My husband reads this blog, so on some level I feel a bit weird writing about this. but it’s something that isn’t really talked about much so here goes:
I’ve been going through a rough time (duh), but I really feel for my hubby right about now.
I mean, not only does he have to deal with me and this ongoing turmoil – he has also suffered a loss.
We had a long talk today and I finally pushed him to share his feelings with me. He admitted that he feels terrible for a few reasons.
First – he knows I’m the one who went through the loss and he can’t imagine the pain I’m in, which makes him feel the need to suppress his own pain.
Second – with each miscarriage, he realizes more and more just how much he wants to be a daddy, but on the other hand, he is deathly afraid of us miscarrying again and the damage that this would do to me both physically and emotionally.
Third – he just doesn’t know how to handle me through this rough patch.
I have this weird quality about me. When I see another person in pain I desperately want to fix it and make it better.
This is ironic, but him sharing what he feels with me makes me feel a bit less sorry for myself, and makes me want to be strong and move on for him.
So Schmerson* – keep sharing your pain. I love you.
*Schmerson is one of our many weird pet names for each other. deal with it. 🙂