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On the 2nd Night of Rosh Hashana My Losses Gave to Me: A Suspected Case of PTSD!

30 Sep

The following is a detailed recounting of the events of Thursday, September 30th.

3:00pm: It’s CD 12. I get what I think is a positive OPK. This is about 8 days earlier than usual. Think it’s probably a fluke test.

4:00pm: i test again. Half-and-half line. I take it to be a positive. Weird.

6:00pm: Shmerson and I get ready to leave for his parents’ house for the second Rosh Hashana dinner-type-thingy.

6:15pm: We are about 10 minutes into the drive when I blurt out to Shmerson: “I got a positive OPK today. CD 12.”

6:30pm: I blurt out: “What if I’m pregnant again and we missed it somehow? I mean, I never ovulate this early.”

6:32pm: Shmerson asks if it’s generally weird to get a positive OPK on CD 12. I tell him no -that most women ovulate around this time and I’m a late popper. He thinks this may be a good sign.

6:32pm – 7:00pm: I futz around with the Fertility Friend app on my iphone. A lot. Study the temps. Think about things.

7:00pm: I blurt out: “Yeah. I think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I’d ovulate this soon. My body never acts normal.” Shmerson plays it cool. He tells me he’s sure we’re ok. I suggest we find an on-call pharmacy after dinner so I can POAS tonight and calm my nerves. After all, early +OPK + Holiday = me not knowing I was preggo and ending up in the hospital with an ectopic. So of course, it’s logical that this would happen twice. Of course. Even though I didn’t trust AF and tested after she showed up. Maybe I missed something.

7:15pm: Arrive at the In-laws’. In the elevator, Shmerson once again assures me that everything will be ok.

9:00pm: Go to the restroom not because I need to. Start the TP dance looking for spotting. At this point I am convinced I am pregnant. I play it cool in front of the family.

9:45pm: We leave the in-laws, and go to where there’s supposed to be an on-call pharmacy in their city. We don’t find it. Decide to head home and search for another on-call place that’s on the way.

10:00pm: I find an on-call pharmacy halfway between the in-laws and our city. We drive. Shmerson and I have a discussion about what we will do if the HPT is positive, since we have 3 days of Holiday left. I decide that hell or high water, if it’s positive, I’m getting my ass to an U/S in the morning. Even if this means going to the ER.

10:20pm: Arrive at an on-call pharmacy. Buy HPT. Shmerson is looking stressed and shaken.

10:25pm: Pull into a gas station. I run in to use the bathroom and ask Shmerson to buy me something to drink in case it’s positive and I freak out.

10:28pm: I exit the bathroom carrying the pee stick. My iphone clock is on a countdown. No second line yet. Shmerson has bought me a drink but it’s not what I asked for. He’s gone. I tell him there’s no line yet. He runs to the bathroom himself and says: “Let’s make sure it stays that way”. We are both nervous.

10:30pm: He comes back to the car. The HPT is a clear negative. I am not pregnant. Shmerson is still shaken, though clearly relieved. I offer to drive.

10:35pm: Shmerson facepalms himself and curses. “Is this our life? Like – each time your body actually acts normal we freak out? Other couples don’t have to deal with this shit.” I know Shmerson. But at least lightening didn’t strike twice. We’re in the clear.

10:40pm: I point out to Shmerson that a +OPK is a good thing. He smiles. We drive merrily home and once again attempt to make a baby. I make a mental note to try not to ovulate during High Holidays from this point on.

If it wasn’t so sad, it would actually be funny. Actually, it is funny. Ahh well.

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23 Responses to “On the 2nd Night of Rosh Hashana My Losses Gave to Me: A Suspected Case of PTSD!”

  1. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row September 30, 2011 at 18:01 #

    Ah, 5772 is already playing games with your head! Isn’t it scary that we can’t trust that maybe everything is normal? Like, obviously there is a trick going on? I’m just excited that you ovulated on Day 12…that’s amazing! You can do it! 😉 xoxoxo

  2. April September 30, 2011 at 19:42 #

    Omg. My charting app totally thinks I ovulated on CD12 too, three days ago. The other time was CD20. I’m also freaking out about something ‘normal.’ I completely understand the futzing and thinking and worrying.

  3. Elphaba September 30, 2011 at 20:15 #

    Ohhhhh my… dude, just go get busy already.

  4. Elphaba September 30, 2011 at 20:16 #

    A ditch the OPKs while you’re at it. Those are evil, evil things and you don’t need them.

    • Mo October 1, 2011 at 01:42 #

      Of course I need them! What would I pee on mid-month if I didn’t have OPKs? 😛

      • Marie October 1, 2011 at 06:06 #

        Please let us come up with a list of “things for Mo to pee on.”

        • BleedingTulip October 5, 2011 at 09:24 #

          Hmmm…I bet there are plenty of things. But probably none of them are going to be very informative. And most of them would probably be unsanitary.
          😉

  5. Cookie with Milk September 30, 2011 at 20:43 #

    Ah, the human mind’s ability to second guess itself is amazing. Some days I’m awed at the mental gymnastics my brain puts me through before coming to the conclusion that actually, no, everything is okay.

    *hugs*

  6. slcurwin September 30, 2011 at 21:34 #

    Our funnies are the current sads that we’ll be able to laugh at later. Remember, the mind fucks usually are our own doing.

  7. JM September 30, 2011 at 21:42 #

    Dude- my takeaway from that story? Get off my ass and get the damn FRER’s in the mail. Which they will be when I get off of work. (did i mention i purchased them last week and am lazy? i suck.) So at least when you get to the testing phase, those packs of gold will be there waiting for you 🙂

    Now you can’t poas early.

  8. JM September 30, 2011 at 21:45 #

    Oh, and Le’shana Tova!

    • Mo October 1, 2011 at 01:43 #

      awww thanks hon! You rock! Seriously.

  9. Infertile Days September 30, 2011 at 23:42 #

    I hate thinking I am pregnant then find out I’m not – it really sucks. Well, at least you are ovulating!!!
    I’m surprised you don’t have a stockpile of pee sticks at your house.
    Good luck!

    • Mo October 1, 2011 at 01:43 #

      Yeah. You would think I’d have a stockpile too, wouldn’t you? I should work on that.

  10. missohkay September 30, 2011 at 23:43 #

    This post’s title made me snort really loud 🙂 I’m sorry that you have to worry when your body acts normal. Every month I’m totally convinced I’m pregnant now that we’re not trying. I’m all “boobs. they hurt. what is this?” Now go get busy again, friend!

  11. Port of Indecision October 1, 2011 at 01:21 #

    Totally funny. Ahh, the sort of crazy this ride turns us into…

  12. Kristin October 1, 2011 at 06:27 #

    Infertility is one great big mind fuck, isn’t it? Glad everything is ok.

  13. jjiraffe October 1, 2011 at 07:30 #

    This was like an action packed scavenger hunt, complete with roadblocks, timing constraints car speed chases, and, um, OPKs. Those are evil, lady. I’m with Elphaba.

    Kristin is right: “Infertility is one great mind fuck, isn’t it?” Yes. Yes it is 😦

  14. LisaB October 1, 2011 at 15:54 #

    Aw man, how disappointing! I loved your story though – I have had similar things happen!

  15. Christina October 2, 2011 at 16:15 #

    Infertility totally causes PTSD. It has conditioned us to believe that normal is bad. I can’t even count how many times after our IF diagnosis that if my body did something “normal”, I freaked out. But then again, I’d freak out when it wasn’t “normal”. Sigh…

    The bright side of this tale is that you have 3 more days of holiday to enjoy getting busy with your smokin’ hubby!

  16. Kristen October 2, 2011 at 23:48 #

    Sorry you had to go through all that craziness! Glad you are able to laugh at it, though. 🙂
    XO

  17. Betsy October 4, 2011 at 04:19 #

    I’ve never gotten a + OPK before CD20 or so! I’m sorry the HPT was -, but I’m excited about your earlier ovulation! Good luck!

  18. BleedingTulip October 5, 2011 at 09:30 #

    Ok, maybe this is a stupid question but….
    Why would you think a positive OPK would equal a positive PT? As I understand it:
    1) Positive OPK means you will ovulate in the next 24 hours. (The hormone it tests for surges right before ovulation)
    2) Once you ovulate, it can take up to one week for the zygote to implant.
    3) After implantation it can take approximately one week for hormone levels to raise to the point that they would show up on a pregnancy test.

    So by that logic a positive OPK would mean that you would not be pregnant since it only means your body is ready to ovulate… Unless I’m totally wrong on how these things work?

    I am sorry you guys had such a stressful holiday 😦 Much hugs to both of you!!!!

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