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I came out of the pill closet today

29 Jan

So – I did it. At dinner tonight I told my father that I’m on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.

Not only that – I told him that I hate that I have a boss and not a father. And I hate working for him, and that I wish he would be easier on me, because I know that I do a better job than he would be doing instead of me (I have no idea where I found the guts for any of this).

Then the man surprised me beyond my wildest dreams. Keep in mind – my father is a control-freak, sometimes bully, and chronic anxiety and depression sufferer who doesn’t believe in medication or psychology.

First – he actually was curious about the meds. He asked me about the side effects, about how they were working for me, etc. I saw a flash of curiosity and even jealousy in his eyes – no judgement. I almost feel like if he sees me doing so well, then maybe he’ll consider taking care of himself a bit too. That makes me happy and hopeful. I also think that hearing about them disarmed him and opened him up to listening to the rest of it.

Second – he took every bit of criticism I threw at him. And he agreed with it. And he apologized. He asked me to stay on until the end of march to see where one of our new projects goes, and if at the end of march I decide to leave, he will accept it completely. I can totally live with that.

PLUS – I told him that this would happen on my terms. Which means that I will from now on be completely honest with him (it turns out he mistook my emotional breakdown for laziness, and he actually was in shock that I hid it from him so well, and kind of saddened by it as well), and he will make an extra effort to keep the yelling at bay.

Wow. I guess it was just something in the air tonight. I’ve never been able to speak to my dad so openly and honestly. And he took it, accepted it. And most importantly he told me that he loves me, he’s sorry, and he wants his daughter back.

Well – I think he’s got her.

Wow.

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8 Responses to “I came out of the pill closet today”

  1. Marie January 29, 2011 at 05:59 #

    Wow is right! You go, girl. Should we all send you congratulations chocolate too? 😉

  2. Hemlock January 29, 2011 at 06:33 #

    Yay!!!! This is excellent! 😀

  3. bodegabliss January 29, 2011 at 08:36 #

    Good job! You should feel really proud of yourself (and it’s obvious you do)!

  4. mommyodyssey January 29, 2011 at 11:11 #

    thanks ladies! 🙂

  5. Elphaba January 29, 2011 at 17:40 #

    Yay, I’m so happy for you! Sometimes things aren’t as bad as we make them in our heads eh?

    I’m so proud of you–you deserve chocolate.

  6. slcurwin January 29, 2011 at 23:09 #

    That is fantastic, I’m so happy that you talked to your father and especially impressed with him not getting all defensive and talking things through. All round great job by you both.

  7. wordangell February 3, 2011 at 01:58 #

    Brilliant, such encouragement, life is rarely how we perceive it to be. Well done you. Walk tall from this moment on.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Mom « mommyodyssey - February 2, 2011

    […] was at my psychologist’s today and told her about my breakthrough this week with my dad. And how, funny enough it was actually making things a bit more difficult for […]

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