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And the Winner Is…..!

25 Mar

Actually – yesterday’s poll was too close to call between Squish and Me0Me. How fun is it to have a tie between my girl BFF and my boy BFF?!? So guess what? You get both of them! Starting with my boy BFF! Me0Me – take it away!

Hi!

A clarification first: Mo and I have always signed our emails to each other ‘me’, and ‘me’ was unfortunately either too short or taken in wordpress when I came aboard the odyssey, so I stuck a 0 and added another me. Hence the weird nick.

Mo’s note: he jumped on board the comments before I could give him an appropriate fake name. Bad me!

Mo and I have known each other for 16 years now. We met as we were both in our slutty phases, as well as putting the best of our energies into The Rocky Horror Picture Show and into making friendships that would last a lifetime (more than you would believe). It’s safe to say that in some ways we know each other better than anyone else.

I’ve been on a self discovery journey of my own in the past few months, something that started around the time this blog went up, oddly – or predictably, seeing how Mo and I seem to share life transitions – enough, and the other night I saw a meeting of our roads in my head.

I was coming home on the subway, talking to a guy who’s singing with me in an opera, and he was really nice. This was after a rehearsal for “Carmen” during which another guy singer was also really nice to me. Now, this all probably seems very normal, but I don’t really have guy friends. In fact, other than one gay friend that I used to be involved with before we (actually!) became really good friends, I really don’t have relationships with men other than the one I’m married to (love you Bubi!). So after nice subway guy switches trains and I stay on I start pondering why this is and I realize – I’m a competitive S.O.B. I know this. I rarely show it to the people around me, but inside my head, either I’m the best at what I’m doing at any given moment, or I’m kind of a loser and I should really stop what I’m doing.

Being gay, I automatically have a handicap, if you will, on masculinity. I’m not culturally supposed to be as much of a man as a straight guy. Taking into account the vast chauvinistic roots in our culture that I believe are only slightly less rooted than the homophobic ones (remind me again, why is it that when a man is called/labeled anything feminine it’s funny/demeaning yet when a woman is called/labeled anything masculine it’s cool/elevating?) I will always be, on some cultural level, less than the straight man I’m interacting with.

And then I thought of Mo’s jealousy post, and suddenly it dawned on me. My masculine “handicap” is not unlike the feminine “handicap” that a woman dealing with IF/MC is dealing with internally. How can it not be difficult to face someone who is, because of simple existential facts, “better” than you for reasons you can’t control?

I had never directly confronted feelings of jealousy toward heterosexual men, but there it was, an inferiority complex just looking me in the face!

The good thing about all this is that it was hitting me because of the nice things that were happening that I wasn’t used to – in fact, that Monday evening’s rehearsal and subway ride serve as a kind of havaya metakenet for me. Seeing that I can talk to another guy without having to deal with sexuality, with singers’ competitiveness, with cultural inferiority. As one human being to another. Because we do each have our own journey.

We all go through and make our special life story. There are times at which it’s tough to disconnect ourselves, our selves, from the annoying, chauvinistic, judging lens on our inner all-seeing all-judging eye. But maybe, if we remember (and the big spaghetti monster in the sky knows that’s a whole journey by itself) that the cultural biases we’ve been raised with our only that – cultural biases, things we don’t wholly approve of – we have a better chance of enjoying the journey.

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6 Responses to “And the Winner Is…..!”

  1. Elphaba March 25, 2011 at 19:08 #

    Hi me0me!

    I find your analogy really interesting. You’re right that society in general views straight men as somehow “better” than gay men–I’d never really thought about it, but now that you say it, I see that.

    And yah, it is kind of similar to an infertile woman who feels like less of woman because of something over which she has no control…

    I can see why you an Mo are friends 😉

    • me0me March 25, 2011 at 20:33 #

      Thanks Elphie 🙂 And congratulations… it was your news that prompted the post that started the analogy in my head! (How chaos theory lol)

  2. Marie March 25, 2011 at 19:23 #

    Shit, does everyone in Israel believe in this spaghetti monster?! I thought Israel was a Jewish country. So many, many misconceptions here…

    And you’re right: our society has a tendency to see a gay man as closer to a woman than a man (which must be why we love you so much). And women who can’t make babies properly feel like less of women. All this for things neither group can control. There’s also the annoying stereotypes given to us by the media, movies, and our worst examples: all gay men must be flamboyant, limp-wristed, HIV-infested sluts, right? All infertile women must be crazy, bitter, baby-stealing wrecks, right?

    (Actually, that last one might be true – except for the baby-stealing…)

    ANYWAY… Good to hear from you, and thanks for posting in response to my less-than-stellar “begging.” 🙂

    -Marie
    (San Diego RHPS cast, 1999-2003)

    • me0me March 25, 2011 at 20:35 #

      Thanks for prompting and responding 🙂 Isn’t it amazing what RHPS does socially?

      • rolig March 26, 2011 at 14:01 #

        It’s nice reading you Meome. It is amazing al that RHPS. You two are both responsible to a huge part of my journey with being gay (meome was the first one ever asking me without judgment if I’m gay).

        and now, we’re all married and the big Q, how to make our own children is so difficult… But who said anything comes easily?

        miss you both

        • me0me March 26, 2011 at 16:30 #

          love you Rolig. Even if you’re not regularly in my life, I should totally be counting you as a true friend. Which kind of contradicts part of this post. Oh well.

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