Cesi N’est Pas Une Spoon

16 Feb

I had this sort of serious post written up and all ready to publish.

But it’s a little past 2am, and I’m a “spoon”.

Ahhh – what is a spoon, you ask?

No – not the utensil you eat ice cream and cereal with.

There’s a saying in hebrew, which, literally translated means “I’m in a spoon state”

Or in other words – I’m feeling rather silly.

Now, don’t ask me how the heck us Israeli folk connected spoons with feeling silly.

Perhaps it has something to do with putting spoons on noses:

No I don't know this kid.

But in Israel, when you say in Hebrew “I’m in a spoon state” everyone pretty much gets what you’re talking about.

So I have decided to take this opportunity to reveal a bit of crazy that I have so far kept from the blogosphere.

My friends who read this will find this post repetitive, because, well, they live with it every day.

But for those of you who have not had the pleasure of spending half an hour in me and Shmerson’s company, allow me to introduce you to… Drumroll…. Englishing.

As in – “Look at us we is Englishing about!”

Or – “Shmerson, your Englishing is many wrong.”

It all started very innocently. You see, Israelis have a way of kind of warping the english language. Plus, Israelis speak with funny accents when they speak english.

(BTW – I actually have a perfect american accent due to the fact that I spent almost half my life in the states, but I can also speak hebrew with an american accent and english with an Israeli accent. I’ve always had this crazy fantasy that if I ever win an oscar for “best foreign language film” I’d get up on stage, and start speaking slowly with a heavy Israeli accent, and then, ten seconds in, break back into my usual valley girl and say “nah, just kidding.” Trust me, in my head, it’s hilarious).

So – back to englishing. It all started simply enough. Shmerson and I developed this tendancy to baby talk to each other in english, but with a heavy israeli accent.

It started with simple things like saying “many good” instead of “very good” or “I is cooking about” instead of “I’m cooking”.

However, about two months into our relationship, the whole thing ballooned and started evolving into a completely separate linguistic entity.

And it all started with one single word: “Hemmo”

Now, you may be asking yourself, what exactly is “Hemmo”?

Good question.

Well, it all started with this little tidbit from the Simpsons:

Early on in the relationship, Shmerson and I discovered our mutual love of the show. We then started a tradition. Whenever we were driving and hit a particularly curvy part of the road, shmerson would yell “Wheeee!!!!” and I would promptly answer “Must Kill Moe”.

Then one day we were driving down a curvy stretch of road and I was in a spoon state. For some reason, I had a line from yet another show stuck in my head.

So for a several minutes, shmerson and I were in a quoting duel.

He said: Wheeee!!!!

I answered: Hellooooo!!!

He looked at me sternly, and tried again: Wheeee!!!!

Me: Hellloooo!!!!

Then I brilliantly found a compromise. At about the tenth attempt, when Shmerson was putting on his best annoyed face, he gave it one last shot: Wheee!!!

And I decided to compromise: He-Moe!

That is how our first original Englishing word was born. From that point on, we no longer said “hello” or “hi”. It was always “Hemmmoooo!!!”

From there – well, it was all downhill.

First came our new version of goodbye, which was, of course, “de-hemmo”

Then, I was the best man at a friend’s wedding, and at the time, I was calling the title “best dude”. Shmerson argued that it should be “best person” and then, in a heavy israeli accent I asked:

“Is I your best person?”

And Shmerson answered

“Of course you is!”

I in turn replied:

“you is my person”

and for the better part of our first two years together, our pet name for each other was not “babe” or “honey” or “sweetie”.

It was “person”. We were the “persons”. He was Person and I was “Personette”

But notice how I don’t call him that on this blog.

No, of course, with time, things started getting even more out of hand.

For example, we started replacing all of our nouns (and sometimes verbs) with “thing” or “bunny” or “zone”.

So “pass the salt” could easily be turned into: “Person, can you bunny the thing?”

And yes, I would understand that. It’s all about context.

Then “hemmo” became more than just a greeting. It was also an adjective. So “That dinner was like, hemmo” could be referring either to a yummy dinner, a boring dinner, or a gross dinner, all depending on the intonation.

Then eventually, it devolved even further. We started adding “Shm” to the beginning of words.

So “thing” became “Shming” bunny became “Shmunny” and of course, “person” became “Shmerson”.

Oh, and somewhere in all of that we started pronouncing sleep “slype”, Night “nigget” and then also adding “igget” to the end of words.

Now mind you, what I am sharing here is just the tip of the iceberg. We have come to the point where we talk to each other in such a complex code, that only three or four people around us manage to understand us. And even then, they have to figure it out. But for some reason, we understand each other completely.

So tonight, I told shmerson: “Shmerson! I haz spooning about!”

He answered: “Spoon about”

Me: “But I is a spoon! don’t be a shmigget! Spoon about with me!”

Shmerson: “But I haz going to Shmower and Shmype”

Me: “Oh-shmay. But, fligget?”

Shmerson: “yes, bunny?”

Me: “Is I your Shmove?”

Shmerson: “Of course you is”.

Me: “Oh-shmay. De-nigget my fligget.”

Shmerson: “Shme-hedo. You is a flichtzen.”

In case you didn’t follow that, the loose translation would be:

I’m feeling goofy.

awesome! good for you!

But I’m goofy! be goofy with me!

But I’m tired so I’m going to take a shower and go to sleep.

Ok. fine then. Do you love me even though I’m goofy?

Duh. Of course I do.

Ok. Good night, my love

Good night. I love you too.

Um, yeah. And for some reason people still count me as sane.

I feel sorry for our future kids. I can imagine our child walking into the first day of kindergarten and looking around smiling at everyone, and enthusiastically saying “Hemmooo!!!”

and then everyone would stare at him/her and the poor kid would realize that his/her parents are –  um – unique.

I guess this post explains this picture a little better. Yeah. We're like this pretty much all the time.

Two seconds before we took this picture on our wedding day, Shmerson whispered in my ear: “you is my pretty pretty” and I answered “Shmank you, future hus-bunny!”

I sincerely hope this post doesn’t make you respect me any less. What can I do? I haz a spoon.

11 Responses to “Cesi N’est Pas Une Spoon”

  1. Hemlock February 16, 2011 at 03:09 #

    You’re not crazy, and I totally get it! I do this with Xannatos. I have this thing against using proper nouns… what it really comes down to is me simply speaking too quickly for my brain and I forget the names of things. Very few people understand me, but a couple of close friends and Xannatos are able to translate.

  2. Artistmouse February 16, 2011 at 03:33 #

    LOL! I love it! You’re not crazy . . . it’s very cool, and sweet, that you and your husband have your own language.

  3. Elphaba February 16, 2011 at 05:37 #

    I’m in awe of you right now. I have no idea what I just read, but it was epic.

    I think love is creating your entirely own language 😉

  4. slcurwin February 16, 2011 at 05:54 #

    I just have to say that I’ve met me a few good hand fulls of Israeli’s (you guys are all over Thailand) and there is a massive overall hotness to your people. You be as crazy as you want, it only make me like you more.

    • mommyodyssey February 16, 2011 at 11:25 #

      LOL. I think I’m most likely one of maybe 3 israelis that have never been to Thailand. Tho Shmerson and I are planning on going sometime in the next couple of years, because I feel left out. 🙂

  5. mommyodyssey February 16, 2011 at 11:26 #

    Thanks ladies! I feel much better about letting my freak flag fly. 🙂

  6. bodegabliss February 16, 2011 at 19:23 #

    You’re hilarious! I love it.

  7. Cookie February 17, 2011 at 04:15 #

    That, was odd, and awesome, enough to make me blogroll you. XD

    I hope you’re happy.

    (also, I think it’s perfectly healthy for spouses to have secret languages)

    • mommyodyssey February 17, 2011 at 16:19 #

      ummm….. sorry? 🙂 thanks for the add! and I love the fact that your blog is named after my favorite food in the world. 🙂

  8. Belle September 2, 2011 at 16:10 #

    This is just amazing! You guys are a wonderful couple!

  9. April September 25, 2011 at 03:36 #

    I understand. ‘Snaksnss’ used to be our textspeak for ‘I love you.’

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