not ovulating. I am still not pregnant. I am still mourning my son.
Everything has changed. I am dealing with things differently. I am handling my situation. I am finding courage to do things I haven’t dared to do in years.
This was a process that came to a head, that finally paid off. That finally made me stop saying the words “I am so freaking tired.”
I’m still tired of the waiting. I’m still tired of my body failing me. I’m still going to fight to make that stop. But I’m starting to put at least a part of my energy elsewhere. I’m starting to finally realize that wallowing won’t make things move any faster.
So if I’m not here as often, know it’s because I’m busy putting my life back together. Know that you all get major credit for helping me do that just by continuing to come here. Continuing to comment. Always being an amazing source of support.
My life isn’t sunshine and unicorn farts. But it’s finally starting to feel like a life.
good on you! Glad you’re feeling in a better space
Fantastic, Mo.
That sounds really nice.
Finding new energy is a wonderful feeling. Glad you are in a better place and can focus on things you like and make them happen.
I’m glad you’re finding your way to a better place. And anyways, I bet unicorn farts don’t even smell that good. 😉
Big. Smile. 🙂
no unicorn farts? then I am outta here! hahaha just teasing. YAY for waking up. Get out there and make life happen for yourself.
Bravo. All of it is hard, but you are one hell of a warrior as well as an inspiration. BTW: Unicorn farts are highly overrated.
I used to scoff when people told me the best healer is ‘time’. Who the hell wants to wait even longer?! But, as I’ve seen with myself and others- it’s true. With time and a bit of hard work, healing happens.
Great job on that podcast btw! I thought it was brilliant and listened to the entire thing with a big ole’ grin on my face. You gals gave a voice to infertility which, is somehow much different than reading words on a page.
Listened to the podcast yesterday. I am in the “parenting after infertility and loss” category. It brought back sooo many of my feelings and the things I felt while going through this…yet I didn’t have an outlet. Luckily I had very supportive friends and family. I hope to welcome you to my side of the journey very soon. Hang in there.
So happy to read this!!!!!
Hope you start ovulating soon.
Sounds like you’re healing. And trust me, no one’s life is unicorn farts, no matter what they make it seem like on Facebook.
I love this: “Nothing has changed. I am still not ovulating. I am still not pregnant. I am still mourning my son.
Everything has changed. I am dealing with things differently. I am handling my situation. I am finding courage to do things I haven’t dared to do in years.”
This post makes me so happy!
I am so glad to read this.
I am so happy to hear this Mo!