Debbie Downer

20 Jul

A post over on Keiko’s blog prompted me to go sifting through my archives a bit. I’ve been kind of off lately in terms of my blogging mojo. I’ve been wondering about it quite a bit. I used to post about once a day. Now it’s down to about twice a week. And it’s not that things aren’t going on. I have a life outside of the blocked tube, and it used to be that every little blip in my life would get written up here in some form. So what happened?

I think I have a tendency toward extremes. A lot of talk at my therapist’s office lately has been aimed at this particular space. Not in a bad way, per se, but in terms of how it had taken over my life almost completely. For example, in regards to my career, instead of examining realistic options, I would always just go to “I wish I could just make a living off of my blog.” My social life – all bloggy friends. My communication with real life friends – through here as well. It was taking over every aspect of my life.

So naturally, because I am a woman of extremes, as soon as this was pointed out to me, I immediately stopped blogging. Which really, is just plain silly. Balance. It’s a good lesson, don’t you think? Wish I’d learn it sometime.

I used to log on every night, pop on some Florence and the Machine and just type type type away. Even when I didn’t know where I was going with a post. Even when I didn’t have any readers, this space was a place for me to work through stuff. Lately it hasn’t been.

Honestly? I think it’s because I’m not working through stuff in general. I mean, I’m trying, but there are things I just don’t want to confront right now. I’ve been genuinely concerned about my own emotional well-being, and instead of working on it, I’ve just been obsessing quietly about it in my head. Which isn’t really healthy at all, is it?

I guess because now I know people actually read my ranty little musings I’m afraid of being a downer. Which is so stupid, because that’s just how I am in real life – always afraid to burden others – and I came to this place as an outlet for my feelings, a place where I won’t feel like a burden to others.

So I’m officially giving myself permission to post even if I am a downer in the near future. I apologize in advance. I’m going through some stuff.

Though I promise to throw in an occasional animated gif or snarky rant. Because you guys deserve a little something for putting up with my current Debbie Downer status.

Coming up tomorrow: I’m going to Twofer’s office to beg for a (possibly) unnecessary surgical procedure! We’re gonna come to a decision about Ole’ righty this week. It’s time. The stabbing pains in my lower abdomen demand it. Do they make animated gifs for stabby pains? I’ll have to look into that.

In the meantime, here’s an unbalanced bunny. Cause bunnies are cute.

Until tomorrow!

16 Responses to “Debbie Downer”

  1. starfishkittydreams July 20, 2011 at 03:24 #

    I love the bunny! And I love reading your blog! I actually think that blogging is excellent therapy as well as training for clear communication. Some people live all day on Twitter and Facebook (or Google +). I see nothing wrong with wanting to blog a lot as long as you continue to enjoy it.

    • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:45 #

      Thanks hon. I appreciate it. 🙂

  2. Port of Indecision July 20, 2011 at 04:20 #

    All I’ve been doing lately i rewatching Dexter seasons 1-4 every night. Seriously, the engineer and I got through all 4 seasons in, like….2 weeks. Engage…with…stuff….and….people? Wha? That’s crazy talk. Try to…sort through my own emotions? No, gracias. I’ll just watch an emotionally void serial killer.

    • Esperanza July 20, 2011 at 06:02 #

      Um, this had me guffawing. I wonder if, when I watched the first three season of Dexters in three weeks, I was also favoring an emotionally void serial killer over my own issues. Probably. I’m awesome at avoiding my own shit (but not as awesome as writing about it in guffaw-worthy comments about doing it).

      • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:46 #

        LOL I did the same thing with Buffy the Vampire slayer a while back. Now I’m marathoning “Masterchef”. Ahh, escapism!

  3. eggsinarow July 20, 2011 at 04:36 #

    Yeah, I’m on an emotional break myself…(well, except for that BIL blip)…but Debbie Downer you are not. Reality Rebeckah, more like it! Your reality is your reality! Talk about it, lady!

    • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:47 #

      Reality Rebeckah. Hmmm… Perhaps!

  4. Esperanza July 20, 2011 at 06:05 #

    Can I just say that balance is something I have never been able to achieve in my life. I get too drunk frequently when I go out – no more drinking for me, ever. I’m having a hard time cutting back on carbs? I will cut out every last carb from my diet. Spending too much time blogging, I will stop blogging (and reading blogs) for a week (maybe more). Spending too much money? I will not buy anything new for a year – and write a blog about it! I am so much better at stopping something cold turkey that doing things in moderation, it’s crazy. I really cannot do it. And I know this says something sinister about me as a person but I can only afford therapy once a month these days so I can’t tell you what it is.

    I wish I had some suggestions on moderation but as you can see, I truly do not. If you figure something out PLEASE email me with the idea because I’ll try anything at this point.

    • bodegabliss July 20, 2011 at 22:09 #

      And if you figure that out, can you please tell my husband how to do that? He’s an all-or-nothing kinda guy.

      I am actually a bit more balanced, but I have no idea how to tell you guys how to do it. It’s just in me (being a Libra and all — which, Mo, I’m surprised you’re not balanced! Is it true we don’t have this in common?). Except, just so you guys know, being balanced isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. I’m not a whole lot of fun sometimes because I can’t easily sway one way or the other. I have to balance EVERYTHING out in my head before making a decision. It’s exhausting. So, um, yeah, maybe it’s not a bad thing you ladies aren’t balanced?

      • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:49 #

        I think it depends. Shmerson is like you BB, and I think we need our partners to balance us out so that’s good. And I know – I’m definitely not a typical Libra in that sense. I hope you don’t hold it against me!
        Esperanza – if I figure out a magic formula for balance, I’ll make sure to let you know!

  5. Marie July 20, 2011 at 14:27 #

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha! I didn’t read the post yet (it’s 5 a.m.; you’ll forgive me), but I accept this awesome bunny as my 5 a.m. birthday present. That’s gonna make me laugh all day, kind of like that one day Michelle sent me that picture of 5-year-old Doug in suspenders…

    • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:50 #

      Happy happy happy birthday!!!!
      And yes, I think it does rank up there with the suspender pic.

  6. teejay July 20, 2011 at 17:18 #

    I, too, have struggled with not posting some days because I only have negative things to write about. I’ve gone back and forth with this issue for a while. As you know, I suffer from bouts of depression. Writing it out helps. Sometimes, though, I feel like the more I write sad stuff the worse I feel. It’s like I’m giving a voice and power to those emotions. If I stick with more upbeat posts (like my Happiness Is…) then I feel like I’m making strides to conquer the beast that is eating away at me. That is what works for me but it might not work for everyone. I think you write a very real story. A blog should be real and honest. My opinion (and it’s just an opinion) is that if writing makes you feel better…whether it’s your side projects or your IF struggle…that you should write as much as you want. And if you don’t have a lot to say, that’s ok too. I hope I’m making sense. We will read whatever you write about because we care about what is going on with you, the person. Good luck with Twofer today.

    • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:51 #

      I think that it’s good to work things through in writing. And you also shouldn’t feel bad about it! Though I agree that your Happiness posts are just as important! xoxo

  7. Christina July 20, 2011 at 22:12 #

    This is your space. If it’s all “bwaaamp, bwaammmpppp” (or how ever you spell that sound), then so be it. It’s definitely better to put it out there as it is than to either keep it all in or dress it up as everything is ok.

    And I’m pretty sure there is a gif for stabby pains out there somewhere…

    • Mo July 21, 2011 at 00:52 #

      hmmmm I think it’s more like bwaaamp bwuuuuuuuuum. 😛

      And thank you. 🙂

      Oh! And if you find a stabby pain gif – send it my way!

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