The Three F’s

15 Mar

First of all – how awesome is my new header? It’s all Court’s doing.

All I told her was – “I want something that’s whimsical but not TTC related. Oh, and a bunny! And butterflies! I love butterflies! And purple!”

Boom! A few days later, I get the best. Header. Ever. In my email.

Court, you rock harder than pre-reality-show Ozzy Osbourne.

Also, I’ve bitten the bullet and registered My old blog URL still works, but feel free to update your links if you feel like it.

I’m still tinkering with the new design a bit, so don’t be afraid to tear me a new one in the comments, and things may be a bit wonky for a few days. Sorry.

In other news, you may have noticed that Eggs in a Row is down. Mel mentioned it on LFCA but just in case you didn’t get the news there, know that Rachel is fine. There was just some dramz, which she will probably tell you all about when her new blog launches. I’ll give you details of that when the time comes.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled blog post.

First, I wanted to thank you all once again for your emails, your comments, your tweets, and your *insert modern communication method here*s.

The love I’ve felt from all of you has literally helped me stay sane through all of this, and I am forever grateful I know I keep saying “thank you.” But thank you isn’t enough. So I’ll just keep saying it:

Thank you.


Over the last few weeks a theme has been emerging with my friends and family, and with you, my bloggy buddies.

Everybody keeps on telling me how strong I am. Which for me is kind of mind-blowing. I mean sure, I’ve managed some pretty amazing posts to honor my son on here, but that’s all him. And yes, I’ve gone back to work. But strong? I do not call 5 hour crying fits that happen once every 2 or 3 days on average strong.

Then I look around and realize that I guess the fact that I started working again 8 days after it happened is kind of impressive. And the fact that I actually manage to put together coherent sentences on a regular basis isn’t half bad either.

Considering the fact that a month ago – when Nadav was still doing the tango in my uterus, I was sure that if something happened to him I’d ask to be put into a medically induced coma forever, and yet here I am – well, I guess you can call that strong (was that not the longest run-on sentence ever? AK – you must now take stroke-prevention measures).

But the fact is I’m not strong, I’m strengthened. It wasn’t only Nadav’s Lessons that gave me strength, it was what I call the three F’s:

Family, Friends, and Farmaceuticals.

(Shut up spellcheck! I’m trying to make a funny through alliteration! I’m such a dork.)

One of the first things I did after getting out of the hospital was to head to Dr. Happy Pills. Apart from upping my anti-depressants, and renewing my script for, he also gave me a prescription for what he described as a “10-pound hammer”, for days when things were particularly hard. That hammer helped a lot when things became unbearable. I’m happy to say that I have barely used it since that first week, and that’s due to:

Friends and family.

My mom came over every day, and each day we took on a new “project.” Finding vases so I’d have a place to put all of the flowers I was getting. Choosing wallpaper to put the finishing touches on our home. Making the empty room into a functioning guest room, because no room should really be empty. Getting me paint supplies.

Each day I was dragged out of the house for some retail therapy with some sort of mission in mind. Sure, it wasn’t cheap, but it saved me.

Then there were (and are) my friends. Who came to visit, who kept me busy. Who called to check in, who let me talk when I needed to, and distracted me when I didn’t want to talk. They (you) continue to remind me that my life is full of love, despite my loss.

And of course, there’s Shmerson (who doesn’t start with an F so I put him in the “Family” category to keep my alliteration intact). He keeps telling me each day that I’m beautiful. When I curse at my body he reminds me of how amazing it is. He keeps it together when I break down. That continues to amaze me.

And the best part? The man has a serious knack for morbid humor. It’s tactless, it’s horrific, it’s offensive, and it makes me laugh my ass off. My favorite one was from a few days after we got home from the hospital. Squish came over and we ordered sushi.

Shmerson: Good thing you didn’t eat any sushi while you were pregnant, things really could have gone wrong.

I know. Gasp! That’s an awful thing to say!

Don’t care. It’s funny as hell.

Oh – BTW, Shmerson has been reading all of your comments and emails as well. He even opened a twitter account in English just for you guys. You should totally follow him. He’s hilarious.

So yeah. I guess I’m strong. But it’s the people who surround me (with a little help from my happy-pill friends), who make me that way.

27 Responses to “The Three F’s”

  1. beruriah March 15, 2012 at 18:35 #

    You’re husband was Doctor Who for Purim! I knew I liked you folks. Awesome sonic screwdriver.

    Dark humor is so important. I was full of it in the months after, I still am. Some people might think it’s nuts, but I think it’s the best way to just be honest when you’ve gotten a poor deal.

    Thank you for the update on Rachel. I was worried.

  2. missohkay March 15, 2012 at 18:39 #

    Love the new header, love Shmerson’s humor, love you! And days later I still can’t get “every bunny was kung fu fighting” out of my head 😉

  3. Jen March 15, 2012 at 18:53 #

    This post made me smile for you. I never really knew why everyone said I was so strong after my loss but now I get it and I see it in you! My hubby has the same morbid since of humor and always kept me laughing at totally inappropriate things. Got to love them for it!

  4. marwil March 15, 2012 at 19:08 #

    Not strong but strengthened – I so agree with that statement. Change all over, I love it. And those bunnies are the cutest!

  5. Serenity March 15, 2012 at 19:24 #

    There’s gotta be a medal SOMEWHERE for the men who are able to make you laugh in the darkest days with their most un-PC commentary. I love your husband. And your friends. And your farmaceuticals, even.

    Personally, I don’t think strength is about feeling strong. I’d argue that the people who I see as the strongest likely feel the weakest. Or something like that.

    Anyway. Like how you’re calling it “strengthened.” And your header rocks. 🙂

  6. Heather March 15, 2012 at 19:25 #

    I love your new header. Purple is my fave colour. And the bunnies are all so cute.
    I also like your tribute to Nadav – I know it will help a lot of people.
    Retail therapy is such a good plan. And I’m glad your mom was there for you. I am glad your hubby is keeping you sane with humour – my hubby is also like that and it really helps.
    We keep telling you, you are strong, because you are. Particularly when you write such wisdom under the worst circumstances. I can only admire you.

  7. Port of Indecision March 15, 2012 at 19:37 #

    That is funny as hell. I greatly appreciate having a morbid sense of humor about things.

    It makes my heart happy to hear you’re doing so well, relatively speaking and all things considered and all that jazz.

  8. SRB March 15, 2012 at 19:45 #

    Window opens and…YAY! Bunnies! It looks AWESOME.

    Shmerson rules. The end.

  9. EmHart March 15, 2012 at 21:06 #

    I love those bunny and kitty pics. Gosh, sometimes I am such a big girl. This was a lovely post and I love the new look.

  10. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) March 15, 2012 at 21:48 #

    Yes, you are strong. You looked straight in the face that which could have destroyed you and you won. Many of us just succumb to the depression and fears but you worked hard to pull yourself out of that mire. I’m proud of you.

  11. Cablearms March 15, 2012 at 22:40 #

    love you, lady! Bring on the BUNNIES and KITTENS!

  12. Trisha March 15, 2012 at 23:41 #

    Nice to see the blog looking so happy again, I love the header. This post totally made me smile. Good to know that no humor was lost 🙂

  13. Cristy March 16, 2012 at 00:58 #

    I LOVE the new header! Very you. And hearing how amazing your family has been brings tears of joy to my eyes. You are a strong woman and your family is awesome! Keep bringing on the bunnies!

    And thanks for the update on Rachel. I noticed and was wondering/worrying. Hopefully she’ll be able to share soon.

  14. chon March 16, 2012 at 01:26 #

    I love you Mo. Is that weird to love someone you have never met? I think you are quite simply a combination of awesomesauce and amazeballs.


    ps loving the new header. hello little bunny rabbit.

  15. babycrazykiwi March 16, 2012 at 03:31 #

    Sorry I’ve been a bit mia on the commenting lately. I feel terrible for not being supportive enough. I have been thinking of you more than ever and can’t believe how incredible strong you are right now (yep there goes that word again). Thanks for your comment on my last post. Needing to find my own kind of strong right now too. Keep up the great work my friend xx

  16. Christina March 16, 2012 at 04:03 #

    I ❤ everything about this post!

    ps- The only thing your new blog design is missing is glitter!

  17. mrs. brightside March 16, 2012 at 05:40 #

    I’m behind on my commenting but I want you to know that I’ve been reading every word and have so much I’ve been wanting to say to you. But for now I’ll just say, I’m so happy to see your fresh new look and to still have you here in this community, and that your posts recently have helped me work through so many demons and bring about some healing of my own. Thinking of you often, sending hugs across the pond!

  18. eighteenyears March 16, 2012 at 19:18 #

    Love that new header. So cute and fun!

    And, your Schmerson sounds like very good peeps to me.

  19. Wife March 16, 2012 at 20:58 #

    Love everything about this. I can’t thank you enough for the strength you’ve given me and for continuing to share your stories.

  20. AK March 16, 2012 at 23:22 #

    The header is gorgeous and so very you.

  21. AK March 16, 2012 at 23:27 #

    PS – No need stroke prevention measures. Just a mental red pen and some And that Shmerson English Twitter account – well, you’re welcome people. I’m taking credit for instigating that shit. 🙂

  22. (In)fertility Unexplained March 17, 2012 at 00:10 #

    Shmerson’s tweets are so funny! And, I love your new header.

    I am simply amazed at how you’ve survived and been able to share your thoughts and insights with all of us. You are a very strong woman.

  23. The Pussy Palace March 17, 2012 at 01:08 #

    It’s totally dark but I laughed. I’m glad you have Shmerson. Hugs to you.

  24. St. Elsewhere March 17, 2012 at 09:08 #

    BodegaBliss did an awesome job…loving it!

    And Shmerson is already on my twitter…:-)

    The ability to laugh at stupid jokes when I was all sunk, kind of amazed me too.

    Good thing – new projects every day.

  25. Emily @ablanket2keep March 17, 2012 at 22:50 #

    I absolutely love the new look! It is totally you! It is dark, but I laughed too.

  26. jjiraffe March 19, 2012 at 02:53 #

    LOVE your new header!!! Courtney is amazing. I have something to reveal from her too 🙂

    SO glad the Fs and Shmerson are helping you be strong. Which you are!!


  27. K.Smitty March 22, 2012 at 23:10 #

    Boo…I think your new URL might have made you not show up in my reader for some reason!

    Sads 😦

    So this is late, but oh well…I too love the new look! (especially the butterflies!) But I gotta say, about you not thinking you’re strong because you still cry once in a while, I saw the PERFECT thing on Pintrest and reading that immediately made me think of it. It said, ” People don’t cry because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long.” Think about it…..hugs!

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