Bullets and Bunnies: Not Thinking About the Date Edition

22 Jun
  • First of all – Wow! You guys are amazing. Your comments and feedback on my last post were just… Wow. You know what I found amazing? That a lot of you felt like you had been “doing it wrong” in leaving comments on those tragedies, and were questioning your support of women like me. And every one of you who wrote that sentiment is a woman who at least in my experience has been an amazing source of support. Just like us to be judgmental of ourselves, isn’t it? Give yourselves a bit more credit ladies!
  • I did want to clarify one thing: I don’t think saying “I’m sorry for your loss” is a bad thing, per se. I think my issue is more about “hit and run” support, and the undertone of pity that is felt in some people’s comments that I’ve come by. A few of you pointed out – and rightly so – that sometimes that’s all you can get out, and there are women who need that small gesture. I agree. If you can’t find the words, “I’m sorry for your loss” is a good place to begin. I echo your sentiments when I say that the best thing to do is to stick around afterward. It’s the ongoing support that means the most, and is most needed. 
  • Speaking of train-wrecks – did you guys see the dramz about this Courtney chick? What happened was a couple of days ago this woman who had only been blogging for a month or so announced that she had lost her two-month-old daughter in a car crash, after losing her first daughter to a cord incident at 37 weeks. She was called out as a fake and then deleted her blog. At first I was horrified that people were accusing her of faking. Then (before she had deleted the blog) I poked around in her archives. There were definite holes in the story. But the most disturbing thing was that less than 24 hours after her “rainbow” supposedly passed away, her timeline was updated to reflect it, as was her profile, and – well, everything. Plus she posted like 4 times in the first 24 hours after the “rainbow”‘s supposed passing. I don’t know about the rest of you babyloss moms out there, but that’s what clinched it for me. I could barely bring myself to post two sentences on the day Nadav passed. And it took forever for me to update everything else. I was barely coherent for days. It was all very fishy, and the deletion of the blog just cemented it. I wasn’t mad though. i just kind of felt sorry for this woman. I mean, who would WANT to be a part of this club? What do you guys think? 
  • Today was diet day one and ZOMG this is going to be hard. My cousin put me on a week of detox. Very few carbs, no sugar except through fruit, not much of anything really. I’ll get my carbs back eventually, though. I guess that’s an upside. I just hope this week o’ hell will reflect nicely on the scale next week. So far I’m having mad sugar withdrawal. 
  • I have been so in my head over the last week that my inbox is packed with emails that I haven’t answered. I want to, I just can’t bring myself to concentrate today. Same with the blogs. I’ve been such a crap commenter this week. Bad bad me. 
  • Honestly? I just want to get past today. 21 -ish more hours and this day will be behind me and hopefully things will be easier. 
  • Here are two bunnies to make up for the bullet points:
Ok – distract me! What have you all been up to?

20 Responses to “Bullets and Bunnies: Not Thinking About the Date Edition”

  1. aprilvak June 22, 2012 at 02:40 #

    Things are looking good for us, when you get a chance to catch up on your blogs!

    I know I didn’t comment on your last post, because what with everything going on, I’ve been halfway back to train wreck myself. I’ve got catching up to do as well.

    I hope the diet doesn’t torture you too badly!

  2. cw June 22, 2012 at 02:42 #

    Omg, I wondered what had happened. I must admit I was surprised to see so many updates in such a short space of time. Why would anyone do that. After your post I made sure I didnt rubber neck and went back. Why? Crazy and so sad if true to the rest of the community. Good luck with day one!! You’ll feel so much better!!

  3. Daryl June 22, 2012 at 02:59 #

    I hope this hell week pays off for you. I love me some carbs, so I can imagine how hard it is! I hope you get through the rest of today in one piece–and not just because of the new diet. Hugs.

  4. Coco June 22, 2012 at 03:08 #

    I’m in the middle of a BIG elimination diet and it’s brutal. So here’s my only *unsolicited* advice, as given to me by my doctor just before starting the diet. If you are craving sugar right after a meal, then that means that you ate too many carbs at that meal so next time try to adjust the carb/protein ratio accordingly. And if you crave sugar between meals then it means you’ve gone too long without eating, and you need at least a little snack. (Handful of almonds and a banana, or something else lame and pukey-healthy.) It REALLY helped me for my first few weeks to tame the sugar monster inside me. But I think it’s only halfway true, because no matter what I do, I will always need chocolate several times a day. I think it’s a physiological NEED for me. 🙂 I’ve given up almost all sugar for 4 months now, and it’s freaking brutal… but I do eat dark dark chocolate almost daily to get through. 🙂 Good luck!!!

  5. missohkay June 22, 2012 at 03:21 #

    I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about that blog being fake if I just stumbled across it, but I heard it was a hoax before I saw it. So I read the archives and noticed that every post had something just a little outlandish or “off” about it. I said this on twitter, but it was really the small fact that she wrote about having a CD1 just 8 weeks after giving birth and didn’t even complain or wonder about it that made me realize it was fake.

  6. Jenny June 22, 2012 at 05:49 #

    I tried to comment on your last post, but I’m at the mercy of sketchy hotel wi-fi and it crapped out on me. I just wanted to tell you that even though I’ve only commented once or twice, I’ve continued to follow your blog. I do love me some LOL cats. 🙂

    Good luck with the elimination diet. They’re not easy, but they’re worth the agony. I really should go on one again, too.

  7. Courtney June 22, 2012 at 07:06 #

    I seriously love your love of bunnies. It’s what drew me to you in the first place a long, long time ago – you can’t help but love a fellow animal lover 😉

    So yeah – that blog thing – I have to tell you… I saw the post about sending love and support right after I commented on your last post and I was all, “I don’t want to rubber neck. I shouldn’t rubber neck.” But then I figured it was OK to go out and comment since support had been requested. And then all that shit went down and all I can do is truly pity that gal. I don’t judge her because it’s not my place to judge anyone. We’ve all been in dark places before and who am I to judge what is, and is not, OK in one’s time of darkness? I’m not OK that she preyed on the sympathies of real BLM’s and IF’ers, but the bottom line is that a baby didn’t die (two, actually, didn’t die), she needs help and was told so (so maybe she’ll get it?), and we’ve all learned to be a little more careful about who we read and trust. Silver linings everywhere in this situation.

    As for diet – and I was going to email you about this but since you mentioned it – we try to live a paleo/primal lifestyle. Check it out. I had plateaued but when I started that, I dropped 10 pounds almost instantly and lost 3% body fat in 4 weeks. I’ve been terrible lately and my body is pissed about it, but after Matthew’s birthday on Sunday, I’m back at it (how can I not totally indulge in the cupcakes and adults-only alcoholic cake that I got for his birthday?). It is a total lifestyle change – but holy hell, it is awesome and I have never felt better!

    What I’m up to? Just working on a first birthday party for Sunday that is (I fear) going over the top. I worry it’s going to be obnoxious – the type of party that people think is insane for a one year old… but I fought hard for this kid so I’m doing it! AND – I love planning parties (I love planning anything, really… especially if it involves a spreadsheet!).

    Bullets and bunnies are the best editions…

    And I will be thinking of you tomorrow/today, but only sending positive thoughts your way. I like what you wrote the other day – that February 22nd is his day. It is most definitely his day but I know that today could be a little rough so know that lots of us are propping you up with warm thoughts!

  8. marwil June 22, 2012 at 10:54 #

    Thinking of you today.
    That diet/detox plan sounds like a real challenge. I did something similar a few years ago and want to find some balance in my diet again. It’s a tough call but I know you can do it! If you want – share some more of it.
    I feel sorry for that person as well who made up the fake baby-loss story. I hope she get some help sorting out whatever issues that are behind it. I don’t really have anything else to say about that.
    I just said goodbye to the dog that’s been with us for the last 10 days. He will be back in the fall and we’ll be having visitors inbetween as well. But for now the house will feel a bit empty for a few weeks.
    Now I feel my comment came out bullet style as well 🙂

  9. daysofserenity June 22, 2012 at 17:11 #

    I don’t comment much often here, but I LOVE your blog! Its one of my favorites…I think you are so funny. I did find your blog just recently after your loss, but have stuck around. I lost my brother a few years ago and one thing I’ve learned about loss is there is no ryhme or reason to it and nothing anyone can say that can make it better. So much of the time its just about being there. So, I’ve been here cheering you on! You are very brave! Good luck with the diet…ugg! I spent all of 2011 trying to lose the 30 pounds the years of infertility added to my body. I lost 20. Its hard work, but you can do it!

  10. Flowergirl June 22, 2012 at 17:47 #

    Yeah for the diet, focus your mind on that for the next few days, may be good to have something to think about, plus is giving you something to control in this whole babymaking world.
    Can’t wait for the update on how well you are doing.

  11. erin June 22, 2012 at 19:21 #

    I did find you when you lost your precious son…. my heart broke for you. And then I stayed, mostly silent because I had no good words, but commenting here and there when I thought my words may help and not hurt. My struggles with infertility were largely before blogging was mainstream. While I never suffered the level of loss that you have, I didn’t know anyone else who struggled the way I did and it was so lonely even with my very supportive husband. While I dont wish your journey on anyone, I am glad for you that you have this support. I may not comment often, but visit daily to witness your good days and support your bad ones. An adorable brown bunny with a fluffy pure white tail was waiting for me on my walk up to work yesterday- I thought of you.

  12. Bon June 22, 2012 at 20:14 #

    Stopping by to say hi – been a while since I commented… and I want you to know that even though I only seem to comment when you seem super down – I am not a rubber necker – just a crappy commenter who makes a point of commenting when the support is clearly needed!

    Also – we got 2 bunnies!!!! 😀
    We almost named one Mo!!! (He has the cutest black mustache) But ended up naming him Stash instead….

    Anyways – know that I am always reading, hoping, and cheering from the sidelines, even when I do not comment….


  13. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) June 22, 2012 at 21:42 #

    Lovely. I actually wrote on her page that I was sorry for her loss. I’ve been duped again! I have a “friend” that lies about everything. She claims to have gotten pregnant no less than 5 times. First two ended in a miscarriage and I know she was never pregnant. She announced immediately to all that would listen, news crews if she could have gotten one too, that she lost the pregnancies. She also claims disabilities that I know for one she doesn’t have. So what I’m saying is this, though they have hurt us they are to be pitied. I truly feel sorry for someone that needs to be the center of the spotlight with disasters.

  14. Mina @ Fertility Doll June 22, 2012 at 23:02 #

    Diet is working for me. Not easy getting off the bad stuff. Go easy. Now I’m on all greens, little carbs, a whole letter sugar.. I was glowing end of last week and my cycle is better. That said, I just scoffed a Chocolate Mini Roll in less than a second flat. Oops. It tasted goooooooood!

  15. Amy June 23, 2012 at 00:24 #

    I’ve been thinking about your last post and this one for a couple of days now…and it’s got me finally encouraged enough to take on my weight. I am not plagued by PCOS or anovulatory cycles, by my excess can’t be helping my infertility, and frankly, lately I feel as shitty as I (think I) look. I’m out of breath, lackin in energy, my clothes don’t fit, and damn, it’s time to stop observing and actually DO something about it. No doctor has ever commented about my weight, but it’s almost as if yours saying something to you crossed the oceans to me , too. Thank you for that. (I’m going to try Weight Watchers since a good friend has had great success with it. I wish I was more excited and less resigned. Sigh.)

  16. Emily @ablanket2keep June 23, 2012 at 02:35 #

    I felt a little guilty for a sec when I read about your diet, since I just ate a candy bar. LOL! Then I snapped out of it. I’m on a break! Still working out, but letting myself indulge a bit. I hope your new healthy diet helps. I can’t wait to hear all about how good you feel and look!

  17. RelaxedNoMore June 23, 2012 at 10:14 #

    Ugh, the start of your diet really sounds ultra-tough. I probably wouldn’t make it through that first week… Kudos to you for even trying! Sending you sugar- and carbs-rejecting thoughts!

  18. Sunny June 23, 2012 at 20:54 #

    Bunnies!!! Cute!!!!

    Mo, I was going to leave a comment yesterday on your last post, but I thought I would just jump in and leave a post here. I know we are all “guilty” of rubber-necking, and I’m admittedly guilty, too. I have an admission: I did not know of your blog until I was directed there by fellow bloggers after your loss of Nadav…Reading what you had written brought me to tears. There was something about the way you wrote that was so pure, honest, and gut wrenchingly true that I didn’t just want to rubber neck and run. I am glad I have stayed, and gotten to “blog know you” the last few months. Have a great weekend, and keep fighting the good fight. We ALL are fighting to stay sane in this IF mess (unless you’re Psycho Chick who likes to pretend she has suffered the deaths of not one, but TWO babies. WTF???? Who ARE these people, and why are they in my internet!!??)

  19. nobabyruth June 25, 2012 at 11:48 #

    I hope that Friday ended quickly for you and that you’ve been able to put it behind you, so to speak. I understand that February 22 is Nadav’s day but I also understand that your original due date cannot have been easy for you.

    Don’t know if it was an intentional decision, to start your diet on the 22nd, or not, but I think it was a really solid plan, a chance for you to refocus yourself and begin doing something that will surely help you feel better. Long term, of course. Short term, diets suck. I try to remind myself that when the early days of a new eating plan are really hard it means that I REALLY needed to make the change. Good luck!!!

  20. pjsarecomfyn June 26, 2012 at 00:36 #

    I hadn’t heard about that chick, but man….crazytown that someone would want to fake it. Do you think she’s like those FB friends who tell you what they ate for breakfast and what they are doing every nanosecond?

    me? just sweating away out here in Colorado. WTF Colorado? It is supposed to be cooler here than Arizona. Apparently we are competing for hottest state. I am gonna try to sweat off about 30lbs….it could work.

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