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10 Weeks – Trying to Connect

26 Nov

So, today I’m 10 weeks.

First – an apology. I’ve been sucking at commenting lately. I’m still reading, but I’m having a hard time being eloquent on anything lately – so I’m really sorry!

I’m still reeling a bit from the whole job debacle (no, I haven’t heard back from them yet. Urgh). I spent yesterday in a bit of a haze of fury and depression.

Of course, the fact that I’m still spotting isn’t helping things much.

The Harley Hottie told me at our acupuncture session yesterday, after I laid out all of the reasons I’m in a crappy mood, that I really shouldn’t waste so much time and energy on stupid things, and I should really just concentrate on taking care of myself.

Two hours later when I got home after running some errands and had a crying fit, I was beginning to see his point. Shmerson also put his foot down and has basically forbidden me to do anything but the bare minimum for the next couple of weeks.

I really should take it easy, I know.

So I’ve been trying to think about how to get a bit more connected to the Shmemby. We’re getting closer and closer to the second trimester, which means this may actually stick despite my crazy and the spotting. And I know it’s time I hunker down and start connecting to what’s going on in my body.

I have no idea how to make all of this more real. If anyone has any suggestions, I’ll take them gladly.

I’ve tried talking to the Shmemby, which does make a bit of a difference, only each time I do I end up crying, which really isn’t helpful. I tried chanting “you’re pregnant” over and over in my head, to no avail.

You know – it’s amazing – we spend so much time wanting to get pregnant. Now that I am, it all just seems a bit surreal.

Maybe if the spotting just stopped. That would be nice.

T minus 11 days until the NT scan. Maybe seeing the Shmemb as something more than a blob will make a bit of a difference.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. For reals.

 

88% pizza to 12% Shmembryo. I think. 🙂

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21 Responses to “10 Weeks – Trying to Connect”

  1. alexmmr November 26, 2011 at 01:22 #

    Don’t worry about not connecting yet. During my first pregnancy, I had a friend dump me because I wasn’t “happy” enough about my pregnancy. That was around 11 weeks. And I remember reading some of those expecting books, and pointing out to hubby that “HA!” even the books say that it’s often around week 19 that you start really connecting and it becomes far more real. For me, it was around 17 weeks when we got to see genders. Suddenly they had identities. And I was holding off a full connection until I could feel them move.

    With this pregnancy, I’m 7 weeks, and I’m right there with ya, the concept of pregnancy = babies just hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m just too acutely aware of the fact that it can disappear any minute.

  2. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row November 26, 2011 at 02:32 #

    Why don’t you call me and I can read to the Shmembryo. Like, one chapter at a time. Shmembryo will definitely stick around if (s)he doesn’t know how the book is going to end, and soon enough you will have the NT. Let me know. Lol

  3. Esperanza November 26, 2011 at 05:07 #

    I would say this. Just take your time. Be gentle with yourself. If you need to keep some distance now do so. You’ll get in a place soon enough where you’re ready to make that connection. It’s okay to be guarded right now. It’s okay to take things slow. You’re doing what you need to do.

    As for everything else, take it easy. Lower your expectations. Let your man take care of you. Let you’re mother take care of you. Things will get done.

    You can do this. You are doing this. You will do this. 😉

  4. slcurwin November 26, 2011 at 08:04 #

    I could really go for some thin crust pizza right now. How come they dont make thin crust pizzas with big fat crusts at the end? I like eating the crusts, but I like the thin crust style under my toppings. I just can’t win.

    Listen to the wise ones. Chill. Put on some Jack Johnson, pour a bath, stick some cranberry juice in your OJ so it feels like a novelty and then thee a foot rub.

    or, listen to some of this guy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UahqgK60vuk&feature=related

    • slcurwin November 26, 2011 at 08:06 #

      Those are two separate links, don’t know why it popped up one directly and not the other ?

  5. AFM November 26, 2011 at 08:59 #

    When I was pregnant with Cookie, I had spotting too and lots cramping pain that made me take it easy. but i started Knitting. i made a bottie jacket and Hat set because if i had lost cookie i knew i would want something tangible that i could hold to represent the love i had for Cookie, But i got to keep her and it made a really cute going home outfit. I Hope you get to Keep Shemby. take care of yourself

  6. ababaderech November 26, 2011 at 13:32 #

    Honey, it’s so obvious – you should return to one of your great talents – start painting again.
    It can help you relax, and if your subject is your pregnancy or your shmembrio it will be fantastic to you both.

    Start taking care of yourself, if not for you – for the shmemb!
    love you plenty

    • AK November 27, 2011 at 21:58 #

      I love this idea.

  7. St. Elsewhere November 26, 2011 at 15:03 #

    Hey Mo, first of all, you are looking great.

    All the best for your NT scan. And I totally want the spotting to stop.

    Your Mr did a good thing talking sense into you, as did the acupuncturist.

    Well, talking is a very good idea.

    I don’t know how to make it more real for you, but a soft belly rub is a very good idea. I feel that babies are able to make out our touch. Are you massaging your belly already? Every evening or before you hit the bed for the night, you can use whatever oil/cream/lotion you use and gently rub in. When you advance in your pregnancy and you begin to feel the baby move, you will realize that the kid responds to this.

    If you think my idea is lame, of course you can not take it. 🙂

  8. RelaxedNoMore November 26, 2011 at 16:39 #

    Get thee away, evil spots! Thou art banished! Henceforth, thu shalt now more bother the fabulous Mo! Vade retro, evil spots!
    ok, now that the banishing is done: have you given a though to trying something like Circle+Bloom’s Pregnancy Program? I’ve never been the meditating type, but I got their Natural Cycle Program couple a days ago and found that I really like it. It helps me relax and calm down, and I really like the imagery they use both for the relaxation part and the visualisation part.

  9. Cookie with Milk November 26, 2011 at 17:12 #

    I say screw it. If you’re not ready to bond, then you’re not ready to bond. Don’t feel obliged to because pregnancy comes loaded with so many “you should”s – “You should be happy!” and “You should be so excited!” Bullcrap. You’ve had to grieve (and probably still are) for your lost babies, and it’s only natural that you feel cautious about bonding with the Shmembryo.

    I didn’t really, truly believe that my pregnancy might actually stick around until after week 21, which is after we found out what sex the Crumb is. I didn’t really start to “bond” until around week 24, which is fetal viability week. The only thing you are obliged to do is to take care of yourself. Relax, eat healthy food, get lots of sleep, spend time with Shmerson, love your new home, look at infinite bunny gifs. Trust that even though you don’t feel that feeling yet, it will happen. Because it will. *hugs*

  10. Heather November 26, 2011 at 20:18 #

    Hi Mo
    Just thought I’d pop by because I’m also ten weeks and say hi! I also had some spotting and blood around week 8 but now it seems to be gone. It also feels too early to me to bond but my DH and I do “talk” our own nonsense to PB (our nickname for our child) but I probably talk more to my dogs! Best of luck to you and I’m also waiting on that next scan!

  11. JM November 26, 2011 at 20:33 #

    I think I know why you’re in a funk- it’s been around 6 weeks since you’ve peed on a stick! It’s hard coming off of things cold turkey, you know!

  12. Chon November 26, 2011 at 20:47 #

    I am glad shmerson put his foot down I have been worried about you. The job thing sucks but you are finally going to have a baby and that is your priority. Don’t make me come over there!! Ok make me a holiday would be nice!!! Xxx

  13. someday-soon November 26, 2011 at 22:25 #

    Taking it easy is the best idea…for sure! I didn’t feel more connected until around 18 weeks when I found out she was a girl and we picked out a name. Calling her by name really, really helped me get connected. Doing a weekly check-in with the doppler and taking a weekly belly picture also helped. It always seemed surreal to me too…right up until the very moment I held her and beyond.

  14. Rebecca November 26, 2011 at 22:29 #

    Good luck. Some spotting is okay. My mom had it for a while when carrying me.

  15. Christina November 27, 2011 at 01:11 #

    As for connecting, it didn’t really feel real to me until I had semi-regular movement, which coincided with the anatomy scan. I think the 1st trimester it all is abstract as you don’t have anything definitive that things are going well inside except during those too few and far between u/s.

    As for the spotting, I haven’t had any since I started on the PIO (and thankfully none after stopping them). Are you still taking the progesterone?

    Congrats on the double digits! And I think it’s more like 15% Shmembryo and 85% pizza from that pic! 😉

  16. Jjiraffe November 27, 2011 at 03:55 #

    Do whatever you need to do to make it through 🙂 I agree with Esperanza’s advice: you can do this, you are doing this and you will do this!

  17. Heather November 27, 2011 at 10:49 #

    Hi and by the way I gave you an award on my blog have a look!

  18. BleedingTulip November 27, 2011 at 19:19 #

    Maybe you should do all those things that “Smug pregnant women” do? (But maybe not in public because that would be a tad wrong lol) Walk around your house rubbing your belly. Whenever Smerson brings up a subject, find a way to connect it to the fact that you’re pregnant. etc. etc. ad nausium,

    At the very least it might make you laugh 🙂

  19. Libby November 27, 2011 at 21:59 #

    If you figure out how to stop spending time on negative thoughts please let me know. I really need to do that.

    Keep your head up.

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