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I’m Not Going to Lie to You

31 Mar

I’ve been stopping and starting blog posts almost every day for the last week.

Apparently, somewhere through the grieving process, I skipped over stage three (anger) and now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass.

I’m angry. At everything. I hate everything. I don’t want to think about babies, talk about pregnancy, or TTC, or loss, or grief or anything. I don’t want to comfort anyone and I don’t want to be comforted.

I want out of this freaking messed up game, and biology is keeping me in it now more than ever.

Giving birth changed my body, my entire biological make up really. And apart from the excess pounds and the stretch marks that won’t go away I have nothing to show for it.

I’m seriously starting to understand those crazy ladies who kidnap babies.

No, I won’t kidnap a baby.

 

Today I yelled at my mom that she doesn’t understand what I’m going through. And she doesn’t. If you haven’t been through it you can’t understand what it’s like to have your entire body screaming “where’s the baby I just gave birth to?” at you 24/7 when all you want to do is get on with your freaking life already.

Instead, you stare longingly at stranger’s kids and have crazy fantasies about deciding to live child-free and your body actually going along with this decision. Heh. I wish.

This is nothing compared to a first trimester miscarriage. This is a different, exclusive kind of club in hell and I don’t want to be a part of it any more.

I’ve been stopping and starting blog posts because I find myself saying the same things over and over again, and I’m sick of it.

I can’t just wallow in grief, because that would be pointless. So I’m wallowing in anger, bitterness, and frustration. More than I have felt in my whole entire life. Not healthy either but at least it’s not depression. At least I can work every day and go about my life, and at least my eyes aren’t swollen from crying any more.

Oh – and if one more person gives me the sideways “how are you feeling?” pity glance I’m going to kick their ass.

So I’m not going to lie to you guys. I hate every one and every thing right now. So let’s make a deal: No “oh hon, I’m so sorry” comments anymore. Tell me what pisses you off the most about infertility or RPL or the world in general. Tell me a joke. Tell me how much I suck.

Because if I get any more attendees to this little pity party I continue to throw myself I’m going to scream. Seriously.

 

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52 Responses to “I’m Not Going to Lie to You”

  1. Belle March 31, 2012 at 03:34 #

    Today I was behind a blue Subaru Outback (my dream “family van”) with those damn stickers with a happy mom, dad and three kids and a pet and I started yelling at the car. I told the car I hated it, and I hated that the people in it have the life I dream about. A family, a family car, tooling around on a Friday evening, going to dinner, playing in the sun. It was an ugly moment and Mr. Husband was present for it. He had no response and I felt no shame. I’m allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be angry. We are all going through our own personal hell and damnit, we are allowed to be angry about it.

  2. aprilvak March 31, 2012 at 03:35 #

    It pisses me off that after all we’ve gone through, my husband still lies to me. And sometimes it pisses me off more that I stay.

  3. Her Royal Fabulousness March 31, 2012 at 03:37 #

    These days what is pissing me off most is friends announcing second pregnancies. Yeah, I’m still here, trying to get pg with #1. It SUCKS.

    I am starting to picture myself as Katniss and all those who have healthy babies as the tributes. 🙂

  4. Cristy March 31, 2012 at 03:42 #

    Can do. What pisses me off the most about infertility: I’ve lost faith in my body. For years I struggled with body imagine, criticizing every aspect. I worked hard to accept my body and what it allows me to do. Then infertility hit and now that’s all out the window. Because the one thing that I was told “my body was made for” is out the window. I swear, if there was a way to divorce my body and trade it in for a new one, I would.

    Now the joke: Two sperm were swimming through a woman’s body.
    The first said, “Whew. I’m getting tired. Just how far is it to the uterus?”
    “The uterus?” the second laughed. “We’re not even past the esophagus yet!”

    • Jo March 31, 2012 at 03:54 #

      I’m with Belle — I HATE those happy family stickers. All of them have a hundred kids — it’s ridiculous. What pisses me off about infertiity is that the poverty-stricken, drug-addicted parents of the kids I teach can have babies year after year after year (and often do) and I can’t have any. Some of the ten-year-olds I teach now will probably have babies before I do. Oh, and I LOATHE every person who tells me that it will happen “in God’s time.” I seriously want to stab people who say that.

      I can’t imagine how you are coping. A first trimester miscarriage IS nothing like this. I’ve never given birth — that is an experience one should never have unless they will get to parent their child afterward. Life sucks, IF sucks harder, and I hate everyone for you.

      Hugs,
      Jo

  5. Stinky Weaselteats March 31, 2012 at 03:53 #

    Although my losses have been 1st trimester, I still read through this post nodding sagely in some flavour of recognition. Probably any blog post of mine from the last 3 months for anger? I’m not trying to over-identify in any way or means, just that I also think the anger stage is WEIRRRD, not known anything like it. What makes me angry? Seeing XX everywhere (yes, rational, much?), flies make me crazily angry (I’m assuming their buzzing is part of it), my neighbours cat regularly taking a crap in my vege patch, and the students from a few floors below barging into the lift/into me/texting with their phone 6 inches from my face. DP spending out big on all kinds this week, but not ‘letting’ me talk about his finances and what he owes on the credit card.

    Yes, small things.
    That LOLcat made me crack out LOLling though.

  6. airforcemum March 31, 2012 at 04:19 #

    I hate that even being on ” the other side of RPL” i can still wake up screaming ” why can’t i have ALL my babies here, why do i have to wait for heaven for my family to be together and for me to feel whole” I hate that i can still feel utter abhorence towards my body for loosing them. AND I REALLY HATE HOW LOW OUR BANK BALENCE IS.
    i could go on but that might be enough
    love the anger management kitty

  7. me0me March 31, 2012 at 04:28 #

    Your kitty is cool

  8. missohkay March 31, 2012 at 04:30 #

    Joke: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros? Elefino! (Saying it out loud might help.)

  9. Esperanza March 31, 2012 at 04:39 #

    Fuck life right now. You have had the shittiest run of luck ever. Seriously. You have ever right to be fucking pissed off. To be simply livid. Let yourself feel that.

    I hope your luck changes soon.

  10. babycrazykiwi March 31, 2012 at 04:50 #

    What makes me mad? The fact that it just can’t be easy. Why can’t something like this just be easy? I’m forever wishing that this would just stop and it would become easy. That I just get pregnant and get finally get on with my life. Unfortunately after 2yrs I’ve lost faith that, that will happen. I’ve lost the excitement that comes with ttc and the prospect of a baby. I can’t even think about the next year and hope for a baby because what the last 2 have taught me is that its a waste of time.
    So yep I get mad just like you except I haven’t had the goods ripped away like you so I guess its a different kind of mad.

  11. AlexMMR March 31, 2012 at 04:56 #

    Not gonna add to the pity party. Instead, I’ll just ask if you might enjoy Krav maga or kickboxing right now?

    • Ana March 31, 2012 at 05:08 #

      Hey Mo, just found your blog, am experiencing similar grief to you. I hate it when people give me the pity glance, and I hate it when they don’t as well!

      Stay strong
      Ana

  12. Coco March 31, 2012 at 05:33 #

    Favorite joke, possibly ever: Little Tony is sitting in the park eating his way through a bag full of chocolate bars. As he finishes his 7th, and starts unwrapping his 8th, the old man sitting across from him says to him “All that chocolate wil stunt your growth, make you sick, and rot your teeth.” Tony replies, “my grandpa lived until he was 108.” “Well did HE eat 12 candybars a day?”….. “No, he minded his own fucking business.”

  13. Infertile First Mom March 31, 2012 at 07:35 #

    Among other things, “Angry” doesn’t do justice to how i feel about the fact that the person I love most in the world (one of my sisters) said this to me recently: “Maybe you should be glad that at least you got to give birth once, even if you never get to be a parent.”
    Be mad. Yell, kick, scream and rage. We all hear that anger and are raging right along side you.

  14. Kirsten March 31, 2012 at 09:00 #

    Angry? Oh, hell yeah!

    The people who say stupid stuff like ‘it isn’t god’s plan’ or ‘you’re not ready yet’ or ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ or other inane drivel. Think then speak, people!

    Angry at the fact that science overcame our MFI problem and got me pregnant twice (out of two) before I killed my three babies off.

    Don’t get me started on God. Not my flavour of the month.

    F*cking livid that my friend who gets pregnant by sharing a sofa with her DH seems to resent every minute of it.

    Smug decals on the back of cars – you look stupid and your stupidity hurts and makes me angry.

    Angry -Yeah, I’m in the angry club.

  15. Heather March 31, 2012 at 11:44 #

    aaaah! I’ll just have a scream for you….
    Yesterday hubby suggested I get one of those ‘baby on board’ stickers for my car. I said I hate those things. It is because I know how it makes an infertile feel.
    Even though I’m out of the woods, I haven’t forgotten how infertility feels. Although I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel.
    Be angry. You have every right to be.

  16. EmHart March 31, 2012 at 11:59 #

    How DARE IF mess with the friendships I have spent years building. How very DARE it threaten them, and move my friends off into a world I can’t join them in.

    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    Jokes and wisdom all in one. Now a little IF one just for fun.

    Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

    A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

  17. Chon March 31, 2012 at 12:54 #

    When my friend fell pregnant one time one month she said to me “it’s not that I am not excited, it’s just I wanted to lose weight first” not sure of this was a joke or designed to make me reach down and pull her intestines out of her throat. Angers good it’s the next step. Fkn mofo infertility.

    • Devon (@dmb07) April 7, 2012 at 18:32 #

      “designed to make me reach down and pull her intestines out of her throat” = PRICELESS

      I’m angry at how infertility has changed me into this person who I said I’d never become. Maybe I said that because I never thought I’d have trouble having babies…

      I get so angry when I hear people tell women who’ve had miscarriages and/or stillbirths that they should be thankful they can get pregnant. I’ve never had that experience but I can say wholeheartedly that such a statement would NOT make my day better. I’m bitter, not better, folks.

  18. Detour March 31, 2012 at 14:39 #

    The family stickers on cars drive me insane. “Aren’t we cute?” Yes, you’re so cute I want to bash the back window in. Also, I’m pissed off by minivans in general because I want to have a family so I need one.

    I kinda hate the store employee who told me to have a happy Mother’s Day when I had no children with me, no signs that I was a mom, and he just assumed it because I’m a certain age.

    I hate how there’s a complete conversation lull after people ask if I have kids. They seem to ask because all they really want to do is talk about their kids, and I obviously don’t want to hear it.

  19. Sunny March 31, 2012 at 16:06 #

    I hate that DH’s much younger friend said to me “You better get a move on or you will look like your child’s granny” – when I said I’m to young to be a mother (my standard flippant response to the dreaded “when are you guys having a baby” question – designed to not let anyone into my painful not-so-little secret)

    I want to re-arrange the smug bastards face!! Off course, DH doesn’t undertsand how I could be so upset by his innocent remark – “he doesn’t know we have issues”

  20. Amy March 31, 2012 at 16:15 #

    Oh, Mo. Yes. Anger. We have cattle, and the retired couple we lease summer pasture from lost their newborn baby girl in the 1980s after a failed surgery to repair a heart defect they hadn’t known about. I thought of the woman as a kindred spirit, because we lost our babies and she understood…until I was talking to her one day and my hurt came pouring out, and she said, “Oh, you’re in the anger phase right now.” Phase? Like it happens in an orderly fashion and then goes away?! Bullshit. That anger has been woven all through the rest of my grief emotions the last 8 months. It’s better, for now, but I attribute that to time, counseling for PPD, hypnotherapy and acupuncture. My MIL is my main anger-inducer and I certainly do not yet forgive her for not talking to me the first 6 months after our loss, for glancing at me in my hospital bed and my twins in their isolet and proceeding to direct all conversation to the weather and other stupid stuff while I lay there in shock and recovering from surgery…for being the reason I worried DH’s family just wanted to forget.

    Thank you for mentioning how much worse a later loss is. It’s so hard to express that without feeling like a heartless bitch, but it IS true. I had several fellow infertiles tell me I’d be back to normal within a few weeks, ready to try again…or that they’d had (early) losses and understood exactly how I was feeling…except that they had.no.idea what it’s like to finally make it to the 2nd trimester after bleeding for 6 weeks only to lose everything a week and a half later. I *felt* my son move that week for the first time. My twin belly was big. I was miserable with aches and pains and all day sickness and bladder incontinence. And I loved it…felt finally saved from infertility. And lost it all.

    And here we are, almost 8 months later, both feeling so much more peaceful and hopeful – fleetingly – about to start $3000 worth of drugs for IVF…with no guarantees that anything will ever be ok. Scared? Yes. Desperate? Yes. Resentful? Absolutely. Willing to risk it all again?

    Yes.

  21. beruriah March 31, 2012 at 17:07 #

    What pisses me off the most about infertility and RPL? People with multiple children acting as if people with no living children, or just one child, are somehow less wise, or less busy, or less tired, or less overworked, than they are.

  22. Elphaba March 31, 2012 at 17:40 #

    This week I went to this mom group thing with Alice and at the beginning everyone introduces themselves and their baby and says their age and if you have other kids.

    This one cow with her baby sits there and tell us about her baby and then says “I have four other kids, so you know, that’s FIVE kids.”

    Then she PAUSES and looks around the room just WAITING for everyone to jump up and say “oh, how much work that must be. You are just soooo amazing and fertile.”

    Smug fertile bitch.

  23. daysofserenity March 31, 2012 at 17:46 #

    I am not currently angry, but I have been. Life is so unfair! Its unfair that this has to be soo hard! Its unfair that other women can have a baby without thinking or rearranging their life and finances while we have to do both. Its just freaking unfair!

  24. krunchyk March 31, 2012 at 20:09 #

    I feel an incredible amount of scorn for women that magically produce babies. I want to tell them that they have no idea what pain and grief feel like. That their idyllic lives haven’t even been touched with pain. Just wait, ladies, just wait until it bites you in the ass. And then, I get angry that they would even try to express their inadequate, ill-timed, insensitive platitudes.

  25. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) March 31, 2012 at 20:22 #

    It pisses me off that I have to wait for the Doctor Who episode to show up on demand because I don’t get the BBC channel. Oh wait that has nothing to do with infertility. Okay I just hate my cycles period!

  26. A. March 31, 2012 at 21:29 #

    I feel you, Mo. I hate my life right now. I am so angry and frustrated and I have no concentration or follow-through. Can’t finish the blog posts I start. Can’t get myself to write or send emails or return phone calls. Can’t cry. I want to do something physical, to make myself sweat, to push my body, but I am not supposed to do that either due to the risk of hemorrhage until April 22 when I am supposed to have surgery because of retained placenta…my body is the gift that keeps on giving. If you want someone to scream to, you can scream to me. And my own self-pity makes me angry, but this just really really sucks.

  27. slcurwin April 1, 2012 at 01:38 #

    You know me, I try to lean on the funny.

  28. hapahopes April 1, 2012 at 01:58 #

    Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

    Laugh, dammit!

  29. erin April 1, 2012 at 02:48 #

    One day, after years of trying and yet another failed cycle, my sister said that “maybe it was for the best. Maybe if you got pregnant this month the baby would have grown up to be a serial killer… maybe you really lucked out.” REALLY!

  30. Anne April 1, 2012 at 21:00 #

    I lost my baby at 23 weeks, and I was angry when the nurse said it was God’s plan. I was angry when someone asked me if it was because I drank or smoked too much (neither of which I did at all!!!) I was angry when people ignored the subject of my daughter and acted like she never existed. I get angry when woman get pregnant and go buy maternity clothes right away, because this is their third or fourth and, like clockwork, the pregnancy test is positive and 9 months later a healthy kid slides out.
    I get angry when woman talk about how horrible c-sections are and how home birthing is the only way to go. I think about what I would give to have any kind of delivery, if it only meant a living baby would be in my arms afterwards. Their battle is not my battle, they are not part of the club that no women want to be a part of. The club of women that know loss, that know a desire that resides deep in their hearts that their bodies just can’t seem to fulfill. And that doesn’t seem fair, and it makes me angry.

  31. LogicalLibby (@LogicalLibby) April 2, 2012 at 00:08 #

    BE PISSED! BREAK SOMETHING! SCREAM! RAGE! WRITE IN ALL CAPS!

    You’ll feel better…

  32. Jay April 2, 2012 at 00:32 #

    Yeah, Pity is a sorry bitch, nobody wants her. There is thankfully, very little of that in the blogsphere, just honest grief for each other, which is why I can bear to pour my heart and soul out here.

    Things people have said that makes steam come out of my ears:

    Idiot friend on me expressing fear for the next time I got pregnant- “why are you so negative?If you just think positive, everything will be ok.” Really??? That is what I did wrong??!?!?!

    Preachy friend on me trying again after loss # 2, as an SMC: “Are you mad? You need to wait, find a guy and try this normally”

    As a distraction- Game of thrones returns today- you should check that out if you have not done so. Best TV show/book series ever!

  33. kat April 2, 2012 at 04:00 #

    Sometimes I don’t believe the anger will ever go away. One of tthe things that I am most angry about wt IF is that it has made it damn near impossible to have faith and the self loathing that comes with it.That fucking feeling of being less than other women who can have babies.I fucking hate IF.

  34. Jenn April 2, 2012 at 04:07 #

    I relate so much to this post and feel like I could’ve written it. I’m angry that infertility and loss have made me lose some friends, that even though it sounds silly I was the first one to start trying out of all my friends and cousins and now I sit here years later still with no kids and they all have a few each. I hate that I was robbed of that innocence, once I made it to second tri with my twins I thought everything would be fine, I thought them coming early would be around 37-38 weeks, not at 20 weeks.

  35. Kathryn April 2, 2012 at 04:37 #

    Tonight I am sobbing with anger and grief at how my life has not turned out the way it has planned. I am so fucking angry that the man I fell in love with, the man I married, wants to live the rest of his life as a woman. I am so angry that I have the heart to see him as a person, to empathize with him, and try to make our marriage work. I am angry that I don’t get to have the husband I always dreamed of. The life I thought I would have. I am so scared that I will divorce in the future. I am so scared that I will live in a marriage where I am not sexually attracted to my spouse. I am so angry that I have had to be the one to stand on a line and make a decision to leave or stay with the person I fell in love with. And in staying it means I must watch him become her. I must endure all the shittiest fucked up shit that will come with a transition. Some nights I wish my life were cut short and I wouldn’t have to deal with this always questionable what is/was the right decision. How did I get myself into this mess? I never want to walk away from the person I love more than anything and yet here I stand still in pain and anguish. Why?

  36. Emily @ablanket2keep April 2, 2012 at 05:08 #

    I am so effing pissed that I could have had the 2nd Great Grandchild in the family and now I will be lucky if I am #8! And now I am just waiting for my cousin who thinks she is everyone’s favorite to end up having the first girl. I am going to freak out if she does! The same cousin that came to me crying that she was diagnosed with endometriosis and told she will never have kids. She got pregnant on the first try! Grrrrrr!

  37. Alissa (MissConception) April 2, 2012 at 06:21 #

    I was just talking about how angry I get sometimes.

    Angry at fertiles and pregnant women complaining about their kids or sore boobs…angry at god and my lot in this journey…angry about having to deal with burying a child.

    Life can be a huge bitch. I’m here with you my friend and I get it.

  38. TeeJay April 2, 2012 at 15:01 #

    It pisses me off that the people that ache for children cannot have them or have to fight for many years to get them while others can pop them out like a Pez dispenser.

    It pissed me off yesterday that a girl I grew up with that has 2 kids posted a picture of a BFP on FB…as an April Fool’s joke.

    It pissed me off that my husband had someone post a REAL BFP on his page yesterday – this will be her 4th…and all she had to say was, “here we go again!” And then he says that now HE’S tired of seeing people post their pregnancies on FB.

    It pisses me off that you are hurting so badly and that your son was taken from you in such a horrific manner.

    It pisses me off that my step-son’s mother gave birth to him and that I have to share him. I took a day off of work to spend with him on Spring Break and she knew it and she still made plans to take him to the beach on the same day. So of course I have to step aside and be the bigger person and let her have him. She IS is mother. Gag.

    Go with the anger. Feel all of it. Anger is an emotion like all the others and it’s best to not hide frojm it. I hope that by acknowledging how angry you are you can star to let it go a little at a time. But for now,slam the cabinet doors, fling the silverware into the sink, pound on your pillow…whatever it takes to let it ou.

    Please forgive any spelling errors. this box is not big enough for my post and I can’t see what I’m typing. Another thing that is pissing me off right now.

  39. SRB April 2, 2012 at 15:12 #

    Dude. If I was anywhere near your place, I would march right over and ring your doorbell. You would open the door and see me standing there holding a sign saying “One free punch in the face!”. And you could take it, or not. Either way, we would laugh and laugh and laugh. And then have 11 drinks.

    Yeah, fuck this shit. Fuck it right in the face.

  40. Connie April 2, 2012 at 15:35 #

    Sweetie…. find something to hit and beat the shit out of it. Seriously. Throw stuff…. cuss…. cry….. kick…. and even if it doesn’t make you feel a whole lot emotionally better, then at least you’ll be so damn tired that you will just pass out and sleep.

  41. Gail April 2, 2012 at 16:47 #

    I really hate the April Fool’s Day pregnancy posts. One friend even posted a picture of twins in an ultrasound and labeled them A and B and she already has 2 kids. Pisses me off! Add to that the fact that my period was a week late and decided to show up on April Fool’s Day! Double pissed off!

  42. Kat April 2, 2012 at 19:02 #

    Mo, I love this post. It pisses me off that even after finally getting my bfp, baby showers make me cry. It pisses me off that my MIL will shove baby clothes in my face for her upcoming first grandkid (currently being carried by SIL), and say stupid shit like “she’s just like me, as soon as we’re off birth control boom pregnant” when she knows getting pregnant is hard for me and acts like she somehow understands because getting pregnant happened faster than she expected (uh, yeah, not quite the same thing there).

    And it pisses me off that I spent most of my twenties building up the confidence I never had as a shy kid without many friends and infertility pretty much put me right back at square one feeling utterly alone in a room full off people.

    And on a lighter note, it pisses me off that when I try to type in my blog name on my phone (Les Terres Fertiles) it auto corrects it to Preferred Fertiles. What that fuck is that shit?

  43. Mo April 2, 2012 at 23:22 #

    Keep ’em coming ladies! This anger-bonding is awesome. Ok, maybe awesome isn’t really a good word for it, but you get my drift. I love you guys!

  44. Christina April 3, 2012 at 04:02 #

    You Darn well tooting have a right to be angry and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can bite it! >:O

    I hate that I have to pay in almost $700 in taxes in the next 2 weeks. Stupid IRS! I also hate that I have to work with a couple of people that drive me batty every day. I also hate that I have had to deal with the Dr that delivered Em rather than the nurse practitioner that I’ve always seen and that was the 1st one to help us on our TTC journey. The Dr just botched placing my IUD on Friday which worked out great for traveling and visiting family. Nothing like bleeding and cramps to make a good time great!

    Also also, I hate that my google reader stopped updating my subscription to your blog for some wonky reason! GRRRR!!!

  45. mrs. brightside April 3, 2012 at 05:54 #

    I hate being told to Just Relax. I hate being told to Just Adopt. I hate being told that I HAVE to think positive or else things won’t go our way. I hate that a baby is the price of admission to the social world of women my age, leaving me always out of place, ever more isolated. I hate showing up at gatherings feeling like I forgot to bring a dessert or my purse, but oops, it’s just that I forgot to bring a baby. I hate a certain someone who waited longer than I did, got pregnant on the first shot, and acts totally put out by the whole affair. I hate feeling like less of a woman, inadequate and a failure. I hate that I’m constantly having to spread my legs to strangers and that our intimate life is not our own.

    And finally, I hate that FUCKING PROMETRIUM IS PINK. If I ever find the sonofabitch who decided that a vaginal suppository should look even the tiniest bit like blood I will beat his ass. (And yes, I’m assuming he’s a man.) Gives me a tiny heart attack every single day. Asshole.

  46. Sunny April 3, 2012 at 20:54 #

    Anger= My little sister. She did a ton of hard core drugs when she was a teenager, never finished college, was supported by my dad until she was married, and eats like crap, yet manages to get pregnant the first month she’s off the pill. I have slaved over college and a career, meticulously monitor my diet now, and still can’t even ovulate after 7 months. She is holding an adorable baby in her arms…my nephew… and I can’t even fucking stand to be around her. She is a level of blissfully ignorant that I can never be, and it fucking sucks.

  47. eighteenyears April 3, 2012 at 21:55 #

    Oh, I have so many things that I could talk about in the anger category that it might need its own blog post.

    I’ll go with the joke instead. Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

  48. Cablearms April 9, 2012 at 19:32 #

    Sometimes, life just fucking sucks balls. Fuck the peppy platitudes and the ones who dole them out.

    Why does a French man only eat an egg?

    Because ONE egg is an oeuf!

  49. Tammy June 1, 2012 at 01:11 #

    thank you for letting me know i’m not the only one who wants to take my car and smash it into the cars that have the “baby on board” stickers. Not that I want to hurt a child, it’s the parents that I wanna make them need reconstructive surgery when I see that shit! Did these parents forget what they were taught as kids that showing off is impolite!!!! Not to mention, people seem to be soo ignorant towards infertility it’s not even funny like as if it’s none existant when they are pregnant. If I were to ever fall pregnant, trust me there’s not gonna be any spamming the shit out of facebook feed of ultrasound pictures and what have you, I have respect! What’s a little dissapointing is DH does but doesn’t understand my frustrations. He wants to be a father really badly as well, but doesn’t understand why I get soo mad when people spam my facebook newsfeed with ultrasound pictures and a million and one status updates such as “stopped by a flee market and got a bunch of cute onesies”. His response was “it’s a part of their life, you’re gonna have to accept it or get rid of them” he doesn’t understand that i have every right to get pissed off and just grieve without having to make irrational decisions such as get rid of them, it’s not as simple as he makes it sound. Also, dunno how but he has no problem talking baby talk with them.. I guess men and women deal differently. Last but not least, I get soooo mad when women dare complain about infertility after having a healthy baby. Do they not realize millions of women and men would kill just to have that one perfect bundle of joy, let alone have the chance to go for a second one? Not saying it’s not frustrating but to me they seem like nothing but selfish bitches.

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