The Big Reveal

12 Jan

So Shmerson and I have decided to announce the pregnancy on Facebook.

Here’s a list of reasons why (I love lists!):

  1. This pregnancy has been filled with nothing but worry and drama. Shmerson and I both feel the need to do at least one “normal” thing and actually get to celebrate this a little.
  2. Looking at it from the other side, though I hated finding out about pregnancies through Facebook, I preferred to get the info as an official announcement, and not as a series of indecipherable comments on a person’s wall or getting slapped in the face by a baby bump photo. Shmerson and I will be attending several weddings in the next few months, so it will be inevitable that I get tagged with a bump. I’d rather reveal on my terms.
  3. I think that if I share the news sensitively enough, it may not hurt the closet IFers on my friends list.

So that’s the kicker. I need to find a kind way to say it, without an overshare (because really, my grad school screenwriting professor doesn’t need to know about my three miscarriages), but with a hint toward our struggle so that any closet IFer would understand.

I admit, I’ve been thinking about this for months, and of course, dear readers, I need your help! Here are the status update options I’ve come up with:

(yay! Another list!)

  1. It’s been a bumpy two year ride to get here, but I am happy and grateful to announce that we are expecting a baby boy this June. There’s a rocky road still ahead, so please keep us in your thoughts while we fight to make it there safely!
  2. I am grateful and humbled to announce that after a lot of heartache, we are expecting a baby boy to make his arrival in June of this year. My thoughts are with all of the couples still struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss, and I hope all of your wishes come true soon.
  3. This is the humorous approach: I embed “pregnant women are smug” and write: I promise, I’m not like that. Grateful for the upcoming arrival of our baby boy, due this June.

I know the first two are ultra-sensitive, but they still somewhat feel like TMI. But maybe I’m wrong? Is the third option good? Should I just scrap it all and write in all caps (as has been suggested here several times in the comments, originate by MissOhkay) “I’M KNOCKED UP! SEE YA LATER, BARREN BITCHES!” or something? Do you have any better ideas? I’m sure you do, so lay them on me.


40 Responses to “The Big Reveal”

  1. PM January 12, 2012 at 18:02 #

    You still haven’t announced to the world that I’m the queen of everthing……
    I want a whole post now… I’m greedy like that…

    • Mo January 12, 2012 at 18:09 #

      As soon as we get a good pic of his teenie weenie, I will. I promise. Silly PM. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Emily January 12, 2012 at 18:07 #

    Personally I like option 1 the best- it touches on the fact that it wasn’t an easy process for you but doesn’t share too many details. Maybe an email to the people you think might have a hard time with it in advance? We’ve been trying to get pregnant for 2 years as well (and found out on Christmas that I’m knocked up- the old fashioned way- just before we were going to start IUI). Several of my friends/cousins knew what we were going through though and all of them sent me a personal email before they announced it on Facebook. (am holding off on my own FB announcement as I’m only 7 weeks and my brother’s new wife is also pregnant so I’m waiting at least until after she announces- let her have her limelight since it’s not my first time to the rodeo….. When I do announce it will probably be something along the lines of your option 1.

  3. MJ January 12, 2012 at 18:16 #

    I’m so glad you posted this!! I’ve been struggling with FB and whether or not to announce. I have had two FB friends out me, but I don’t think anyone has caught on (or maybe I’m just deluding myself.)

    I like a little hybrid approach of all three … maybe something like this:
    Shmerson and I are happy and grateful to announce that after a long wait we are expecting a baby boy in June! Our thoughts are with any others waiting, wishing and hoping for their own bundle.

    Just an idea. ๐Ÿ™‚ But I seriously LAUGHED OUT LOUD at the “barren bitches” … you’re HI-larious!!

    • Mo January 12, 2012 at 18:58 #

      Thanks but full credit goes to MissOhkay on that one. ๐Ÿ™‚
      I like your suggestion. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. me0me January 12, 2012 at 18:17 #

    I’m gonna say – because it’s FB and not, you know, a presidential interview, I think 3 is my favorite. I think humor tends to rule social media. But 1 is great too.

  5. Graph Paper Story January 12, 2012 at 18:19 #

    I like a combination of #1 & #2:

    “Itโ€™s been a bumpy two year ride to get here, but I am happy and grateful to announce that we are expecting a baby boy this June. Thereโ€™s a rocky road still ahead, so please keep us in your thoughts while we fight to make it there safely! My thoughts are with all of the couples still struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss, and I hope all of your wishes come true soon.”

    I like the reference to the difficult past, the announcement, the note that it’s not a breezy pregnancy, and the shout-out to IFers. I removed the “grateful/humbled” reference because although true and well-intentioned, it still carries a slight air of having been “chosen” (ie humbled that you’re chosen for such a greatness). I don’t really like #3.

    • Karen January 12, 2012 at 19:43 #

      I agree with this one. As well you can send messages to those that you feel would be most hurt by finding out through a FB status.

      • Mo January 12, 2012 at 22:12 #

        That’s the thing – they all know already. I’m worried about those people I don’t know about. Hopefully what I choose will do the trick. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Elphaba January 12, 2012 at 18:33 #

    Yah, when it’s your turn it’s not so easy to reveal your struggle on a public forum like Facebook eh? I had the same dilemma–I wanted to be sensitive, but I really didn’t want the whole world knowing that for us, babies just didn’t happen. I don’t have any advice–as you know, I never officially announced mine, but I wanted to say I feel your struggle.

    PS–I haven’t been commenting, but I’ve been reading and I’m so sorry about the whole cervix thing and crossing my fingers that everything proceeds as it should. Sending you big hugs. We’ll be celebrating Shmembryo’s arrival in a few short months!

  7. slcurwin January 12, 2012 at 18:50 #

    Personally i think combining one and three would be good. Write the sensative ambiguous message ending with humour.

    • Courtney January 14, 2012 at 05:25 #

      I agree! I was also thinking maybe #3, but with something like this (I only added two words to yours): “Grateful for the long-awaited, upcoming arrival of our baby boy, due this June.” That puts it out there – but not TMI. If I read that, I’d know that pregnancy didn’t come easily for you and that you are being sensitive to me (if I was your IF friend), and also that you’re not wanting to share too much information and not to pry. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. missohkay January 12, 2012 at 18:50 #

    Ahem, as the first commenter to suggest Barren Bitches, I’d have to vote for that one ๐Ÿ˜‰
    But seriously, I like a combo of #1-2 also. Something like “It hasn’t been an easy road, but we’re grateful to announce that we are expecting a baby boy in June and hopeful that our friends who have been touched by infertility and loss will reach a happy resolution.”

    • Mo January 12, 2012 at 18:58 #

      1) I am such a jerk – I totally should have given you credit! Editing for that now. ๐Ÿ™‚
      2) nice phrasing. Definitely an option.

      • missohkay January 12, 2012 at 23:36 #

        Barren Bitches was collective inspiration, I’m sure ๐Ÿ˜‰ There’s probably even a blog already called that somewhere. Or tee shirts. I’d pay for a tee shirt that said that. I’d google it, but I’m on my work computer so…

  9. EB January 12, 2012 at 19:09 #

    I vote for #1. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I would do, and I came up with a version of your #1 several months ago. I think it doesn’t reveal too much while letting everyone know it’s a cautious announcement (and one that took more thought than “I’M 6 WKS PREGO ZOMG!!”).

  10. someday-soon January 12, 2012 at 19:11 #

    I like #1. I think it lays it out there that you struggled and that you are still having issues without being TMI. If I was a closet IF’er I’d be happy for you with this announcement and possibly even reach out to you for help if we were close enough friends. IMO, announcing to the world is an amazing step and makes it feel even more real. Go for it!!!

  11. bodegabliss January 12, 2012 at 19:30 #

    I like missohkay’s rewrite…but what if you just select who gets that one (your close friends and family, not your professor), and then send a more generic one to the people like the professor? You can do that on FB, right?

  12. Rebecca Pallack (@RPallack) January 12, 2012 at 19:36 #

    Terrible I know but I rather liked and laughed at the “Barren Bitches”. Hey you have your right to post what feels best to you. No matter how you finally decide to announce someone is going to get their nose bent out of shape over it. As if they wouldn’t be overly happy if it happened to them? Seriously, getting pregnant is like winning the lottery when you are infertile. Its time to celebrate and spread your happiness.

  13. oopsie23 January 12, 2012 at 19:37 #

    I am always a sucker for the humorous approach! Good luck! It gets way more real from here on out!!!

  14. Heather January 12, 2012 at 20:27 #

    I’m sure you’ll find the best combo of what works for you. I liked your humourous option no 3.
    I said “Miracles do happen. We are 12 weeks pregnant” – short and simple. I then linked certain people to a certain post I did on circle and bloom that gave my whole story – not everyone just the select few.
    And I continue to tell people that it is a miracle.

  15. Jem January 12, 2012 at 20:28 #

    I was all ready to announce on FB, but Mr. Jem was dead set against it. So, instead I reached out personally to people I really care about. It’s worked great so far.

  16. Natalie January 12, 2012 at 20:58 #

    I like short and sweet maybe something like “So grateful to finally be able to say we will soon be parents”. Gives a hint without too much detail. But I also LOVE the pregnant women are smug song, so find a way to post that too.

  17. Mo January 12, 2012 at 22:11 #

    I think missohkay wins!
    The thing is everybody close already knows, so I want a public status update to avoid any closet IFers I don’t know about finding out in a harsh way.

    • missohkay January 12, 2012 at 23:38 #

      Yay! Now you can decide how I announce our adoption. I’ve been threatening to wait until the day she comes and just say “My baby just flew in from [country I can’t mention until that day] and boy are her arms tired!” LOL.

      • missohkay January 12, 2012 at 23:41 #

        Oh, and do you mind if I add you on Facebook? I’ll give you an enthusiastic thumbs up… [did that sound like a bribe? it was meant to be a bribe]

      • jjiraffe January 13, 2012 at 08:57 #

        OMG. That would be the best adoption announcement ever.

  18. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row January 12, 2012 at 23:25 #

    I like Miss Okay’s. Or #3. I am not on FB this week (self-imposed ban) so I won’t be commenting, but don’t take it personally! xoxox

  19. Izzy January 13, 2012 at 01:47 #

    I SOO appreciate the sensitive announcements. I’d freaking kill to see one of those announcements on my feed. I’d say 1, 2 or MssOkay’s rewrite are all excellent options. You’re bringing awareness to the folks who don’t realize how much IF/loss affects people while also letting people know you’ve come out on the other side and giving the rest of us hope that we might someday too.

  20. Katie January 13, 2012 at 04:55 #

    I like option 3, but I’m a big fan of Garfunkel and Oates.

  21. jjiraffe January 13, 2012 at 09:07 #

    I like Miss Ohkay’s idea (all of her ideas, really). But I think this is the best reason of all to announce it:

    “This pregnancy has been filled with nothing but worry and drama. Shmerson and I both feel the need to do at least one ‘normal’ thing and actually get to celebrate this a little.”

    You guys totally do deserve to celebrate this.

  22. Flowergirl January 13, 2012 at 10:12 #

    YOu know what bugs me about the first to is the phrase ‘to announce’, maybe it’s a English thing, but if you remove that, you’re not overtly doing a big announcement if you see what I mean, as those words are a bit of a kick to me in addition to the whole pregnancy thing.

    I’m therefore pro the shorter suggestions from Heather and Natalie.

    And maybe when you get comments, if you want to allude further, use the para that jjiraffe has picked from your post?

  23. Kristen January 13, 2012 at 23:16 #

    I personally would go with #3. FB is such a weird medium…when I did my reveal I thought a lot about putting something personal about our struggles there, but it just didn’t feel right. I went with the very generic “Two babies on the way…” with a bump photo. I always think about what someone said once, that FB is like a cocktail party and do you lay heavy stuff on people at a cocktail party? Part of why I dislike FB, it’s easy to talk about the light and fluffy and happy stuff in life, much harder to get into the underbelly/things going wrong and thus when you look at FB it seems like everyone’s life is happy, shiny, perfect, which is not the case. And I hate to be contributing to that, but…
    But I digress…
    Still, I really admire you for wanting to allude to your struggles…it’s really good not to keep this stuff in the dark…maybe I just wasn’t brave enough to do it.
    Will be interested to hear what you decide to post, and what the reaction is. I was hesitant to post on FB, but got so many congrats and good wishes from people from all parts of my life…it actually ended up being lovely.
    Oh, and I haven’t laughed so hard in weeks as I did at โ€œIโ€™M KNOCKED UP! SEE YA LATER, BARREN BITCHES!โ€ ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Courtney January 14, 2012 at 05:37 #

      I am going to remember this always – that FB is like a cocktail party and you don’t put heavy stuff out there at a cocktail party. This goes along with my husband always reiminding me that if it’s FB drama – then it’s not worth my time. So true! Thank you for the analogy – I will use this often!

  24. Libby January 14, 2012 at 03:22 #

    I like #3. Humor always helps. Of course, the bitches angle works too..

  25. starfishkittydreams January 14, 2012 at 20:42 #

    “Iโ€™M KNOCKED UP! SEE YA LATER, BARREN BITCHES!” made me laugh so hard. If I ever get to the point where I have something to announce, can I use this one? ; )

    As far as how much to reveal, I have to agree with Kristen’s cocktail party analogy. Facebook definitely feels like a cocktail party and doesn’t seem to support sharing something so personal. Saying it was a “bumpy ride” raises a lot of questions you may/may not want to go into with everyone.

  26. marwil January 14, 2012 at 23:44 #

    I’m right there with you on how to announce it on FB. I like it short and sweet, not something that raises too much questions but still to say it’s been a long time coming. I like #1 but maybe a bit shorter. There are some great suggestions in the comments. Do what feels best for both of you ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Amy January 15, 2012 at 01:35 #

    Here’s what I put – (yes, it’s ridiculously wordy, but I didn’t care at the time, just wanted to get it over with!):

    Happy 2012! We’re very happy to start the new year by announcing that we are expecting a baby in late June (!!!). Many, many thanks to those who have walked along with us on this long, strange trip/and winding road (choose your own allusion). โ™ฅ

    “… the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that one is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it does mean is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of colour, energy, and hope.” – Author Unknown

  28. Mrs. Corrock January 15, 2012 at 03:35 #

    I like aspects of each of your approaches. Looking forward to what you decided on and how the reveal went.

  29. Emily @ablanket2keep January 15, 2012 at 19:46 #

    I like number #1. It lets everyone know without TMI. Good luck with letting everyone know!

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