Hello Contestants! Welcome to the Pregnancy Symptom Scavenger Hunt! Feeling a bit on edge during your Two Week Wait? Well have no fear! Our scavenger hunt is good for hours upon hours of control-freaky fun!
Just look for the following items. Obsessively. For each item, you get a point! And at the end of the Two Week Wait? Well, don’t let me spoil it for you. Read on!
The Pregnancy Symptom Scavenger Hunt Item List
Item 1: Nausea. Intermittent nausea does not count and will penalize the contestant in the form of repeated google searches made by her of “how nauseous were you right after implantation?”
Item 2: Darkened Areolas. Must be definitively darker than usual. Contestant resorting to flashing her boobs to her husband and asking his opinion on the relative brown-ness of said areolas will immediately be disqualified from this point.
Item 3: Fatigue. Must be definitive fatigue. Cannot be confused with nicotine withdrawal or normal insomnia symptoms. Husband mentioning “you were this tired last time too” is a good indication, and may count in contestant’s favor.
Item 4: CM. The creator of this scavenger hunt has no idea what type of CM is supposed to happen immediately after implantation, despite repeated google searches for “what does your cervical mucus look like in the first trimester” and “CM after implantation”. There’s a chance it may be thick and milky, or non-existent. Give yourself a point for either of those. If you come up with a definitive answer and submit it to the scavenger hunt creator, give yourself 2 points.
Item 5: Implantation Pain. Should be definitive, preferably accompanied by some form of implantation bleeding. Frequent google searches for “what does implantation feel like” followed by an in depth analysis as to what precisely the contestant has had for dinner and whether it has made her gassy, results in immediate disqualification from the point.
Item 6: Implantation Bleeding: Yes, it only happens in 20-30% of women, therefore competitor with no bleeding will not be disqualified, but rather given one sympathy point. Warning: Staring at toilet paper after wiping at 7 DPO will not magically make pink/brown discharge appear.
Item 7: Cravings. Craving carbs and chocolate does not count, so you may as well let it go.
Item 8: Frequent Urination. Drinking more than usual will result in immediate disqualification. Urination patterns of the last year will be examined in depth and frequently, in order to determine whether frequency has increased. Inconclusive answers will not count in favor of the contestant.
Item 9: Dizziness. Spinning around and around in a circle to create said dizziness will result in immediate disqualification.
Item 10: Mood Swings. Contestants who suffer from excessive mood swings on a regular basis regardless of pregnancy will immediately be disqualified from this point.
Item 11: Positive Pregnancy Test. Results of the scavenger hunt will not be revealed to contestants unless they turn in a Home Pregnancy Test with two clear lines showing. No evaporation lines will be accepted, so don’t try to fool us. Any contestants with a single line followed by signs of a red discharge lovingly known as aunt flo will automatically be banned from the scavenger hunt for a period of 14-20 days, depending on the length of their cycle and general ovulation patterns. After said waiting period, and proof of repeated sex with their significant others, contestants are welcome to re-submit items for consideration.
Winner of the Scavenger Hunt gets up to 9 months of anxiety, followed by a take-home baby*
*Baby not guaranteed