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Big Fat Not Yet You Idiot

2 Apr

So – I broke down and POAS this morning. It was with Shmerson’s blessing (under the condition that if I get a BFN I wait until the 4th), and with a test that said it could detect as early as 10 DPO, which is where I’m at right now.

Surprise surprise – it was a BFN. I’m not disappointed, because I kind of figured it would be. I just needed to feed the raging control freak monster within that can’t have a smoke so needs to pee on sticks.

So now it’s a matter of waiting until the 4th.

I’m still taking part in the scavenger hunt, and today, I nearly had a seizure when I wiped and found a bit of brown spotting. So I have not yet given up hope. But I’m trying to not get my hopes up either, because I’m on the losing end in terms of most of the symptoms.

I’ve been contemplating how I will react in case this potentially false negative becomes an actual negative.

In all honesty – I have no clue. I assume I will be incredibly depressed. Because of this, and since we’re all about thinking ahead in this TWW – I’ve decided to make up a list of the upside if I get a BFN this month. This way, if and when aunt flo shows up, I can look at this list and hopefully realize there are some good things.

  1. Another month of fun sexy-time with Shmerson.
  2. It will give me a chance to make an appt. with my gyno and express my concerns about progesterone only after a BFP – and address some of the quiet fears that have been sneaking up on me during this last month.
  3. It means that we will not have a baby in December – meaning that the kid won’t have to deal with being the youngest/oldest in his/her class.
  4. I can go get my hair done next week before a wedding, without fear of inhaling hair dye chemicals.
  5. It gives me and Shmerson at least one more month to plan out our living situation.
  6. It gives me at least one more month to stabilize my career.

Ok – since I don’t drink and I’ve cut down my caffeine permanently – these are the only things I’ve really been able to come up with. Have any additions? Comment away!

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15 Responses to “Big Fat Not Yet You Idiot”

  1. starfishkittydreams April 2, 2011 at 21:01 #

    I’m sorry about the BFN. Very disappointing. I was weirdly obsessing about March TTC as well. My second pregnancy happened in March and our due date was Dec. 24. Even though we lost it at 8 weeks I was freaking out about what a sucky time to have a birthday that would be. Being the oldest/youngest is yet another thing I hadn’t thought of. All the more reason to be ok with waiting a month I suppose. Hang in there!

  2. Elphaba April 2, 2011 at 22:11 #

    I can’t BELIEVE he let you test! Shmerson, shame on you!

    Sorry it was negative… 😦

    • mommyodyssey April 3, 2011 at 19:57 #

      aww thanks. He did treat it as the responsible adult and humored me only temporarily. I have to wait till the 4th to test again…

  3. Marie April 3, 2011 at 00:38 #

    Doug’s birthday is Dec. 20th, and it definitely has its downsides. He was the oldest in his class (I have another friend who’s Dec 22nd, and she was the youngest because she went to private school for the first four years to cheat the system – bought her way in to the class year she wouldn’t have “qualified” for on age alone), and he always got kind of skipped for birthday/Christmas presents because his family would combine the two (my girlfriend’s parents, however, are really good about celebrating her BIRTHDAY separately from other major holidays). I know the Christmas thing wouldn’t be an issue for you, but pretty much everywhere you go, there’s a major holiday in December, and people are preoccupied with that. Right?

    Also, 7) It gives me one more month not to be freaking awkward around you. Which is more about me than it is about you, but you benefit as well. 😀

    The hair chemical one is a really good one. And if it does turn into a real negative, maybe you should have one unnecessary caffeinated beverage, just to say you did. A little spite never hurt anyone.

    Don’t be depressed. You’ve got many more months. Love you.

    • mommyodyssey April 3, 2011 at 19:57 #

      Your #7 is definitely a good reason.
      Love you!

  4. Kristin April 3, 2011 at 03:30 #

    Didn’t I tell you NO TESTS until the 4th…naughty, naughty girl.

  5. me0me April 3, 2011 at 04:03 #

    So, going back to the comments on the TTC math post, the winner of the guess game is… Shmerson. And the person whose attitude allowed POAS to happen is… Shmerson. I’ve got a theory! It’s all about your husband… Winning!
    And seriously, you’ve been really good about accepting for a while now (and I’ve had an amazing week on that front myself so I feel all high and mighty). Keep doing it. Breathe. Know that the very very best you can do for yourself and therefore any future next of kin is to take a moment, breathe, and say- hey, it’s really ok. Really really ok. And then keep going. Love love love love love!

  6. bodegabliss April 3, 2011 at 05:15 #

    I can’t believe I’m about to add to the scavenger hunt, but, um, implant bleeding? Maybe?

    And yes, SHMERSON! We’re all looking at you, here! You weren’t supposed to cave!

    (But I’d still like to congratulate you on making it to 10dpo! You still did good!)

    • mommyodyssey April 3, 2011 at 19:59 #

      I know, right? I’m seriously trying to convince myself it’s not implant bleeding because I’ve really got NO other symptoms. If it was implant bleeding though, that means i should get a BFP tomorrow (though probably faint). We shall see. And thanks for pointing out the good side (in which I made it to 10 dpo) *hugs*

  7. Kira April 3, 2011 at 05:30 #

    How did I miss you “Scavenger Hunt” post? That. Is. Awesomeness.

    Sorry about the BFN, but of course you have some time before you can really know for sure. Keeping fingers crossed!

    Things to add to your list? Um…
    -One more month to wear clothes you still fit in.
    -One more month of sushi! (Even if you don’t like it, eat a bite. Just because you can.)
    -One more month of unpasteurized milk/cheese. (Go get yourself those tasty morsels! Sure there’s bacteria but there is more nutrients too.)

  8. Jjiraffe April 3, 2011 at 08:50 #

    I can’t believe he caved either. I actually am having massive problems with my November/December due date twins and their school (now they have to be held back. It’s agonizing for reals.)

    Bodega’s right: implantation bleeding?

    But, BFN sucks. Do you like sushi? Maybe eat some? Take lots of hot baths, go in a sauna, go on a roller coaster? I’m reaching…

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