My Cup Runneth Over. Or Something.

14 Apr

I’ve had a crazy few days, so my apologies for not keeping up with you guys, and only posting silly things about birthdays, fajitas and earrings. Things are still a bit nuts around here, but yesterday, amongst the craziness, Shmerson and I had a very serious conversation, which I wanted, in part, to share with you guys.

Yesterday in therapy I realized just why I want to be a mother so badly.

I mean, think about it. All of us IFers, RPLers, etc, get so obsessed with MAKING the baby, do we even let ourselves think about PARENTING that baby? And about why we want to be parents as badly as we do?

I think for some people, making a baby becomes an obsession. Because the flying spaghetti monster makes it hard for us to make babies, we want it all the more.

But apart from the “screw you I will make this happen” aspect of it all. WHY?

I’ve been examining the whole “why I want to be a mother so badly” issue quite a bit in therapy over the last few months. Yesterday, it hit me that it’s because I love to love. There is nothing I enjoy more in this world than loving other people. Being there for them. Helping them. My cup runneth over. Or something.

So having that on my mind, while running around yesterday, the subject came up with shmerson while we were in the car driving from one crazy thing to another.

I told him: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want to be barefoot and pregnant. Like, for the next 5 years. I just want to make baby after baby and cook for them and make a pretty house for them and be their mommy. I want to be a stay at home mom. And only a mom.

Now, of course, that’s impossible in our current financial situation. No matter what, even if it’s from home, I’m going to have to keep on working.

But a girl can dream, right (even if it is an outdated dream circa 1950 that is the complete opposite of the dream the same girl had not even 2 years ago).

Anyway, that’s where the conversation turned. To how my dream is impossible, and also about our financial situation as a whole in the past, present and future.

Sometime during the drive Shmerson said something very wise: Up until 10 months ago we handled our finances like a couple. Now we’re handling them as parents.

He’s right. With every single month that has gone by since my first BFP, Shmerson and I have become more mature, more focused, and more honest about our financial situation and our goals for the future in general. All in preparation for becoming parents. We are, in fact, becoming parents more and more with each and every day that passes.

Sometime during this conversation I actually had the thought that on some level, it’s a good thing that those two pregnancies didn’t stick. Because those babies would have been born into financial and emotional chaos. Now, when we finally manage to bring a baby into this world, that baby will be born to PARENTS. People that have already prepared financially and emotionally – as much as we can, for that baby.

Now, you know it’s not REALLY a good thing to have lost those babies, or to be infertile. Miscarriage and infertility suck, to say the least.

But think about it – we have the luxury of time. Of planning. Of learning how to be parents before actually becoming parents. (Not to mention appreciating the journey so much more once we get there).

Anyway, I think it’s pretty cool.

And I also think that I have an awesome husband for stating it that way. “We’ve been living as parents for the last 10 months.”

I love it. My cup runneth over. Or something.

15 Responses to “My Cup Runneth Over. Or Something.”

  1. Anna Marie April 14, 2011 at 19:12 #

    “I love to love.”

    Wonderfully and beautifully said!

  2. Elphaba April 14, 2011 at 19:45 #

    Yah, I’ve never been so ready for anything in my entire life. (Except for the whole pushing a watermelon out of me thing–that scares me a little.)

  3. me0me April 14, 2011 at 23:36 #

    You touched a nerve, damn you! Funnily enought, as a man with a sexual orientation handicap to procreating (not impossible, but not too different from IF/similar), it’s pushed me to put the thought of having kids out of my mind to the best of my ability… maybe I lack the estrogen to go crazy about it (or maybe it’s something else that will come up in therapy sometime…)
    Anyway, that’s a damn good reason. Really.
    And Elphie, you are full of fabulousness and I will never have to face that personally but your choice of words totaly made me GAH. Ouchness!!!

    • mommyodyssey April 15, 2011 at 02:47 #

      You funny me. So does Elphie.Yet another one of the many things we will talk about when I SEE YOU IN 12 HOURS!!!!!!

  4. Kristin April 14, 2011 at 23:37 #

    You and Shmerson impress the hell out of me and you are going to be awesome parents one day (hopefully soon).

    • mommyodyssey April 15, 2011 at 02:48 #

      Thanks Kristin. That is so sweet of you to say. *hugs*

  5. Kristen April 15, 2011 at 01:18 #

    I love your 1950s dream. And how you feel that you’re going to be better parents than ever. Sorry for your losses…I’m going through my first miscarriage and it’s so hard…can’t imagine it happening twice.So glad to have found your blog.

  6. BleedingTulip April 15, 2011 at 02:07 #

    I usually feel at a loss when people ask why I want to be a parent. But your description could have been written from my own heart.

    I look at the time my husband and I have spent trying, and how we have changed, and how our finances have changed. It is true that two years ago we were different people. And TTC has changed things… but I still think that in some ways we will never “really” be able to wrap our minds around what it takes and what it is like to be a parent until we are one.

    There is a part of me that wants to be a stay at home mom with a whole litter of kiddos running around. But then there is the part of me that knows we can’t afford for me to be a SAHM. And I worry about losing myself, my passions and interests. Only time will tell what way we end up going… if/when we ever become parents.

    All that to say I understand your desires and hopes.

  7. bodegabliss April 15, 2011 at 19:22 #

    I love this. I love this so much! Thanks for sharing it with us, lady. Don’t you love it when positives to this experience show their little faces here and there? There have to be some with all this crap!

    (sorry for my radio silence these days. apparently my job actually pays me to work! gah! those jerks!)


  8. Marie April 15, 2011 at 21:43 #

    So Doug read this, and seemed more receptive to it (“Yeah, makes sense”) than he did to the yerba mate I gave him to drink (“This stuff is weird. It tastes like hay”). So one point to the Shmerson family!

    Also, I think you should offer to be a surrogate for me0me. You know, once you have your own babies to love.

  9. slcurwin April 18, 2011 at 22:37 #

    I think our loses just make us more likely to want to stay at home and be with our children (once we succeed at procreating). I think the desire to have every moment we can with our children gets a little stronger in this situation. It’s good to know that you want the children to raise, and why, rather than the ones that are so focused on getting pregnant that it’s more important than the result from the pregnancy.

    I love to love too.

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