Third (or is it Fifth) Opinion?

23 Aug

So some of you may know by now that I set an appt. with the “#1 RPL specialist in the country” for Sept. 12th.

This would be the 5th OB/GYN I’d be seeing in the last year, and a visit with him isn’t covered by the public healthcare system, and it will cost us $300 bucks.

I’m seriously wondering if it’s worth it.

Today I went in for my post-lap appt. with The Russian. He and I had a long talk about my current situation. This talk has pretty much lead me to believe there’s really no point in going to yet ANOTHER doctor.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: So – do you think I may have another miscarriage?

The Russian: I don’t know. There’s really no way of knowing. You’ve been checked for clotting disorders?

Me: Yep.

The Russian: Chromosomal issues?

Me: Yep. Should be getting the results this month.

The Russian: Well, then there’s nothing much more you can do.

Basically he laid it out this way: IVF is too invasive a procedure for our situation, and will not reduce the risk of an ectopic. By all appearances Ole’ Righty seems to be working fine. The only solution at this point is to just keep trying. He also pointed out that if I have a 4th loss then he would recommend losing Ole’ Righty and going straight to IVF.

But for now he says the same as Twofer. Try, try again.

After coming back from the appt. Shmerson and I had a talk. Shmerson said something that seemed very on-point. He said that he thinks I’m trying to find a reason for our losses, and if there was a clear-cut reason, we would know by now.

I really do think he’s right. The fact is that I’ve had suspected ectopics and a blighted ovum, and no actual proof of where the ectopics were. Every doctor has said that we could very well have fallen on the bad side of statistics and there’s nothing we can do. There are no magic solutions for us. And I don’t think the RPL specialist will deliver any type of different news.

So I’m thinking to myself – what’s the point? Another 300 bucks spent to most likely get the same answer we’ve been getting from everyone. Progesterone supps, extra folic acid and B12, and try try again.

Twofer has said before that chances are we’ll never know what actually happened. Maybe this specialist guy is just a way for me to try to weasel some answers? I mean – I’ve done the testing. What else can he really contribute except an extra-large hole in our bank account?

If we have a 4th loss, and it’s another suspected ectopic, then it’s off to IVF we go. If we have a 4th loss and it’s not ectopic, then we go to the experimental stuff. Immunology, etc.

So maybe we should just save those 300 bucks and try try again? If there will be a 4th loss, just get it over with and move on? And if not – then we get a take home baby. With only one tube going for us it may take a while, whichever way it goes.

I’m going to take advantage of ICLW to put this question out there – what do you ladies think? Should we just jump back on the wagon and try try again or spend the money?

Would love to hear your take on it. Because you know there can’t truly be a decision without hearing from you guys. This is how I roll.

25 Responses to “Third (or is it Fifth) Opinion?”

  1. Marie August 23, 2011 at 00:54 #


  2. AK August 23, 2011 at 01:13 #

    You don’t *need* another opinion. But if this doctor confirms what the other doctors say, will that make you believe it more? Will it will it make you feel better? If you need the reinforcement and it’ll make a difference to your resolve and course of action, then it’s money well spent. But if it’s not going to do anything for your state of mind, you’re probably just going to walk away frustrated with yourself for wasting $300, no change.

  3. endoandbeyond August 23, 2011 at 01:30 #

    I’d go for sure. You never know what a second (or 5th) set of eyes might offer.
    That’s just my 2 cents though 🙂

  4. Infertile Days August 23, 2011 at 03:46 #

    I agree with AK – you don’t need another opinion. I bet you are waiting for this magical answer that will solve everything. I still HOPE for that too. Unfortunately I don’t think after all this time its that simple. I would try again when you are ready and see what happens. You have had the surgery to correct some issues, maybe it actually did some good??? I bet you already know this – you actually have a better chance of getting pregnant now because of the healing that is taking place. When they do frozen embryo transfers at my clinic they sometimes/usually do this little procedure, I forget exactly what/where they do this (cervix?) anyways they take a little biopsy of it so your body has to heal from it and by doing so they say it increases your chances of getting pregnant. So there’s another reason to try again. 2 whole reasons I just gave you to think about.

  5. bodegabliss August 23, 2011 at 04:51 #

    Well, how about this….I agree that you shouldn’t go to the specialist. We have a fairly similar situation (minus the suspected ectopics and blighted ovums…so, I mean, I guess we’re not that similar….but we’re similar in the fact that we don’t have answers for our losses) – I’m going to a specialist this Thursday and insurance is supposed to cover it…I’m sure they’ll tell me pretty much what you would be told. So want me to go for the both of us? Does it work like that? 😉

    I agree, though, that you should give it one more shot. I had one more shot in me, too. And now that I’ve had my fourth, I have to pull out some kind of big guns! But for some reason, I have a feeling you won’t even get to where I’m at and the next one will work. I really think that’s what will happen.

    • Mo August 23, 2011 at 12:41 #

      From your mouth to FSM’s ears. I think I’ll live vicariously through you this time around. 🙂

  6. Port of Indecision August 23, 2011 at 05:14 #

    I don’t think you need another opinion because it’s the absolute medical truth – outside of very specific situations, there is nothing that can be done for RPL. My doctor had much the same idea about me seeing the “top RPL specialist” in my country. Though for a slightly different reason in that we knew, or at least highly suspected, what was going on with me (though, again, there was really nothing to be done about it), he thought the many many many many tests she’d do would either continue turning up nothing else and we’d be told the same, or they’d turn up some red herrings – things that she’s thought maybe theoretically could potentially possibly contribute to RPL, but for which no such link has been proven. That either way, we’d learn a whole lotta nothin’ useful.

    • Mo August 23, 2011 at 12:41 #

      Good point.

  7. Marie August 23, 2011 at 05:58 #


    • Marie August 23, 2011 at 06:27 #


      • Mo August 23, 2011 at 12:42 #

        You funny me. 😛

  8. Suzy August 23, 2011 at 07:33 #

    I’m coming at this as a person who has a best friend with a similar story. She had many, many losses (think of your number and double it, then add a few). She also had two healthy children. No one could tell her WHY she lost those pregnancies, and boy did she TRY to get answers!

    The only thing she could do was pick herself up and try again. And try they did. And now they have the sweetest 1 year old you’ll meet. But it was years of heartache and struggle, which I know, is just torture.

    So if it were me (and I have been in a similar spot myself too) I would just keep on trying. And trying and trying!!

  9. BleedingTulip August 23, 2011 at 07:39 #

    I second Marie. 😀
    (if you go by just voting standards, it looks like most folks second Marie, and if this is a democracy then…. WE WIN!)

    I think that you know this is more about trying to control the situation then really getting any new information. I know that in MY financial situation I would feel like it would be money wasted if I walked out with no new information. But you gotta make the choice that will bring you the most peace.

  10. Fucking Infertility August 23, 2011 at 09:48 #

    Very interesting. It sounds like you and I should trade doctors for a day. Your doctors are telling you to keep trying naturally, and mine (checked with 3) are telling me to never try naturally again – even though you and I have rather similar histories. I’d love a doctor to tell me to keep trying naturally; it’s all I want to do. :/ And if you take my doctor they’ll have you stimming for IVF in no time!

    • Mo August 23, 2011 at 12:43 #

      LOL. I think I’ll stick with mine for now, but I may be stimming before you know it.

  11. jjiraffe August 23, 2011 at 09:56 #

    Hee. Marie brings the funny.

    I am over reliant on expert advice. It drives Darcy crazy.

    Go with your own instinct. And get advice from Bodega! Let’s get the most out of these overpriced specialists.

  12. Mo August 23, 2011 at 12:44 #

    Thanks everyone. I think I’m going to listen to my gut and skip the specialist for now. I really appreciate all of your feedback!
    AK is right – at the end of the day the chances of getting more “answers” are slim to none, and it won’t make me feel any better to be $300 poorer.

    • B August 23, 2011 at 13:30 #

      I still think a FREE phone consultation with an RE from the Sher Institute would be something that not only costs you NOTHING but might shed some light on other testing options such as your APA’s NKa’s-all of which aren’t included in your normal recurrent pregnancy loss panel run by RE’s.

      We are in the same boat-multiple miscarriages-only we are wasting money on IVF to have these miscarriages opposed to natural cycles or IUI’s-trust me-spending money on IVF isn’t a place you want to be when no one can tell you why you are miscarrying.

      The Following SIRM Physicians
      Offer Free Consultations:
      SIRM-Central Illinois
      Gary Horowitz, M.D. – (309) 689-0411
      SIRM-Las Vegas
      Jeffrey Fisch, M.D. – (866) 317-2229
      Geoffrey Sher, M.D. – (800) 780-7437
      SIRM-New Jersey
      Albert Peters, D.O. – (877) 798-2229
      David Corley, M.D. – (877) 798-2229
      SIRM-St. Louis
      Peter Ahlering, M.D. (800) 630-489

  13. Damita August 23, 2011 at 13:51 #

    Agree go with your gut 🙂

  14. myjourney7283 August 23, 2011 at 15:57 #

    Hey there – thinking about you. Not sure what to tell you … $300 buckaroos or “try again”. As maddening as “try again” sounds maybe that’s the right thing. Especially if you’re getting confident that the RPL specialist will say the same thing … try again. Hang in there!

  15. Melanie August 23, 2011 at 18:07 #

    Hi Mo – just stopping by to say hi and thank you for your support. I have a lot of catching up to do with your story but i really hope this next opinion is the one that takes you to your goal. Now I’ve got to get reading!

  16. slcurwin August 23, 2011 at 19:37 #

    It’s 300 bucks. In the long run it’s not going to mean much to your pocket. But it is a good chunk of money. Chances are they will say the exact same thing as the others. You just need to decided if you’ll regret not checking more. Is it worth 300 bucks to have them say “I can’t tell you anything new”? I know, I’m not very helpful here. Just decide which option you could deal with the least and go with the other.

  17. JM August 23, 2011 at 20:41 #

    Ugh. What an ugly decision. Even thinking the phrase “fourth miscarriage” is ugly.

    Ultimately, will you blame a fourth on not having seen this last dr? If so, just do it. It’s only $300. If not, try again. You can’t get pregnant withOUT trying.

    It’s just an ugly unfortunate situation. And there’s no easy answer. Just less painful ones.

  18. Kelly August 23, 2011 at 23:50 #

    It’s a tough choice, but I’d almost go with the ‘wait and try’, there’s no clear choice whether or not to see another specialist. After all, we used to look up to grown ups (doctors, teachers, policemen, nurses, etc.), and now it’s us and our friends doing those jobs.
    And we now realize ‘Shit, these people we never infallible. And the dude that ate an onion for a dollar in high school is now a surgeon. I guess we are all just fumbling around’.

    I’m stoked to have read about the surgery – still waiting for mine 😦 – hope you can get back on track to being stoked, although the infertile thought bubble never totally leaves.

    Also I am realizing my tolerance for people is so low: some late 30’s mom’s were talking about how they (jokingly) could make $ being surrogates, and I mentioned I know a girl who paid for school by selling her eggs only to find out at 25 she has stage 4 endo. They said ‘Oh it’s not meant to be then’.

    I practically bit my tongue off trying not to say ‘Really, cuz you’re like super old and your kids and have different dads. While your (other mom) has a child with an incurable genetic disorder that will always mean she’s developmentally delayed, and your husband left and shacked up with a 20 year old. Yeah this woman would obviously be so terrible and that’s why she has endo.’


  19. Jonelle August 25, 2011 at 05:18 #

    You have probably already made a decision, but I think you need to ask yourself – will you regret it if you don’t try again? Will you regret not going to see the best RPL specialist? It might be worth hearing what he has to say. Hopefully he won’t tell you things you already know. Hopefully he will be able to help you.

    As far as looking for a reason for your losses, I think that is a common thing. I know I look for reasons for our losses. I constantly search for reasons why I can’t get pregnant. I think that is just something we woman do…we over think.

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