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The Facebook Miscarriage Announcement

19 Mar

Note – I’ve noticed lately that a lot of women have come to this post after googling “How to announce a miscarriage on facebook”. If you are one of those women, I’m sorry for your loss and for how you have come to this blog. Please know that you’re not alone. There is a huge community of women out there – including myself, who have been through a loss and have come out safely on the other side. Please feel free to contact me using the link above if you feel like you need support. I will be happy to point you in the right direction.

The following post is meant to be satirical, although, if you manage to get some good tips from it, even better. 🙂

And now, without further ado – the original post. 

Ok – so practically every single one of the wonderful ALI bloggers that I follow has, at least once, posted about her bitterness of seeing happy-go-lucky preggo announcements on facebook.

I myself have been guilty of that on several occasions.

Since Shmerson and I have been back on the TTC wagon, I’ve given a lot of thought as to when, how, and to whom I announce the pregnancy when it happens.

On facebook, my initial instinct told me to wait until the second trimester, and then write something like: “After two devastating losses, Shmerson and I are happy to announce that I have finally made it into my second trimester safely. Wish us luck!”

But here’s the thing  – publicly, Shmerson and I have started to be huge advocates for NOT waiting. For breaking the silence around miscarriage. For sharing so others won’t feel like they’re alone. Shmerson wrote very openly about it on facebook. I’m not quite there yet because I have a lot of professional contacts on there. But honestly, for the last couple of weeks I’ve been toying with the idea of just sharing a link to this blog, without privacy settings and kind of just going: Ha! In your face bitches! I lost two babies!

Or something.

The only reason I don’t do this is actually due to the fact that I speak very openly here about my depression and anxiety, and I don’t want that publicized to future employers.

So yeah – posting the blog publicly – a problem.

But my miscarriages?

Well – I really do feel like screaming it from the rooftops. I’ve had two losses! I was (and still am) heartbroken!

Though I know at this point it’s a bit late for this.

On the other hand – what if I break the taboo completely? What if – as soon as i get a BFP I post a status that says:

Preggo for the third time after two losses. Hopefully this time it sticks. Cross your fingers for me!

Four weeks along.

Why the hell not? I admit it’s very tempting and kind of rebellious. I mean, I’ll obviously be posting about my BFP on here. So why the hell not on FB? Why not shatter the taboo? It seems like an interesting social experiment. Just to see what people will say in the comments. (though if anyone tells me they’re praying for me and those other losses happened for a reason I will unceremoniously remove them from my friends list).

But let’s say I do that. Inevitably, that thought process  brings me to a much darker place. Say this next BFP doesn’t stick. That means I have to actually announce my miscarriage on facebook.

So – in the spirit of this, inspired by this, and egged on by this, here are ten ways to announce a miscarriage on facebook (now with extra humor, denial, and cynicism!)

***WARNING: some of the following is highly inappropriate and some people may find it offensive or hurtful. I have let my bitter flag fly. Consider yourself warned.

  1. The Casual Approach: Yeah – so I’m not knocked up anymore. Thought you should know. Kthnxbye
  2. The April Fool’s Day Status Update: We safely made it to the second trimester! Psych! April fool! I actually lost the baby last week.
  3. The “Borrowing a Cliche while starting a betting pool” Approach:Three miscarriages down – who knows how many to go? Come on – we’re taking bets! Whoever guesses correctly will get to change a poopy diaper for me once I actually manage to carry a baby to term! (On second thought, I should probably think of a more attractive prize for the winner)
  4. The Charlie Sheen Approach: Nope – that wasn’t tiger’s blood coming out of my cooch! (I know that one was a bit much. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself).
  5. The “You Lucky Fertiles Suck” Approach: Had another miscarriage. Anyone with a child who wants to tell me “everything will happen in good time” is welcome to step up so I can punch them in the face!
  6. The Wayne’s World Approach: I’ve just been told I will carry this baby to term! NOT! And monkeys might fly out of my butt! (But no babies will be flying out of my uterus any time soon!)
  7. The Bad Pun Approach: Well – There goes another pregnancy down the drain…
  8. The Roundabout Approach: I am happy to announce that I am back to smoking a pack a day, and I can have as much caffeine as I want!
  9. The Posting of Pee Sticks, Redoux: Take a picture of your BFP, and date it with a magic marker. Then once the HCG is out of your system, take a picture of a BFN and date it as well. The smart people will figure it out.
  10. The Ultrasound Annoucement, Redoux (Inspired by Elphie’s #2): This one is specific to Blighted ovums. Post the ultrasound pic, with a big red arrow pointing to the empty sac. In case your pool of friends is particularly challenged, write “Doesn’t that Empty Sac look just like me?” above said red arrow.

Well – those are mine. Feel free to post your ideas in the comments!

Let cynicism and bitterness reign supreme!

(was that a cheesy line or did I live up to my promise from yesterday?)

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24 Responses to “The Facebook Miscarriage Announcement”

  1. missohkay March 19, 2011 at 03:47 #

    Ooh, good ones! My personal favorite is the April Fool’s announcement. But how about a bitter litle poem? Roses are Red. Violets are blue. My baby is dead, so fuck you!
    I understand your desire/hesitation about sharing. I posted on FB about my m/cs on Nat’l Pregnancy Loss Day but I decided not to share my blog. I need to have some separation – now I can feel open and activist-y on FB while still leaving myself an anonymous place to vent.

    • Marie March 19, 2011 at 05:48 #

      There’s a National Pregnancy Loss Day? This news is almost as exciting as today’s earlier news – namely that some of us are still attending baby showers – was shocking…

      • mommyodyssey March 19, 2011 at 20:46 #

        I think every month should have an NPLD. It’s the day IFers get a visit from the red lady.
        Sorry. couldn’t help myself. 🙂
        Oh – and MissOhkay – love the poem!

    • Shmerson March 19, 2011 at 21:33 #

      The “Roses are red” comment made me laugh while thinking over and over “I am a terrible terrible person for finding this funny”. And then I laughed harder.

  2. Wannabemom March 19, 2011 at 04:47 #

    Love #5 and #10. Thanks for the laugh. If we can’t have cynical humour, what else is there?

  3. Mads March 19, 2011 at 05:15 #

    I totally understand your reasons to and not post your mcs on facebook, I’ve struggled with them too. In a weird way I worry about the flip side, wouldnt we get accused of what we are condeming the fertiles of? Wanting attention? I hate to think they would see it as “look at me, feel sorry for me”. But at the same time it’s not fair, people post when they lose a loved one what is the difference? I know I’m all over the place but at the core I just hate that it all seems so underground and you really can’t just scream out “I’m sad because this happened!”. Lately I’ve gotten a lot more relaxed about even talking about it, people should know how common it is, they could so easily be in our shoes and at least then they’ll have a friend to turn to instead of feeling all alone.

    • mommyodyssey March 19, 2011 at 20:47 #

      That’s exactly the point. 🙂 after my first MC my hubby and I felt like we were completely alone in the world. If people were just more open about it, our whole traumatic experience would have been much much easier.

      • nannychandra November 23, 2014 at 05:22 #

        I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell them all that our baby is dead and that it is likely to kill me…and I’m doing it for me and us and for all of you!!! :-*

  4. Kristin March 19, 2011 at 08:07 #

    A warped and twisted sense of humor can carry you through some awfully trying times. I thought the humor was spot on.

  5. me0me March 19, 2011 at 16:34 #

    My favorite FB startuses in 2010 were by an incredibly talented opera singer who had a terrible audition season. Not schadenfreude mind you, it was just liberating seeing it up there, because it’s a taboo among singers to publically share something not working out.
    My point is, people tend not to share things that are not successful in our oh so success driven society (virtual maybe even more than otherwise). Anything that enriches us with humanity is a win as far as I’m concerned.
    And 4 and 7 made me lol 🙂

  6. Christina March 19, 2011 at 19:50 #

    I loved Elphaba’s posts and I love this one too!

    I’ve been torn about posting our trials and errors, but it’s been hard enough just telling people like family that I don’t think I want everyone I ever knew to be privy to that.

  7. mommyodyssey March 19, 2011 at 20:49 #

    Just a follow up: Today one of my FB friends took the advice of that original article, and posted her 4 months preggo belly.
    I decided that this time I wouldn’t click “hide”. Perhaps this post with the venting did some good.
    Or I’m a masochist.

    • bodegabliss March 19, 2011 at 22:18 #

      Oh, it’s already been decided you’re a masochist. As we all are. 🙂

      I have to say my favorite is the bad pun. But I’m all about puns.

      Like I started to tell you earlier, I’ve been toying with posting my blog on facebook as well. But, I would be selective, because there are certain people on there that I could care less about…but I feel like it would definitely be an experiment. I think that a lot of people would come out and say they’ve had one, too. I’ve been toying with writing a post on this and getting people’s opinion, so I think I’ll do that.

      Loved this. 🙂

  8. Kira March 21, 2011 at 04:20 #

    When we became pregnant I immediately posted on facebook… when we miscarried I put something like “We lost the pregnancy. Don’t want to talk about it, don’t ask.”

    However, I particularly like #5…

    We thought about waiting until after the first trimester to announce on facebook but that isn’t about the “taboo”… that has to do with some complicated family stuff (his parents aren’t supportive and don’t know we are trying surrogacy)

    Best of luck in whatever decision you make!

  9. Julia June 18, 2011 at 11:54 #

    Thank you so much for this. You have given voice to my grief. No empty platitudes here. I particularly liked the idea of posting the ultrasound of the empty sac (not that I kept a copy).,

  10. greensoulcarer January 22, 2012 at 07:50 #

    On a down day this has given me a great laugh. Thanks 🙂

  11. Selbe January 23, 2012 at 19:13 #

    I did #10 and posted under it my D&C is scheduled for next week. Hopefully the smart ones figure it out and don’t congratulate me.

  12. Megzer January 25, 2012 at 13:15 #

    I’ve been feeling really strange about my inappropriate humour surrounding my 17wk loss this week. It’s my 1st experience with miscarriage directly and as helpful and supportive as I’ve found the swooning teary angel approach- my inclination is more along the cynical shouting and roaring route. Thanks for this!

  13. Maddie July 10, 2012 at 08:45 #

    You have honestly saved me tonight. It’s so frustrating to see happy moms to be bragging on Facebook, and it makes me FURIOUS to say the least. I handle it with sarcasm and some don’t really know how to take that! Glad there is someone else like me! You made me smile

  14. E.W. November 11, 2012 at 22:53 #

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for these. I found out last week that I am having a “missed miscarriage,” but can’t get scheduled for a D&C until this coming week. Of course, this morning, the first thing I see on FB is a friend’s 12w ultrasound. My 12 week ultrasound was scheduled for 2 weeks from now – around the time I’ll need to go in for my follow up from the D&C. Reading your post and the responses was the first time I’ve stopped crying all day.

    • Trav310 November 1, 2013 at 02:13 #

      I’ve literally cried all day (2 losses). After reading this I would hug you if you were here. I don’t even like to hug people… Thanks for the good laugh. My favorite is definitely #5.

  15. Jen February 28, 2014 at 10:34 #

    Thank you for this. I have 2 children, but with each of them came 3 miscarriages each. Last week i lost another pregnancy same day 2 of my friends gave birth to beautiful babies. I have decided not to try again and my husband and I really appreciate the humour here.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Episode 10! « Bitter Infertiles - November 6, 2012

    […] Mo’s post: https://mommyodyssey.com/2011/03/19/the-facebook-miscarriage-announcement/ […]

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