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I’m stupid. Seriously.

5 Jan

Ok – as some of you may know, I am a chronic googler. I get a weird tingling in my left pinky I google “left pinky tingle”. I get a slight ringing in my ears, I google it.

During my two M/C’s, I was a googling freak. Seriously. And when we were trying to get me preggers as well. I can tell you everything you want to know about ovulation predictor kits, pregnancy tests, temperatures, cervical mucus (my apologies to the men reading this). I am a walking miscarriage/conception wikipedia.

So, as part of my whole “let’s take care of my body better” pledge I went to a GP and she ordered a round of blood tests. When she took my BP she thought it was high, so she also ordered me to get a machine hooked up to my arm and get my bp monitored for 24 hours.

So first – the blood tests: I have high cholesterol, low vitamin D and low sodium, and slightly elevated lymphocytes.

Google machine – commence the paranoid madness!!!

So – I may have kidney or liver disease, I may have cancer (of course!), lupus, or it could be nothing.

To lessen the freak out I call my doctor, since my appointment with her isn’t for another week. She calls me back and basically says: “Listen, if I saw anything terrible in your blood tests I would have called you already. Don’t worry, everything’s fine. I’ll see you on the tenth.”

I say “thanks!” and hang up.

Then my internal monologue begins:

Me: she’s a doctor! listen to her!

Me: What does she know? Hasn’t she ever seen “House?” it could be Lupus!

Me: Oh shut up.

Then my BP results come back. The woman who gives hubby the printout is just a tech. I’m not there because I’m sleeping. She hands it to him and says – well, it’s high.

I get the printout from shmerson in the evening. Yep. According to the google machine it’s high.

And another google-athon begins:

Hypertention! Heart disease! Cancer!

and did I mention:

IT COULD BE LUPUS! Seriously people – watch an episode of house sometime.

Or maybe it’s that I have anxiety and that sometimes causes a high BP? or that merely the act of measuring my BP caused me anxiety which influenced my BP?

Nah – that couldn’t be it. That would be a reasonable explanation.

So one xanax and 30 minutes more of obsessive googling later, I’ve decided to be more productive and post to the blog.

The truth is – my high cholesterol is hereditary and linked to PCOS.

The truth is – I smoke and don’t exercise enough.

The truth is – that is most likely what my doctor will tell me on the 10th.

The truth is – I need a serious lifestyle change.

And all i can think about is that I like steak and chocolate cake (that rhymes! I will not eat them in a box….), and that I might have to give them up.

Or become a crazy eater like my mom (I’ll leave my mommy issues for a different post).

Urgh. Must… Stop… Googling!!!!

Me: just suck it up, plan out your meals better, get some exercise, and when the shrink OK’s it – quit smoking.

Me: Wait… Are you sure? Let me google that…

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8 Responses to “I’m stupid. Seriously.”

  1. Marie January 5, 2011 at 02:11 #

    You need your shrink to OK your quitting smoking???

    Quit smoking, woman! I am an honorary shrink, and I say OK. In fact, I say more than OK.

    Seriously. Have you not googled “smoking risks” yet?

    • mommyodyssey January 5, 2011 at 02:18 #

      LOL. Of course I have!
      But I just started zoloft and since nicotine works on the same areas of the brain, the shrink thinks I should wait until the meds even out before attempting it.
      Considering that the last time I tried to quit I had three days straight of panic attacks (which i toughed out because I was preggers at the time), I am taking his advice for the time being. 🙂
      But not for long! I promise!

      • Marie January 5, 2011 at 04:30 #

        Also, the tingling in your left pinky might be a migraine.

  2. runnyyolk January 5, 2011 at 05:33 #

    I’m going to scold you for the smoking too. STOP SMOKING! I think you could probably eat all the chocolate cake you wanted if you stopped bloody smoking. Okay, rant done. Marie is right. So am I.

    Oh and didn’t you know that a left pink tingly means you have infertility? I’m sure I read that on google somewhere….

  3. slcurwin January 5, 2011 at 06:20 #

    Keep the steak and chocolate cake for on the train and in the rain…

    STOP SMOKING!!! I’m done now too (the smoking I mean)

  4. mommyodyssey January 5, 2011 at 12:23 #

    yes yes I know!!! Don’t worry it will be quitting soon! Please feel free to continue to scold me on it.
    And all of you guys are SURE the tingling pinky DOESN’T mean lupus – right?

  5. rolig January 8, 2011 at 17:39 #

    I can’t believe I’m saying this, but don’t quit smoking now.
    Your shrink is right. Quitting is a huge struggle and this is not the time.
    (some clichés that say not to fight al battles at once choosing battles)
    (more clichés about patience, steps and branches)
    love ya

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Quick medical update « mommyodyssey - January 10, 2011

    […] I am happy to report that it wasn’t Lupus. […]

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