For my sisters in blog-land

10 Jan

Since getting on wordpress I’ve gotten to know some pretty spectacular women and their own struggles. They are a bunch of strong ladies who have made me stronger, just by reading their blogs, and for their powerful and encouraging comments on my own entries.

I see so much of myself in you ladies.

Runny Yolk’s post today convinced me it was time to share this story with you.

So – here we go.

A while back I posted this. And I think that post was basically the beginning of my climb out of the mud pit and back into the light of day.

What ignited me was one small shard of hope which is slowly but surely becoming bigger as time goes by. So I’d like to share with you the story that gave me hope and strength, and I sincerely wish that it gives all of you ladies the same.

Angela was the casting director on my thesis film. My nickname for her was the “ask and you shall receive lady”.

That’s because she helped me get some serious powerhouses cast in my film. But that little nickname took on a whole new meaning as of late.

Angela and I have been friends on facebook for a while, but it was a passive facebook friendship.

Then some months ago she started posting these amazing pictures of her beautiful adopted son. She looked so incredibly happy. And the happy posts just kept on coming.

When I had a breakdown a couple of weeks back – on a whim – I decided to send her a message.

It was basically: Hi – I’m sorry we haven’t talked. But I’m falling apart here trying to be a mommy and hey- you adopted! So you probably went through something similar so please please please give me some indication of hope around the corner – ok? Sorry for being needy.

So Angela – being the amazing woman that she is, became once again the “ask and you shall receive lady”.

She hopped on a chat with me, and by the time it was done, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

Here is what Angela told me:

After 3 devastating losses, Angela made a brave decision. She decided to stop trying. She and her husband decided to adopt. And some months – and a whole lot of work- later, they had a beautiful baby boy.

Angela says that from the moment she held him in her arms she was his mommy. She told me that yes, there was a bit of a sense of loss that they do not have a biological child, but their son is a constant source of joy and contentment for them both.

And then she said:

Just remember – you are already a mommy. It doesn’t matter how you get there, eventually you will have a child to fit that title.

I admire Angela so much for making the brave decision to stop trying.

I’m not there yet – not even close – but talking to Angela – for the first time – made that an option. And an option that could easily bring its very own ecstatically happy ending.

Just knowing and understanding that I always have the choice to stop – that no matter what, I am already a mommy – that gave me hope and strength. It gave me the insight to truly understand that it is my choice. I have control over what happens to my body, and I can choose to be a mommy in a different way if I can’t handle it physically anymore. I can stop at any time, and I will still be a mommy.

It gave me a whole new store of hope that is now finally starting to overtake the darkness.

The “Ask and You Shall Receive Lady” strikes again!

Thank you, Angela.

6 Responses to “For my sisters in blog-land”

  1. runnyyolk January 10, 2011 at 03:51 #

    What a great post. I too wonder about the day when I have to make a decision–do we stop trying at some point?

    And I too feel blessed by all the amazing women I’ve met in blogland. Thanks for being one of them.

  2. slcurwin January 10, 2011 at 07:57 #

    I know we will all have a different tolerance for how much we can be put through. I’ve been wondering what point it would be for me. We do often forget that not trying is an option and not always forced on us.

  3. runnyyolk January 10, 2011 at 18:01 #

    You live in Israel??? How did I miss that?

    • mommyodyssey January 10, 2011 at 18:04 #

      Easily missed. 🙂 I grew up in the states and studied there so english is basically my first language, and I come across as VERY american when I write (at least that’s what I’ve been told).

      • runnyyolk January 10, 2011 at 18:15 #

        Hmm, I guess you do. Well hello friend there over on the other side of the world. The internet is a crazy thing sometimes.

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