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An Apology

13 May

Ok – so I’ve not been completely present in the blogoverse as of late. I’ve been going through a lot. I have a lot to say, but I haven’t been able to find the energy to say it, and on the same token, I haven’t been as active as usual with the rest of the blogoverse. I’ve been bad about reading, commenting, and even answering comments on my own freaking blog (though some of it is blogger’s fault. anybody else having issues commenting on blogger blogs?). Anyway, Shmerson is making me look bad on that one. Wasn’t his post yesterday awesome BTW? I love my hubby.

I think I’ve just been in processing mode. Trying to get used to this “new normal”. This world of HSG’s and SHG’s, looking for blockages and karyotyping and IVF being brought up by a doctor for the first time (yeah. It was brought up for the first time, and it’s kind of sinking in just now). I am officially “in the club.” It’s a lot to take in.

But before I start writing about everything we’re facing and are about to face, I need to explain something to all of you. Something that’s kind of hard for me to mention, because, well, I feel both grateful and guilty.

When it comes to my own country, I kind of live in a bubble. I don’t know many Israeli infertiles. Just by the mere fact that I blog in english – it means that most of my readers are American/Canadian/Australian/British etc.

Most of the IF bloggers I follow regularly are American. This means that their decision making process regarding their fertility is almost always in some way related to finances.

Now that I’m on my own journey of testing and looking at possible “artificial” ways of achieving pregnancy, I realize, that I am, in fact unique.

Here’s the thing: In Israel, Fertility treatments are (practically) free.

Yes. You read that right. Free. The government subsidizes everything. Including IVF. Up to two children it’s free and with the third, it costs a little bit -but also free if you have a bit of supplemental insurance.

Yes – you read right. Up to two CHILDREN. Not cycles. CHILDREN. As in – if it takes 20 IVF cycles to reach 2 kids, you will still only pay the equivalent of about 200 US dollars (mostly for meds) per IVF cycle.

At our appointment with Twofer the other day, the term IVF entered our lexicon for the first time.

As in – “if we find there’s a problem with your tubes, worst-case scenario we’ll have them blocked and start you on IVF”.

It was that casual. Because here – it is casual. We don’t need to choose between buying a car or trying for a baby. IVF is not a last resort. It’s a viable option, sometimes even preferable to many other supposedly cheaper ones. So I’m in a complete bubble. My support system (i.e. you guys) is mostly made up of people who go to IVF as an almost last resort. For me, it’s always going to be an option (unless of course we find out something is wrong with my uterus, then it’s not. But let’s hope that’s not the case and just ignore that possibility for the time being. Ok? Ok).

Let me say this: knowing what a lot of IFers go through, and the financial sacrifices they have to make, I am eternally grateful to be living here. And yes, I highly recommend all of you convert to Judaism and move in with me and Shmerson. Just in case you’re wondering.

But before I go forward, before I start getting poked and prodded and diagnosed, I have to apologize. I’m sorry that all of you can’t have the same amazing options I have. I’m sorry if when writing about our options I may, in the future, casually refer to IVF as just a next step (though let’s still hope it won’t have to come to that). I know this is something that should not be taken for granted, and I hope you don’t hate me for it.

I’ve got a lot to process and a lot to write about. We’ll hear from twofer most likely on Sunday regarding our next steps. I’m back to being a googling freak because I remembered he also mentioned a possible histeroscopy, so now I’m playing a nice game of “guess the object/liquid combination to be shoved up my uterus” until we get the verdict.  Of course, I’ll keep you all updated.

And – consider the offer we made as a standing one. Shmerson and I have a very nice futon. You’re welcome to crash on it at any time. Luna would appreciate the company.

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18 Responses to “An Apology”

  1. Esperanza May 13, 2011 at 16:36 #

    I think it’s awesome that you have full coverage for whatever you need to do to build your family. That is how it should be. And while some people might feel envious, I can’t imagine they would ever begrudge you your amazing coverage. It’s like when you hear an IFer gets pregnant. You’re SO HAPPY for them, but you’re also sad for you. And they might feel that. But it has to do with them and their situation (and our FUCKED UP health care situation here in the US) and not you.

    Also, Schmerson’s post was amazing and I’m going to comment on it right now.

    • Mo May 14, 2011 at 01:16 #

      Thanks hon. I could rant about US healthcare for hours. I once had to pay 500 bucks for a sprained ankle. It’s insane!

  2. me0me May 13, 2011 at 16:43 #

    It makes such a difference in the here and now to take in your full picture and appreciate what you have… I just did that myself. Thanks for the inspiration. Love you.

    • Mo May 14, 2011 at 01:16 #

      aww. love you too!

  3. teejay May 13, 2011 at 17:59 #

    You shouldn’t apologize because the country you live in actually understands how important family building is. Yes, I am going to be jealous of you, but I’m happy for you. I feel bad when I hear about people that are scrounging the Web for the meds needed…my insurance covers all my meds (just no procedures). I understand your guilt, but there’s nothing to feel bad about. We wish you all the best…whether you do 1 IVF or no IVF’s or 20 IVF’s…we want you to have a baby and it’s nice to know that your choices and your future will not be determined by money.

    • Mo May 14, 2011 at 01:18 #

      Thanks hon. I guess I’m just weirded out by the fact that my choices are guided by completely different standards. So I don’t know what kind of decision making process I’m going to be facing, since it’s so different. As grateful as I am, it’s also a bit intimidating.

  4. zygotta May 13, 2011 at 19:23 #

    I am Israeli, although I haven’t been ti Israel for quite a few years – and haven’t been paying any taxes an so on. I wonder, if the need arises for an IVF, whether I would be able to go there and get it for free? Hmm. I’ll have to look into this.

    But I used to babysit for a woman who went through 16 IVFs to get her first daughter well into her 40s. And then another 4 IVFs to get a set of twins. All free.

    • Mo May 14, 2011 at 01:19 #

      Seriously? Wow! Ma nishma? 🙂
      If you are actually curious about this email me using the contact link. I have some info for you on that.

      • zygotta May 14, 2011 at 13:53 #

        Beseder 🙂
        We are not quite there yet – right now all we do is a monitored cycle. But, you know… They never checked my tubes, there might be things like endo… I mean, who knows?
        I’ll def email you if I need more specific info.

  5. Marie May 13, 2011 at 20:54 #

    I am not jealous because I will be conceiving naturally.

    (How’s that for the innocent confidence of a girl who’s actively ignoring her ticking clock and PCOS, and not TTC?)

    • Mo May 14, 2011 at 01:19 #

      perfectly fine. You rock, BTW.

  6. bodegabliss May 13, 2011 at 21:21 #

    I agree with everyone above, there is no need to feel guilty! It just makes us realize, yet again, that the US is entirely screwed up in this department, and how freaking incredible it is that you have this opportunity! You should only feel guilty if you don’t take advantage of it on behalf of all of us that don’t have it. Go get knocked up for free for us! 😉 Just don’t be surprised when we all show up at your doorstep claiming to have just converted to Judaism.

    • Mo May 14, 2011 at 01:20 #

      hey – you already have an open invite. Just remember to bring along a case of Maker’s Mark and you’re all good.

  7. Jjiraffe May 14, 2011 at 10:06 #

    I’m trying to take action on the US front by helping Resolve push a bill that would give IFers a tax credit. Not a perfect solution but a start…see my latest post for more 😉

    I am happy for you that your country offers such great coverage. We need baby Mos and Schmersons in the world to make it a better place!

  8. starfishkittydreams May 16, 2011 at 03:12 #

    I am happy that you are able to get this coverage for free. Seeing that some countries do this is inspiration that maybe one day the US will follow. Even though the US doesn’t seem to take it as seriously (seriously enough to cover in all health insurance policies) it makes me happy to know there are places that do. I am debating possibly following this path soon to learn more about what is causing my recurrent losses. After becoming pregnant naturally I can understand how it may feel like a giant leap to get into IVF.

  9. Erin May 17, 2011 at 23:09 #

    Who could possibly hate you for having this advantage? I think that’s completely awesome and if you end up having to do IVF, all the better that it’s free. I think if anything, women in America might be bitter toward our own government, which obviously can’t throw together a decent health care system.

  10. BleedingTulip May 18, 2011 at 07:01 #

    Um… is it weird that I got really excited about the idea of flying halfway across the world to meet some lady I have never met, let alone talked to on the phone or skype?

  11. Kelly May 23, 2011 at 00:06 #

    Wow! Even in Canada it’s not covered (except for 2 provinces, not ours). Even our benefits don’t cover it!
    It would worthwhile heading home for a bit!
    For young women of child bearing age it should be covered!
    Yay Israel!

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