My Ironic Day

21 Jun

This post was meant to be titled “Experiments in Social Awkwardness”. But alas, per usual, things never end up quite like I expect them to.

Shmerson is away, and I started the day off with not really doing much of anything. I’ve been hella-anxious, and doing my usual self-destructive over eating (always a blast, with the guilt and the doughnuts. Though I do love those doughnuts) and general restless lethargy.

When 5pm rolled around, I headed over to Twofer’s office for an U/S. Indeed, the left follie is still going strong, and it looks like it will win the race.

But of course, Twofer had to warn me that it doesn’t mean it’ll go down the right (as in the correct, as in the left) tube. To make matters more complicated, his estimate is that little lefty will pop over the weekend, and Shmerson will only be able to come home for some good lovin’ on Wed.

Well, since his sperm was apparently born and bred on krypton, we may still have a shot. But honestly, I’m not feeling too optimistic, because even if his guys do survive the two days until my estimated pop, I’m pretty much convinced I’m going to end up with another ectopic. So far, my plea for success stories has brought two abysmal failure stories instead. So yeah, I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this is most likely a lost cause.

So I came home feeling rather bitter. Oh, and still sore over a week after that freaking HSG (seriously – is this normal? Twofer wasn’t surprised but it’s been 8 days! Give a girl a break!).

I was trying to get up the motivation to head to my yoga class, when finally, I let my bitter rise to the surface and left the house wearing my brand new badge of honor. Something I’ve been keeping around the house for over a week now, trying to find the right time to flaunt in public.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my Miscarriage T-shirt!

yeah, it's kind of a crappy pic, but it's all I could manage on my iPhone

In case you guys can’t make out the writing, it says: I had a miscarriage and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.

(though technically it should be “3 miscarriages”. Ahh well)

This shirt was made on cafepress and ordered on a day when I was feeling particularly Loki-ish (don’t know who loki is? google is your friend!) and bitter.

Today I decided to try it out at my yoga class, fully expecting to cause a scene, and get a really funny blog post out of it.

Well, needless to say, I was thoroughly disappointed. Maybe people don’t look at T-Shirts often. Maybe they didn’t care. Either way, I didn’t even get a sideways glance.

To my Yoga Instructor’s credit, I proudly pointed out the writing on the shirt and he laughed his ass off. But I always knew he was awesome like that.

So, I left yoga feeling a bit better, having worked off some of the doughnut (mmmm….. doughnut), and headed off to scrape myself up some dinner (I’m useless at feeding myself when shmerson is not around).

Waiting at the pizza place (yes! I’m depressed! I know! Bad me!) I ran into an old friend, and what started as a fun experiment ended up pissing me off to no end.

I got the sideways pity glance. I got the patronizing advice. I got the “oh, poor you” look.

Never mind that I was cheery and pointed out the shirt myself. Never mind that I did not show any signs of distress. I left there feeling disgusted with this person, and with myself – the latter, of course, for no good reason. Why does my frustration with my body always have to end in self-destructive behavior? You’d think I’d know better by now.

Now – the big question is  – will I wear the shirt again? And if so – perhaps to a family function? Or a Bris?

Your thoughts are welcome!

*sneaks off to eat a doughnut and self-flaggelate*

36 Responses to “My Ironic Day”

  1. Esperanza June 21, 2011 at 01:52 #

    Um, I absolutely LOVE that T-shirt and I want one for myself. Where can I get it? Did you design/order it yourself? I must have one, seriously. That is amazing.

    As for explanations on self-destructive tendencies, I’m sadly unable to help you with that. All I know is I do it too. All. The. Time.

    PS – I just saw your email with your address. I will send the book as soon as I can!

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 02:02 #

      LOL, thanks hon! I was actually on a roll and made a whole bunch of variations! (this is apparently how I make good use of my time these days)

  2. jjiraffe June 21, 2011 at 02:20 #

    LOVE the t-shirt. I have one that says: “Be nice or I might write about you in my novel.” The one day I had the nerve to wear it, a bunch of people asked me if I had been published. So I had to say “No.” And I felt like a total idiot. DOH.

    I’m impressed you went to Yoga! That’s awesome.

  3. Christina June 21, 2011 at 03:30 #

    Friggin A!!! I love those shirts! The “Ask me about my uterus” shirt can continue in your wardrobe after you get pregnant! I always hate when I set out to “make a statement” whatever it may be and get ZERO response. Grr… Can’t society be inappropriate and invasive when we want them to be?!

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:03 #

      I know! Right?!?!

  4. The Husband June 21, 2011 at 03:55 #

    The t-shirt is funny… but people don’t know what to do with that kind of information.

    I read something the other day on this inspiration blog thingy and it made me think of you. It had something to do with thinking about the worst possible scenario makes it more likely to happen. I hope you don’t read that wrong, I’m not blaming. I know how hard it is to be hopeful (set the bar low and you won’t be disappointed, right?) but I just hope you can find away to imagine this little eggie finding it’s way to the right spot. Sometimes, every once in awhile, things actually do work out. I’m sending your little eggie “GPS-thoughts”. 🙂

    • Wannabemom June 21, 2011 at 03:57 #

      Ugh.. the reply above is mine. My husband was the last person to log a comment on a blog! (Mine!)

      • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:04 #


  5. Julia June 21, 2011 at 04:27 #

    Yup, I was sore for a week + after my HSG. 😦

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:09 #

      Oh good that gives me one less reason to freak out. Thanks Julia!

  6. Libby June 21, 2011 at 04:36 #

    You should get one similar for the bris boy too.

    Also, maybe all this is a sign you need a month off. You know, to have sex when you want to, and dance on tables and shit. Then move on again next month.

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:05 #

      I wish – the problem is I’m popping on the left this month, and a month off may end up meaning two or three months off if my right side decides to get busy with the follie-making.

  7. Marie June 21, 2011 at 04:51 #

    Omg, your boobs are huge! 😀

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:06 #

      Yes – did we not discuss this? 😛

    • me0me June 21, 2011 at 16:47 #

      Marie you’re hillarious

  8. chon1203 June 21, 2011 at 05:04 #

    I love the shirt. Could I wear it – probably not just yet but man you have some serious donuts. Hang on where did that come from? Ha ha. All I want now is a bloody donut!!!

  9. chon1203 June 21, 2011 at 05:06 #

    Oh and that sucks with ovulation. God damn you infertility gods. Please just once cut us a break.

  10. Kristin June 21, 2011 at 05:39 #

    Love, love, love that shirt!

    As for worrying about how long the sperm will live, sperm live up to 5 days…so Wednesday is PERFECT.

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:07 #

      Here’s hoping! (On the condition they have a tendency to lean to the left…)

  11. Port of Indecision June 21, 2011 at 05:55 #

    I vote that you next wear the shirt to a baby shower. For the fertilest fertile you know. THAT should get us a stellar social awkwardness post.

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 09:08 #

      Alas, unfortunately, (though in most cases fortunately) Israelis don’t do the baby shower thing….

      • C June 22, 2011 at 23:34 #

        Ohhhhhhh, right. The Jewish thing. Durrrr.

        Wear it to a bris?

  12. myskytimes June 21, 2011 at 10:37 #

    Oh my Dear.. how brave of you to wear that shirt. I don’t know if I’d have the balls (well, uterus) to pull this off. I have created several statement-shirts for Dead-Baby-Moms, see here:… The world needs more of you.

    Sending much love! xoxo

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 19:04 #

      Thanks sweetie! Right back at you! Loving the bitter on those shirts! Babyloss power!
      (I have to admit leaving the house with it on was both scary and empowering)

  13. Cattiz J June 21, 2011 at 10:54 #

    I think you are brave to wear that shirt outside the house! And I’m glad you found your way to the yoga class, I like the sound of your instructor.

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 19:02 #

      Thanks hon! He is definitely awesome. 🙂

  14. teejay June 21, 2011 at 16:10 #

    I’m just catching up with you…I’ve been away at my sister’s wedding. I would like to think that if the egg comes down the left tube and Shmerson’s super swimmers are still hanging around to fertilize it that it will find a nice place in your uterus to snuggle in. I can’t see it going across your uterus and trying to enter your right tube, that is mostly blocked. Anyway, I’m holding out hope that you’ll get the job done and that everything will be fine this time. I call that “faith”. Sometimes my faith really lets me down, but for some reason I still rely on it a lot to get me through tough times…I have faith that things will get better and that good things DO happen to people that have suffered. And I think you are pretty brave to wear that shirt out of the house. It made me smile and made me feel a little creeped out at the same time. 🙂 Best of luck with your timing and I really hope things go your way this time.

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 19:00 #

      thanks so much for the encouraging words hon. I really appreciate it!

  15. A. June 21, 2011 at 16:21 #

    The donuts and pizza sound amazing. I think the shirt is a little misleading and that before you wear it again you need to do it justice and paint ‘3’ and a “s” on in white-out. Good luck with this week’s “activities”, I hope that they are very “fruitful” 🙂

    • Mo June 21, 2011 at 19:01 #

      Yeah, I was thinking of taking a permanent marker to it, and then changing the number with each miscarriage. We’ll see. 🙂

      • eggsinarow June 21, 2011 at 21:11 #

        Oh! Or make it like a velcro board with changeable numbers. ?

        • Mo June 21, 2011 at 21:17 #

          Nice one!

  16. Kristen June 21, 2011 at 23:35 #

    Great T-shirt and love that you wore it out in public…I never have enough guts for that sort of thing. Good luck with this cycle…hoping for the best for you…

  17. St. Elsewhere June 22, 2011 at 13:49 #

    Well Mo,

    I love this term – restless lethargy.. Yup, that’s me too.

    I want to laugh at the T-shirt, but I can’t. I am sorry, you have to have a piece of clothing of this kind.

    Of course, people do read t-shirts. I do, for my students, coz there seem to be a lot of messages for bitches and virgins and whatnots.

    As for those follicles, and the timing and all that? Sheesh. Just don’t even know what to say!

    iclw #36

  18. suzyatnotafertilemyrtle June 22, 2011 at 16:59 #

    I love the shirt! But most fertiles are morons and don’t get it. I bet it if you wore it to an ALI event you’d be the most popular person there.

    Enjoy your donuts. : )

    ICLW #53

  19. C June 22, 2011 at 21:37 #

    Yep, you are brave to wear that out of the house and I agree that most people don’t know how to respond. Wishing you all the best with this cycle. Oh, and yes, I was sore for about a week after my HSG.

    Good luck!

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