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Hopefully

15 Feb

Yesterday at the end of my post I wrote:

“The father of our lost children, and of the little boy that will come into our lives in a few months.”

I spent half an hour on that sentence, because of one word I kept writing and deleting: Hopefully.

The little boy that will hopefully come into our lives in a few months.

I wrote it. I deleted it. I looked at the sentence, and wrote the word again. Over and over at least 10 times before I ultimately deleted the word.

Then it took me another 5 minutes to hit publish. It was nuts. I couldn’t bring myself to write about him as if he was a sure thing, yet I could write about him as if he wasn’t.

What finally decided it was one fact that I know for sure: No matter what happens, he is already a part of our lives.

7 days until the anatomy scan. Holding my breath.

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13 Responses to “Hopefully”

  1. Belle February 15, 2012 at 20:53 #

    No no, you breathe, I’ll hold my breath for you.

  2. MJ February 15, 2012 at 20:54 #

    I know what you mean.

    And your right. He IS a part of your lives already! There is no ‘hopefully’ about it — he’s here. With you.

    Can’t wait for more from you about the anatomy scan!

    XOXO

  3. missohkay February 15, 2012 at 21:05 #

    Will be virtually holding your hand until then. I know what you mean with the word hopefully. At the end of my therapy session yesterday, my therapist kept telling me she was happy for me and I had to insert a qualifier every time. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. If all goes well. Blah blah. Living on edge long-term has taken a toll, clearly 😉 I hope the anatomy scan relieves some pressure for you.

  4. Trisha February 15, 2012 at 22:39 #

    We will all be holding our breathe with you!

  5. me0me February 15, 2012 at 22:50 #

    No holding breath! You breathe! Oxygen for two! 🙂

  6. Jem February 15, 2012 at 23:05 #

    Oh, I totally get the hopefully thing. I won’t really believe it until I see, hear, touch, smell and taste our daughter. Seriously.

  7. TheStorkWhisperer February 16, 2012 at 01:17 #

    It’s funny how it can be so hard to type the words that we so desperately want to be true. But you are right–he is already part of your life. Keeping you in my thoughts! Keep us posted.

  8. Daryl February 16, 2012 at 02:32 #

    You’re absolutely right about him being a part of your life. Thinking of you until that anatomy scan shows everything is just perfect!

  9. Heather February 16, 2012 at 05:49 #

    thinking of you and looking forward to hearing about the scan.

  10. chon February 16, 2012 at 06:44 #

    hey, hey HEY you are actually over half way. If you take the glass half full approach (which you know I do 😉 ) then we are on the right side of the glass or perecentages, or whatever.

    anyway, everything has to be ok because I am having a girl and I am not shy on matchmaking this early in the womb. Besides, I always fancied a trip to Israel. And lets be honest that kid is going to be a spunk.

    Kisses and hugs x

  11. slowmamma February 16, 2012 at 07:41 #

    Yes. He is a part of your lives already. I can’t wait until he is the kind of part that keeps you up all night and spits up all over your shoulder. Until then, breathe deeply – and may the anatomy scan bring you lots of reassurance!

  12. slcurwin February 17, 2012 at 07:21 #

    I’ve done that so many times. It’s as though writing it will jinx it and it’s a terrifying thought. But he’s already a part of your lives and ….Things I don’t want to write feeling like I’m jinxing it too. Pot meet Kettle damn it.

    It’s ok, We’ll all just think happy thoughts and make the bad just F right off.

  13. lis February 20, 2012 at 09:19 #

    oh honey. I’m here, when you are ready. so much love to you. just love and peace.
    xoxo
    lis

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