Project Baby

17 Apr

So – I’ve been MIA the last few days due to Me0Me being in the country for exactly a week, and giving me a precious 24 hours of quality time, that were immediately followed by a day in which we had to take my parents to the airport, and then head to Squish’s birthday dinner. So yeah – hectic few days! Whew! (And it only gets more hectic for the next little while thanks to a nice little holiday called passover).

ANYWAY I completely digress because the point of my post is not to explain why my life is hectic, because let’s face it, it’s really not that interesting. But look at the header! Notice anything different?

Here’s the thing. Me0Me has known me for 15 years. He’s been my best friend for 15 years. He understands me. He knows me better than I know myself.

A few years ago he moved to NY, and so I only actually see him once or twice a year. For you regular commenters, you know he keeps up with this blog, and I admit, a lot of our update conversations have been helped quite a bit due to his ability to read it.

Up until yesterday, the last time I saw him was when I was going through my first Miscarriage. As in, when I was still in denial, when I was still putting on a brave face.

And most of the time we spent together was when I was still blissfully preggo and ignorant.

That was July. Needless to say that things have changed pretty darn dramatically since then. I admit, I was even nervous to see him. I mean, I felt so DIFFERENT. Would things with us be different?

So when I picked him up yesterday, it was awesome. It took us very little time to get back into our usual groove.

And then, after the mandatory dinner at my parents’ and socializing, Me0Me and I took Luna out for a long walk and sat in a park for a heart-to-heart that lasted in the neighborhood of 4 hours.

The main crux of the conversation was my issues with my career. I was upset with myself. how could I, a person who is usually  so gung-ho and motivated, have become so dispassionate about everything I do?

Then together we came to it: I’m still gung-ho and motivated, only now it’s about having a baby.

This is what I do. I take on a project, and I go for it full steam until it gets done. Everything else is ignored. When I set my mind to something, it gets done goshdarnit! That’s how I managed to fund and shoot a freakin’ holocaust film in the middle of LA (yes, I actually did that).

So- I’m currently on “project baby” and everything else pales in comparison.

So yeah – look back up on the header. This is me embracing my control freak. I’m going full steam ahead whether I like it or not, so I may as well go with the flow.

(Plus, let’s face it, my old blog title was pretty heavy. BTW – who’s up for me changing my username to just plain “Mo”? or will that be too much?)

Right, right, back to the story.

So – Me0Me helped me figure out that i can’t fool myself, I’m in the middle of project baby whether I like it or not. And he helped me find a way to make my career fit into the project, by tricking myself into making it a part of it. Now let’s hope it works so I can get my butt in gear (career-wise that is. My butt is already in gear on the baby-making front).

Oh – and the best part of the reunion?

Sometime during the evening he said: You know, you’re not as different as I thought you would be.

I asked: Am I different at all?

He answered: Not really. Just a bit more – and he made a hand gesture signaling “together”.

I sighed in relief. I didn’t realize how scared I was that these last 10 months had changed me beyond recognition. I’m glad to see that a person that knows me better than I know myself, still thinks I’m pretty much the same old me. Only a bit more – *hand gesture*.

So – welcome to project baby, where I go full steam ahead until a mini-shmerson pops out of my uterus.

Because this is what I do. I may as well stop fighting it.

PS – I’ve also changed the header. I think it was time to let go of “rebuilding life after miscarriage”. Our life is re-building all of the time, we are in process, and will most likely always be. That is a good thing. I think it’s time to truly move forward. Well –  at least as much as I can. (Marie, I think the end of your project may be rubbing off on me some).

9 Responses to “Project Baby”

  1. me0me April 17, 2011 at 00:38 #

    /me0me is happy 🙂
    And the *hand gesture* togetherness? More apparent in content rather than apparent things- i.e. the way you look, act, speak, breathe, etc. is very much the way I’ve always known you; it’s more the fact that you see things in a slightly more (oh, about 9 months) adult light is what I was observing. That, and, you know, the incredible, INCREDIBLE! fact that there is no yucky smoke coming out of your mouth at all times- or out of my mouth when I’m with you! I need to say this- do you know it was as weird for me to not be smoking as we were talking as it was that you weren’t smoking? Much as I wasn’t making a big deal of smoking here and there, I’m very happy with my having changed my self perception from smoker to non smoker since your 17 reasons post (enter link here if you so wish).
    And I’m TOTALLY pro Mo.

  2. missohkay April 17, 2011 at 03:33 #

    So we’ve got to start calling you PB now? 😀 I have to say your recent posts seem very . I like the embracing – it suits you! I think it can only help you achieve Project Baby and move on to the next big thing!

  3. Kristin April 17, 2011 at 06:42 #

    Love the reasons behind the name change.

    And, yes, chocolate in trade for the keyboard would do nicely…LOL. It might count for 2 keyboards if it was the bacony chocolate.

  4. Kristen April 17, 2011 at 17:34 #

    Thank you so, so much for your sweet comment on my blog this week. Good luck with Project Baby…I look forward to following along. 🙂

  5. BleedingTulip April 17, 2011 at 20:37 #

    I was surprised when your page first came up. I had to double check the URL haha! But I do like it, and it makes sense. And I’m am totally pro Mo. 🙂

  6. bodegabliss April 17, 2011 at 21:04 #

    Love it. So much more positive…which is just the way you seem to be heading these days.

    Good stuff all around. 🙂

    (and for the record, I’m pro-Mo, too. But you knew that.)

  7. mommyodyssey April 17, 2011 at 23:54 #

    Thanks ladies. You are all awesome!! I’ll give a week to let the blog name transition sink in and then I’ll change the username too. Though I suspect “Mo” may be taken. We shall see.

  8. missohkay April 18, 2011 at 03:48 #

    Aw, damn. I just came over to check out the later comments and realized that I created an error in my comment by making the little greater-than less-than symbols. What I said was: I have to say your recent posts seem very *insert ‘together’ gesture*

  9. deepdreamer April 19, 2011 at 03:46 #

    Go Mo! Sometimes all we need is a fresh start, so go you! x E

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