Baby-Crazy 3: The Crazy Returns

3 May

Me: I think I’m pregnant.

Me: *rolls eyes*

Me: No! Seriously! Hear me out!

Me: There is no chance you’re pregnant. You know when we ovulated. No chance.

Me: But I’ve been a bit nauseous!

Me: Mmm-hmm.

Me: And I felt a stabby pain in my back the other day.

Me: *sigh*

Me: And, um… Other stuff!

Me: Ok, listen up; Unless you have eggs of steel you are not pregnant.

Me: “Eggs of Steel” I like that. It makes me feel all super-hero-y and stuff.

Me: (whispering) Oh my FSM, what did I do to deserve this?

Me: Well I have eggs of steel, ok? I’m telling you, I’m knocked up! Can I pee on a stick?

Me: No.

Me: But the stabby pain! Oh, and I have a weird taste in my mouth.

Me: Those are not pregnancy symptoms. You’ve changed your diet and you’ve been exercising more. That’s all that is.

Me: Either that or I’m pregnant.

Me: You are NOT pregnant.

Me: Can I pee on one of our stockpiled Rolls Royce pee sticks just to make sure?

Me: Hell no!

Me: Please?

Me: No.

Me: Pretty please?

Me: You are not pregnant. It’s statistically impossible.

Me: Eggs of steel! Eggs of steel! Eggs of steel!

Me: Can you tell me why you want so badly to be pregnant again? Can’t we go on vacation and get a little drunk first?

Me: Baby! Baby! Baby!

Me: Chanting does not work on me any more. And you know as well as I do that for us, pregnancy does not actually equal a baby.

Me: *sticks fingers in ears* La la la la la la la la la la la!

Me: (yelling) Pretending not to hear me does not make it any less true.

Me: *fingers still in ears* Baby! Baby! Baby!

Me: *sighs* I give up. But trust me, you are not pregnant.

Me: You suck.

Me: Why, thank you.

28 Responses to “Baby-Crazy 3: The Crazy Returns”

  1. Heather May 3, 2012 at 18:37 #

    You make me smile, Mo. I also have these crazy conversations with myself sometimes about all sorts of things. I am sure you will get pregnant soon though, even if it’s not now.

  2. TeeJay May 3, 2012 at 18:48 #

    It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one that has these sorts of conversations. 🙂 I actually think Eggs of Steel would not be a good thing. Steel won’t let the swimmers in…unless the swimmers are made of Kryptonite. Kryptonite can melt steel away since you know, it’s the Man of Steel’s only weakness. I know, I’m a geek. It’s good to be crazy sometimes. I think it actually keeps us sane, to a degree. Figure that sentence out. 🙂

  3. Kate @ Infertile First Mom May 3, 2012 at 18:58 #

    This cracked me up! Thanks for that… I needed it. That conversation sounded SO familiar!

  4. Coco May 3, 2012 at 19:09 #

    LOL. I get it. And just do it. Go and pee on a stick!!! Get a cheapy crappy one, not a Rolls Royce one, and just do it. You never “know” until you actually know. (At least that’s what I tell myself.)

  5. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) May 3, 2012 at 19:13 #

    Hahaha, just what I needed today…someone writes so nicely about the insanity of ttc. Thanks for posting this. I hope you do get a BFP soon.

  6. SRB May 3, 2012 at 19:14 #

    Ah, “conversations with myself”…always entertaining. Always enlightening. I always liked these posts! 🙂

  7. Erin May 3, 2012 at 20:40 #

    Heh … I think I’ve just figured out I’m not ovulating. So the irrational part of me says maybe I’m pregnant and should pee on a stick. So I do, and astoundingly — not pregnant! This post is all too similar to my inner monologue in the last two weeks of each cycle. Ack!

  8. RelaxedNoMore May 3, 2012 at 21:15 #

    Eggs of Steel…. awesome… now I’ve got some kind of cartoon series TV show in my head, featuring the mighty “Eggs of Steel” 🙂

  9. sagaofalife May 3, 2012 at 21:17 #

    What’s funny is what you label as crazy seems completely sane.

  10. Her Royal Fabulousness May 3, 2012 at 23:28 #

    Wait – how the hell do you know how it sounds in my head? 🙂

    This gave me a goog giggle. Hang in there hun.

    P.S. I listened to Mr. Bungle today and thought of you.

  11. Cristy May 3, 2012 at 23:30 #

    If doing this is considering crazy, then I’m seriously in a lot of trouble.

  12. Trisha May 4, 2012 at 00:10 #

    I love you. That is all.

  13. daysofserenity May 4, 2012 at 01:14 #

    Too funny!

  14. missohkay May 4, 2012 at 03:12 #

    That’s the Mo I know and love 🙂

  15. Christina May 4, 2012 at 03:17 #

    I love your convos with yourself. If it makes you feel any better and less crazy, I had a moment at the OB’s for my PP visit where do a pee test. I was torn between being hoping there was a line and that there wasn’t. Not that there was any way a positive could have shown up then. Most of the time, you need to do the deed for that to happen. Oh and have a decent ovulation and your husband make good sperm 🙂

    I hope that soon, you can pee on that RR test, see a 2nd line again and everything will go just as it is suppose to!

  16. LogicalLibby (@LogicalLibby) May 4, 2012 at 04:03 #

    It was times like that I wanted to turn off my brain. Hope yours stops fighting and let’s you go on vacation. Or at least get drunk.

  17. Courtney May 4, 2012 at 04:39 #

    Thank you for the chuckle today! I’ve been doing this a bit too, even though it’s impossible to be pregnant right now. I find it amazing how hopeful we can be when we know that we shouldn’t be 😉

  18. Alissa May 4, 2012 at 04:49 #

    Bwah hahahaha! Oh my gosh, I SO talk to myself like that. Total multiple personality disorder. I love the baby chanting. I really hope this works for you again and you can finally take home that baby. At least you have an angel on your side this time around.

  19. Kristin May 4, 2012 at 06:36 #

    I love your inner arguments. They make me smile and also make me feel better that I’m not the only one who argues with myself.

  20. A. May 4, 2012 at 11:51 #

    Definitely can relate! I just went to the mikvah for the first time PP. My follow-up u/s after the operative hysteroscopy showed that there is still stuff in there…not good. Hopefully it will come out when I get a period. Between the current state of my uterus and my extremely infertile past, I realise the chance of me getting pregnant naturally right now is almost nil, but I can’t help but feel pretty bad ass that we have no intention of using contraception.

  21. Detour May 4, 2012 at 20:16 #

    HA! Love this and thank you–needed a laugh today.

  22. Daryl May 5, 2012 at 21:40 #

    Ha! I had this same conversation with myself just last week. Except I actually gave in and POAS. Way to be strong!

    • Mo May 5, 2012 at 21:53 #

      Oh I wish! I gave in this morning and wasted one of my precious FRERs. BFN, as expected. I haz a stoopid.

      • Daryl May 5, 2012 at 22:01 #

        That’s okay, I did it twice. Both negative.

  23. iamstacey May 6, 2012 at 08:30 #

    I’ve had soooo many of these conversations with myself. Why does the pee-happy me always win?

  24. eighteenyears May 6, 2012 at 16:23 #

    Hi! I’m here to let you know I gave you a blog award:

  25. Emily @ablanket2keep May 6, 2012 at 22:36 #



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