Bullets and Bunnies – Appropriate for the Holidays Edition

9 Apr
  • Haven’t done one of these in a while (and boy have things changed since the last one). I figured I was overdue for one, it being Easter and all. Even though I’m Jewish. But still. Plus- my thoughts are way too jumbled to make a full coherent post.
  • Passover was both fun and difficult. Fun because – well – it was fun. Difficult for obvious reasons. The should-have-beens and the could-have-beens haunted both me and Shmerson. I tried not to let it get to me too much, and only partially succeeded.
  • I think the hardest part of the Holiday was how Shmerson and I kept on fantasizing about how it would be when we had kids. It’s frustrating, but inevitable to think that way at this point.
  • With all of that, I’m kind of mad at myself for being so negative. “Could have been” or “may eventually be” isn’t what IS. And I can’t keep on dwelling on the past, or an imaginary future. I’m trying really hard to concentrate on that, but sometimes it’s difficult.
  • I’ve been a crappy commenter lately, and I’m really sorry. I’ve been keeping up with all of you, but I’ve been having a hard time jumping back into the conversation. I feel like I’d be spreading my bad Babyloss mojo on your blogs. I know it’s stupid. It’s just how I feel.
  • I’m also finding myself, for the first time, having a really hard time reading pregnant bloggers. It used to not bother me so much. Now just reading the word “pregnant” sends me spiraling. This is not good, I know. Another thing to work on.
  • Warning: TTC geekery ahead in the next few bullets.
  • AF showed up last week and I was actually relieved considering I was scared that things wouldn’t start up again.
  • Speaking of starting up again, I have another follow-up with The Russian on Wed. I’m less in a state of shock than I was during my first post-loss appointment so I’m going to bombard him with questions and demands requests.
  • I want an HSG to make sure everything healed up ok in there. The last thing we need is more ectopics.
  • I also want to discuss the option of getting an abdominal cerclage. For those of you who don’t know, that’s basically a cerclage that’s placed through abdominal surgery, usually before you even get pregnant. It stays there for life, and it means C-section births only. The success rate on them is really high. Usually from what I’ve read they only do them for women with two failed cerclages, but I don’t want to get that far. I’m hoping The Russian will be on board with this. Anyone out there have one placed? Would love to hear some stories so I have a clearer picture about them (success and failure).
  • I’ve also been thinking a lot about IVF. Technically my diagnosis is “Infertile” according to all of the papers, so my health provider may cover it. My reasoning is that it lowers our chances of ectopics, and, if we do go for it, I’d want to do genetic testing on the embabies so we could make sure we’re transferring healthy ones. Maybe it’s all a step too far though. I don’t know. I’ll ask the Russian what he thinks, and would love to know what you guys think as well. Is this just a random grab at control, or should I seriously consider this?
  • Wow, this is kind of a depressing return to Bullets and Bunnies isn’t it? Ok – how about a joke? Darn it. Can’t think of one. Give me a good one in the comments.
  • I got totally drunk last night for the first time in almost a year. It was fun. I take upsides where I can get them. 🙂
  • I feel fat. And I can’t stop eating chocolate. This does not make for a good combination.
  • More proof that I am a masochist: Grey’s Anatomy. Not going to spoil you guys on a continuing plot line here, but those of you who watch should get why I’m saying this.
  • I put in an order for my Undergrad transcripts. First step in getting the Art Therapy Master’s! Though I really should be  – like – on step five by now.
  • Wow, I’m really having a self-flagellation party today. Awesome sauce.
  • A few of you have mentioned that the blog isn’t showing up on your readers. It may be because of my move to .com, so update your links, and it should be ok.
  • So that was a bit of a bummer post, wasn’t it? Here are TWO bunnies to make up for it. Happy Easter and Happy Passover!

16 Responses to “Bullets and Bunnies – Appropriate for the Holidays Edition”

  1. hapahopes April 9, 2012 at 01:14 #

    I liked this post, sister! I think you sound like you are doing fantastically, all things considered. You survived the holiday and have some plans for moving forward – for The Russian and for school. Awesome dude. Seriously. And YAY FOR THE BUNNIES!!!

    PS – I’ve gotten drunk 3 times this week. No idea why. Okay, well, some idea why, but I’m still being ridiculous.

  2. Rebecca April 9, 2012 at 01:18 #

    Love the bunnies

  3. Daryl April 9, 2012 at 02:16 #

    I’m totally feeling you on the holiday “when we eventually have kids” thing. It makes a day that’s supposed to be fun really kind of suck. But you made it through!

    Also can’t think of any good jokes right now. But the bunnies are awesome!

    • Daryl April 9, 2012 at 04:00 #

      Okay, Hubby just reminded me of a joke:

      What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
      Nacho cheese!

  4. Cristy April 9, 2012 at 02:50 #

    I want the bunny on the roomba!!! Hell, any cute animal that will ride a roomba (my two won’t, which means no roomba).

    Holidays are always hard on those of us on this path. So not fair. But, you lived through it. And you did so the best way you could have AND without stealing anyone else’s children (I seriously considered doing this today, BTW).

    Congrats on taking the first steps towards the Masters in Art degree and I wish you luck with the upcoming appointment with the Russian.

    Finally, my attempt at a joke:
    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Thermos who?
    Thermos be a better knock knock joke than this.

  5. missohkay April 9, 2012 at 03:28 #

    The only person I know who’s had the abdominal cerclage placed was @LeLeIsMe of http://www.builtinbirthcontrol.com/ but she hasn’t TTCed since then.

    I don’t really think this was a depressing return to bullets and bunnies. Potato potahto, I guess. ❤ to the Shmersons.

  6. Heather April 9, 2012 at 08:25 #

    Love your cute bunnies. And I’m glad your plans are in place for studies and your appointment coming up with the Russian. One step at a time. Or one bunny hop.
    I have some bunny jokes just for you.

    What does a bunny use when it goes swimming?
    A hare-net

    What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
    A hot cross bunny.

    How do you make a rabbit stew?
    Make it wait for three hours!

    Here is a virtual easter egg from me to you to make up for my preggy posts. Chocolate always helps.

  7. jjiraffe April 9, 2012 at 09:37 #


    That cerclage option sounds pretty great. Definitely push for that!

    Thinking of you a lot…xoxo

  8. Kristin April 9, 2012 at 14:00 #

    Honestly, I think you are doing an amazing job keeping a level head about things.

    Now, this is a joke my 11 yr old made up so I’m going to beg forgiveness ahead of time…

    Knock, knock
    **Who’s there?
    **Butt who?
    It’s butthole, not butt who

  9. EB April 9, 2012 at 17:08 #

    Love the roomba bunny. I have heard of the abdominal cerclages. It’s something I looked into since (if I ever make it past the first trimester) my chances are high for IC. If I were you I’d be pushing for the same thing. Sorry I don’t have any actual experience or advice. 😦

  10. JM April 10, 2012 at 00:57 #

    Hey there! Lis from Built In Birth Control had a TAC put in, but hasn’t TTC since. She can give you more info about the surgery and recovery. If I remember right, it was a pretty hard recovery but ultimately so so worth it with the success rate.

    Good luck with all of that floating through your head. I completely understand the allure of going the IVF route for control. You and Shermerson will be able to figure out what’s right for you guys.

    And you WILL be amazing parents. Chag Sameach!

  11. beruriah April 10, 2012 at 01:06 #

    I don’t know anyone who’s had an abdominal cerclage, but wasn’t your cerclage an emergent one? They are supposed to have a lower success rate than preventative ones. A cerclage placed at 14 weeks has a very good success rate, especially when paired with progesterone. I use shots because I had true preterm labor, but I know many people with IC are now using suppositories with much success.

    Passover has been a loaded holiday for me since losing Natan, since for years whether I could or could not have the full 4 glasses of wine has been marker or where we are in the journey.

    Good luck with your Art Therapy masters! Such an exciting move for you.

  12. hypotheticallycarie April 10, 2012 at 07:30 #

    I will be getting an abdominal cerclage once I get pregnant. if you want more info than you could ever digest on the subject join the abbyloopers yahoo group! the women over there are great and full of good advice. many doctors who perform the procedure also comment frequently. here’s the link: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Abbyloopers/

  13. St. Elsewhere April 10, 2012 at 09:17 #

    I want to mail you.

    I think I will mail you.

  14. Emily @ablanket2keep April 11, 2012 at 03:56 #

    I have never heard of an abdominal cerclage. I think it sounds like a great thing. It amazes me that things like that can be done.

    Yay for getting drunk! I have been having a good old time having a few beers this month off.

    If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have?

    A receding hare line!

  15. mrs. brightside April 17, 2012 at 02:07 #

    hey, i just have to back up to this post to say, don’t feel bad for one second if you need to stay away for a while. *I* don’t even want to be near me, god if I could stay away I would. Seriously, still waiting for someone to perfect the TTC coma already. Hugs to you.

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