Change of Perspective

2 Jul

I know I’ve been silent, there’s nothing really to say. I’m here, I’m waiting. I’m waiting for Shmerson to come home already (three days to go!) I’m waiting to POAS, I’m waiting to see what’s next.

I do have something nice to share with you guys today, but before I get to it, I have a TMI question for my sisters in progesterone suppository land: I’ve been having some major cramping. Is that normal? I’m starting to be paranoid that it’s another little guy digging into my tube (I mean, of course, because cramping always equals ectopics right?). So yeah – any info on this would be awesome.

Now back to our regularly scheduled blog post.

I haven’t really written about it much on here, but I’ve been feeling like I’m in a state of crisis when it comes to my career. For those of you not in the know, I work from home, partly for my dad’s business, and partly as a freelance writer and content producer. I’ve been trying to move the “dad’s business” half from “partly” to non-existent for the last few months, and though there has been some level of success, I’ve been feeling really stuck. I like to call it “throwing the clutch while going uphill” for those of you that are stick shift savvy.

I just haven’t been able to get going on anything, and I’ve found it really frustrating, not to mention a whole new reason to self flagellate. And you all know how much I like doing that. I should write it down as a hobby on my FB profile I do it so much.

Anywho, yesterday I went over to a friend’s house who I haven’t seen in a while (hi Rolig!). The nice part about this blog is that it cancels out the need to give long detailed updates about the state of my tubes to my friends, so he was pretty much up to date (though I admit, quite a bit of discussion was had around my plumbing anyway). We delved in deeper and I shared with him my frustration with my career trajectory or more like the lack thereof.

Then I told him how mad at myself I was for not appreciating and building on what I have. I mean – I’m really very lucky. I have a steady paycheck, a happy marriage, a nice new home…

He stopped me in my tracks. He told me that none of those things were due to luck. They were because of me. And in fact, I should be darn proud of myself. He said that plenty of other women in my situation wouldn’t be able to hold it together as well as I am. Their marriages wouldn’t survive, they would definitely not be able to support a household. The fact that I’m functioning at all is a victory, and I should cut myself some slack.

I don’t know what it was about how he phrased it, but something about it made me feel better. Instead of “lay off, lord knows you deserve it,” or “you’ve had a difficult year, it’s ok that you’re not doing as much.” I got: “good for you, you’re doing awesome considering the circumstances.”  It was about what I was doing, instead of what I wasn’t.

And the fact that it was the second time I’d been told that in 24 hours (the other time was at dinner the night before with Squish, yay Squish!), well, it made me feel a heck of a lot better.

In fact – so much better that I actually managed to get stuff done today. I cleaned the house. I did 4 loads of laundry. I washed the dishes and even scrubbed the stove and cleaned the bathroom. And I plan on getting stuff done tomorrow as well.

It’s amazing what a change of perspective from a good friend (or two) can do to a girl. So I’m waiting, but for a change, I’m also getting ‘er done. Now if I could just get around to building myself a website and finding some more clients, I’ll be good to go. But you know what? It’s ok if I don’t. For now.

12 Responses to “Change of Perspective”

  1. Sherrie July 3, 2011 at 00:21 #

    🙂 You ARE doing a great job and taking care of business!! And I’m glad that there are people in your life with the awareness to let you know that!!

    And I’m so happy to hear you’ve been productive, I had quite a productive day on Thursday – the first in a long time…didn’t do as much laundry as you did (even though I could’ve!)…but still… My day of productivity came from a new perspective too….
    Yay for new perspectives!!! 🙂

    FX for you this cycle!!

    • Mo July 3, 2011 at 11:43 #

      Yay indeed! xoxo

  2. Kristin July 3, 2011 at 05:20 #

    You are doing amazing…both you and Shmerson are. You two have been to hell and back and have worked your asses off to maintain your marriage, your relationship, and your careers. Y’all seriously rock and I wish we lived closer so we could hang out.

    And, as for the web site, you’ll get it done. It may not be tomorrow but you will get it done. I have no doubt about that.

    • Mo July 3, 2011 at 11:38 #

      Thanks 😉

  3. Jjiraffe July 3, 2011 at 10:35 #

    Echoing Kristin’s comments. You both are doing bloody amazing. Also, you motivated me, the slug, to clean the house (although I should have done more laundry) so add inspiring others to that list 😉

    • Mo July 3, 2011 at 11:38 #

      Aww you’re making me blush! Thanks.

      • whoismom July 3, 2011 at 15:28 #

        I totally agree with everyone. I don’t know you as well, obviously, but I do know how frustrating being a freelancers can be. Sometimes it feels like a frantic bid to get everything done and other times it’s as much as you can do just to get a few ducks in a row. But it sounds like you’re tough — and what’s more, that you’re practical. Hang in there!

        Oh and just to let you know I had a bit of cramping for about a week, not horrible, but a real sense of pulling internally. Im no expert but it seems to come with the territory normally. Will keep my fingers crossed for a BFP for you!

  4. Cookie with Milk July 3, 2011 at 16:21 #

    *hugs* I know I haven’t been commenting/posting much, but I have been reading. You’re doing amazing. IFers are some of the strongest women in the world. We keep getting knocked down and picking ourselves back up. You should be proud of your persistence.

    As for your question, yep, progesterone suppositories are cramp-heaven. Oozy, sticky, cramp-heaven.

  5. Christina July 3, 2011 at 21:15 #

    It is so easy to down play your own accomplishments (trust me, I’m an expert at it), especially to luck or good timing. You really do need to take a step back every once in a while and marvel at what all you have actually done and worked hard to do! I’m glad your friends pointed this out to you, b/c yeah you had a crap year of luck, but man if you didn’t keep moving forward and doing the hard tasks of working on your marriage, career, and life in general.

    I would usually say celebrate with a few drinks, but that is not appropriate right now. Sparkling grape juice?

    As for the supps, I would always have some degree of mild cramping intermittently between O and AF. Can’t specifically remember if I had any stronger or persistent cramps with the 2 positives or not… Positive thoughts heading your way that it is a uterine burrower!

  6. zygotta July 4, 2011 at 02:15 #

    yes, progesterone gave me LOTS of cramping, especially in the beginning when I was taking it vaginally. Cramping is still there with rectal take-in, but not quite that bad. Try not to worry!

    PS Friends like these are so precious! I think the only reason I have a career is because I have friends telling me how it’s all my work, not my luck 🙂

  7. me0me July 4, 2011 at 02:20 #

    Firt of all, I had to seriously consider whether I think you should add self flagellation to your hobbies on FB and had a good laugh (verdict- share with the appropriate Circle).
    Second, oh my god do I sympathize. I mean, who the fuck has the time to give yourself credit for something that’s passed, we just have to always keep running right? *big sigh*
    Of course rolig and Squish are absolutely right and I’m so personally used to your angle I couldn’t even see it. Glad you’ve been set straight 🙂
    Love you Mo. Happy 4th 😉

  8. bodegabliss July 6, 2011 at 18:48 #

    I couldn’t agree more with your friend(s). I know I’m damn proud of you. 🙂

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