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Anniversary Week Post 4: The Proposal (?)

23 May

It’s the middle of July, 2008. Shmerson and I have been together for 7 months, and I am still freshly shocked from the Philly Freak Out of June ’08.

Shmerson is with my parents and I at a wedding of a family friend. The cocktails have been served and my mother has already downed two glasses of white wine. We get called to gather for the ceremony. We stand around the Chuppa. Shmerson and I are kind of leaning on each other, and my mother, without even noticing, stares longingly at the ceremony while affectionately petting Shmerson’s shoulder. Willing him to get off his ass and propose already. Shmerson takes it in stride and we casually mock my mother on the drive home. In fact, to this day we tease her about the “drunken two-ton unsubtle hint of July ’08”.

It was always pretty obvious to both me and Shmerson that we would get married. It wasn’t a question of yes or no, it was a question of when.

That July, I was 27, and Shmerson was 25. My uterus had started slightly screaming. But I was ok with waiting a while longer. Letting Shmerson take his time.

You see – in that way, we are very different. Shmerson is a very contemplative, slow-moving kind of guy. He doesn’t make decisions lightly. I on the other hand, have been known to decide to move to a different country in the course of 24 hours.

(I am happy to report that in the last few years, we have managed to balance each other out on the big decision thing)

S0 – back to July of 08. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want him to propose. But we were only together for 7 months. There was time.

Fast forward to July of ’09. We are at my second cousin’s wedding. Shmerson and I comment on the decor, and sometime between the ceremony and the food we come up with the perfect idea for a wedding invitation (that idea came true – you can see it in my header).

No – he hadn’t proposed yet. But this is what we had been doing for a while now. Examining other people’s weddings and discussing what ours would look like.

And yet, no ring. I was 28 and Shmerson was 26, we had been together for almost 2 years and I was – well, I was starting to go a little nuts.

He knew it too. We even had several fights about it. He wanted to wait until he thought we were good and ready. I was a panicky crazy person and actually said stuff like – “What if we die tomorrow? Don’t you want to check “get married” off of your list?”

Yes – I used to think like that. Thank goodness for xanax and understanding husbands.

At this point, my conversations with my mother, on a daily basis, went something like this:

Mom: So – when is he going to propose?

Me:  I don’t know mom. And please stop asking because I want him to and I don’t want to give him any ultimatums.

Mom: Well – I have a diamond I want to give him for your engagement ring. Tell him that.

Sometime during our next “when the hell are you thinking of proposing?” fight, I mention the diamond.

Then, I literally start getting paranoid. Does he not really want to marry me? Is it because I gained weight? Maybe I’m completely wrong about this?

Nearly daily talks with Squish and Me0Me around this subject help keep my sanity. Barely. I somehow get it into my head that he’s waiting for a special occasion. Like my birthday.

So – around comes September 25th of 2009. My 29th birthday. The night before, Shmerson had taken me out to a fancy dinner. There was no ring in sight, and on top of that – I was a bit disappointed when the chocolate cake came out and there was no sparkler for me in honor of the big 2-9. I voiced my disappointment to Shmerson. About the sparkler, not the lack of a ring.

We throw a birthday BBQ the next day. I see Shmerson plotting something with Squish while checking the Chorizo sausages. I think to myself – oh – maybe now. Maybe he’ll propose here – in front of all of my friends.

Then Shmerson turns around with a big sparkler on a chorizo. Especially for me.

There was no ring on that sparkler.

I smiled, then I hit him. A bit too hard. I’ll cop to that.

A month earlier we had started planning a week long trip to paris. This was taking place at the beginning of October.

Paris. It had to be Paris. I mean – who wouldn’t propose in Paris?

I started getting sneaky. I searched his backpack one day. I found a ring box and a ring. A really ugly, really thick gold ring.

Oh dear flying spaghetti monster – please don’t let this be my engagement ring.

And we go to Paris.

We had a lovely time in Paris. Truly.

And we came back still NOT ENGAGED.

I was seriously about to lose it. Was he really that cruel? Was he going to wait until our 2 year anniversary in January? How the hell will I have time to plan a nice summer wedding in January?

This was getting to be too much.

Then – the last weekend of october, I knew something was up. I mean, it was kind of obvious. He had told me to pack. He didn’t tell me where we were going. But I knew I was going away for the weekend.

Shmerson and I suck at keeping secrets from  each other. It was obvious what was going on. I was just hoping that hideous ring was not part of the plan.

So, in the car we go. It’s a rainy day. Shmerson takes me to Ceasaria National Park – one of the most beautiful places in the country. He walks me to the bottom of the ampitheater – a place where I’ve seen some of my favorite musicians give epic performances. Now bare for the winter – just made up of ancient ruins overlooking the sea.

I don’t remember exactly what he said. But it was pretty fucking awesome. We both cried.

Oh – and the ring – well – see for yourself:

I’m not sure how much you can make out from the picture. But it was perfect. And he used my mom’s diamond after all.

It turns out that gold ring was an attempt to take something of his mother’s and blend it with my mother’s diamond. A lovely thought. But he had the sense to know my tastes and know that I would dislike whatever version of that ring he would have come up with.

Still – you have to love him for the thought.

We spent the next three days at a bed and breakfast (our favorite past time). Shmerson had called my boss and told him that I was taking a day off.

And yes, he was right, it was worth the wait.

I sometimes wonder if we had gotten married sooner, if perhaps, this whole baby-making thing would have gone a bit smoother.

I will never know. But one thing I do know – that had we gotten married sooner – we wouldn’t have been able to deal with this last year nearly as well as we have. We needed that time to grow as a couple. And we did.

So – we got married on May 27th, 2010. I was 29, Shmerson was 27. And it was beautiful.

Tomorrow – how our first year of marriage became arguably the worst year of our lives, and yet, on a lot of levels, arguably the best. 

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12 Responses to “Anniversary Week Post 4: The Proposal (?)”

  1. Bear May 23, 2011 at 03:27 #

    I thought my husband was very cruel about our engagement as well. We were arguing about if he was ever going to propose and if he was even serious about me. He got mad and yelled this is how serious I am about you and pulled a ring box from his pocket. HOWEVER, he didn’t give me the ring then or even let me see it. I had to wait nearly a month before he actually proposed and I got my ring. He almost died that month…by my hands.

  2. Randi May 23, 2011 at 05:57 #

    OMG – I am SOOOO glad someone else has experienced the first year of marriage hell…that turned out to be a great learning experience and I love him even more now. LOL…I thought I was the only one. 🙂 ICLW

  3. zygotta May 23, 2011 at 16:07 #

    LOL
    I remember when I was expecting proposal, my hubby was trying to disguise his intentions dropping phrases about not being ready and not running in front of the train, etc.

    I was in such foul mood that he found himself struggling to find “the right moment”! He had to seize a happy-after-sex one, LOL 🙂

    love your saga – keep writing!

    • Mo May 23, 2011 at 20:10 #

      Women. We’ve gotta ruin everything. 🙂

  4. Nikki May 23, 2011 at 16:47 #

    ICLW eavesdropper here 🙂

    I really enjoyed reading your story! Very interesting. I can’t wait to read more of your posts.

  5. me0me May 23, 2011 at 18:29 #

    Remember how I got down on one knee in the summer of 2006, looked my boyfriend in the eye, asked “will you marry me”, and his response was to TAKE ANOTHER SLICE OF WATERMELON AND CHEW?!
    So just saying- could have been worse 🙂 And of course to all readers who don’t know me- we are actually married now, almost two years, celebrating 11 years since we met and started a relationship. And this is definitely the man I want to grow old with. And start our own baby saga sometime in the next few years…

    • Mo May 23, 2011 at 20:10 #

      LOL – true. Then again, you were the one I tortured throughout the process, so mine was pretty bad for you as well. :-p

  6. Kristin May 23, 2011 at 18:46 #

    What a sweet story (even if he did drive you crazy by making you wait).

  7. bodegabliss May 23, 2011 at 19:49 #

    Aw, loved the story. It sounds like it ended up being just perfect.

  8. sushigirl May 23, 2011 at 21:25 #

    Here from ICLW. I dont think 29 is that old (well, I hope not!) and starting a few years earlier is unfortunately no guarantee that you’ll get pregnant easily… trust me on this!

    The ring looks fab!

  9. marriage20 May 23, 2011 at 21:53 #

    I am LOVING these posts!! Happy anniversary!!

  10. Poor Lucky me May 23, 2011 at 23:20 #

    Beautiful! Darling! Perfect!

    Sometimes I wish that I had met my man when I was younger, but maybe it was our age and maturity that helped us weather this past year with more strength and love than I knew I was capable of. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason…but sometimes things happen just right.

    I gave you a little award on my blog http://www.poorluckyme.com

    xo

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