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Not Knocked Up – And Happy About It

5 Apr

Ok – so the red lady has yet to sing, but she’s due tomorrow and I got yet another BFN today. I know I’m out this cycle.

And guess what? I’m happy about it!

“Happy?” you ask. “How can you be happy about a BFN?”

Here’s the thing. I’m a bit mad that I’m not as clairvoyant as I thought. But on the other hand, I’ve been walking around during this TWW with a huge sense of unease. I was having a hard time pinpointing why, but I had this general feeling that Dr. Blunt wasn’t taking me seriously. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but I think he, like most doctors over here, is set up so that he only gets serious after 3 miscarriages.

Both me – and Shmerson it turns out – have been walking around these last two weeks waiting for a BFP, and also for the inevitable Miscarriage that we were both sure would follow.

Then last night, I ran across this post via LFCA. This woman has been through multiple miscarriages, and she basically wrote up a survivor’s guide. Most of what she said was not news to me, but one message came across loud and clear: why go through more heartache waiting for another loss? Insist on all the tests NOW!

It struck a chord with me. So I let that message stew in my head for a bit. Then this morning I remembered something, and smacked myself upside the head. How did I not think of this sooner?

Three years ago, just as Shmerson and I were starting our relationship, someone recommended that I go see a doctor who is not only an OB/GYN, but also an Endocrinologist (he’s the only one in the country who is both, which means he’s an expert in women just like me). I went to him back then, and without even reading my medical history he knew immediately that I had PCOS and could predict half my history just by looking at me.

At the time, there was not much he could do. But he said: When you want to have babies, come back and we’ll see what we can do.

I left there feeling like this guy knew his shit.

Now, mind you, Dr. Twofer (yes, that is what I’ve decided to call him), does not work with the universal health care system here and is a bit pricey.

But this morning I remembered him, and I said to myself – what’s more important? The money, or the knowledge that you’ve truly done everything you can?

So I talked to Shmerson, and my mom, and with the promise that my parents will help us cover some of the cost, I have set up an appointment for me and Shmerson this coming Sunday evening.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this:

I am so incredibly happy to have a BFN. I get to insist on getting some answers. i don’t need to have another two week wait feeling helpless. If there’s something that can be done, this man will help us do it. If there has been a stone left unturned, we will now insist on looking under it.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think the universe likes me. Thanks Universe!

***UPDATE: 2 hours after posting this I started spotting. It’s over, the red lady has sung, and I am relieved. How weird is that?

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8 Responses to “Not Knocked Up – And Happy About It”

  1. Marie April 5, 2011 at 13:24 #

    I just have to argue with one thing: “he’s an expert in women just like me” sounds so patriarchal. How can any “he” really be an expert in women at all?!

    Ok, with that feminist crap out of the way… Yay! Insist on all the tests! Yay! Don’t set yourself up to be heartbroken! Yay! Another month for me not to feel awkward! Yay yay yay!

    And for the record, I would be happy with a BFN right now, too.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxox (this hyperactivity and ranting brought to you by… it’s 4 a.m.)

  2. Kristin April 5, 2011 at 14:08 #

    Good for you for being proactive with your care.

  3. me0me April 5, 2011 at 17:03 #

    I’m lying in bed with a really annoying, energy killing, voice silencing, sleep depriving cold and your post has made me SO HAPPY!!! 🙂 Fuck clairvoyance, yay doing the absolute best thing for your body & family! (and BodegaBliss really commented about the clairvoyance issue in a way that I felt totally resonated even though I could never say the same… So weird and sad that the only thing we men have to go on with knowing THAT part of our body is gas)

  4. bodegabliss April 5, 2011 at 18:37 #

    (HA! Nice, me0me.)

    MO, I’m so freaking happy right now. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me that you’re doing this! It’s going to make a world of difference for you mentally, and I can’t wait to hear what you find out.

    Yay for Mr. Twofer! xoxox

  5. Kira April 5, 2011 at 22:42 #

    That’s so great, that you are going to see this doctor and your parents have agreed to help. Sometimes I wish we had dug a little deeper, turned over more rocks, but we just didn’t have the money. We still have a bill hanging on our cork board from the HSG at the beginning of this year. And we will get around to paying it… eventually. I really hope you guys find some solid answers!!!

  6. mommyodyssey April 6, 2011 at 01:44 #

    Thanks all! I am really excited about this appointment! Of course, I will update!

  7. missohkay April 6, 2011 at 03:20 #

    This is great news! I’m so glad you’re taking this step! I was so worried that an RE or loss specialist wouldn’t take me seriously after only 2 losses that I didn’t pursue it. I had some tests by my regular OB, but I wasn’t my best advocate. (Also b/c I was in denial that anything was wrong… meh hindsight).

  8. jjiraffe April 6, 2011 at 05:58 #

    Bliss and I were talking about how awful it is that doctors just don’t seem to take miscarriages seriously. I’m so glad you have someone who can do testing and help!

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