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Random Stuff That Annoys the Heck Out of Me

11 Feb

I’ve been pretty optimistic around here lately, so I figured I would take a break from happy go lucky and revert for a second to my old cynical self, you know, just for the fun of it because it’s nice to vent sometimes. I’m having a good day, I swear.

So, for your reading pleasure, here’s a list of stuff that annoys the heck out of me.

1) People who say that they are 200% sure, or one hundred and… 35! percent positive about something. This makes no sense to me in any context. Ever. You want to be emphatic about something? Use some adjectives. Don’t know any? Buy a Thesaurus. Heck you don’t even have to buy one. They have them online for free now.

2) The phrase “threw me under the bus.” I don’t know why. I just hate it.

3) People who go on trips and only take pictures of the view. Hundreds of them. And then insist that I look at them all. If you catch a particularly beautiful sunset, then sure, snap a picture, I’ll be happy to see that. But I don’t need to see every freakin’ mountain or old church that you visited. Unless you posed in front of it. Then I get to see that you had fun, which is nice. So yeah, just show me those. Ok?

4) Shows that preview what’s coming up “after the break” for five minutes, then cut to commercials, come back, and show five minutes of “before the break”. I get it, you have no real content on your show, and therefore need to produce a heck of a lot of filler. But I am not a fish. Therefore, I have a memory that lasts longer than 30 seconds. Thanks.

5) Ignorant people that have a public platform and spread lies and paranoia (*cough* Glenn Beck *cough* Michelle Bachmann).

6) Ignorant people who have a self-righteous “opinion” on things they have no knowledge about. Like global warming, or evolution,  or international politics. If you want to be radical about it, please do your research. For example, whenever I tell someone I live in Israel, I always have a slight pang of fear that the person will automatically judge me in a negative light. This place has a complicated history, and a lot of times people who like to take up “fashionable causes” decide to form an opinion without having any of the facts, and more importantly, without actually having LIVED here. I have, unfortunately, been treated very badly by strangers simply for making the mistake of telling them that I’m Israeli. I’m not crazy about the war in Afghanistan, but I will not blame every American I meet for it. I personally think the global economic crisis was completely Wall Street’s fault. However, I do not randomly insult and curse out stock brokers. I have my political opinions, but I never mention them here because a: I don’t want to bring hatred into this blog (any time somebody comes in with one opinion about Israel, it is inevitable that someone who disagrees will start a violent flame war in the comments. This is why I avoid the Huffington Post’s international section like the plague), and b: I myself am not sure about my opinion. I live in a complex environment. I have arguments that justify both sides. I dislike radicalism, whether it’s on the left or on the right of any topic. But I do love my country, despite (and sometimes because) of its many flaws. End rant. Now back to our regularly scheduled list.

7) People who grew up rich and entitled, and treat people who aren’t as rich or entitled as lesser human beings.

8 ) Child beauty pageants. They creep me out.

9) Those courses on “how to pick up women”. There are some exceptions, but most of them are courses on “how to dehumanize women and possibly rape them”.

10) Snooki. And the American obsession with Snooki. (Can someone please explain that to me? And am I perpetuating said obsession simply by bringing her up?)

11) Facebook friends who you dislike but accepted their request just to be polite, and then, they butt into your funny conversations with remarks that prove they obviously have no idea what you’re talking about and they’re just trying to make you like them more. News Flash: it doesn’t work.

12) Bad sequels for films that were bad to begin with. Bad remakes of films that were bad to begin with. Bad film remakes of TV shows that may have been good 20 years ago, but don’t stand the test of time.

13) The fact that “MTV” stands for “Music Television” and VH1 stands for “Video Hits One” and yet neither of them show music videos. They should be called BITV – “Bad Influence Television” and ERTV – “Exploitative Reality Television”.

14) People who send me requests on a daily basis to go help them harvest their virtual pumpkins on their virtual farms. I like some facebook apps. But if I haven’t added them, that means I have no interest in them. These requests will only make me hide you on my news page. Kthnxbye.

15) People who become mega-famous recording artists due to brain-numbing repetitive lyrics, auto-tune, and creative stylists (*cough* Ke$ha *cough*).

16) People who go to India for a month, and come back as vegetarians with dreadlocks and tye-dyed clothes, claiming to be “enlightened”. One month in a youth hostel avoiding salmonella does not a spiritual awakening make.

17) People who judge me for taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. That is the only reason I keep this blog anonymous.

18) Dog owners who let their dogs run free in the streets –  where there are (surprise!) fast-moving cars.  ‘Nough said.

19) The media’s recent fascination with pregnancy. Written about it here too much already, but it’s worth mentioning again.

20) Any film that has “in 3D” in the title. If it has to be in huge letters on your movie poster, chances are your movie sucks and you’re trying to salvage revenue by making it 3D after the fact.

21) The invention of “rehab” as a magical solution for any celebrity who gets caught in a bad situation. I don’t think there was anything called “sex rehab” before Tiger Woods needed it. But if I ever become famous, I’ll make sure to shoplift some Oreos at a 7-11 and check myself into “cookie rehab.”  Or maybe I’ll dine and dash at an Olive Garden and check myself into “pasta and breadsticks” rehab. Or maybe I’m just hungry.

22) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what  #1:  Men who use the fact that they’re “In charge” of something or the “founders” of something, no matter how trivial that “something” is, to be megalomaniacal a-holes.

23) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what #2: Hummers. You live in a city. Most likely a city with tiny parking spaces. Taking up two of them while wrecking the environment does not make you more manly. It makes you a douche.

24) Possible compensation for a small you-know-what #3: Men who speak to me as if I’m an idiot, and make me feel the need to glue my master’s degree on my chest in an effort to make them realize that I have a brain somewhere above my gigantic breasts. (yeah, they’re DD’s. Shmerson’s happy about that. I’m afraid of sagging. Ahh well).

25) People who try to convert me to their religion. I am a heathen. Yes, I do on occasion seek spirituality (so far without much luck), but please don’t look at me with pity in your eyes, or try to take advantage of my existential crises to make me join your flock. I’m not a sheep. I’m more of a bunny. Unllike Anya, I like bunnies. They’re cute.

(I’ve been looking for an excuse to embed that.)

26) People with absolutely no background, experience, or education in film, that all of the sudden decide to “direct” (I’m talking to you, Tyra Banks!)

This is just wrong. On so many different levels.

27) The fact that when you make numbered lists on wordpress, and you get to #8, you have to put a space between the “8” and the “)” because otherwise you get this: 8)

28) Miley Cyrus. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.

29) People who ask me questions about a movie WHILE WE’RE WATCHING THE MOVIE. Yes, I know I’m the supposed “expert” in the group. However, if you’re wondering about this character or this plot point, then wait. Chances are your question will be answered later in the film. And if it wasn’t, either the film sucks or you’re stupid. Either way – let me watch the movie in peace!

30) Those news crawls at the bottom of the screen on all the 24 hour cable news networks. A: They’re distracting. B: Charlie Sheen getting arrested again is not important enough to put in a freakin’ news crawl.

Ok. I think that’s enough.

PS – I think this post proves that I watch too much reality TV. I should stop that.

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9 Responses to “Random Stuff That Annoys the Heck Out of Me”

  1. Elphaba February 11, 2011 at 21:21 #

    I’m with you on 8, 11, 14, 18, 19 and 22.

    Number 16 is hilarious because Mr. M and I laugh about these people all the time. We use “enlightened” as an adjective when doing so.

    Okay and I love ANTM, but I think Tyra Banks is one of the most irritating human beings alive. Could she possibly love herself anymore?

    That video… is… well I have no words. Just how many cliches can you fit into two and half minutes? Apparently a million.

    Although I did like the Carmina Burana-eqsue tune she had going on there in the middle.

    Oh god, everything irritates me–I totally have to do a post like this.

    • mommyodyssey February 11, 2011 at 23:25 #

      I love ANTM too – but man – that film is just hella creepy as far as I’m concerned.
      And yes – you have to do a post like this! I’m sure it would be hilarious. looking forward to it!

  2. Marie February 11, 2011 at 21:45 #

    2) For me, it’s “at the end of the day”
    3) Agree completely. In a year or two, you won’t even know what you’re looking at. Take some pictures of PEOPLE for crying out loud. (Doug takes the same damn Disneyland scenery pictures every time we go.)
    11) Real-life “friends” who do the same thing – happens to me at work all the time. I work with 100+ people – doesn’t mean I like all of them. Stay out of my conversations, weirdoes.
    15) I kind of like Ke$ha’s music. Against my will and better judgment.
    17) I like to talk about going to therapy, in public, like with my coworkers (not the customers; that’d get me in trouble), precisely because it makes people uncomfortable.
    20) 3-D movies scare me. I want my movies in 2-D, and I want my phone to be dumb.
    27) There is a numbered-list function on wordpress. It’s a little 1-2-3 button somewhere in the vicinity of the italics/bold/underline buttons. Maybe your 8’s would look like 8’s then.

    I love this. I might make one someday too.

    • mommyodyssey February 11, 2011 at 23:27 #

      15) my condolences.
      17) I love talking about it! I just spent 3 hours at a family dinner listing the benefits of xanax and zoloft. Thing is, most of the work I do is pretty public, so potential employers google me all the time. That’s where I would get in trouble.
      27) thanks for the tip!

      and yes – you totally should make one too! they’re fun!

  3. bodegabliss February 11, 2011 at 23:29 #

    This is great. And oh-my-freaking-word, that video is just awful (ANTM). But I do love that show.

    I have to say, I am completely curious about Israel. There has never been any judgement on my end, and I get angry at the people who do judge because it’s just so ignorant. I can imagine how frustrating that must be. My colleague spent most of his childhood in Israel, so I know a little bit about it (mostly about the food, he misses the food so much!). But I want to know more! So I’m requesting a post with lots of photos of the Israel you love and why you love living there. Educate us! Please?

    • mommyodyssey February 11, 2011 at 23:34 #

      You know what? I will. That’s a great idea. I’ll do that sometime soon. And yes, the food is fantastic. 🙂

  4. slcurwin February 13, 2011 at 04:17 #

    What the Frack is snookie? just sayin, no clue here.

    And I was just about to use I’ve got a theory in my post, lol. Maybe I will anyways.

  5. slcurwin February 13, 2011 at 04:19 #

    oh, and stupid boys wearing super skinny jeans that are still pulled down below their but with their underwear sticking out. especially if they are also wearing outrageous shoes that match nothing on this earth (let alone their outfit).

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