Wallowing is bad, mmmkay?

21 Dec

Ok so I’m kind of afraid I’m developing a mini-addiction to the xanax. I feel like the only time I can truly focus and be present is when I’m on it and that’s a bit worrying. Though I’m only taking like, 0.5mg a day so I’m sure I’m just exaggerating. I just hope the zoloft starts working properly soon so I can get off of the “bad for having babies” drug and stick exclusively to the “mostly ok for having babies” drug.

In other news, the hematologist was pretty much uneventful, although apparently he thinks my obgyn jumped the gun in sending me over to him. It seems that 2 miscarriages are not enough for me to be categorized as an “habitual aborter” but he’ll send me for the blood tests anyway – so that’s good news, right?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today. I had a long talk with my mom and she’s the type that’s so optimistic that she’s constantly in denial, but she did make quite a good point when she told me that sitting around and feeling sorry for myself is not going to make the situation any better.

I admit – I’ve been wallowing. I mean, it’s bad enough that I’m going through a med adjustment roller-coaster, but I really have been wallowing in my own misery and I’m frankly getting a bit sick of it.

But it’s kind of a vicious circle. I start to wallow, and then I’m so busy wallowing I can’t bring myself to de-wallow.

On the other hand, I’m so sick of it that maybe- just maybe- it will be enough for me to snap out of the wallowing.

I’m sure that way things will at least start to look up. 🙂

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