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Validation

10 Apr

I love Dr. Twofer. Seriously. I love love love love him. He is a smiling, sympathetic, honest man who listens and gives answers. HONEST answers. Dr. Twofer rocks my world. Can I get a Hell Yeah?!??!

*Crickets*

Right. I forgot. I’m writing. So there’s not really a way to get a “Hell Yeah” mid-blog post. Someone should get on that. Ok. Still kind of riding high from today. Not because of any huge revelations. I just feel VALIDATED. On every single level.

So – I’m going to give you my day, in chronological order, so you will all understand why I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

11am – I walk in to Dr. Happy Pills’ office. I share the increased anxiety and depression issue. He listens. I then tell him about the upcoming meeting  with Dr. Twofer. I explain how doctor blunt told me to take progesterone after a BFP. Dr. Happy Pills makes a “Oh no he didn’t!” face, and tries to hide it. Too late, I saw it. He thinks that was wrong too.  That was the first validation in a series of many that happened today. So – back to Dr. Happy Pills – bottom line, we’re not switching meds, we’re upping the xanax back to its initial dosage, and re-evaluating once I get preggo.

12pm – I call my mom to see what she’s up to. We decide to meet up for lunch before my GP appointment. Thanks to some of your comments on my post yesterday, I came armed. I used the whole “Studies show that relaxing DOES NOT HELP” thing. After that, we start having a real heart to heart. Backstory: about 15 years ago, my brother had a fluke medical thing happen (I won’t go into details) which really threw him off course for a while. At the time he described it as feeling as if his body had betrayed him (don’t worry it was a one-time thing and he’s fine). When this happened to him back then my parents were very understanding of him. Today I told my mom: Remember how my brother felt back then?

That’s how I feel now.

I could literally see the understanding dawning on her face. It was obvious. She finally got it.

A bit later we’re in the car and we’re talking openly. I tell her how hard it is for me when she tells me to “get over it” or to “relax”. She says she just doesn’t like to see me in pain. I say – ok – but sometimes the best way to ease my pain is to understand that you can’t make it go away. What I really need from you is for you to hug me and tell me you love me and that everything will be ok.

And about 5 minutes later, as I was sitting in the car, bawling my eyes out, that’s exactly what she did. I cried while my mommy was hugging me. And I don’t care that I’m thirty. I needed it. Validation.

3pm: GP appointment confirms that I’m a rock star. She looks at the 24-hour blood pressure monitoring thingy that I did, and I tell her – “you know, that’s irrelevant”. She asks why. I answer: “Because I quit smoking a week and a half after this was done.”

The Dr. Beamed at me. She takes my BP. Smiles again. Just for comparison: before I quit: Average BP was 150/100 – the highest being 174/103.

Today in the office it was 129/71.

Yay me! Validation.

6pm – we walk into Dr. Twofer’s office. He’s already got my file open – so I don’t need to rehash my whole pcos saga. I tell him the story of my miscarriages. I show him all of the blood tests I’ve already taken. Then a series of validations comes:

Validation 1: Being a Heterozygote does matter. I am now going to be taking a higher dose of folic acid, and B12 twice a week.

Validation 2: My second miscarriage was a missed ectopic. He says it’s for sure based on my betas and what I described. He says that since AF is regular there’s no need for an HSG.

Validation 3: I have now received a prescription for progesterone, to be taken via my hoo-ha starting on CD 17 every month, stopped on CD1 or continued with a confirmed BFP. Yep. Dr. Blunt was wrong. Dr. Twofer did say that the progesterone has only been proven to work in IVF cycles, but in my case it definitely can only help and not hurt, so we should go for it.

He sent me for some follow up blood tests, nothing serious. Shmerson and I will be TTC as usual, and this is officially my new doctor. I am in (non-sexual, purely medical) love. I announced it to him right then and there. I would have kissed him if I had deemed it appropriate. Finally. Someone who listens!

I’ll be going in for the follow up blood tests tomorrow. And now – there’s a plan. Let’s just hope it works.

Dr. Twofer was very honest about this. he said there is still a 30-40% chance of me miscarrying my next pregnancy. And whatever we do, that percentage will most likely not change, but it’s better for us to do it anyway. His complete honesty was completely refreshing. I can be scared. It’s ok. I’m not just driving myself crazy. But at the same time, there’s a plan. I was listened to. My suspicions were confirmed but also shown to be not such a big deal. I’m doing what I can, and hey – at least I’m ovulating regularly.

Validation. It should be the new #Winning.

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21 Responses to “Validation”

  1. Christina April 10, 2011 at 19:46 #

    Happy tears are welling up in my eyes reading this!

    I’m so happy that you talked with your mom and she fully get is now! I think having mommy comfort you when your sad still helps make things feel better no matter how old you are!

    Congrats on the Validations with all your Drs today! That has to feel great! It is wonderful to have experts in your corner!.

    I have a question about your progesterone – Why did he say cd17 instead of Xdpo? Do you ovulate same cd each time? Just curious. Welcome to the funland that is progesterone suppositories! 😉

    Oh and Hell Yeah!

    • mommyodyssey April 10, 2011 at 19:59 #

      Aww thanks hon!
      Re: CD 17 – I think it’s cause I told him I generally ovulate on CD 17 and it feels a bit late to him, so it’s a just in case thing. The main plan is to start it as soon as I get a positive OPK. He just wrote CD 17 in the prescription.

  2. missohkay April 10, 2011 at 19:53 #

    I’m so glad you were validated in so many ways! That’s great! My doc wouldn’t give me progesterone until after BFP – so annoying when all I wanted to do was EVERYTHING that possibly could have helped. But back to you – YAY and a Hell Yeah!

    • mommyodyssey April 10, 2011 at 20:02 #

      Thanks sweetie. I’m sorry about your doc. :-/ Just continues to validate to everyone that second opinions are important and everyone needs to take control of their care! I feel so grateful to have universal health care here. I’m sure insurance over where you are complicated things too. *hugs*

  3. Elphaba April 10, 2011 at 21:25 #

    Sounds like a great day! I’m glad it made you feel so much better.

    But can I ask what having regular periods has to do with not needing an HSG?

    • mommyodyssey April 10, 2011 at 21:28 #

      From what I got from him, I would most likely be having irregular ovulation if there was a blockage. I will put an asterisk on that one for our next appt. though. Thanks!

      • Flowergirl April 11, 2011 at 11:44 #

        Yeah, what does that mean? In the UK, HSG is a fairly standard work up if having IF problems, even if ovulating regularly – if you’re ovulating and it ain’t going to the right place…

        • mommyodyssey April 11, 2011 at 11:59 #

          It’s true. I guess I didn’t dig into that enough with him because I was so relieved to finally be listened to. I’ll make sure to bring it up next time….

  4. Wannabemom April 10, 2011 at 23:18 #

    I’m late to get caught up, but it sounds like you’re getting what you need. I don’t know too much about the fertility tests, but I think it’s really important to get second opinions… given our experience. Doctors aren’t gods. They make mistakes too.

    I was wondering about your depression meds. Did you notice a difference once you stopped smoking? Because smoking can change the way some medications are absorbed. I’m assuming Dr. Happy Pills knows that you quit smoking? And I think it’s funny (in a sarcastic way) that people are telling you to relax. You have an anxiety disorder and you’re going through a really stressful time! Someone said to me the other day, “dealing with infertility is like dealing with a diagnosis of a terminal illness”. Yet no one would tell you to relax if you were dying of cancer. I think you’re in therapy already, but I’m wondering if you’re doing any CBT to treat the anxiety? Anxiety is a bitch but it’s so highly treatable with meds and CBT.

    • mommyodyssey April 11, 2011 at 12:00 #

      Hey there. Thanks for the thoughtful answer. Dr. Happy Pills was indeed involved in the quitting smoking. I actually haven’t tried CBT. I may very well look into that. Thanks!

  5. stacey April 11, 2011 at 00:43 #

    Yea-ah for the progesterone!!! Although now reading your thing about taking it from ovulation I think I might ask my naturopath about that one cos she told me to take it from CD18. Anywho…I really hope it makes the difference you need. I know I’ve totally noticed I’m less intense around PMS time which is great even though I’m not UTD as yet.
    GOOD LUCK!!!!

  6. Kristin April 11, 2011 at 01:32 #

    I am so freaking happy for you. I KNEW you were right about the reproductive issues. Thank God you have a doctor who knows his shit and really listens. He’s not even my doctor and Dr. Twofer rocks my world.

  7. bodegabliss April 11, 2011 at 03:27 #

    HELL YEAH! Awesome day, lady. I’m so happy you got all the validation you needed, and then some. It must feel great to have a plan and a doctor that listens. That can make all the difference in the world.

    wait, one more time: HELL YEAH! xoxo!

  8. Kira April 11, 2011 at 04:10 #

    I’m glad you were able to get through to your mom.

    And “HELL YA!” for all the awesome validation. I’m glad you found a doctor who listens (why are those so hard to find???)

  9. jjiraffe April 11, 2011 at 08:25 #

    I’m so happy you were able to get through to your mom. There just seems to be a big gap between the facts we know and the anecdotes of the well-intentioned, but ignorant. I think having like a business card with the most salient facts that we could hand out before the words just relax come out of someone’s mouth could be awesome. I’m loving your doctor, and most importantly, your reaction to your doctor. Yay! Sounds like you are in good hands 🙂

  10. Cattiz J April 11, 2011 at 09:44 #

    How great with a plan and feeling validated. I’m glad your mom understands a little more now what you are going through. That’s so important.

  11. mommyodyssey April 11, 2011 at 12:02 #

    Thank you everyone for being so amazing. it’s so good to know that there is so much support out there. You guys rock!!!

  12. me0me April 11, 2011 at 18:48 #

    Seems like I’m on the late side for this party but… HELL YEAH!!! 😀

  13. deepdreamer April 15, 2011 at 03:17 #

    I am so glad you finally got someone who has taken the time to “know” your history and make the effort to have a solution, well a potential solution. 😀

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