And now: Decisions dilemmas and most of all – patience

17 Dec

There are no miracle cures. Xanax for a week, Zoloft for a year, reading endless harry potter books… whatever your drug it is not a solution. It’s a bridge.

I am in limbo.

I realize this.

There are moments in the day where all I want to do is jump right in and try to have a baby again. and now!

there are moments in the day when I just want to get my $h*t together and make a damn movie already.

There are moments in the day when I just want to sit down and watch a rerun of “The Big Bang Theory” and eat some chocolate.

But I am trying something I have never tried before: patience.

I cannot make decisions in a day. I will make the decisions as needed, as they come, as I am ready to make them. And maybe I’ll update this little blog and tell you – anonymous non-reader out there, what they are.

But here’s the point – and this is just in case some woman out there is reading this. And she is in pain from losing a baby. Until this happens to you, you don’t realize how common it is.

And when you realize how common it is, it is still not a comfort. This devastates. This destroys. This breaks you into a million little pieces.

and I have no words of comfort. I am, myself, looking for words of hope and comfort and no matter what peoples’ intentions are, there really are none.

But I’m here. I’m writing this. And that’s a beginning.

We’ll see what’s next.

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