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Shmerson Making His Debut Blog Post

27 Feb

Inspired by Cookie’s blog, and considering that I’m slammed with work, I asked Shmerson if he would take over blogging duties for me tonight. So without further ado, here is my dear hubby:

Hi everyone!

Good News: Mo is currently working on watching all of the movies that are nominated for the Oscars AND writing another synopsis AND planning the Oscar night food. Bad News: instead of a post by her you’re getting a post by me- Shmerson.

Actually, calling my wife “Mo” is weird for me, so I’ll just call her Shmerson. If it confuses you, there is a simple way of telling who Shmerson is: If Shmerson is writing a post, then Shmerson means me, Shmerson. And if I, AKA Shmerson, am writing a post, then Shmerson means Shmerson. See how simple it is?

What I want to write about is the male point of view, at least mine. After the first MC, I noticed that my first concern was Shmerson. Don’t get me wrong, I was very sad that we weren’t going to have a baby when we thought. But somehow I was worried about Shmerson’s health, mentally and physically, more than  being sad about the thing itself- losing a baby.

I think it’s because there are aspects of pregnancy (and therefore aspects of MC) that I will never understand in the same way as Shmerson understands them, or as women in general understand them. I can say things like “we are pregnant” as much as I want, but that is not true. Shmerson knew she was pregnant several hours after conception, I didn’t (I thought that was new age BS). Shmerson’s body and mind were reacting to the pregnancy. As for me, only my mind was reacting to it, indirectly, and in a different way; something like “I need to take care of my pregnant wife for the next 9 months, and then be a good dad”, which is different than Shmerson’s “I have a little Mini-Shmerson growing inside of me”.

I’m going to say something weird, so here goes: Freud thought some women are envious of men for their penises. I think he was an effed-up pervert in many, many ways, but here’s my take on the subject. When it comes to pregnancies, I think it’s the other way around. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to have a sex change operation anytime soon, and there will NOT be any jokes about wanting to have my own boobs to play with in my spare time (Oops, too late). What I mean is all of us, both male and female, were embryos once. Being pregnant and having a baby makes it a full circle. Women get to experience once again the symbiosis between mother and child, only now as the mother. That is beautiful beyond words.

And I can’t be a part of that in the same sense. I could talk to the baby, put my hand on Shmerson’s belly to feel it kick, but that is not even close. I will be the baby’s parent, of course, but so will Shmerson. And, of course, I will have a part in the making of our baby, but can you really compare carrying a baby for nine months with just having an orgasm? I can do that with both hands handcuffed to the bed.

And just as I can’t really understand pregnancy and feel it in the same way Shmerson does, I can’t really understand MC in the same way that she does. To me, it changed from “I need to take care of my pregnant wife for the next 9 months, and then be a good dad” to “I need to take care of my heart-broken wife, and it turns out I’m not going to be a dad anytime soon”.

For several months I was so into taking care of her, helping her with her grief, I forgot that I have my own grief (-you didn’t “forget”, you supressed. -shut up, Sigmund, you sick bastard). I thought I had to be there for her, be strong for her, and leave my grief aside for now, because hers was so much stronger. This is, of course, a very bad attitude. Luckily, I have an amazing wife who noticed what I was doing, even through everything that she was going through, and called my bluff. That is, perhaps, a subject for another post (which will come soon, I’m enjoying this more than I expected).

I used to be very sad about the whole thing, but Shmerson’s progress, along with this blog, have helped me see the silver lining. Now, I believe everything will be great. I also kinda believe everything that happened was for the best. I can’t really explain why, but I know I’ll be a better dad for everything that happened. (When I understand what I mean by that, I will write another guest-post, promise).

That’s all for tonight, but before we leave- a word from our sponsors:

“Not expecting much from James Franco and Anne Hathaway’s hosting of the Oscars? Only on Mo’s blog we will bring you the funniest sarcastic remarks on red carpet dresses, cynical commentary about annoying starlets, more booing of those worthy of booing, and some home-made Mexican Food*! Join us tomorrow night for the Oscar live blog- hosted by Mommyodyssey! With special guest- Squish! And, me –  Shmerson! Tomorrow! Oscars! Mo! Mexican food! Squish! Shmerson! Join!”

* Blog does not include Mexican food.

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9 Responses to “Shmerson Making His Debut Blog Post”

  1. Marie February 27, 2011 at 07:40 #

    Hi. Doug here.

    Marie has been asking me to do a guest post for some time. I have agreed, but always thought I would do it towards the end of her project, as a thank you. But you may have inspired me to do it sooner.
    It was weird yet comforting to read about another guy’s experience. I did, well do, kinda forget or “suppress” my feelings about it everyday, for the same reasons you said. It wasn’t my body, it was Marie’s, I was just emotionally invested, not physically or even mentally to an extent. Shmerson, you may be on to something: maybe I should guest blog and stop “forgetting.”

    D.

    • Shmerson February 27, 2011 at 10:57 #

      Hi Doug,
      Most of what I wrote came to me while writing, so yes, I would recommend doing it sooner as it will help you understand what you feel.

      It is, of course, true that what a woman goes through after MC is way harder than what her partner goes through. but that doesn’t mean that there is nothing for us to go through, and also we might use that in order to “forget”.

  2. Kate Bentley February 27, 2011 at 13:49 #

    Happy ICLW! Loved hearing the male-point-of-view – and I am very sorry for your losses – it truly sucks. I was a serial miscarrier – but I made it in the end and it sounds like you are in good hands here. Love and luck for the future xxxxx

  3. Krissi February 27, 2011 at 18:38 #

    So sorry for your loss. But thanks for this very rare look into the ‘daddy’ thoughts. It is quite refreshing. Happy ICLW! (#135)

  4. slcurwin February 27, 2011 at 19:50 #

    Hello Shmerson, nice to hear from you. From the sounds of things, you and Shmerson fit well together to take care of her for us.

  5. bodegabliss February 27, 2011 at 21:03 #

    Welcome, Shmerson! So nice to hear your perspective. I’m thinking Tim may need to do this as well. It helps for us to hear the male voice in this…I think you guys tend to keep in it your head and leave us wondering what’s going on inside you. Luckily Shmerson caught on and called your bluff.

    Wish I could join you guys and your Oscars party! Did Shmerson figure out some good recipes? I’m going to go and bug her now. 🙂

  6. Elphaba February 28, 2011 at 15:27 #

    Thanks for sharing Shmerson! I’ve been trying to get Mr. M to do a post too but he’s too chicken. I’m going to make him read this… and Doug’s when he does his.

  7. me0me March 1, 2011 at 23:23 #

    Hey Shmerson, beautifully written post. Your sense of optimism makes me think that ultimately crises give people a way to become better people.
    And have you been taking lessons from sissy? That ending was mega effective 😉

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Guest post #2: Doug speaks up | Bakery Closed Until Further Notice - March 3, 2011

    […] of the blogs Marie reads recently had her husband do a post, and, well, I have been thinking about it a lot – not only what he said, but myself in […]

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