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Nicotine Monster Rears its Ugly Head?

13 Mar

Don’t worry! No relapse!

But yeah – today sucked.

So the last couple of days I’ve been waking up and kind of giving it a long hard think before applying the patch. Waking up has been easy and the patch has made me kinda nauseous, not to mention that it’s been leaving red blotchy marks everywhere I applied it.

Today I woke up – and looked at that box of patches. I said to myself – nope. You’re done with this poison.

Of course, a few minutes of googling confirmed that I was in the clear. I’ve already broken the habit for the most part – now all I had to do was get through the nicotine withdrawal.  Piece of cake! (at least according to alan carr).

Well. Alan Carr LIED.

Ok. I admit – I’m actually not sure this was all due to lack of nicotine.

In fact – most of the day was spent in a pretty laid back way. Yes I had a few more craving than the previous days – but all was well.

Then – out of the blue –  I transformed into an evil monster.

Context: Shmerson is leaving for reserve duty in about four hours. He’ll be gone till Wed. Like I do each time he goes away for this (it happens usually about twice a year) I cooked him a yummy dinner, complete with a yummy dessert. All was well.

Until he asked me a question about something (after dinner) and I didn’t know the answer. And he made kind of an off-hand cynical comment.

Which in turn – made me turn into a shrew for the next hour or so. Yelling, saying really mean things, just plain bitchy. I was being terrible. And to make matters worse I knew I was being terrible. And I started hitting shmerson with lovely lines like “See? You knew I was going through nicotine withdrawal why did you have to act that way? it’s all your fault!”

And when he actually tried to apologize, well of course, I yelled at him some more.

About two seconds before he went to bed I stopped him and finally said I’m sorry I’ve been to terrible. I don’t want you to leave like this. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. It’s because I stopped the patch.

Then he said “no – actually. You always pick a fight with me when I leave for reserve duty.”

“I do?”

“yep.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you mention that an hour ago! Then maybe I wouldn’t have wanted a cigarette so badly!”

“would you have listened?”

No comment.

Yeah – so apparently I get so worried about shmerson when he’s gone I try to pick a fight with him so I will miss him less. Aren’t I healthy?

I guess the nicotine withdrawal just aggravated the situation.

Let’s just hope I’m past the worst of it, because I hate it when shmerson’s away, so the next few days are gonna suck.

Ahh well.

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6 Responses to “Nicotine Monster Rears its Ugly Head?”

  1. me0me March 13, 2011 at 03:37 #

    Isn’t it incredible how quickly you’re able to listen though? #goodforyou 🙂

  2. Marie March 13, 2011 at 03:55 #

    Oh man. I have had those fights, trying to claw my way out of bitch mode while simultaneously watching myself drift further and further away from rationality. Once again, sister, you’re not alone.

    I’m so sorry Shmerson is leaving, even if it’s only for a few days. Now I will email you about weddings to make you feel better.

    Oh, also?! I got SO MUCH yummy chocolate in the mail yesterday! Thank you!!! Doug is especially excited about the one that looks like oreos and caramel, but so far I’ve been good and only opened the milk-pudding-cookie one. (It’s really weird not to be able to read labels.) Return love coming soon 🙂

  3. Erin March 13, 2011 at 16:21 #

    You should have gone with the electric cigarette. I have heard really great things about it. I quit 3 years ago with nicotine gum. I wish I had known about the electric cigarette. It’s a stick that delivers good ole nicotine and lets off a vapor.

    Hang in there.

  4. Elphaba March 13, 2011 at 23:35 #

    I have done this so many times in the past year–I can FEEL myself being totally and completely irrational and yet I CAN’T stop myself. Thank goodness we have wonderful partners who can deal with our crap.

  5. slcurwin March 14, 2011 at 06:35 #

    Well at least he seems to be following the trend so he can enlighten you. Maybe he takes it less personally because of that? It’s crappy, and I’m sorry you have to sit through the next few days without him.

    But I’m proud that you still haven’t had a cigarette!

  6. bodegabliss March 14, 2011 at 22:33 #

    Um, I don’t think it’s a matter of health, I think it’s very very common! I tend to pick the fight after I’ve left, though (the hubby doesn’t leave much, it’s usually me that leaves). So there you go!

    Not that it’s a surprise to you that I do it, too. 😉

    (btw — hello!)

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